21. Jessica
Jessica
Claire had barely stopped the car in the parking lot before Jessica hurried out of the apartment into the still unseasonably warm air to meet them.
She waited rather impatiently as Claire led Chase out of the back seat and walked him up the short sidewalk.
He bounced and pulled at Claire’s side—very un-Chase-like—getting more excited once he saw Jessica.
He greeted her with sloppy kisses as she squatted to rub his face and get as close to him as possible. Her heart ached from missing him even though it had only been an extra day from their normal weekend trade-off time.
When she stood, she noticed the tightness in Claire’s face. Jessica immediately wondered if she’d done something wrong. An old reflex. But she couldn’t think of anything. Well, except for the one big thing she’d done. But Claire couldn’t know about her hiring Renee. Could she?
“Come inside,” Jessica said.
The three of them went inside the apartment and closed the door behind them. Chase bounded over to his toy basket, pulled out his favorite stuffed dinosaur, and began tossing it around the living room.
When Jessica turned back to Claire, she found her staring at the boxes, her eyes rimmed red and tears brewing.
Jessica lowered her voice to a near whisper. “Hey, we can do this another time if you’re not ready today.”
“It’s not that,” Claire said. “Well, it is. But not entirely.”
“Then what is it?”
A tear spilled down her cheek, and Claire wiped at it furiously. “Monica and I broke up.”
A mix of emotions stirred inside Jessica. Was she supposed to feel sad about this? Happy? Vindicated? At the end of the day, she still cared about Claire. Despite how their relationship ended—and how it was—she didn’t enjoy seeing her hurting.
“I’m sorry.”
Claire let out a pitiful little laugh, brushing back her short blonde hair. “I don’t know why I’m even telling you this. You’re the last person who should care. The last person I should be talking to about it.”
And yet, there they were.
Jessica said nothing.
With a sniffle, Claire continued. “I should never have been with her. I wasn’t over you. Us. This.” She gestures at the pile of things that was the reason for her coming inside the apartment. “I wasn’t over our life together.”
That was news to Jessica. Because from her end, Claire had been over their life together long before she left.
“We were together for six years. That’s going to take some time to move on from.” It was the truest thing Jessica had said about their relationship in a long time. And she felt it deeply herself. “Still must suck to go through this, though.”
Claire let out another little laugh through her sniffles. “Sucks is right.”
She felt the urge to wrap her arms around Claire. To hold her until the pain washed away.
But she resisted that urge, and it wasn’t as hard as she’d expected.
“Do you want to do this another time?”
“No,” Claire said. “I need to get this part over with.”
Jessica looked down at Chase’s adorable black and white face by her side.
“Go to your spot.”
Chase trotted over to his bed near the TV and settled in.
Together, they carried the boxes, containers, and the sewing machine out to Claire’s car. Once they were down to one last box, Jessica glanced over at Chase, who was anxiously chewing on a nylon toy.
“Does he need a walk?”
“It’s getting dark,” Claire said with concern in her voice. “You really shouldn’t.”
“I didn’t ask if I should. I’m asking if you took him.”
“He went out. He’ll just need to go out before bed again.”
“Yes, but did you take him for a walk?”
“Not this evening, no. I was upset, and it slipped my mind.”
Jessica looked over at Chase again as he rested his head on one of his stuffed toys for a second. Then, she looked back at Claire and let out the truth.
“I know you haven’t been taking care of him.”
“What? I literally just brought him back to you. I had him all weekend. Do you need me to take him more this week? Do you have extra work or something?”
“No, that’s not what I mean.” Jessica took a deep breath before continuing. “I know you haven’t been taking him out for walks or going to the park or anything.”
Claire just stood and blinked at her. Finally, after several long moments, she said, “I don’t know what—”
“I hired someone. She watched to see if you were giving him what he needs. And you haven’t been.”
She hired someone. Renee. It was so strange thinking back to how their relationship had started and where it was now. How she’d almost kissed her that afternoon. Again.
But she couldn’t process that at the moment. She’d been running it through her head ever since she left that house, and now she had a different problem to deal with.
“You what?” Shock and disgust laced Claire’s words. “You hired someone to spy on me?”
“I hired someone to make sure you were taking care of him, and you haven’t been.”
“What the…” Claire tried and failed to compose herself. “I’ve been busy, Jessica. Work has been hell. My relationship fell apart.” She gestured at the remaining items on the living room floor. “My life has fallen apart.”
“I get that,” Jessica said calmly. “But you agreed to take care of him.”
“And I did. He’s fine. Look at him.”
“He’s happy because he’s here,” Jessica said. “He’s a sad wreck every time I have to bring him to your place.”
Claire scoffed. “And you don’t think he’s like that when I take him here, too? He doesn’t like moving back and forth. Ever consider that’s all there is to it?”
She hadn’t, actually. Despite Naomi’s similar suggestion. It always seemed like a much deeper problem.
“He still needs walks.”
Claire sighed. “You’re right.”
“I’m right?”
“You’re right, I haven’t been doing everything he needs.” Claire’s tone grew stern again. “I’m still pissed you were spying on me.”
“I get that,” Jessica said. “And it was probably wrong of me.”
“Probably?”
“Would you have been honest with me if I’d asked?”
“Maybe,” Claire said. “Okay, probably not.”
Something that felt like relief washed over Jessica. Relief that she’d gotten this ugly part over with, and everything was clear now.
Well, almost everything.
“And now?” Jessica asked.
“Now I do better.”
“And if you can’t? If you’re busy and your life is a mess? What then?”
“Then I’ll let you know. Maybe I’ll need you to take him more then.” Her voice cracked a little with those words. “I miss him when he’s gone too, you know.”
Jessica’s heart softened as she nodded. “I know.”
She couldn’t stand to see Claire in pain like this. Regardless of where they were in their relationship. No matter how far they’d grown apart or how much Jessica had moved on over the past few weeks, she still didn’t want to see Claire hurting.
Did that mean she wasn’t moving on as well as she thought? She’d nearly kissed another woman just that afternoon. And now, part of her wanted to kiss Claire’s pain away.
But only a tiny, confused part.
“Well, I should let you get back to your night.” Claire lifted the last of the boxes. “Thanks for packing everything up.”
“No problem,” Jessica said.
An awkward silence fell between them, long and loaded, until Claire finally leaned to peer around Jessica. “See you later, Chase.” Then, to Jessica, she said, “I’ll do better with him. Promise.”
“And I’m sorry about the spying. And probably overreacting about everything. But I’m not sorry for being worried about him.”
Claire nodded and took a step backward. “I should go.”
They said goodbye, and Jessica closed the door behind her.
That hadn’t been at all what she’d expected. Sure, she’d expected handing over the last of her wife’s things would be difficult, but never that it would be difficult in that way.
What did it mean that those feelings had bubbled up? What did it mean for her moving on as well as she thought she had?
It meant one thing for sure. Kissing Renee would have been a mistake. She wasn’t ready to move on just yet.
Or was she?
Because she’d resisted the urge to physically comfort Claire. That had to be a step in the right direction.