Chapter 38 #2
He gently removed the cloak, letting it drop to the ground behind me.
Keeping my gaze on his face, I watched him as looked me over, already knowing what he would see.
His gaze ran over my chin, bruised from being dragged along yesterday.
Then down my neck, the skin red and raw from the heavy metal collar I had constantly worn.
It had chafed so badly that I had bled in places.
He gently pushed aside the strap of my shift.
I expected a bruise to be there too, but hadn’t looked.
I could feel it, though. He picked up my arm and I started to shake.
Small tremors that started at my feet and ran up my legs.
But with a gentleness that surprised me – confused me – he turned my arm, taking note of the grazes along the underside.
“Where else?” he asked. But I shook my head, the tremors now wracking my entire body. “Okay,” he said soothingly. “It’s okay. We will try again later.”
I continued to shake until he bent, picking up my cloak and wrapping it back around my shoulders, buttoning it tight and stepping back.
Moving about quickly, he started to pack up the belongings, looking at me now and again to see if I had moved. I hadn’t. I remained where I was, waiting. Waiting to be told what I was to do next.
It didn’t take him long to extinguish the dying flames and pack up the dishes.
He held out the water flask to me and I took it nervously.
I didn’t drink, though. I desperately needed a bathroom.
I couldn’t remember the last time I had been, and my bladder was full.
I looked around the cavern, searching for somewhere to go.
“Oh. Why didn’t I realise…” he mumbled to himself. “Come with me.”
He took my hand before I could move away and walked to the front of the cave, passing the space the horse was in until we were out in the early morning light. It was freezing, snow having fallen overnight, and I shivered as my bandaged feet met the cold ground.
He swore again, a look of pain crossing his face. He looked around. There were some scraggly bushes off to one side, barely holding on to the edge of the hill. Mostly bare now and covered in snow. “There.” He pointed. “Go over there, but go no further.”
I hobbled in that direction, the snow soaking into the makeshift bandages on my feet.
When I reached the shrubs, I turned to look back at him, but he had turned away to provide me with some privacy.
Confused, I looked around, debating for a heartbeat if I should run.
But the lack of strength in my legs and the pink prints in the snow, showing my steps, voided that thought.
I did my business quickly and returned to him.
He stood patiently by the horse, Mack now saddled and ready.
He gestured his intent to help me mount before lifting me easily.
Once I was seated, he rummaged around in his saddle bag and pulled out a pair of men’s socks.
Moving to my feet, he unwrapped the wet bandages.
After a quick inspection of the cuts, he pulled the thick socks on, covering me to my calves.
I hadn’t thought about what came next until he swung himself up and settled in the saddle, firm against my back.
The memory of Malvaik doing the same thing, pressing himself against me that way, suddenly roared through my head and I whimpered, pulling away with such force I nearly tumbled from the horse.
“Whoa! Whoa, it’s okay, it’s okay. I’ll move back a bit, see?” He slid back an inch. “You’re okay. We’re not touching now.”
I sat upright, stiff as a board so as not to touch him.
“I’m just going to reach around you now and take the reins.
Nothing to worry about,” he said. Once he was done, I held on to the hair at the base of Mack’s mane and wished for him not to drop me.
He snorted and stamped his hoof annoyed I would even think such a thing, and with a flick of his tail, we moved off.
It was hard to stay seated in such an upright position for so long, and my back started to ache well before an hour had even passed.
As we moved along, I found myself sliding further and further back until I was nestled against Caelan.
Mack’s slow, plodding walk and the warmth from behind soon had my head nodding, and I was asleep not much longer after that.
Hours later, or so it felt, we came to a stop and I awoke to Caelan’s arm wrapped around me, holding me in place.
Stiffening once again, I moved to sit upright, but he quickly dismounted, reaching up to help me down.
I stood on a patch of dry grass, thankfully saving my socks from getting wet, and reviewed our surroundings.
There was a stream not too far away, the gushing water looking cold but refreshing. When had I last had a bath? I couldn’t remember… Actually, I could. It had been in Valerian’s room, but I did not know how long ago that had been. Days, weeks, months?
It felt like years.
Valerian. I wondered what had happened to her.
I remembered her helping me to escape but couldn’t recall what had occurred after that.
Had I escaped, though? I regarded the man in front of me.
Was this just another game? Another wicked attempt to break me?
I couldn’t tell anymore. All I could do was wait.
For the blow to come. For the game to be revealed. For the end I was certain was near.
Caelan finally finished whatever he had been doing in the saddle bags and handed me a bannock. Breakfast. I was hungry, but I had learnt to ignore the feeling much like all the rest, having gone days without food before. Without a word, I took it from him and nibbled at it delicately.
“Lass. You don’t have to stay there. You’re free to move about.”
I jerked, feeling as if he had punched me in the gut. It was the first time he’d called me lass since I’d been taken. Tears welled in my eyes, and I nearly cried. I hadn’t realised how much I needed to hear it. How much it meant to me. A small piece of home.
I choked on the bread, the small noise causing him to look at me sharply.
I hadn’t uttered a sound or said a word. Not since…
How long was I gone? What day is it?
“It’s Friday,” Caelan said, looking at the sky. “Today is the shortest day of the year.” He flicked me a strange look. “We can only stay a little while. I want to reach the cabin before nightfall, which will only be a couple of hours away now.”
My thoughts tumbled.
The shortest day of the year… Winter solstice… The twenty-first day of December… Why did that date sound familiar? Realisation was slow to come, but when it did, my eyes jerked to his.
“Aye,” he said, watching me steadily. “We were to be bonded today.”
He turned abruptly, stalking a few feet away. Raking his hand through his hair, he kept his back to me, as if hiding his intentions. My adrenaline spiked. His stiff posture and sharp movements betrayed his emotions, and I prepared to flee.
“You’ve been gone a month, Rowan. A godsdamn month!” he exploded.
I jerked, but forced myself to stay still.
“I had no idea where you were. I thought you were dead. I couldn’t feel you anymore.”
He turned, and I saw it wasn’t anger. No. He was distraught.
“I couldn’t feel you here,” he said, thumping his chest. “And then, when I could finally feel you, you wouldn’t let me in.
Still won’t.” He tapped his chest again.
“You can barely look at me. You flinch whenever I am near. It is breaking my heart. Especially when all I want, all I need, is to wrap my arms around you and hold you tight. I never want to let you go again.”
He blinked back tears and turned his head away.
“And you haven’t said a word,” he murmured, looking back at me. “Why won’t you speak, little bird? Why? Let me help you.”
I opened my mouth. I wanted to say… Something. Anything. But nothing came out.
I closed it again and breathed out a sigh, turning away before he could see the tear roll down my face.