Chapter 15
CHAPTER 15
N ina rose early and went downstairs as the sun streamed through the windows. She’d left Ethan to sleep in, considering the travelling he’d done the previous day. With it being so sunny outside, she felt much brighter and hoped he would too. Remembering how they’d been the previous evening, how tender it was, she knew in her heart of hearts that they would be together, always.
She soon heard him descending the wide slatted staircase. It would not be safe for a child. A move was most certainly on the cards, but she did not want to discuss that yet, after all they still had to talk through their plans. And she needed to convince him that they should not move their small family home to Qatar.
“It’s so nice to have you back,” Nina said. “I’ve felt totally lost without you these past few weeks. Especially losing the seat on top of everything else.”
“How’s the new guy getting on?” he asked nonchalantly as he flipped on the kettle.
“I’ve no idea, I haven’t had the head space to check in with any of my old colleagues. But when things have settled, I’ll ensure I’m as much of a pain in his backside as his father was to me.” She laughed, feeling lighter than she had for weeks. “The environmental changes I proposed must go through and I’ll be at the public meetings to express my opinion on the matter. I don’t think Barry Brent realises just how much waste disposal cuts into the council’s budget.” It felt good to talk about something else, for a moment, making life appear normal.
“I’ll get a shower. I thought we could go out for breakfast?” Ethan said with his green tea in hand. “I need to get out of this place.”
“Sure,” she said with a smile.
Nina and Ethan arrived at Gradients, a boutique hotel nestled in the countryside which was always their chosen location for an out-of-the-house breakfast. They made their way through the hotel's elegant reception, decorated in a style which fused modern to vintage, and were shown to the orangery. The stunning glass-walled room had a panoramic view of the hotel's manicured gardens and the hills beyond. Ethan had been uncharacteristically quiet during the journey over, giving her the impression that he was mulling over everything in his mind. The ma?tre d’ showed them to a table near the glass exterior, offering an unobstructed view of the picturesque landscape. They’d been there many times before and Nina adored it.
They were brought an assortment of freshly baked vegan pastries, including almond croissants and cinnamon rolls, the layers flaking perfectly with each bite. A selection of breads were served with small pots of vegan friendly homemade preserves. A colourful fruit platter brightened the table, with slices of watermelon, pineapple and mango, as well as various berries. Hot food was also delivered which consisted of tofu scramble mixed with sautéed spinach, cherry tomatoes and mushrooms, drizzled with a truffle-infused oil. Nina’s appetite had finally returned as she felt calmer than she had in weeks.
Nina sipped a freshly pressed orange juice, as the aroma of Ethan’s herbal tea drifted over. She decided to pick neutral topics to discuss. Nothing that related to their future, not the shop and not where they lived. “The Eversley Arms have set up a darts team. We should go this Friday. Everyone’s asking after you.” Although she realised that might not be a great idea if Jaz was going to be on Ethan’s case.
“How’s the arts hub getting on?” he asked, not committing to the date.
“It goes from strength to strength. Holly has all her work slots filled at the hub and a waiting list of people wishing to work from there. And she continues to receive commissions for her own art.”
Ethan stared at her intently. “I love taking breakfast here with you.”
She smiled at him and touched his hand across the table. “And me you. I’ve always felt this is our special place. We never bump into anyone we know. It feels private, like our own secret haven.”
“I also love the city breaks we’ve taken. And the holidays to the Maldives, deep sea diving.”
“Me too. I love spending time with you.”
“Exploring the world and taking adventures has been a big part of our life together.” He swallowed. “I always want us to be like this.”
“We will, things won’t change, Ethan.”
He pulled his hand away. “They will with a child. For starters, this place doesn’t take children. Can you imagine a pram in here with a screaming kid? It would ruin it. And you can’t take a child to the Maldives or on city breaks or to the Grand Prix.”
“But we can still do those things together, we have family here who would be only too pleased to babysit. Ma is really excited about being a grandmother.”
He grabbed her hand. “Look, I love you Nina, with every atom of my soul.”
“And I love you too, I love you more than I ever have.”
“Sumitra fits in with the plan I have for us. The compromise.”
She gulped. Ethan really was accepting the baby. Tears stung her eyes, but she didn’t want to cry, not in public. He’d come around and relief washed over her whole body. Hold it together, she told herself. “And what’s the compromise? That we take holidays and make sure we come here once a month, just the two of us?”
“No.” He pulled his hand away. “I’ve been thinking. What about if your mother took it on?”
“It?” She sat back in her seat. “Ethan, we’re talking about a child, here, not a thing.”
“Okay, he or she. Hear me out. Sumitra’s at home all day, she’d probably love it. We could live in Qatar and you could come back and visit for a week, every other month or so. Commute back here. Money’s no object, we could pay for a nanny to help your parents out if it got too much for them.”
“What do you mean?”
“That we can put off being parents until we get back to the UK, after the buildings are completed.”
“You said it could take longer than four years.”
“I know, but then we could give one hundred percent to the child when we came back.”
The fear she’d been carrying around crushed her chest as it returned. She looked into his eyes. Is he really serious? “Ma and Dad are retiring next year.”
“Exactly, they’ll have time on their hands.”
“To explore the world, to live their best lives while they still can. Not to spend it looking after our child full time. If we were away for five years Dad would be seventy by the time we returned.”
“Or there’s adoption,” Ethan said in a lower voice.
“Ethan,” Nina said in a loud whisper across the table. “That’s not going to happen. Never!”
He sat back in his chair. “You can’t blame me for trying to find a way for us to be together. I love you. I don’t want to lose you. I must live in Qatar. I’ve already signed up to it.”
“Have you looked into life in Qatar?” she asked in a small voice, resigning herself to the fact that a move might be her only option.
“Yes. But not with a child. It’s going to be work hard and play hard, there’s so much networking and constant meetings. Babe…” He looked up as the waiter approached. “The bill please,” he said then waited until he was out of earshot. “We’ll have to continue this conversation at home. I thought by coming here you’d see what we were giving up. That we can’t live our life, the one we’ve built together, with a child in it.”
Nina picked up her bag. “I’ll meet you at the car.” She made her way to the toilet, the tears already in her eyes. Once inside the cubicle, they fell freely. I’m so stupid, she thought. She’d really imagined that Ethan had come around to the idea. She felt faint. What was he going to say back at the house? All she wanted was things to be the same between them. He was the love of her life, her only serious relationship which had now culminated in a child. She grabbed her belly, wishing for a moment that it was not there. How could you? she asked herself. What sort of mother was she going to be, already wishing the poor child had not come to be? A precious little being growing inside her. She quickly wiped her cheeks with toilet paper and pushed her hair from her face.
Outside the cubicle, she checked her reflection, deciding she had no option but to wear her sunglasses. There was no point in touching up her make up just for a walk through the hotel reception.
Outside, Ethan switched on the throaty engine of his Maserati as she reached it. She got inside and looked out of the window as he drove them back to the house in silence. When they arrived, he went upstairs and she poured herself a large glass of water, waiting for him to return. She’d negotiated before in other times of her life with wedding dress suppliers, haggled prices with clients and discussed options with stakeholders of the council, but this was one negotiation she felt powerless in. She held no trump card; she felt at his mercy.
After fifteen minutes, Ethan came downstairs. His eyes were red and it was clear he’d also been crying.
“Ethan, I know it’s tough and this has been sprung on us.”
He looked into her eyes. “I’m going to ask you a question and I need to know the honest answer. Do you promise?”
“Of course. What is it?”
“Did you plan this because you were fed up waiting for a wedding date?”
Nina took a pace back. “I’d never do that and why would I plan to get pregnant when I was running for another term on the council?”
“I just needed to know.” He took a deep shuddery breath. “I know for sure, I’m not ready to be a father. You need to compromise. It’s only going to work if your mum looks after the kid. I’m sure she won’t say no and my mum’ll help out. That’s the compromise, we just postpone being parents for a few years. Pick up when the kid’s four or five years old.”
Tears tumbled down Nina’s face. “I love this little being inside me. If you can’t see that it’s a part of us, then how can we ever be a family? Don’t you even feel it?” She grabbed his hand and pressed it to her belly.
Ethan looked away and pulled his hand back. He stood with his back to her.
“I don’t want you giving me an ultimatum. It’s not fair,” she sobbed. “Putting it all on me.” She grabbed a sheet of kitchen roll and wiped her nose. “It’s a shock to me too.”
He swung around. “But it’s your fault. You should have been more careful and dealt with it in time. You’ve ruined everything and you’re making me out to be the bad person? You’re unbelievable. Trapping me in this impossible situation then making me out to be irresponsible? Argh . I don’t want to be trapped in a mundane life. I’ve worked my butt off for years to get us to this point, where we don’t have to worry about money, where we can do whatever we want, whenever we want. The world is our oyster and you’ve ruined it!” He gestured at her, his eyes red with tears. “You’ve ruined everything.”
“You’re lashing out at me, I get it.” Nina gulped then put her hand out to his.
He turned away. “I can’t do this.”
“Ethan, I need you to consider, to think, you love me, you tell me every time we’re together. Unexpected things happen. Health issues, family issues, there’s more to life than money. I want you to consider having a life with us – me and the baby. We’ll come to Qatar with you. This baby needs me. I’m it’s mother and you... you’re this child’s father.”
Ethan turned around stared at her, his face crumpling. He slumped to the floor and sobbed.
She rushed over to him, wrapping her arms around the man she loved. “Please Ethan.” She’d never begged for anything in her entire life, but she was begging him with every atom of her being. “I can’t do this without you.”
He shrugged her off then scrambled to standing, sobbing as he spoke, his face crimson, tears running from his eyes and nose. “If you loved me you’d put me first.” He left her on the floor and made for the stairs.
Nina took the country lanes at a slow pace. The hedges either side were high and there was only space for one car in most places. She was soon on the road to Wells. She stopped a couple of times to compose herself before finally arriving on her parents’ driveway. Her mother’s face appeared at the lounge window. Sumitra was expecting her as Nina had texted ahead, explaining, unable to speak on the phone.
The door flung open and Nina shook as she felt her mother’s arms wrap around her. “He says it’s all my fault and that I’m trying to trap him.”
“Everything will be okay,” Sumitra said. “We love you more than anything.”
Nina could not speak. In the very core of her heart, she’d believed Ethan would come around. It was as if her world was spinning out of control.
“How am I going to be a good mother?” she gasped. “I haven’t even been able to get a good father for my child.”
“We’re a family and we’ll pull together,” her father said as he joined them. She looked up and seeing tears in her father’s eyes crushed her even more.
“But I’ve let you down, Dad.”
“You could never let me down, angel. I’ll always be proud of you. You’ve done the right thing, followed your heart. You could not give up this child, our grandchild living inside you. That’s what’s in your heart, an unconditional love, and it’s the same unconditional love that Ma and I have for you.” He opened his arms.
Nina moved to him.
He hugged her. “Honestly, you could have been a tearaway, and we’d still love you the same. But my goodness, you’ve made us proud, you’ve achieved so much and if you never did anything from this moment forth, you’ve done more than most. Caring about the community, serving the members of the public. Making other people’s wedding-day dreams come true.”
“I’m scared,” she whispered as Sumitra joined them and she turned and sobbed into her mother’s chest in a way she’d not done since she was a child.