Chapter 24
The man who’d opened the door to her wearing jogging bottoms and a frayed T-shirt was a little disheveled, his hair a mess,
like he’d been jamming his fingers through it, but he was every bit as sexy as she remembered. With one key difference.
This Connor held her at arm’s length.
His smile was warm but strained, his blue eyes bright but guarded. She couldn’t blame him, not after how much she’d hurt him,
but it made her realize how open he’d always been with her. How willing he’d been to let her see exactly what he was thinking.
She’d not appreciated him enough, she realized, ashamed. “Can I come in?”
He swore under his breath. “Sure, sorry.” He stepped aside to let her in.
She paused in the small hallway, taking in the array of coats hung on the pegs: a strapping man-size black puffer jacket,
a worn brown leather jacket, and a small pink coat. Cursing again, he stooped to pick up another child-size coat, this one
padded and a shiny purple color. More muffled words followed as he dragged a scooter with silver tassels out of the way and
shoved it behind the door. Then he picked up various small shoes and boots and threw them into a cupboard under the stairs
before waving her through to the kitchen. “Sorry, the place is a mess.”
It wasn’t the mess she saw. It was how domestic it looked. On one level she’d known he was a dad, but it was still a shock
to see the evidence of it dotted all around the place he lived. The notes on the fridge from school, the pink plastic cups
by the sink, the stray school sweater on the floor by the washing machine.
He was a family man. She was a career woman.
Her heart faltered. What was she doing here?
“Livvy?” He peered down at her, those intense blue eyes seeming to see right through her.
“Sorry.” She gave a little laugh. “I was just . . . I know you have a daughter, but it gave me a little jolt, seeing her jacket,
her shoes. Her sweater,” she added, nodding to the navy one on the floor, which elicited another muffled curse.
“Be warned, you’ll get a lot more jolts when you go into the living room.” He picked up the sweater and indicated a room with
a TV on the wall, a trampoline in the middle of the floor, and a big squashy-looking gray sofa in one corner. He heaved a
sigh, darted past her, and grabbed a pair of hefty-looking dumb bells off the floor, then disappeared, presumably to put them
into the magic cupboard where everything seemed to live. “Can’t blame Ellie for them,” he said when he returned. He gave her
a rueful smile. “Can’t blame her for a lot, really. This is . . . well, it’s us. Chaotic.”
“It’s a home,” she countered. “A place where you live as a family.”
He blinked, pushing the trampoline to the side. He swiped some crayons and books into a bag, plucked a stray purple-and-pink-striped
sock from the sofa, and motioned for her to sit down. “Can I get you a drink?” He grimaced. “Sorry, there’s not much of a
selection, not unless you want a soft drink. We’ve got every juice you can imagine. I can probably find a beer too, but definitely
no wine. Might have some coffee if I remembered to buy it, but it’s the instant shit.”
She wanted to squeeze his hand, to clasp his face. Calm him. “You don’t have to apologize for anything, Connor. I barged into
your home uninvited.”
“Not uninvited.” He lowered himself next to her on the sofa, elbows on his big, muscular thighs, eyes scanning the room. “As
messy as this place is, I’ve wanted to invite you. Wanted to see you here, on my shabby sofa.” He gave a little shake of his
head. “I just planned on getting it a bit more organized before I asked you over.” He glanced at her, mouth curving in a crooked
smile. “At least tidy enough to convince you I’m borderline competent at running a house.”
He was a complex mix of big, bold, confident and this—unsure, vulnerable. It was the latter that made her heart trip. “You
think it matters to me what your place looks like? Mine is tidy because I’m the only one who lives in it and I’m hardly ever
there. It’s clean because I get a company to come in and clean it every week, even though it probably doesn’t need it because—”
“You’re hardly ever there.” he filled in. “So why are you here today and not at your place, making a mess so the cleaners
have something to do?”
Time to show some of that courage she prided herself on. “I want to try.” His brow scrunched. “You and me,” she clarified,
wondering when she’d become this inarticulate. “I’m . . . I’m not ready to say goodbye to you. I want to keep seeing you.
On your terms. If you still want me.”
“There’s never been any doubt that I want you, Livvy.” His eyes, a shimmering swirl of bold blue hues, locked on hers. “But
it needs to be more than sex. Ellie’s not stupid, she’s asked me whether I have a girlfriend, and I don’t want to keep secrets
from her. I want her to know you.” He gave her a wry smile. “I know what it’s like to have a parent be ashamed of you, and
I don’t want her ever thinking I don’t want her to get to know the woman I’m dating.”
“I understand.” She twisted her hands in her lap, worry burning a trail up her throat. “I’m not a person who scares easily,
but I’m terrified I’ll let you down. My track record in relationships is abysmal.”
He laughed under his breath. “You think I’m not terrified? At least you have a track record. I’ve never been in a relationship. But I have feelings for you, Livvy. Big, scary
feelings that I can’t control. I know there’s a huge risk this won’t work out, that I’ll end up with a shattered heart, but
I’ll be pissed if I don’t at least try to convince you to fall for me.”
Emotion plowed through her, balling in her throat. “It isn’t falling for you that I need to be convinced of.” She bit into
her lip, trying to find her equilibrium. “But what happens when I do? When I don’t carry on putting in the hours I have been
at work? When I take my eye off the ball because I’m too busy with you?”
“The Livvy I know would never let that happen.” His eyes searched hers, seeing more than she wanted him to. “If this is going
to work, you need to be honest with me. What are you really scared of?”
Her stomach pitched and she swallowed down the acid, her throat burning, so raw were her emotions. Finally she dared to say
the words she’d not allowed herself to think until now. “What if I choose you to the detriment of my career, but then you
decide you want a woman your own age?” She raised tear-filled eyes to his. “Then I’ll have lost everything.”
Finally, she was opening up to him.
“It won’t happen,” he said firmly, reaching over to cup her face. “First, I have no intention of getting in the way of your
career. Second, how could I ever want anyone else if I have you?”
“You say that now, but how will you feel when you’ve not seen me all week because I’ve been pulling late nights at work and
that cute blond single mum is batting her eyelashes at you while you wait at the school gates?”
“You think that hasn’t happened already?” he countered dryly. “Yet here I am, desperately falling for you.” He took a moment to kiss the tears from her cheeks, feeling the sting of his own tears. “We’re jumping the gun here. You’ve
whizzed forward to the worst-case scenario and we’ve not even started dating yet. What happens if you don’t like the real
me? Not the cocky guy you saw out in Nantucket but the struggling single dad who lives in a messy house with a daughter he’s
let down badly this week? The dad who, even though he knows that and feels shit about it also knows it’ll happen again and
again, because being a single parent, even with both sets of grandparents around to help, is fucking hard.” He searched her
eyes, feeling their magnetism and allowing himself to be pulled into them. “You’re not the only one with what-if scenarios
crashing round in your head. You want to know the one I hate most, though?” She nodded, “What if I didn’t try?”
Her expression relaxed and she leaned into him. “I like that.”
“Enough to try dating me?”
Her eyes found his, gaze steady. “Yes.” Then she smiled and gave him a sweet kiss. “And for the avoidance of doubt, I like
you. A lot.”
“You do, huh?” It wasn’t the L-bomb he’d dropped, but he’d take it.
“I do. That’s why I’m here.” A wry smile crossed her face. “It certainly isn’t for the drink that you’ve so far failed to
get for me.”
He let out a huff of laughter, but his bum wouldn’t shift off the sofa. Instead, he did an inventory of her face, taking in
the sharp cheekbones, the soft, flawless skin, the almond-shaped eyes that shone with intelligence. The soft lips he ached
to feel on his. Arousal lunged through him, a sharp punch to his groin. “I need to kiss you so badly right now.” His hands
cradled her face, his own lips tingling with the memory of how hers felt. “But Ellie’s upstairs, and though she’s not talking
to me right now, her being pissed off with me never lasts long.” He groaned, touching his mouth to hers. “Fuck, but I need
a taste. Something to get me through till I can get you on your own.” He dipped his head again, aware he was playing with
fire but unable to stop. Just a quick brush of lips, a sweep of his tongue. “Will you spend the rest of the day with us? Eat
with us tonight?” Just one proper kiss, he told himself as he teased her mouth open, as he feasted, reacquainting himself
with her heat, savoring her with long, deep slides of tongue while his hands slid to her sides, his thumbs curling to brush
over her breasts. “Will you make out with me on this sofa after Ellie’s gone to bed?”
“Yes.” She cleared her throat, eyes a little foggy now. “Yes to all of it.”
A thump from upstairs brought him back to earth. He dragged in a breath and slipped his hands into his boxers to adjust himself.
This earned him a throaty chuckle from the flushed woman who was going to drive him out of his mind for the rest of the day.
But now he would have that day, and the next. He wasn’t stupid enough to think too far into the future, but even knowing she’d
still be in his life tomorrow seemed almost too good to be true, considering he’d woken up believing he’d never see her again.
“I’ll go and apologize to Ellie and tell her you’ll be joining us today.” He pressed a kiss to her forehead, then winced as
he remembered his earlier conversation with his daughter. “I was going to take her to the riding school, sort out her lessons.
That okay with you?” Yep, listening to him trying to sort out riding lessons was really going to convince Olivia they could
all have fun together. “Sorry—we can do something else after, maybe go for a drink.” It meant asking his parents to take Ellie
for a few hours, which wasn’t fair on her and would give his parents another stick to hit him with. But next time he’d be
more organized, plan ahead so Ellie didn’t feel like she was being parceled off.
Olivia’s voice interrupted his spiraling thoughts. “What had you planned to do this afternoon after the riding school?”
“Not much,” he admitted. “Maybe kick a ball around the park with her for a bit, then hunker down and watch one of those Disney
films she loves so much.” He flicked her a look. “Ever seen Black Beauty?”
“Of course. It’s a beautiful film.”
“Try watching it for the one hundredth time. Kind of loses its shine.”
“Well, maybe I can watch it with Ellie while you make us dinner.”
He stared at her, trying to work out if she was real, because so far this felt like a dream. Except his dream house wouldn’t
look like it had been bombed by a toy factory. “How about we agree to that but you promise to come and help me chop when you’re
bored.”
“You think chopping vegetables with you is going to be the more exciting option?”
He waggled his eyebrows. “You’ve not seen me wield my chopper.”
She groaned but then lost the fight with herself she was clearly having and started to laugh. He vowed to spend the rest of
the day seeing how many times he could make that happen. But first he had to put a smile on a little girl’s face.
Ellie was on the floor in her room, the pieces of the Playmobil riding-school set her Devon grandparents had given her for
Christmas littered across her carpet.
Carefully, making sure to avoid trampling on any plastic horses, he hunkered down next to her. “I should have sorted your
lessons out weeks ago, when you first asked me.” He tapped her on the shoulder to make her look at him. “I’m sorry.”
She shrugged. “S’okay. I’ll probably be rubbish at it anyway.”
“No.” He turned her so she was facing him. “You, Ellie Harris, can do anything you set your mind to, because you’re smart
and determined. You’ll be brilliant at riding horses because you love them and because you’ll listen to everything the riding
instructor says.”
Her big blue eyes—his eyes—widened. “Am I gonna have lessons, then?”
“Got to be honest, I’m not sure how many we can afford, but you’re definitely going to have as many as we can manage.”
“Yippee!” She jumped to her feet and performed a daft hip wiggle.
Never mind him putting a smile on her face, she was putting one on his. “Thought we could drive to the riding school now and
try and arrange them today.” The breath left his lungs as she threw her arms around him, and he hugged her tight, feeling
choked. Didn’t matter how many times he mucked up, she kept forgiving him. “Do you remember Livvy?”
His heart seemed to stop for a moment as Ellie scrunched up her face. “Mia’s mum?”
“Mia’s aunt, yes.” He swallowed, his heart now a loud, thumping drum in his chest “She’s downstairs. Is it okay if she spends
the day with us?”
“Is Mia here?”
“No, just Livvy.”
Ellie peered at him, her eyes way too observant for her age. “Is she your girlfriend now?”
“I want her to be, yes. Is that okay with you?”
“I’m still your number one?”
He looked her straight in the eye. “Always.”
A wide grin split her face. “Then if she’s your friend, she’s my friend too.”
It’s that easy, he thought, relief coursing through him as he rose to his feet. Probably he should get her to tidy her room before going
downstairs, but right now he didn’t care that he’d probably end up accidentally trampling on the damn horses tonight when
he tucked her in.
He was going to spend the day with his two favorite people.