Chapter 36
Rowan
It had been eight days since I had arrived here.
Seven that I had slept in that freezing cold dungeon.
Eleven since I had last felt the comfort of my own bed.
Or was it twelve, thirteen, twenty? I barely remembered anymore.
Time was starting to slip through my fingers.
The only way I was able to gauge its passing was to base it on my movements to and from my cell. But every day resembled the last.
I was once again chained to the dais, watching as a bead of condensation made a trail down the side of the cup.
My eyes followed its painfully slow descent, my thoughts consumed with the want – no, the need to drink it.
My mouth was so dry it felt like I was swallowing sandpaper.
But it was not water. And I was not yet so far gone that I would gulp it down, making myself sick in my haste.
The hall was warm compared to my cell. Too warm.
I was too close to the fire, but unable to do anything about it.
I didn’t know which I preferred more: the coldness I knew would be waiting for me, waiting to spread through my bones until my teeth chattered and my body shook, or this overly suppressing heat that swam through my veins like lava, sweat bubbling up to the surface.
Sucking at my energy. Pushing at my thirst.
The fae were ignoring me. But I knew the reprieve would not last. Before long they would remember I was here, a discarded toy, a plaything they had yet to break.
I vaguely wondered what today’s games would be.
Every day, it was something different. Something new with which to entice me, to tempt me to give in. To give them my allegiance. My light.
My soul.
All it would take, they insisted, was for me to let go. Let go of what made me pure and good and embrace the darkness that was inside. Inside of everyone.
I had asked them what I had to do in order to turn. Had needed to know what I was in for should I break. But what they said had soured my stomach, and I knew I would fight with every breath to ensure I did not go there.
All I had to do, they jeered, was find that blackness within me and accept it into my soul. Once I had done that, the initiation would follow.
It was the initiation that had turned me away. I would have to kill an innocent. Another fae. Someone who was good and pure and… light.
I could not do that. No matter how much they tried to break me.
I had looked within, though. Searching for the place that housed that darkness.
But to get there, I had to creep past not one, but two soul bonds.
Two bonds that anchored me firmly in the light.
Two bonds that gave me hope and kept me from breaking.
Two bonds that grew smaller and smaller with each passing day.
I took comfort, though, that they gave me the strength to endure what I knew was coming. Without them, I was certain I would have broken long ago.
The sound of someone entering the hall was largely ignored, the fae coming and going as they pleased.
But the tittering of the crowd drew my attention.
I was huddled on the ground, the heavy chain around my neck dragging me down.
It clanked as I tried to sit. Today it was only long enough to allow me that small movement.
But I was curious about the new arrival that had caused such delight.
Straining my neck, I tried to see over the heads of those closest to me, to find what held their attention. Some turned my way, the sound of my chains delighting them. Their eyes burned into me, stabbing my skin and sending a wave of revulsion shuddering up my spine.
My throat ached as I swallowed the feeling away. More icy burns pricked me as I twisted to see through a break in the crowd.
My eyes widened.
He was here. He had finally come for me.
My heart leapt inside my chest, pounding against my ribs.
Caelan! He was here!
Love blazed in his eyes as he weaved through the tables. He had come. I was free.
He smiled at me as he reached the podium.
I was so overcome that my emotions burst free, the tears rolling down my cheeks.
He held out his hand as my captors unlocked my chains, the heavy band falling from my neck with a clang.
Placing my hand in his, I stood, my legs unsteady, and took in a breath, that oppressive feeling gone with the chain.
“How are you here?” I rasped, my voice hollow and dry. I ran my fingers over his cheek.
“Shh,” he said, placing a finger to my lips.
But I kissed it, instead, wanting his touch. Needing it. He liked that, the small gesture, and he pulled me against him, capturing my hands against his chest. His mouth descended towards mine, his scent wrapping me in its warm embrace as his lips met mine.
Dark leather.
A sense of unease niggled at the back of my mind, but I pushed it aside and kissed him back.
It was all-consuming. Needy and hot. He kissed me like he had never kissed me before.
Like he hungered for me. Like I was the air he breathed.
And I welcomed it. Welcomed him. Everything else fell by the wayside, my thoughts entirely on him.
His hands were suddenly on my breasts, and I groaned into his mouth as our kisses grew frenzied.
Niggle.
He tore his lips from mine, leaving me gasping for air. His mouth trailed down my neck, igniting a fire in my veins. I arched into him, wanting more. Craving more.
Niggle. Niggle.
His mouth swept lower, and I felt a twinge of anxiety. My shift was suddenly ripped to the side, exposing the flushed skin of my chest beneath. His teeth grazed my nipple, and I moaned in pleasure.
NIGGLE.
Something wasn’t right. Feelings of revulsion swirled inside me. His hand slipped down my body, pulling at my shift, exposing me to him completely. I tried to ignore the feelings.
NIGGLE. NIGGLE.
His fingers were demanding and rough. Touching me. Pawing at me. This wasn’t—
Something wasn’t right.
Stop.
I tried to step back, but his arm banded about my waist.
Stop.
His fingers fumbled with the buttons at his waist.
Stop.
I pushed against his chest. The feelings inside me grew. Revulsion. Repulsion. Nausea. He freed himself from the confines of his pants.
STOP!
From the corner of my eye, I could see the heaving crowd.
The twisted faces of the Dark Fae leering at me with a sickening glee.
The stench of their malevolence filled the air.
Suffocating. Consuming. I stood there, helpless, exposed, as the ever-present icy needles flared against me.
They pierced through the fog as I felt him line himself up.
“NO!” I screamed, my voice raw and desperate.
He paused. Just for a moment. Just as that feeling inside erupted, and I vomited all down his front.
The silence was deafening. There was only the sound of my retching. And then, his voice, dripping with venom and disgust, cut through the air.
“You stupid bitch.”
SLAP!
The force sent me flying and I crashed to the ground. My face burning from the impact, I looked up at him in horror. Looked up at the man I thought I knew. The man I thought I loved. My Caelan. My heart.
My soul.
His perfect facade shattered as he stood there in all his vile glory, the contents of my stomach still dripping down his shirt, his flaccid cock exposed for all to see. His eyes burned with a hatred and anger I had never seen before.
“Chain her up,” he commanded, waving a hand dismissively as he composed himself.
A leg kicked out at my stomach, catching me in the soft part just under my ribs, and the air rushed out of me as I folded in half.
Hands grabbed me by the hair, dragging me through my own purge before roughly locking the iron collar back into place, the heavy band settling against my already raw shoulders.
I lay gasping as the jeers and taunts sounded again. Pain and confusion clouded my brain.
What was happening? What had just happened?
An ache in my chest grew as I tried to rationalise what had occurred. Caelan was here. He was here! But… he’d hit me.
I could sense him watching, his gaze drawing mine. Through a gap in the crowd, I saw him sitting at the front table, head propped up by his hand, glaring.
Why was he here, if not to save me?
A wicked smile crossed his face, and he pulled a female onto his lap and ripped open her bodice, his eyes still glued to mine.
I couldn’t look away. Struggled to do anything but watch as he leant forward, his lips hovering over her breast, before closing around her nipple.
But where I had felt revulsion, the mahogany-skinned female threw her head back, her face ecstatic.
She writhed under his touch, her body arching towards him in desire.
My heart was breaking. I felt it crack, the sound echoing through my blood. Confusion swirled. I couldn’t watch any more. But couldn’t look away either. It was a train wreck. A never-ending nightmare. He moved the female on his lap, the position suggesting his intent.
My body shook with sobs I couldn’t release, though the tears coursed down my face. The pain of betrayal consumed me until I could see no more.
The next day I was back in my usual position, chained and hungry.
My abdomen growled in protest at the lack of nourishment.
All I had received was a cup of that vile liquid, and in my thirst, I had foolishly consumed it.
Now, I lay there feeling slightly intoxicated, the alcohol burning a hole in my gut.
But my discomfort was nothing compared to the intensity of Caelan’s gaze.
His anger towards me was unmistakable. He sat at the front table, surrounded by adoring females, and I couldn’t help but wonder where Vaeyl was.
Where Valerian had gone. I hadn’t seen either of them since yesterday.
I missed the latter, but barely spared a thought for the former.
Today, I was bound differently, unable to even roll over. Positioned so I was facing straight ahead, the path before me cleared. I had an unobstructed view to the front of the room. Of him. This was the game for the day.
He’d embraced the darkness.
I was unable to rationalise any other reason for him to be here. For him to act like this. As I watched, he rose from his seat, disentangling the arms and legs of the females around him, and made his way up the aisle to where I lay.
My heart still leapt traitorously at the sight of him. “Why?” I croaked. “Why are you doing this?”
He cocked his head to the side as if debating my question. Debating his answer. “I embraced the darkness, as you should,” he replied.
“But why?” I pushed, my voice trembling with desperation. I had to know. Had to understand. “What about us?”
His smile twisted, full of malice. “There is no us. You are nothing to me,” he spat, his words like daggers. “Not like this.” He gestured towards me with disgust, his face contorted. As if I were the repulsive one. “Until you embrace the darkness, I. Do. Not. Want. You.”
A sliver of ice pierced my heart. “But… but what of the prophecy? What of our love?” I pleaded, anguished.
“I LIED!” he screamed. “I NEVER LOVED YOU!”
No.
“I’ve been lying. All. This. Time!”
No. No. No.
“I resent you. For the life you stole from me. The bond you forced on me!” He stepped forward until he was right in front of my face. “This was the only way I could break free. The only way I could break that oppressive shackle. Now,” he sneered, “my feelings are my own. My life is my own.”
I reeled back. As far as I could, chained as I was. I felt as if I had been slapped. I had been, verbally, by his hateful words. All my worries, all the doubts and insecurities, all the guilt I’d once had, came rushing back.
I had stolen his life.
I had forced a bond on him.
“I’m sorry,” I cried. “I didn’t mean it. I didn’t know!”
“Well, now you do,” he said, his voice dripping with venom. “And the only way to fix it would be to join me. Join me and I will love you.”
With those words ringing in my ears, he turned and walked away. Leaving me alone, crushed. My heart shattered. My soul splintered. I had no tears left. No water to feed them. I lay there, open-eyed, and stared into space, wishing for oblivion.
The days merged.
I stopped counting.
Stopped caring.
Stopped speaking.
Every day, I was chained to the podium, and every morning, he approached and asked me if I would join him. If I loved him. And every morning I shook my head. I didn’t know why I still said no. It would have been far easier to give in than to live this way.
Every day I continued to lie there, hungry, thirsty.
Dirty and broken. Left with nothing to drink but the foul alcohol while he tormented me with acts that were seared into my brain.
The fae took great delight in making me watch the depravities he performed.
Forcing me to face forward. Kicking or hitting me until I did as they asked.
It was easier to give in. So I did. I faced forward and kept my eyes trained on him.
Day in.
Day out.
Until my brain could take no more and it shut down. No longer seeing. No longer caring. No longer reacting.
I broke.