CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN
I almost dropped the turkey
JAKE
“There’s something else that I want to talk to you about.” The words leave my mouth on a shaky breath, not exactly how I wanted this to go.And by the look on Vanessa’s face, I can’t tell if she’s curious or debating on fleeing the beach before I get the chance to say what’s been on my mind for weeks.
“Are you going to say it or did your lips freeze together?” She raises an eyebrow at me in the quirky way that she does.
Fuck I want to kiss her so badly right now. C’mon, Jake, focus.
“I want you.”
“Right now? It’s kind of cold, and I don’t really want sand in certain places.”
Never in my life have I ever been so nervous. Me of all people . I mean, hell, I normally can get a girl without lifting a finger—but Vanessa is a whole different story.
“No, not like that. What I’m saying is—” I debate on continuing, unsure how she’s going to react. “I-I want to date you.”
I didn’t think that her eyes could get any bigger with those damn glasses, but somehow they’ve opened wider in awe of my declaration. I had a feeling it would probably go this way.
Vanessa is like a jigsaw puzzle. There are so many pieces to her and they’re almost impossible to find. Every time I think I have her figured out, she throws me another damn curveball.
“Now before you try to run into the ocean and drown yourself to avoid this conversation, because I know that you would—I need to get this off my chest.” Her cheeks turn a darker shade of pink, this time from my words and not the chill that’s settled around us. “I know you exposed yourself and your insecurities about dating, but I can’t deny my feelings anymore. I want you, Vanessa. I want all of you .”
I grab her hand, gently squeezing it.
“I want to wake up to your grouchy attitude and fall asleep with you snuggled in my T-shirt. I want to hold your damn hand when we’re in public, and fuck, I want to kiss you in front of the whole goddamn world. You pick and choose which parts of yourself you show me, but I want the unfiltered Vanessa. The Vanessa that you hide away from the world because you’re too damn scared to let anyone love you. But let m e.”
She’s quiet. I pray she doesn’t read too much into my words and realize I might’ve just let something slip. The only sound is the crashing of the waves behind us, and I’m debating whether I should jump into the water to escape this.
Her voice breaks between us. “Why?”
“What?”
“I don’t understand why you would want me?” I don’t understand why she thinks she’s so undeserving. “I know that we hook up and we’re friends, I just…I didn’t think that you would ever want me. You have tons of gorgeous girls who practically worship you. I also just unloaded some crazy dark shit and did I mention that I’m a complete mess ?”
It takes me by surprise that she hasn’t figured me out yet. All I care about is her, no one else compares.
The wind sweeps her hair in front of her face and I move to tuck it behind her ear, keeping my hand resting on her jaw.
“Ness, I’m completely aware of you and your ‘crazy dark shit.’ That doesn’t change my mind. I don’t want anyone else, I want you . I want you and all of your little quirks.”
She fiddles with her fingers again, then peers those gorgeous green eyes up at me. “Like what?”
There are so many goddamn reasons why I want this girl.
“Hmm, here’s one. Every time we go out to a restaurant or for coffee, you always ask the server about their day. Every. Time. Another one is you poke your tongue out of the side of your mouth when you’re really concentrating—mostly when you’re editing. You immediately smile after the first sip of your latte, which is why I make sure to bring one to every practice.” I pull her back to me, leaning her against my chest again. “I could go on all night about all the things I adore about you, but I’m afraid we might freeze to death out here.”
She stays silent, and I can hear the rapid beating of my heart in my ears waiting for her to say something. Anything. I’ve wanted Vanessa since the moment I met her, but I was too dumb to do anything about it. I shoved the feelings out thinking they only existed because of our arrangement. But that couldn’t be farther from the truth.I can’t deny it anymore and I hope she can’t either.
“I-I don’t know what to say to that.”
“The best answer would probably be ‘I want you too,’ but I can understand how intimidating my speech was.”
She scoffs. Does she not feel the same way? Have I really misread all the signals?
“You’re not scared that you’re going to miss out on all the girls you could potentially hook up with? Or miss being one of the single guys on the team?”
“I can promise you, Ness, I’m not missing out on anything when I’m with you.”
I hope my words are strong enough to break through those damn walls she has planted around her heart.I’ve had enough of this back and forth, trying to figure out what the hell we are. If she can’t commit, then that’s fine, I’m not going to hold it against her. But fuck , I can’t continue to sleep with her if she doesn’t feel the same.
“If it’s too much, the whole commitment thing, we can stay friends. But we can’t keep doing this anymore. I can’t do this anymore, Vanessa. If we continued, it would just confuse the hell out of me.”
She shifts next to me, pulling the blankets back so she can kneel in front of me.
Fuck, she’s so beautiful.
Sitting here under the stars, even with the weather borderlining winter, she looks like a goddamn angel. Her hair is swept out of her face by the light sea breeze, and the moonlight highlights her features just enough for me to make out the expression on her face.
Is she smiling?
“I want you too. ”
I don’t let a second pass before I grab her face and bring my lips to hers. This kiss feels different, like the weight of everything is lifted the moment her hands latch around my neck.
I hover over her, caressing the side of her cheek. My body doesn’t register how cold it is because all I can feel is her warmth under me. If it wasn’t practically winter, I would have her sprawled out on the blankets, legs wide and my face buried in her pussy.
“I think maybe we should head back to the house.”
I love it when she reads my mind.
“Great idea.” I lean down to kiss her once more then grab our belongings.
As we’re folding the blankets, I notice something small and wet fall onto my face. Vanessa and I both look up at the moonlit sky, a few clouds hiding the stars now.
“Is that?”
“Snow? Yeah, I didn’t realize it was this cold out. C’mon, let’s get back.” I tug at her wrist as we leave the snowy beach behind us.
By the time we get back to the house, our fingers are nearly frozen and I’m almost positive that my balls have shriveled into my body.I look over at Vanessa as she peels off her jacket and hangs it up in the closet. Even watching her do the most mundane things like putting her damn jacket away has me drooling.
As I remove my own layers, I watch her walk through my room, slowly taking in every photo on the wall and all the trinkets I’ve collected over the years—mainly hockey memorabilia. She pulls off her hat and flips her hair over her shoulder and walks over to the electric fireplace tucked into the corner of the room. I watch as she stands in front of it, putting her hands in front of the heater as it spews out warm air. The sweet smell of coconut wafts over to me and I can’t stop myself from drooling. Her smell is intoxicating and it takes everything in me not to pick her up and toss her onto the bed.
Fuck it. I’m throwing all sense out the window.
She gasps as I lift her body into my arms, completely unaware I was that close behind her. Her hands clasp behind my neck and hold together in a death grip.
“What are you doing?” She laughs as I lay her down onto the bed.
I climb onto the bed and hover over her. “What does it look like I’m doing, angel girl?”
The use of her nickname has her shivering under me.I remember the first time I called her that—it was at her birthday party. And if my memory serves me right, she also shivered then.
She hasn’t changed.
Vanessa pulls me down to her, crashing her full lips with mine. I don’t know when she got the chance to put on ChapStick but her lips taste of cherry.
The things I would do to this girl.
The things I would do for this girl. I’ll give her anything she wants without question. She could ask me to set the world on fire, and I would. She could start a cult and I’d be the first member, following her anywhere she goes.
I tug at her pants, the material is soft and buttery. I love these pants on her.The way they hug her curves and flow at the bottom. When she walked into the kitchen this morning I almost dropped the turkey as I was taking it out of the fridge. She stopped me dead in my tracks and it took everything in me not to let my mouth drop.
Vanessa always looks hot, but today was different. I don’t know if it had to do with her being here in my childhood home, surrounded by my family—but fuck these pants might be the death of me.
As she slides out of her clothes, I waste no time in taking mine off.I make sure to lock the door and dim the lights so no one interrupts us. I highly doubt anyone is still awake right now, but I don’t want to chance it. I’ve only gotten caught with a girl in my room once .
Let’s just say it’s something that Mom and I have never discussed since.
I walk back to my girl, who’s now lying across my bed, with the cutest pair of pink lace panties on.She’s lying there so prettily. And she’s entirely mine.
“Are you just going to stare at me all night or are you going to fuck your girlfriend.” She smiles at the last word and pulls her bottom lips under her teeth.
“Say that again?”
“Come fuck your girlfriend , Jake.”
My response is my lips on hers, pushing her back onto the bed. I settle my hand along her jawline, gently squeezing every now and again. She goes crazy when I do that, rubbing herself against my thigh.I run my hand down her body, settling at the lines of her panties. Slowly, I pull them down, kissing her neck as I do it and a moan escapes her pretty little mouth.
“Condom?” Her question is breathless, rushed.
My lips detach from her neck as I lean over and open my bedside drawer. As I reach in to grab a condom, I find the box empty. Fuck. My. Life .
She notices my hesitation, “What’s wrong?”
“We’re all out,” I say as I shake the empty box. “I can run inside and see if my parents have any.”
The idea of rummaging through my house with a raging hard-on is at the bottom of the list of things I want to be doing right now.
“Well…” Vanessa fiddles with the rings on her fingers, then looks at me with those piercing green eyes. “I have an IUD and I’m clean.”
Is she suggesting what I think she is?
“Unless you’re not comfortable or—”
I cut her off before she can even finish that thought. “I haven’t been with anyone since we started.” I motion between the two of us. “There’s no one else but you, Ness.”
It’s the truth. Ever since Vermont, it’s only been Vanessa. I’d still flirt with other girls, but it didn’t feel the same. It only feels right with her.
She looks between us, where our bodies are almost touching, and grabs my dick, stroking it slowly. Agonizingly slow. Fuck, her fingers are so soft I could come just from her touch.That’s not what I want tonight. I want her tight pussy wrapped around me. No barrier between us.
I move and settle my face between her thighs. My favorite place in the world. I look down at her smooth and creamy skin, and the cutest pink pussy.If I had to choose a way to die, it would be with my face between her legs while she moans my name. She could steal my breath and I’d say thank you as I slip into unconsciousness.
My lips touch her and she bucks her hips, pushing her pelvis into me. I move my lips and tongue up and down her center, savoring her. She always tastes fucking heavenly.I slide a finger into her, ushering another moan out of her. She makes the sweetest sounds when I please her. My favorite song that I want to listen to on repeat.I thrust my finger in sync with my movement on her clit. Vanessa instinctively wraps her legs around me, squeezing me with her thighs.
My name escapes her lips as she comes on my tongue.
As her orgasm washes over her, I kiss my way back up to her mouth. She has this starry look in her eye as I break the kiss and position myself at her entrance.
“You sure?” I ask again, just to triple-check she’s okay with this. I’ve never gone barebacked with someone before. It’s been engraved into my brain from my dad to always wrap it up , so I’ve never had to think twice about it. Except now.
“Yes.”
I don’t hesitate as I enter her. Holy shit, this is definitely what heaven’s like.Going in raw with nothing between us, I can feel her wetness and heat entrapping me. Her pussy squeezes me as I enter, and holy fuck I need to think about something else before I come in two seconds.
Dirty hockey bag. Locker room shower drain.
Okay, that does it.
I refocus my attention on the beautiful girl underneath me. As I move and thrust in and out, her eyes squeeze shut as she adjusts to me.
“Fuck, you take me so well, Ness.”
I know she loves it when I praise her during sex. It’s not only one of her kinks, but it’s also one of mine. I love watching her come undone as I tell her what a good girl she is.
She clenches her inner walls around me again.
“I’m going to come if you keep doing that, angel girl.”
Her devilish grin peers up at me. “Good.”
She moans again as I drive into her a little deeper this time, pulling one of her legs up and resting it over my shoulder. From this angle, I know I’ve hit a good spot when her legs tremble and a cry tears from her.
I pause momentarily. “Are you okay—”
“Please, keep going!” she begs, her nails digging into my ass, making me move again.
Our eyes lock, and I lean in to kiss her as I continue grinding my hips into her.
This isn’t like our regular hookups, it’s more intimate. The eye contact, the slower kisses. Our breaths feel deeper, warmer. She pulls me in closer to her, one hand attached to the nape of my neck and the other digging into my ass. I’m sure she’s breaking skin with those nails, but I couldn’t care less right now; it’s turning me the fuck on, and I’m ready to fucking burst.
“Ness, I’m gonna come soon.”
“Good.” She moans against me.
I grab her other leg and toss it over my shoulder. This angle moves her hips up, and as I barrel into her, I feel her walls clenching around me as I drive her into another orgasm.
“Yeah, baby, come all over my cock.”
She cries out as she comes all over me. Her sounds alone are what send me over the edge. I feel the tingle in my lower back before I completely let go, filling her.
I swear I fucking see stars.I’ve had great sex before, amazing even. But nothing compares to Vanessa.Nothing compares to her or the way she makes me feel. I was never looking for a relationship, but I’m glad I found one because she is the best damn thing I’ve ever had.
I don’t want to let her go.