Renee
Overall, it had been a really successful day.
She’d locked Bartholomew up safely in her bedroom with his previously used “do not enter” sign, and as far as she could tell, everyone obeyed. She planned to leave him in there a little longer, just to make sure there weren’t any stragglers in the house that she had missed.
“Looks like you scored big today,” Ben said as she entered the kitchen where he’d been stationed.
Her mother had even been there to help for about half of it, although she had to leave early for a showing in the next town over. It was fine because the crowd had mostly died down by then, anyway.
They still didn’t have a glowing mother-daughter relationship, but things were getting better between them. Renee had some lingering resentment about her mother’s absence in her childhood, but they seemed to be developing something new.
“Yeah, I think it went well,” she said. “I sold a lot of stuff that I just wanted gone, so it was nice to get a little cash for it all.”
There was still so much to remove. So much that didn’t sell.
She’d pack the rest up for the local charity thrift shop and make some calls to see if anywhere would pick up furniture donations.
She planned to keep some of the stuff she really liked, but that didn’t amount to too much.
Basic necessities and sentimental items. She wanted to put her own stamp on the place.
“Thank y’all for helping out today. I appreciate it. I don’t know if I could have done this alone.”
“No problem,” Felicia said.
“We’re happy to be of service,” Ben said with a bow from his barstool.
A knock echoed through the house from the front door
The sale was technically over, but she had time. Might as well let them in.
“Come in!” she shouted from the nearby kitchen.
But the person at the door stayed on the other side of it.
“I’ll get it,” Ben said, standing from his seat.
“No, I’ve got it,” Renee said.
She made her way to the front, realizing after sitting for a few moments just how much her feet hurt from standing all day. She opened the door and didn’t find a shopper. Instead, she found a familiar face.
“Hi,” Jessica said with a shy wave. She wore jeans and an oversized T-shirt and smelled of sunshine and freshly cut grass.
“Hey.” Renee tried to play it cool. For all she knew, Jessica was here to tell her she was getting back together with her wife. Probably why she wanted to tell her in person.
But she couldn’t help her smile, anyway. It was so good to see her.
It was only then that she noticed Jessica wasn’t alone.
Her smile widened. “Well, hello, Chase. Glad we could finally meet in person. Um, person to dog.”
“He’s very polite if you want to shake his paw.”
Renee held out her palm, and Chase put his paw on top of it. She gently wrapped her fingers around it and shook it softly. “Nice to meet you.”
She released him and stood straight, eye to eye with those sweet hazel eyes again.
“Sorry about bringing him. I just picked him up and figured I’d stop by on my way home.” Jessica motioned toward the wooden swing off to the side on the porch. “Want to sit out here for a minute?”
“Sure,” Renee said. Although truth be told, the last thing she wanted to do was sit on that swing with Jessica.
A week ago, that would have sounded like heaven.
Idly gliding back and forth, feet dangling, not a care in the world for those few moments they were together, enjoying the now crisp autumn air.
But this. Sitting on the swing had weight. Meaning. And she was pretty sure she knew what that meaning was.
She sat beside Jessica, scooted far enough to the side so there was a little space between them. She couldn’t handle physical contact right now. Chase took a position near the swing and lay down on the decking.
Once they started swinging, Jessica asked, “How was the sale?”
“Good. Lots to deal with still, but we got a lot of big things out of here at least.”
“That’s good.”
There was a long, awkward pause neither of them seemed eager to fill. Renee decided to go first.
“I’m not selling the house.”
Jessica’s head swung to face her, eyes wide. “Really?”
“Really. I decided this is where I want to be. Even if I’m not with you, I want to be here. This house, Oakview, it all feels like home again.”
“But what about work?”
Renee shrugged. “I can make it happen. I have a plan, so we’ll see. And I can always change my mind again if it doesn’t work out.”
“So you’re staying in the house? Does that mean Bartholomew is staying?”
“As long as I’m here, he has a place with me,” Renee said. “It’s a lot of house to manage, but my aunt did it. I think I can do it, too.”
“I’m really happy for you.” Jessica was looking down at her shoes now, feet swinging along just above the ground. “So I have news, too.”
“I figured that’s why you were here.”
And what she feared was about to enter the air. Enter reality. The world she wanted was about to slip away.
“I did what you suggested. I gave it some thought. A lot of thought. I spent all week thinking. I tried not to think about you and me and how we factor into anything, because that wouldn’t be fair to anyone. I needed to solidify my feelings on that one thing before I could move on.”
It stung a little to think she wasn’t a factor in such a big decision, but it was the right thing to do. It was what she’d wanted Jessica to do. What she needed her to do.
“Did it help you figure things out?”
Jessica nodded. “I realized that I’m a different person now than I was with her. And I want to be different. I want to be more me. So I told her that this afternoon. We’re done.”
Renee’s heart raced. This was what she hadn’t dared to hope for.
“How do you feel about that decision?”
“Free. Relieved. Like I’m my own person again.”
She was so happy for Jessica. There was a weight lifted from her eyes that she hadn’t even fully noticed before. Her hazel eyes were clearer. More open and aware.
“Does that mean you want to be on your own to keep figuring yourself out?”
She still wasn’t in the clear. Jessica could need more time for herself. If that were the case, the only right thing to do would be for Renee to take another step back. Maybe for good.
“I need to be okay on my own. I need to be okay with myself. I need to keep figuring out who I am.”
“Right,” Renee said, completely understanding, but disappointed.
“But that doesn’t mean I can’t also figure out something new,” Jessica said. “I just need to be mindful of maintaining my own identity.”
“So… what does that mean for us?” Renee asked. “Is there an us? Because I don’t want to cloud things for you.”
“You don’t cloud anything,” Jessica said. “You make things clearer. I’m more sure of myself than I’ve ever been when I’m around you.”
The words burrowed themselves deep into Renee’s heart, warming her whole body.
“I’m still scared as hell about being in a relationship,” Renee said. “I need to be honest about that. I love you, and you’re the only person I’d try it with, but I’m still nervous.”
“That’s okay. I’m nervous too. But like, good nervous.”
“Yeah, it feels like good nervous.”
“There’s this thing I heard,” Jessica said, “about where your body can’t tell the difference between excitement and anxiety. That they feel the same. I think that’s what’s happening with me. I’m excited more than anxious.”
Maybe that’s what Renee felt, too. Excited. Yes, she certainly felt excited. Still a little anxious, too, but less so now. She felt less anxious with every moment she spent with Jessica.
“Wait a second,” Jessica said. “Did you just say that you love me?”
Renee’s heart stopped beating for a moment as panic set in.
“Oh, shit. I’m sorry. It’s too soon. Forget I—”
“I love you, too,” Jessica said with a big grin. “Yes, it’s soon, and I know we haven’t officially been together for long. But this past month has been more than enough time for me to sort my feelings out for you. And I love you, too, Renee.”
“Then I’ll say it again, not by accident this time,” Renee said. “I love you, Jessica.”
She leaned in and met her lips with her own, firmly and a little desperately.
The warmth of their mouths pressed together sent electric heat throughout her body.
She’d missed kissing Jessica. There hadn’t been too much of it before now, but she’d longed for it every time they were apart, and she hoped to keep kissing her for at least forever.
“I guess we should go inside and see Ben and introduce you to Felicia,” Renee said after a while. “Can you stay for a minute?”
“Yeah, sure. But I’ve got Chase. We can wait outside if you want to bring them here.”
“It’s fine if he comes inside. Bartholomew is still in his room. Come on in.”
With Chase’s leash in one hand, Jessica stood and took Renee’s hand, squeezing it solidly, and it felt like it was right where it belonged.