Chapter 16
CHAPTER 16
I t had been a month since Nina had arrived at her parents’ home. She’d not been out since, other than to the garden, which was large with a small wooden cabin at the end which she often sat in, on her own away from the house . She’d helped her mother with the gardening and found it therapeutic. Dr Gupta had visited a few times. Initially, Nina had been reluctant to accept she’d had a breakdown. But she had admitted that she was far from herself. Coming to terms with the abrupt changes in her life, which had imploded with Ethan’s final confirmation that he would not be a part of her life going forward, had hit her harder than she’d imagined. She thought she was prepared for his rejection. But she wasn’t and had spent a week of the aftermath in bed. And she’d felt like a child, compounded by the fact she was in her childhood bedroom. She had no idea how much her parents were paying for the private care, but decided she would have to reimburse them at some point, even though she guessed they would never accept it.
Having taken a long soak in the bath, Nina put on one of her new looser dresses which she’d ordered online and opened the curtains. It was as if the sun streaming through the window had brought a new phase to her life. She wasn’t sure if she was better, but she certainly felt different. Not the same Nina. She wondered whether the old Nina, the business woman, the success driven go-getter, would ever exist again. And whilst her father repeated that she would soon be back to her old self, she knew she never would be. Her old self had died. And now she knew she had to get on with the rest of her life. But that would only happen by carefully putting one foot in front of the other and she had spent enough time isolated.
She’d let the shop go. Her father had dealt with it and sold the remaining few items to an outlet in Taunton. Nina knew his heart was broken, seeing her failures as his own. He was attempting to erase the sorrow from her life. But as Dr Gupta said, ‘Only time is a healer’, and she’d overheard her telling her father that he would be next if he didn’t slow down.
Ethan had packed her belongings together and left their furniture in situ, while he put the Shepton Mallet house on the market. Nina only had sketchy details of his plans, and her parents avoided mentioning him. Although she didn’t react to the memory of Ethan now in an emotional way, she simply felt cold. When the therapist who Dr Gupta had arranged asked how she felt about him, she really could not reply. Ethan was now in the recesses of her emotions, and she personally felt she would like to keep him there. She had a new life to live.
Nina smiled at her reflection. She knew she was looking a lot different to how she normally would. Her hair had often been styled in perfect ringlets, which she would spray to keep them in place for the day. She had it tied back. Figure-hugging dresses and suits with clean lines were her signature attire, not the sundress she now wore. She turned to the side. The bump was hardly noticeable unless the observer knew she was pregnant, and she liked the way the soft material graced her curves and the flat shoes were a comfort she thought she could grow to love. She was beginning to feel happy in her own skin, even without the extreme beauty treatments she was used to. And today, she was going out for the first time since she left Shepton Mallet – heading to Eversley village.
Nina knocked on the door of Holly’s cottage. It was stone built and set next to Lovelands Garden Nursery and Arts Hub. The sun felt warm on her back as she listened to Trixy’s yaps as she waited for a reply.
Holly soon opened the door with her small dog wriggling in her arms.
“Thanks for inviting me over,” Nina said.
“I wanted to see how you are, we’ve not seen you for weeks. I’ve some quiet time with the girls at school.”
Nina followed her into the cottage as Trixy ran ahead of them. “After I left Ethan’s, I was in a sorry state.”
They reached the kitchen diner. “I’m so sorry he didn’t come around to the idea.” Holly bit her lip.
“Did he speak to you about it?” Nina knew that Ethan and Holly were close at college and she’d been his confidante at times as an adult.
“Yes, I tried to get him to look at the bigger picture, but he was so set on those buildings.” Holly sat on the sofa which was set by the French windows, away from the dining table.
“He couldn’t see past Qatar.” Nina sat beside her and Trixy jumped up, settling between them. “Thinking back, he’s always had quite an obsessive personality.”
“Yes, obsessed with his health, all those vitamins and with the gym, too. And each project.”
“He’s a perfectionist and amazing at what he does, but everything has to be done in a certain way and order. I guess a child would have created too much disorder in his life.”
“I said to him, ‘Life throws things at us.’ But he didn’t seem to be listening. I’m so sorry, Nina.”
“There’s nothing to be sorry about. It would never have worked, even if he’d tried. I’d hate for him to have resented me and our child. He may still do, but at least we won’t have to deal with it day to day.”
“Do you think he’ll help financially?”
“He said to my parents that he would. But the way I feel at the moment, if he doesn’t want anything to do with the baby, then I don’t want his money.”
“I wouldn’t throw it back in his face, though.”
“You’re right of course, I don’t want my baby to go without. But I’m not going to ask him for anything. If his conscience gets the better of him, I can’t deny the child that.”
“What are you going to do to make ends meet?”
“I’ve enough in a savings plan to tide me over. I’ve always had it there as my pension and emergency fund. I won’t ever go without as my parents will be there for us. I love them to bits but I still feel like a child there. Especially this past month with me being a mess. Apart from that, it’s not fair, Dad’s retiring next year, he wants to live a little not spend it as a full-time grandad.”
They drank coffee and Holly brought her up to date on her family and the goings-on of the village which Nina enjoyed listening to.
Holly took Nina’s empty cup. “Let’s go over to the hub. I’ve something to show you.”
Nina stood up and followed Holly out of the cottage and down the path which led to the hub. The old barn was set up with various work stations, some of which were occupied by artists and craft makers, quiet in their work. Nina loved the smell of paints and textiles. It brought back so many memories of her youth. Holly led her to a table in the far corner. On top was a sewing machine and a pile of materials.
“I thought you might like to spend some time in here,” Holly said. “You were better at textiles than any of us.”
“I haven’t been at a sewing machine for years!”
“This space has recently become free as the woman using it decided to give up. She owed me a few weeks rent which she couldn’t pay for, so said I could keep the sewing machine and materials. I protested but she’s moved to France and wasn’t taking them with her.” Holly gestured at the seat. “Go on, sit down. I’ll leave you to it.” Holly walked away.
Nina looked at the craft station as if she’d just been left a gift by Santa Claus. She sat down and threaded the machine, the process coming back to her instantly. She picked up some material and looked through a set of patterns. She found one for a child’s pinafore dress, thinking it would be great to start with something easy. She took a pair of scissors and cut out the shapes of material. As she worked on it, she felt a part of her that had been lost years ago come to the fore. Memories of college and of her original hopes filtered into her mind as she worked. She’d wanted to be a dress designer, rather than a designer dress seller.
Later, Holly returned. “Wow, I didn’t expect you to have already made something. That’s amazing. You couldn’t make a couple of these for the girls could you? If I give you their measurements?”
“Of course! But I have to get off now as I promised Ma I’d be back. She’s already been texting me, obviously worried as this is the first time I’ve been away from her for a month.”
“Come back tomorrow, I’m open from nine. You can spend the entire day here if you like.”
Nina spent much time at the art barn over the following week. It was a good feeling to regularly get out of the house. She felt as if she was going to work, and that made her feel slightly like herself again, although she’d still been keeping herself to herself. The following week, Holly invited her to take lunch in the nursery café as Val was coming in.
“There she is,” Val said as Nina walked in. On the counter was a selection of homemade cakes. All were Val’s recipes, although she no longer baked for the café – Anne, one of the staff members had taken that on.
Sitting with Val was Len, Joe the groundsman from the nursery and Holly.
“Anne’s doing us a selection of sandwiches and then we’ll attack the cake,” Holly said as Trixy sat patiently at the table as if waiting for a titbit.
“We always come here for lunch on a Wednesday,” Val said.
“Our Holly’s been telling us about the dresses you’re making,” Joe said. “That you’ve been designing your own.”
“Holly’s being very generous,” Nina said. “I only made the first one of my own design yesterday, and I feel like a new person since I’ve been here.”
“And how are you in yourself, love?” Val asked.
“Healthwise everything’s fine, and I’ve got my next scan coming up soon. Ma can’t wait.”
“It’s nice your mum’s excited,” Len said.
“They worry about me, too much. But I’m just looking ahead and thinking positive.”
“You’ve got the right attitude, my love,” Val said.
Anne brought over the platter of sandwiches and then joined them as they ate and drank tea.
“I was surprised how many clothes you’ve made so far,” Holly said. “You can sell them here and make some money to spend on the baby. I’ve found a space over by the kids gardening equipment stand that would be ideal. We’ve so many families coming after school and at the weekend.”
“Really?”
“Yes. Test the waters and if they’re popular, it could be your new thing.”
“And you can go global,” Len said.
Nina laughed. “Thanks everyone, you’re doing my confidence a world of good.”
“Love, you’re the most confident woman I’ve ever met. You’ll be back to your old self in no time,” Val said.
“Not my old self,” Nina said. “But I’m feeling like a new person, that’s for sure.”
“Oh, and make sure you come to the farmers’ market this Saturday,” Holly said, “to judge whether you think you could sell them there.”
“I think they’d do well,” Anne said.
“I was coming anyway. Ma’s always raving on about the farmers’ market and Dad wants us to get him some sausages.”