Chapter 35
Caelan
“You’re not my brother! I hate you! Why did you have to come here? Why? You’ve ruined everything!”
“You are nothing but a poor substitute for the child I never wanted to give up. I can’t even stand to look at you. Get out of my house!”
“Sìthbheire.”
“You’re the reason she is dead. You! If you had just stayed in your own fucking realm, none of this would have happened. You. Killed. Her!”
“I trusted you and you broke that trust.”
“Changeling.”
Memories flipped through my unconscious mind, each one showing a different scene. A different version of the same truth. I should not be here. I should never have come. It was the same thing I had been told over and over again. All through my life. By pretty much everyone.
Except Lachlann. He had never said anything like that to me. Or believed it. The dream shifted again. This time to him.
He pulled me in for a rough hug, and I held on tight, just a moment longer than I should.
“Good luck,” I said. It was the same thing I said every six months.
Every time he left to head to those woods.
I whispered it, wishing with all my might that the worst wouldn’t come true.
But today, for some reason, I knew it would.
Somehow, I knew this time he would not return.
“I’ll see you again soon, me lad,” he grinned. I couldn’t help but grin back at him. “If I’m not back in a week, then you know I made it.”
“Aye.”
Again. The same conversation. Six months apart…
“Take care, Lachlann,” Aenan said, thumping him on the back.
“Be a good lad,” Lachlann replied, looking at him shrewdly. “And take care of your brother.”
I rolled my eyes. He treated Aenan as if he were my older brother, when in fact we were the same age. Aenan smirked at me.
“Go on now,” I said. “We’ll see you in a week or we won’t. Safe travels.”
Lachlann waved and headed off down the drive, not looking back.
“Why do I feel like this is the one?” Aenan asked.
“Aye, I feel it too,” I said, my heart breaking. “If he’s not back in a week I’ll head there myself, just to be sure.”
“Come on.” He clapped me on the back. “I need a drink.”
The dream shifted.
I stood in the cabin, close to the woods, staring at the letter that had been left for me.
Another addressed to Aenan was in my other hand.
Unopened. I knew he was gone as soon as I opened the door.
As soon as I stepped inside. But to see the two letters propped above the fireplace – well…
I swallowed thickly, trying to hold back my tears as I read it again.
My dearest boy,
Caelan. I don’t know how to put into words what you mean to me. If I could, it would be to tell you that if there were no one waiting for me at home, I would stay. Just for you. You are the son I never had. The son I always wanted. And I hope I did you well.
No, scratch that. I know I did, because I can see the man you have grown up to be. Solid. Dependable. Smart. Caring. Funny. You take after me!
Don’t wallow, my boy. If you’re reading this then you know I made it.
Think of me with fond thoughts, knowing I will be doing the same of you.
You have your path, Caelan. Follow it. Trust that you are there for a reason and that it will work out like they say it will.
Don’t let the dark in and you will be fine. I believe that. I believe in you.
Love,
Dad
“You haven’t done this for a while,” Aenan said. He was talking about dream walking. But instead of walking in his dreams, I had pulled him into mine.
“No. I don’t think I meant to now, either,” I replied.
“When was this?” he asked, looking at the dream that still played out before us.
My dream self was pacing the cabin. Trying not to cry, if I remembered rightly. I’d chopped a shiteload of wood after that, piling the shed up high. It had lasted for years.
“When Lachlann left. It was just after that. When I found the letters.”
“Oh, yes. I remember. You gave mine to me when you got home. Why are you dreaming about this?”
I stared at him, unsure how to tell him how I was feeling. But he knew me better than anyone ever had. Except maybe Lachlann. That was likely why I was thinking about him. Dreaming about him. I needed him.
“I’m lost, Aenan. I don’t know what to do. I feel… untethered. Adrift.”
I felt like I was dead.
He looked startled, then worried. “Come home, Caelan. If you come home, we can make a plan.”
“I can’t do this again. Lose another I love. I have to find her. She’s my family now. She’s… she’s my everything. She always has been. I need her more than I need air.”
“Come home, brother! Come home and we will work it out. I have eyes everywhere. We will find her, but I need you here.” He searched my face, pleading.
“Not yet,” I said. “There is still one more place I want to try.”
I was slowly losing hope, though, with every day that passed. It had been more than a week since I had returned home and found her gone. Taken. I couldn’t believe she had left willingly. And the bond… There was nothing there, and I didn’t want to let myself think about what that meant.
“Just try to stay positive,” Aenan said, clasping my shoulder.
“I’m… I’ll try.”