Chapter 38
Rowan
Rowan?
My eyes opened. All I could see was darkness, so I closed them again. What was that? Was I awake? No. I was in my cave, my safe place. I curled in on myself, searching for warmth. But…
I wasn’t cold.
Rowan?
The intruder had returned.
I don’t want you here. Leave now.
“Rowan, you aren’t dreaming. You can’t push me out. Open your eyes, little bird.”
My eyes sprang open, and a light flared to life behind me, casting shadows over the rock wall I was curled against. I was still in the dungeon, then. But—
Lying still, I listened to the sounds behind me. Movements. Rustling. They whispered through the room, and I strained my ears. There was warmth on my back. A fire? And the soft touch of fur on my skin. A cloak?
Craning my head, a small, subtle movement, I looked down. I was indeed wrapped in a fur cloak. But not just any fur cloak – my burgundy cloak. The new one that I had not yet had the chance to wear.
What was happening?
“Rowan?”
The voice moved closer, but I ignored it, squeezing my eyes shut tightly.
A hand touched my shoulder. Gasping, I scuttled closer to the wall, huddling in on myself as I wrapped the cloak tighter. Trying to make myself as small as possible. Trying to control my shaking, to contain my choppy breath, harsh and loud in the silence of the room.
“It’s okay, Rowan,” he murmured, his voice surprisingly soft and soothing. “Shh, now. I won’t touch you again, not unless you say I can. Come on, why don’t you move towards the fire?”
But I stayed where I was, my back to him, hunched into my cloak.
The smell of meat cooking woke me the second time and my stomach let out a growl I could hear.
And so could he.
“Rowan? I know you’re awake. Won’t you sit up and have something to eat?”
I did want to eat something, but I wanted water more. The need to drink drove back my fear, enough that I was able to turn over. To look at him.
He was crouched near the fire, a skewer of some sort in his hand as he roasted meat over the flames.
Water?
“Water? You want some water? Here.” He held out a flask, but I didn’t take it. Just shrank back a little more. “I’ll just place it here,” he said, setting it down within my reach.
I waited until he moved back to the fire before hesitantly sitting up and reaching for the flask. He stayed still, his eyes glued to mine. I felt that gaze, but it didn’t feel like icy needles anymore.
Uncorking the water, I sniffed it. It smelt like water, but the foul alcohol I’d been given had too. Tentatively, I took a taste, preparing to spit it out. But it tasted like water. He frowned at me, so I gulped it down as fast as I could before he could take it away.
“Stop, stop. You’ll be sick,” he said, reaching out his hand.
I stopped, trying to move further away, but my back was already against the wall. As I set the flask back on the ground, my hands trembled, and I stared at them, before noticing my feet peeking out from under the cloak. They were wrapped in cloth, stained with blood.
“You cut your feet running through the tunnels, so I treated them while you were asleep,” he said, reading my mind.
I quietly tucked my feet back under my cloak, ignoring him. That crease between his eyes appeared again, but he looked away and went back to cooking the meat.
While he was distracted, I snuck a glance around. We were in a cave. One only high enough to stand in and not much wider. A cooler blast of air swept in from around a corner. The entrance, I assumed.
He noticed me looking. “We’re in a cave, in the hills, about a day’s ride from Avensharn.
” When I said nothing, just looked down, he continued.
“It’s where you were kept. Avensharn is the name of the castle.
Of the estate you were on. If you hadn’t shown Aenan the great hall, we may never have found you.
The Avensharn shield was hanging on the wall, and he was able to trace it. ”
I remembered seeing the emblem, then: a shield hanging on the wall behind his table. I hadn’t taken much notice of it. Keeping my head down, I felt him watching me. Silent. Steady.
He sighed softly and turned away to finish cooking the meat, placing it to the side to cool.
When he rose to his feet, I shrank back, and he cursed under his breath. “I’m just going to check on Mack. I won’t be long.” At my silence, he disappeared through the small opening.
I stayed where I was, listening. I could hear him further down the tunnel, murmuring to the horse, so gathered there was a separate area not far from the entrance.
He wasn’t gone long. Just a minute or two.
I was still in the same spot when he returned.
He carried a saddle bag with him and moved back to the other side of the fire.
He retrieved a tin plate from the bag and started to rip apart the meat that had been cooling, placing the pieces upon it.
When he finished, he placed it on my side of the fire, close to me, but just out of reach. My stomach protested loudly as I looked at it. Hungered for it. Glancing at him from under my lashes, I found him watching, so quickly looked away.
“Eat, Rowan,” he said, drawing my gaze again. He pointed to the plate of meat. “Eat.”
Slowly, I unfurled myself from the ground and crept forward, my eyes trained on him the whole time.
When I reached the plate, I scurried back to my wall with it and began to eat, remembering at the last minute to go slow lest it come back up.
His gaze was trained on me the whole time, so I hurried to finish in case he took it away again. When I was done, I looked up and froze.
Anger.
Rage.
A rage so hot it burned away the mist in his eyes until all that remained was blackness. So heavy that his nostrils flared. The tin plate slipped from my numb fingers as I hunched in on myself, my fear engulfing me.
“No, no, I’m not angry with you. It’s okay, little bird, it’s okay.”
He moved closer and I cowered so close to the wall I could feel the cold seeping through my cloak. I whimpered.
“Hey, come now. It’s okay. Look at me. Look at me, Rowan.”
Look at me, Aelyra.
The command rang through my head, a memory from another time. I knew what happened when I didn’t follow his commands. Knew what punishments would await me. So I forced myself to look up, my eyes wide with terror. I covered my face with my hands, bracing for the blow.
He crouched in front of me. Moving so slowly, so quietly, that my thrashing heartbeat was all I could hear. When I started to quake with fear, he gathered my fingers in his, enfolding my hands in his own. His eyes welled with tenderness. With compassion.
“I won’t hurt you,” he said. “I could never hurt you.”
You have hurt me.
“It wasn’t me, Rowan. Look at me and know this.”
I looked at him.
“It. Was. Not. Me.”
I turned away, uncertain. I couldn’t bring myself to believe him.
He had lied to me before. Had admitted he had been lying to me the whole time.
I couldn’t let myself fall for this new game.
But he just sat there, solid. Stable. Staying by my side, rubbing the back of my hand with his thumb, until I fell asleep.
I was in my dream cave. Safe and warm. But he was here, sleeping beside me. My hand was clasped in his, his thumb resting on top, his fingers still loosely clutching mine. Even in sleep he’d kept hold of me.
Somewhere deep inside my chest, a small ember of warmth ignited. Startled by the heat after feeling so cold, so hollow, for so long, my eyes sprang open. But I was still lying in my cave.
No.
Not my cave. A cave.
My gaze landed on the man opposite me and my forehead twitched. Caelan.
Had he crept into my dreams again?
The tension I had seen in his body last night seemed to have dissipated with his sleep, except for a faint line that still marred his brow.
I had the strangest urge to smooth away that mark.
Could see myself doing it in my mind’s eye.
Had just about talked myself into it, when his eyes opened, and he looked straight at me.
I stilled, frozen like a deer in headlights, waiting for him to immobilise me with his gaze. But the softest smile pulled up his lips and his eyes crinkled with love. With warmth. With adoration.
I frowned, not understanding.
“Good morning,” he whispered, sitting up. I hastily sat too. “We will need to leave shortly. It’s still a two-day ride to Wyndaryn and I don’t want to delay in case we’ve been followed.”
I jolted, and he must have realised what he said, for he hurried to assure me.
“I’m sure we haven’t. Aenan created enough of a distraction that they would not know which way we travelled, but better to be safe than sorry.
We’ll leave in the next ten minutes, if that suits you?
” He raised his eyebrows as if waiting for my answer, but when I didn’t respond, he rose to his feet. “Rowan?”
My eyes snapped to his, but he only stretched out his hand to me. I sat motionless, looking at it, then back at his face.
“Come on,” he said softly, wriggling his fingers.
I stared at those fingers, uncertainty drilling into me. What should I do? I didn’t know this game. Or how it was played. Tentatively, I placed my hand in his and waited for the blow.
He pulled me up, the movement causing my shoulder to twinge painfully. Gasping, I suddenly remembered the way I’d been dragged to the podium the day before. How I had been thrown onto the platform. My shoulder had hit the solid ring in the middle. I felt the pain now, but hadn’t at the time.
“What?” he asked. “What is it?” He tried to push back my cloak, but I shied away. “I need to see, Rowan. I didn’t have time to check you over yesterday before bundling you in your cloak. Let me see.”
I froze.