Chapter 50
I know without being officially bonded, I cannot feel what she does. And yet, hearing her cry out, watching her rot away in her bed, smelling her burnt scent everywhere in the house… I don’t think my soul has ever ached like this before.
The sun barely had a chance to rise, but no one had slept. Since returning from the party, everything had been a blur, a mess, a chaotic desire to comfort and protect their mate. But Sonnet was lost in her grief.
Felix was well-versed in this grief, and so was Kai.
Both had lost a parent. In Felix’s case, he had lost both, and he remembered being told he was never going to see them again like it was yesterday.
But there was a difference. When Felix was told about his parents, he was with people he loved in a place where he felt safe.
Nothing about how Sonnet was told was fair.
It would leave a wound deeper than the ones she already had.
She’s hurting.
Felix winced. I know. I know.
No one knew how to help her, but there was nothing to help. There was no cure for grief. Only tolerance as time passes.
No one in the house was satisfied with not being able to do anything. Zayden had been on the phone with Maddox and the rest of the label team to help fix Sonnet’s image and narrative. As detached from the main problem as it seemed, Felix understood. This was the only way Zayden felt in control.
Jude had no control. He hadn’t stopped pacing since they got home and Sonnet into the omega suite.
He was always moving, always looking for something to do, a way to jump in and help.
Despite how many times Kai had barked and growled at him, he couldn’t stop.
And all Kai could do was bark and growl.
He couldn’t take his anger out on Juliana without flaming the fires, so all he could do was unleash it on the rest of them.
After putting Sonnet in her bed and hearing her cry herself to sleep, he remained by her side. There was a lump in the back of his throat and a deep, aching pain in his chest.
He was seven years old when his mom and dad died. Sonnet was seven years old when she was abandoned by her birth mother, given to another family she didn’t know, and then spent the rest of her life wondering when her mother would come back for her. His sorrow and hers were incomparable.
“You will get through this,” he choked, his hand finding her hip under all the piles of blankets. “I’m going to make sure that you do. I promise.”
It wasn’t an easy promise, but it was one Felix would do his damnest to uphold.
On Monday, he was able to carry Sonnet to her bath and bathe her.
He kept the lights off, lit only by a few candles, and added Epsom salts and colloidal oatmeal to the water.
He sat behind her to keep her body from collapsing into the water, afraid she’d willingly let herself drown.
When she sobbed, he soothed her with his purrs.
On Tuesday, he moved her to the living room where she could receive more sunlight, hoping it would warm her body and heart. It didn’t, and Felix had to step in to calm her down from a panic attack twice.
Now, it is Wednesday, and Sonnet has refused food and water completely. Kai was prepared to hold her down and force her, but no one agreed to that plan. There was only one last thing Felix could think of, which was crossing a different kind of boundary.
He took her phone and went through it.
It didn’t take very long to locate what he was searching for, and it took even less for them to arrive.
“Where is she?” Summer demanded, with their mom, Katherine, right behind.
Felix opened the door wide and pointed to the living room. All four alphas stood on the sidelines as the two women charged forward, engulfing Sonnet in tight hugs. When her eyes opened and she saw her mom, she burst into tears and held on to her like the lifeline she had needed.
It was touching, and it was terrible.
“Oh baby. My sweet, sweet baby,” her mom cooed, rubbing her back and letting Sonnet sob into her shoulder.
Katherine looked like she had slept as little as Sonnet. She wore an elegant suit and pearl earrings, but her hair was pulled back simply, and she had dark circles under her eyes, just like Summer.
Summer was kneeling on the floor of the couch, tears in her eyes. “I’m so sorry, Sonnet.”
Her cries grew louder, then soft, as she let her mom do what they couldn’t. Her mom began to feed her and make her drink water, talking to her the way she needed to be spoken to. Summer watched, a soothing, sidelined figure, before walking over with heat and heartbreak in her eyes.
“I trusted you to take care of her,” she hissed. She looked scarier now than she did when they first met. Like a starving lioness ready to pounce. “How could you let this happen?”
“We didn’t,” Kai choked. “I never would have let her come with us if I knew Juliana would be there.”
“Being an alpha isn’t about helping your omega through the predictable.
It’s not about knowing. It’s about—” Summer stopped abruptly as Sonnet cried out in pain.
It was obvious. Sonnet’s cries hurt Summer just as much as they hurt the rest of them.
“I’m sorry. I just… I know how much Sonnet hoped to be reunited with her birth mother again.
Despite everything that woman put Sonnet through, she loved her and missed her so much. ”
Felix cleared his throat as she leaned against the kitchen island. The scent of burned strawberries was like wax in his throat. Summer’s scent burned as well, faint, and uncommon for a beta, but that was no business of his.
“I don’t want to overstep,” Felix said, “but I think we all want to know what Sonnet went through. We want to know about her birth mother.”
“She hasn’t told you everything.” It wasn’t a question. “It’s not my story, but I guess someone has to say something. What do you know?”
“Sonnet had said she was abandoned by her mother when she was seven, and that she was taken in by her father, which is when it came out, she had been a child born from an affair.” Felix looked over towards Katherine, the woman who could have easily turned away from Sonnet, and yet somehow managed to step up and love her despite everything.
A woman deserving of the name Mom. “And that she loved your mom for being her mom, too. Even though she still carries guilt for it. And now,” Felix cleared his throat, “we know from Juliana that her birth mother was a prostitute.”
The word prostitute hung in the air like a bad smell, making everyone sick. Suddenly, everything and nothing about Sonnet made sense.
Summer’s expression was tight. She looked towards her sister with fierce fondness and even fiercer protection.
“I don’t know everything,” she said softly.
“My parents have shielded me, but I’ve heard bits and pieces growing up.
When Sonnet came to us, my parents spent the whole night arguing, thinking we were asleep. And I spent the whole night listening.”
“Did Sonnet hear them?” Jude asked.
“No. She was so scared about everything that she crashed almost immediately after being brought home. I remember being so angry that this girl I didn’t know was sleeping in my bed.
” Summer looked away from her sister and towards the rest of them.
“Sonnet’s birth mother worked as a prostitute for a long time, even before she met our dad.
I heard she was paid very well, but she spent it on hotel stays, living lavishly, and spending so quickly that she didn’t even have a bank account.
She spent even more for Sonnet. She spoiled her.
I might not have ever met her mother, but I know she loved her, and she would spend every dime on her daughter, and she did.
But love isn’t enough to take care of a child. ”
“No. It’s not,” Kai agreed.
He would know. His mother seemed to share similar burdens to Sonnet’s.
Summer continued. “Sonnet spent her childhood moving from one hotel room to the next, playing in the pool, eating takeout, and taking care of herself when her mother worked. She never went to school. It took a lot of private tutors to help Sonnet excel at school and keep up with her peers academically. She struggled. I think that’s why she never went to college.
She hates school because she hates feeling like she’s not as smart as everyone else in the room. ”
But she is the smartest one in the room.
Her emotional intelligence is my favorite thing about her.
“My mom was terrified by how impacted Sonnet was. I don’t even think Sonnet remembers, but she was…
she was so strange. Like no child I’ve ever seen.
It was like my dad brought home an alien and told me to call her sister.
To me, it was no wonder why my mom was yelling at him.
It wasn’t until I realized it was because Dad had cheated, not just that, paid for it. ”
Disgust was tinged in Summer’s tone. It was unmistakable, and suddenly Summer wasn’t terrifying to Felix. She was just a girl carrying her father's burdens, just as Sonnet had done.
“Look, Sonnet came to us with scars. There’s a cigarette burn on the back of her left foot.
Her mother wrote a letter, and I don’t know much, but I know she admitted that the last month she had Sonnet, she lost control of a situation and Sonnet got hurt from it.
That’s why she gave her up. Sonnet’s mother recognized love wasn’t enough to keep her safe, and she couldn’t walk away from her life, but she could walk away from Sonnet, I guess. ”
Summer went on and on, and after a while, Felix realized why. Summer was processing her own grief. He could tell how much she loved her little sister, and now, how much having Sonnet in her life changed everything.
Summer brought up being angry so many times, but that anger always deflated.
At the very end, Felix felt like he understood everything a bit better, but he still wasn’t any the wiser on how to fix it.
Then he remembered no one came to fix his grief when he was little.
No one had that kind of magic. But looking back over at the couch for the hundredth time, he felt as if Katherine had magic to.
With everything just as heavy as it was before, there was nothing more to say, and everyone went back to how they were before. Summer joined her sister, Jude paced, Zayden was back on the phone in the backyard, and Kai was hovering on the staircase, watching Sonnet like a miserable, depressed hawk.
With Sonnet being well cared for by her mom and sister, Felix did the only other thing he could. He cooked.
He made a feast he didn’t even know anyone would eat, but after Sonnet’s mom convinced her to take another bath, everyone was starving.
After dinner, Felix was the only one left in the kitchen. He dimmed the lights, turned on some classical music, and began scrubbing the dishes. It was the only way to keep his thoughts and memories quiet.
“Can I help?”
Felix lifted his head towards Katherine. She looked so much like Summer; he had to do a double take. “No, please. It’d be rude of me to let you.”
She smiled softly and took a seat at the island. “You’re Felix, right? Sonnet has spoken a fair bit about each of you. It’s good to put a face to the name.”
Felix turned away from her, trying to refocus on the dishes. “I’m sorry we had to be introduced during circumstances like this.”
Katherine made a soft humming sound, something Sonnet did, too. Felix found his hands hovering over a soaked bowl.
Summer had tried to be angry with Sonnet for disturbing the life she had, but what about Katherine? Here she was, consoling the daughter conceived from an affair. A paid affair, no less.
Felix stopped washing. It didn’t seem important. Instead, he grabbed two glasses, filled them with wine, and took a seat across from Katherine.
“Will she be okay?” Felix finally asked.
He wanted her to be. He had convinced himself she would.
But what if this kills her?
Katherine rubbed her finger against the rim of her wine glass.
“You know, I went with my husband to pick her up from the station. I insisted. I wanted to see the child he conceived outside of our marriage. I was hoping it would be this pathetic, terrible thing that I could laugh at. Turns out, I was the pathetic, terrible thing because the moment I saw her, I had forgiven my husband instantly. Well,” her nose wrinkled, “maybe not completely. But as much as a woman can.”
“You should know, Sonnet holds a lot of love and respect in her heart for you. From what I could tell, she holds so much space in her heart for loving you that she feels overwhelmed by what her existence has done to you.”
“What has her existence done to me?” Katherine’s face was set in a deep frown.
“She has only brought me the greatness of being a mother to two beautiful girls whom I love. I have never once looked at her and considered her to be the source of my greatest pain. In fact, I fear she helped heal me in more ways than one. Before, I was a lost housewife still struggling with the depression of being a mother with a husband who felt more like a ghost. When Sonnet came, she demanded change, and I am forever grateful for it. We were able to become a true, dedicated, genuine family because of her.”
“Have you ever told her?”
“No. I had hoped everything I had shown her was enough. I think every mother on the planet hopes her actions fulfill more than words. I should tell her. Especially now.”
Felix nodded his head.
She deserves to know everything.
Katherine was looking deep into her wine glass with a faint smile.
“She was such a beautiful little girl. I still remember bringing her home, bathing her, and putting her to sleep in Summer’s bed.
She was so delicate, like a fairy. I remember feeling, deep in my gut, an overwhelming rush of love and protection.
It was as if she had come from my own womb, and I vowed I would raise her with the dedication I know her real mother had wanted for her.
I hope she knew,” Katherine’s voice cracked.
“Oh, I hope she knew how well-taken care of her daughter was.”
Felix did, too.
He wished he could have met the woman who helped bring Sonnet into this world, especially because he could tell how much Sonnet loved her. There was respect to be given to the woman who tried, and Katherine, the woman who succeeded.
Felix would succeed. He would be the alpha his mate needed, deserved, and owned completely. Sonnet had her fingers tangled in his soul, and he would spend the rest of his life making sure she knew that’s exactly how he wanted her.