Chapter 33 #2
“Tempting, but the book and—” My attention snagged on the clock above my wardrobe.
“Shit!” I jumped out of bed and ran towards the dresser.
“I forgot I was going to train with Sawyer tonight.” I’d have to look through the book later.
In all honesty, I’d had enough information thrown at me today anyway.
Sebastian sat upright at the mention of Sawyer's name. “We just trained this morning.”
“I know but I told him I would, and I haven't seen him much since you punched him in the nose.” My eyebrows drew together with my disapproving glare.
“I’ll train you.”
I pulled out my training pants and a shirt, tugging the clothes on with complete haste. I was always giving Sawyer crap for being late, yet here I was, following in his footsteps.
“It's fine. You need to rest. Pia just healed your shoulder, and you’ve already overworked it with what you just did to me.” I sat at the edge of my bed to tie my boots around my ankles.
“My shoulder is fine. Just give me a minute to get dressed,” he argued with me, trying to get up.
I pushed him back down with my palm. “Sawyer is my friend. I know what happened between us changes things, but you don’t need to worry.” I leaned over him and planted a kiss on his lips. “I love you.”
“I know, I know. I trust you,” Sebastian breathed out, falling back onto the pillow. “And honestly, I kinda like the idea of my cum dripping out of you while you train with him.”
My eyes bulged and fluttered. Right then and there, I wanted to tear my clothes back off, but I didn’t.
Pushing up to a stand, I swiped my dagger off the armchair where I’d left it. “For the sake of my sanity, I’m going to pretend you didn't say that. Now get some rest. I’ll be back in an hour or two.” I tightened my thigh wrapping, then slid my blade into it.
“I’m not even tired,” he disputed, but when I returned from the washroom a few minutes later, he was out cold.
I giggled to myself then slipped silently out the door and bolted down the stairs, breaking into a run at the bottom, not slowing until I threw open the door of the arena.
“I’m sorry!” I yelled across the mat, my voice catching Sawyer by surprise.
He visibly jumped, then turned to me. “You scared me.”
I walked towards him, panting as I tossed my bag to the ground. “Sorry I’m late, I got…caught up,” I huffed.
He gave me a smug look, but didn’t comment on my tardiness. “We're going to do some sparring. You haven’t had true combat since Caelestis, and by the way things are looking lately, you probably will again soon.”
“Great,” I snarked, pursing my lips in disappointment.
Taking his stance across the mat, Sawyer said, “Haven’t seen you much lately.”
He meant ever since Sebastian and I got back together and they fought over me in the hallway.
I held my fists up in defense as he drew his dagger. I no longer bothered with training weapons. Raising the stakes with a real blade helped grow my confidence. I felt better when we had a healer on hand, but at least I knew where to find one should we need it.
“I know. I’m sorry. I’ve been…busy,” I answered at last, the bullshit excuse sounded exactly like that. Bullshit.
“Uh huh.” He nodded skeptically, but didn’t push. “How are you handling everything from today?”
My arms fell to my sides. “Honestly? Not great. You?”
He dropped his own defense. “Honestly? Same.”
We both sighed and met in the middle of the mat, disregarding practice for now.
“I just want to be able to protect you. But I worry I won’t be able to save you from this,” he murmured, tossing a hand over his scalp, rustling his hair.
“You don’t need to save me. That’s why we're here training, so I can save myself,” I contested.
“I know you can.” Sawyer’s smile was intertwined with despair as he dipped his nose to the ground, still slightly bruised from Sebastian's fist. Pia had offered to heal it, but he denied.
“Can I ask you something?”
Sawyer nodded. “Always.”
“Why did you provoke Seb in the hall last week? I mean, no offense, but you weren't really in a position to do so. You and me were in the wrong in that situation, not him.”
Sawyer pursed his lips and shrugged. “The more I think about it, the less wrong it seems. It seems more wrong for you to be with someone who hurt you as bad as he did.”
Um…What?
He stepped towards me, leveling his eyes to mine and dropping his voice to a whisper.
“Maeve, I know we said we would go back to the way things were, and we can, but for my own peace of mind, I really need to tell you something. And I know it isn’t going to change anything, nor is that my intention by any means.
But you need to know just in case. I need to say it out loud just once. ”
My stomach tied into a knot and then somehow found its way into my throat, gagging me and locking fresh air out of my lungs.
“Sawyer,” I warned, my braid falling off my shoulder with my vigorous head shake. “Please, don’t.”
I can’t lose you. I wouldn’t survive it.
I knew exactly what he was going to tell me.
He took one of my hands, his eyes steady on mine as he pleaded his case. “I have to. If something happens to one of us and I don't say anything—”
My mind wandered back to Caelestis and all the small details I overlooked between him and I.
Specifically when he told me the reason he stayed with me instead of going to fight in Craterra.
The single word that lingered on the tip of his tongue was the reason he agreed to pretend like nothing had happened after we kissed—because he’d rather have my friendship than nothing at all.
He opened his mouth, ready to admit what he’d seemingly been wanting to say for so long. So I did what any rational woman would do.
I turned and ran.
I ran straight to Pia’s room, ramming my fist against her door, not relenting until Kohen ripped it open, his eyebrows arched when he saw me.
“Get out,” I ordered, not caring that I sounded incredibly rude. I’d apologize later.
I pushed by him, crossing the threshold that separated me from Pia, then threw myself into her arms and broke down.