Chapter 35
Cal
The door clicked shut behind me and the hallway swallowed the sound like it was trying to erase me.
I stood there for a second, maybe longer, chest heaving, eyes burning, the sterile smell of the hospital burning my nostrils.
My hands were still trembling from holding him.
Asher. My son. Eight pounds of warm, perfect weight that had looked up at me like I wasn’t the monster I knew I was.
His tiny fingers had curled around mine and I’d felt something crack open inside me, something I’d spent years trying to keep locked down.
I slid down the wall until my ass hit the cold tile, knees up, head in my hands. Tears came hot and fast, silent at first, then choking sobs I couldn’t stop. I didn’t care who saw. Nurses walked past. A janitor mopped nearby. I just sat there breaking.
He was real. He was here. And I’d almost missed it because I’d been too busy numbing myself with pills and Sydney’s poison.
Footsteps approached, familiar ones.
Kei crouched in front of me, face still bruised from our fight, eyes red. “Hey.”
I didn’t look up. “Don’t.”
“Too late.” He sat beside me, shoulder to shoulder. Holland and Jake appeared a minute later, leaning against the opposite wall like sentinels.
None of them spoke at first. Just let me cry.
When the sobs slowed to ragged breaths, Kei said quietly, “He’s beautiful, man.”
“Yeah.” My voice cracked. “He looks like her. Mostly her. But… his nose. That’s mine.”
Holland smiled small. “Lucky kid.”
I laughed, wet, broken. “He’s got no idea what he’s in for.”
Jake pushed off the wall. “We need to talk. Before you go back in there.”
I wiped my face with my sleeve. “About what?”
“About the fact that you almost OD’d on whatever Syd slipped you,” Kei said flatly. “About the fact that you were high when your son was born. About the fact that Hadley saw you with Syd on your lap right before her water broke.”
The words hit like punches. I flinched.
“I need to see Syd,” I said suddenly, standing too fast. The hallway tilted. “Right now.”
Kei stood with me. “She’s in the waiting room. We told her to stay put.”
We walked, me leading, them flanking, like I was marching to an execution. The waiting room was quiet except for the low hum of a TV nobody was watching. Sydney sat in the corner, legs crossed, scrolling her phone like nothing had happened.
She looked up when we entered. Her smile faltered when she saw my face.
“Cal...”
I didn’t let her finish.
“What the fuck did you give me?” My voice was low, shaking with rage. “Those pills. They weren’t just the usual. I blacked out chunks. I don’t remember half the night. You drugged me.”
Her eyes widened, perfect shock, perfect innocence. “What? No. I gave you what we always take. You asked for it.”
“Bullshit.” I stepped closer. “I was out of my mind. I let you...” I choked on the words. “I let you on my lap while my wife walked in. While she went into labor. You knew what those would do.”
Sydney stood slowly, voice soft, wounded. “You’re really going to stand there and blame me? After everything we’ve been through? I was trying to help you. You were spiraling. You called me crying about Hadley and Kei. I came because you needed me.”
Kei snorted. “You came because you saw an opening.”
Sydney’s eyes flashed to him. “Stay out of this, Kei. This is between me and Cal.”
“No,” Holland said quietly. “It’s not. Not anymore.”
I stared at her. “Tell me the truth. Did you dose me heavier? Something to make me… compliant?”
She laughed, sharp, disbelieving. “Compliant? You think I roofied you? That’s insane. You took them yourself. I watched you swallow them.”
“I don’t remember,” I said through gritted teeth. “I don’t remember half of it.”
“Because you were already drunk and high when I got there!” she snapped. “You were a mess. You begged me to stay. You begged me to make it stop hurting.”
Jake stepped forward. “We all saw the baggie, Syd. Same ones you’ve been carrying since the last tour. But Cal’s tolerance isn’t what it used to be. You knew that.”
Sydney’s face hardened. “You’re all turning on me now? After Mexico? After everything I survived with you?”
“Don’t,” I said, voice dangerous. “Don’t bring Mexico into this. This is about you manipulating me when I was weak. This is about you sitting on my lap while my pregnant wife watched her world end.”
Tears welled in her eyes.... real ones, maybe. “I love you, Cal. I’ve always loved you. I thought… I thought if I could just remind you...”
“Stop.” I held up a hand. “Just stop.”
She reached for me. I stepped back.
“Get out of my life,” I said quietly. “For good. Don’t text. Don’t call. Don’t show up at shows. Don’t come near my family. We’re done.”
Her face crumpled. “You don’t mean that.”
“I do.”
She looked at the others, pleading. “You’re really going to let him do this? After everything?”
Kei’s voice was cold. “Yeah. We are.”
Holland nodded once. “You crossed a line, Syd. Multiple lines.”
Jake just stared at her. “Leave.”
Sydney’s tears spilled over. She laughed, bitter, broken. “You’re all pathetic. You think Hadley’s going to take you back? After what you did? She saw you. She’ll never forgive you.”
“Maybe not,” I said. “But that’s between me and her. Not you.”
She stared at me for a long beat. Then she grabbed her bag, shoulders shaking.
“You’re going to regret this,” she whispered. “When she leaves you for good. When you’re alone again. You’ll call me. You always do.”
I didn’t answer.
She stormed out, heels clicking sharp against the tile.
The room felt smaller after she left. Quieter.
I sank into a chair, head in my hands again.
Kei sat beside me. “You okay?”
“No.”
Holland crouched in front of me. “Talk.”
I exhaled shakily. “I held him. Asher. He… he wrapped his hand around my finger. Looked at me like I wasn’t garbage. And all I could think was, I almost missed this. I almost lost them both because I was too weak to say no to her. To the pills. To the numbness.”
Jake leaned against the wall. “You didn’t miss it. You were there.”
“Barely.” My voice broke. “She let me hold him. But she said it doesn’t fix anything. And she’s right. I fucked up so bad.”
Kei put a hand on my shoulder. “You’re owning it now. That’s the first step.”
“I need help,” I whispered. “Real help. Not just therapy once a week. I need… rehab. Groups. Something. I can’t keep doing this to her. To him.”
Holland nodded. “We’ll find one. Private. Discreet. We’ll handle the schedule around the band if we have to. But you go.”
Jake added, “And we’re coming with you to the first meeting. All of us.”
I looked up at them, my brothers, bruised and tired and still here.
“I don’t deserve you guys,” I said hoarsely.
Kei squeezed my shoulder. “Shut up. You’re stuck with us.”
We sat there for a while, just breathing. Me crying again, quieter this time. Them letting me.
Eventually I pulled out my phone. Hands still shaking.
I dialed Mom.
She answered on the first ring. “Cal? Is everything okay?”
“She had him,” I said, voice thick. “A boy. Asher. Eight pounds. He’s… he’s perfect, Mom.”
A soft sob on her end. “Oh, honey. I’m so happy. How’s Hadley?”
“Hurting. Because of me.” I swallowed. “But she’s strong. Stronger than me.”
“You’re there now?”
“Yeah. I… I got to hold him. She let me.”
“I’m booking a flight,” she said immediately. “I’ll be there tomorrow.”
“You don’t have to...”
“I want to. For both of you. And my grandson.”
I closed my eyes. “Thanks, Mom.”
“Tell Hadley I love her. And that I’m proud of her.”
“I will.”
I hung up, stared at the screen.
Kei stood. “Go back in there. See them again.”
I nodded.
The private room I’d paid for, the one with the big window and the fold-out couch, was quiet when I knocked softly.
Zariah opened the door, eyes wary but softer than before.
“She’s awake,” she said. “Feeding him.”
I stepped in.
Hadley was propped up in bed, Asher cradled against her chest, nursing quietly. She looked exhausted, beautiful, wrecked, unbreakable.
She met my eyes. “You came back.”
“I needed to see him again.” My voice was rough. “If that’s okay.”
She studied me for a long moment.
Then she nodded. “Come here.”
I crossed the room slowly. Zariah touched Hadley’s shoulder.
“I’ll give you guys a minute,” she said softly.
Hadley caught her hand. “Stay close. But… yeah. We need to talk.”
Zariah squeezed once, then slipped out.
I sank into the chair beside the bed.
Asher finished nursing, sleepy and full. Hadley lifted him to her shoulder, patting gently.
I watched, mesmerized. The way his tiny head lolled against her. The way her hand supported him like she’d been doing it forever.
“He’s so small,” I whispered.
“He’s not that small,” she said with a tired smile. “He’s perfect.”
I reached out, hesitant. She didn’t stop me. I brushed one finger along his cheek. He sighed in his sleep.
“I can’t stop looking at him,” I said. “At what we made.”
Hadley’s eyes met mine, guarded, but not closed off.
“I know,” she whispered.
Silence stretched, fragile, heavy.
Then she spoke, voice steady despite the tremor in it.
“I want a divorce.”