Helen
And that’s how the disaster began. With a decision made out of love that turned into a monumental screw-up.
“Well, I don’t know what the hell you were expecting,” Gonzalo blurts out as he walks beside me, licking his pistachio ice cream. “That she’d jump for joy and wave at you for saving her from a tight spot as if you were her fairy godmother?”
I glare at him, struggling at the same time to keep a hold of my lemon ice cream.
The afternoon sun bathes Ibiza in a dense, golden light that bounces off the white facades of the buildings in the harbor, makes the palm trees shine, and draws sparkles from that Mediterranean Sea that seems to be mocking me.
I swallow hard to loosen the knot in my throat.
“Coming from the woman who’s supposed to love me, yes, Gonzalo, that’s what I expected. That she’d at least give me the benefit of the doubt and five minutes to explain myself.”
Gonzalo comes to a sudden stop in the middle of the sidewalk. He turns toward me, fixes me with a stare, and raises an eyebrow with his usual theatrical flair.
“Yeah, right. The little technical problem is that you didn’t say any of that to her face. Not a single word. You just pulled strings in the ship’s administration department behind her back, using your contacts, and now you’re complaining that she feels her pride has been hurt.”
I open my mouth, ready to fire back. But I close it again. I hate it with all my soul when he’s right.
Exactly five days have passed since the Marine IV docked at this pier.
Five days since that blessed meeting with Arturo and Julianne.
Five days since the perfect future—the one that wouldn’t fit in a suitcase—unfolded before my eyes.
And five days, too, since Maika crucified me with her gaze, called me a liar and a traitor in front of the bosses, and walked away.
Since that damn moment, she hasn’t replied to a single message. Not a single sign of life.
Since the ship is in port for maintenance before setting out on its next voyage, the crew will enjoy a few days off.
Some have booked express flights to see their families; others prefer to stay on the island, soak up the terraces, and sleep soundly in their hotels.
I, on paper, should be popping open champagne.
Because as soon as this contract ends, I’ll be saying goodbye to life at sea.
And yet, for the past five days, I’ve been carrying a void right below my sternum.
“She doesn’t even bother to read my WhatsApp messages,” I murmur, feeling pathetic.
Gonzalo starts walking again, glancing at me sideways with a hint of compassion.
“She sent the kids a message saying she was going to be with her grandmother. Give it some time, Helen.”
“What if she decides she’ll never forgive me?” I ask.
“Well, in that case, you’ll have to turn into that typical tragic, stuck-up lady who stares at the horizon from the bridge window, sighing every time a passenger asks for lemon juice,” he mocks.
I slap him.
“I’m not in the mood for your jokes, Gonzalo, I’m warning you.”
“I know. That’s why I’m giving you my watered-down version, the one without rhymes or jokes about emotional shipwrecks.”
We keep wandering the streets, climbing the cobblestone slopes of Dalt Vila, moving away from the tourist hubbub of the port. This part of Ibiza is beautiful at this hour, and my gaze settles on a couple of young girls laughing as they sit on a stone staircase, kissing freely.
God, I’m so fucking jealous of them.
“It’s just that I wanted to get that dead weight off her back…”
Gonzalo lets out a sigh.
“I know, Helen.”
“And Maika is so incredibly proud that if I ever handed her the money, she’d make me eat it bill by bill. She would never have accepted it.”
“I know that too, and so does anyone who knows her,” he agrees.
“So! What was I supposed to do, just stand there and watch her world fall apart?” I exclaim, stopping in the middle of a small square.
Gonzalo stops in front of me. Behind him, a couple of kids are playing with a worn-out ball, and an old man is dozing in the sun on a bench.
“Talk to her. Face to face, looking into those beautiful eyes of hers and treating her as an equal.”
“It wasn’t that simple,” I protest, crossing my arms.
“Nothing is simple with you, because you turn ‘I love you and I want to help you’ into an operation with international implications and hidden agendas.”
“I didn’t want her to feel inferior, or to think I was pitying her,” I confess.
“And you really think finding out from a call from the director of the nursing home made her feel very dignified?” he fires back.
I shut my eyes tight. Yeah, I’ve earned her hatred fair and square.
“No,” I admit. “I suppose it was a thousand times worse. I know full well that I’ve screwed up big time.”
But realizing my mistake doesn’t erase from my mind the look on Maika’s face when she hung up the phone in the crew mess hall. It doesn’t erase the tremor in her voice. Nor does it erase the exact moment she set the record straight with me.
“Damn it, I’ve stumbled over the same stone again.”
“Well, you have to admit that’s been a trait of yours your whole life.”
I give him a jab in the ribs.
“You’re not helping me one bit, seriously.”
We start walking along the cobblestones again. My lemon ice cream has decided to melt away, and a sticky, liquid trail runs down my finger. I wipe it off reluctantly with a crumpled paper napkin.
“I’ve spent the last few years seething and blaming her for what happened on our last contract together. Hating her for not standing up for me.”
Gonzalo listens to me without interrupting, matching his stride to mine.
“And now that I know what’s behind it all, I understand why she did it. She was terrified of being thrown out onto the street, of not having a penny for the nursing home, of letting down the only person she has left in this world. And now…”
“Now she feels exactly the same way: that you’ve stripped her of the right to make decisions about her own life,” Gonzalo concludes.
I nod silently. The gaping hole in my chest expands another foot.
“Yes. Exactly that.”
We slump onto a stone bench in the shade of some centuries-old trees, near the church square. Gonzalo tosses the empty ice cream cone into a trash can and shakes his hands.
“I’m in love with her,” I blurt out without further ado. “I love her madly, Gonzalo. Much more than I ever thought it was possible to love anyone.”
This time, thank goodness, my friend keeps his jokes to himself.
“I know.”
“I don’t even know when things got out of hand.”
“Well, I do,” he smiles sweetly. “It got out of hand the day she managed to make you laugh out loud when you were trying with all your might to hate her. Or maybe even before that. When she showed you that you could run an entertainment department in absolute chaos and still have the passengers adore her.”
I swallow, feeling the sun’s warmth on my arms.
“I’m scared, Gonzalo.”
“Of loving her?”
“Of caring more about her than my job on land, than my five-year plans, and than everything I had written down in my goal journal.”
Gonzalo stands very still beside me, looking at me from the side.
“And do you really care more about her?”
Now that I have the damn management contract in my hand.
Now that I have the office waiting for me.
Now that I have everything I ever dreamed of…
I know for sure that I’d give up the whole office and my future in exchange for Maika looking at me again with that playful twinkle in her eyes and calling me “officer.”
“Yes,” I reply, with absolute certainty. “She matters to me so much more. I don’t care about anything else if she’s not here.”
Gonzalo lets out a whistle, and I close my eyes.
“How ironic, right? Spending my life searching for solid ground only to discover that my only solid ground was a beautiful woman, with beautiful eyes and a killer walk.”
“There’s nothing ironic about it,” he says, giving me a playful shove. “And coming from you, who looked like a shipping company robot, it’s a historic scientific breakthrough.”
I let out a laugh.
“You’re an idiot.”
“But I’m right, as usual,” Gonzalo says, a smile playing on his lips.
I lean on his shoulder and sigh.
“The only thing I can tell you is that I’m absolutely certain Maika loves with all her heart, full throttle and no brakes. As soon as she gets over it, she’ll listen to you.”
“Since when have you become the love guru, if I may ask?”
“Ever since my favorite girls decided to turn a cruise into a romance novel.”
I smile despite the knot in my stomach.
“Well, I hope you’re right.”
“Be patient. She’ll forgive you. And when she does, you’ll be ten times better off than before. Because this time, you both know exactly how much it hurts to lose each other on the high seas.”
For the first time in five days, I see a glimmer of light at the end of the tunnel. Maika deserves for me to swim across the ocean if I have to in order to win her back. And I’m willing to give it my all.