CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT
Pineapple on pizza
VANESSA
“I have a boyfriend.”
The words feel foreign on my tongue. I never believed I would utter these four simple words to my best friends, and yet here I am sitting in our living room, with the two of them staring at me as if I have three heads.
My life has done a complete one-eighty in the past week. It’s weird to admit it to myself, but I think I’m finally allowing myself to explore the idea of love. Or what could become love. As scared as I am, I’m excited to explore this with Jake.
The chill of December has finally set in. I’ve kept the boyfriend secret to myself, but I caved the moment they cornered me into the living room with their detective hats on.
Sydney is the first to break the silence as Maddie sits on the sectional with her mouth agape.“You have a boyfriend? You, Vanessa Nichols , are in a committed relationship. Holy shit, if this is a joke, this is not funny!”
Maddie’s voice finally comes back to her. “When? Where? How? Tell us everything!”
“Uh, Thanksgiving weekend. He asked me out on the beach.”
“Thanksgiving? That was over two weeks ago!”
“You kept this information from us for that long.” Sydney’s eyes look like they’re about to bulge out of her head. “Actually, that’s quite impressive for you. Normally I give you one look and you cave.”
Truer words have never been spoken.
It was and wasn’t hard to keep this delicate information from my friends.When we got back from the holiday weekend, we were all wrapped up in our own lives, busy with classes, assignments, hockey practice, and games.Any downtime I had, I spent it with Jake.
“Our schedules have been all over the place, I didn’t want to tell you over text.”
Guilt rises in my chest. Sydney and Maddie are my two best friends, I should’ve told them the moment Jake and I became official.
The reason I didn’t tell them was selfish. I wanted Jake and I to stay in our little bubble where no one’s opinions or thoughts could penetrate.My heart was vulnerable enough that weekend, I didn’t need another reason to overthink my decision.Which is something I’m prone to do.
As secure as I feel with Jake, there’s still that underlying feeling of unease that’s gnawing at my insides.
I don’t think many people understand what it’s like being raised in a household without love and support. I’m constantly worried that every decision I make is wrong—which makes it hard for me to be so trusting in relationships.
Especially after how my last one ended.
I still worry that Jake might find someone who better fits his life—someone with a loving family, a good head on their shoulders, a promised career, someone who could fulfill all his dreams and have significantly less family trauma.
Yup, and the overthinking has begun.
At least I’m trying.
“Well, I’m glad you told us. It’s about damn time you two made it official.”
Sydney flips her hair over her shoulder, “I’d like to point out that a few weeks ago I said you two would end up together. I’m such a matchmaker.”
I roll my eyes at her. She did say that, but I won’t be the first to tell Sydney she was right. “Anyway, I just wanted to fill you guys in before I leave.”
“Leave?”
“I’m gonna head to Jake’s for the night. There’s practice tomorrow morning, so I was going to sleep there and catch a ride with him in the morning.”
“You get a new boyfriend, neglect to tell us for weeks, and then drop this bomb on us only to leave to go to said boyfriend’s house!” Sydney flails over the side of the couch, delving into her dramatics.
Sydney should consider changing her major to theater. She would thrive .
“I’m sure you two will be fine without me for the night.”
“Yeah, but…I miss you. Can we please have a girls’ night this weekend? I’ll bake cupcakes and we can watch a Christmas movie and decorate. We’ll be drowning in exams for the next couple of weeks and then it’ll be time to go home for the holidays.”
Maddie groans at the thought of Christmas.She’s a grinch, and yet she still suffers through the baking, decorating, movies, and music—all because her two best friends are obsessed with the holiday.
Sydney’s family usually goes away during Christmas break. Normally they choose somewhere warm with beautiful blue water. I think she said this year they were all going to Panama. I would love to go on a trip to a tropical island and walk around taking photos of the local flora and fauna.
Maddie has the same tradition every year. After her last exam, she hops on a flight and heads home until the new year.
Am I a bad friend for secretly hoping that their flights get canceled and we can stay in the city together?
I’m planning on staying in Boston.The last thing I need during my break is to visit my parents.It’s their year to host Christmas with the family, and imagining all of us together at the condo in Manhattan sounds like a complete nightmare. Who knows, maybe they’ll cancel Christmas and go on another vacation without me so I don’t need to think of a lame excuse as to why I don’t want to go home.
“Sounds like a date. After the game on Saturday we can watch The Grinch and eat so much junk food that we burst open.”
“Perfect.” Sydney purses her lips and sends a kiss my way. “Now go have amazing sex with your boyfriend. I can’t wait to hear all the gorgeous details later.”
“All I’m saying is that if you put pineapple on pizza, you’re a psychopath.” Eli grabs a slice from the box on the coffee table, complaining to Kieran for ordering a Hawaiian pizza.
When I walked into the brownstone twenty minutes ago, I had no idea I was walking into such a heated discussion.
“It’s a touch of sweetness, it’s not going to kill you to eat it,” Kieran replies as Eli slowly picks off every piece of pineapple on his slice.
“You know how I feel about fruits.”
Nate chimes into the conversation from the doorway that leads to the kitchen. “Your diet consists of chicken, pizza, pasta, and the occasional orange. I swear, you have the same palette as a damn child.”
“Thanks, Dad, anything else you want to comment on?”
“Yeah actually, can you move your fucking socks and underwear from the dryer before I throw them outside?”
“Whatever, back to our original topic—fruit doesn’t belong on pizza. End of discussion.”
Jake nudges my arm and makes a face, letting me know he’s about to stir the pot even more. “What about tomato sauce? Tomatoes are fruits, y’know.”
Eli’s eyes squint as he points to us with his pizza. “I hate all of you.”
“Hey, what did I do?” I defend myself. I secretly agree that pineapple belongs on pizza, but there’s no way in hell I’m going to confess that right now.
Eli fixes his attention on me. “ You didn’t tell me that you and Jake were dating. I had a feeling all along that this would happen, but you all kept denying it. I had to find out from Nate! Nate, of all people, he’s always the last to know things.”
“Actually, I knew they were sleeping together before any of you did.”
Eli’s mouth drops open dramatically. “Is that true?”
His eyes lock onto me and Jake again and my cheeks immediately turn red. Nate caught me leaving one morning. We told him we stayed up too late studying, but I had a feeling he didn’t believe our lie.
“Hmm, yeah, I guess Nate was the first to know about us sleeping together.”
“First, I’m forced to eat crappy pizza, and then I find out that I was the last to know about everything. And here I thought we were all best friends.” He turns away from us and back to Nate. “Anything else you know? Am I getting kicked off the team for being too talented?”
“If you keep up the dramatics, maybe. You’re starting to act just like my sister.” Nate chuckles to himself as he takes another bite with a huge pineapple chunk on it, which almost causes Eli to vomit.
I would love to see Sydney and Eli in a room together. One overly dramatic person is enough, but those two? They might cause World War III.
“Screw this, I’m going to get wings with Levi and Sebastian.” He tosses his half-eaten slice back down onto the table before grabbing his coat and heading toward the front door. “If there’s any of that left when I return, I’m throwing it in the trash.”
“When you get home can you remember to take your clothes out of the dryer or I will seriously throw them outside.”
Eli flips Nate off before shutting the front door behind him.
“Well, that was…entertaining.”
“Nichols, it’s like this every day. You should hear Kieran and Eli go at it over soap.”
“Soap?” I look toward Kieran and raise an eyebrow.
He sighs, as if explaining this story will drain him of all his energy.“I like a certain brand of soap.”
“What, like Old Spice ?”
“No, Vanessa, not like Old Spice .” He does his best impersonation of me and all of us hold back our laughter. Kieran is normally all edgy and mysterious, it’s fun to see his playful side come out.
“The brand I like is called Mister Suds. It’s a natural brand that has a variety of scents, but personally I like the lavender and pine. Eli also likes the smell of it and thinks he can use it whenever he pleases.”
“Why don’t you hide it?”
Kieran lets out a frustrated sigh, indicating he’s already thought about that.“I did! Fuckin’ Eli went through my cabinet and found it . I went to shower and saw the sudsy bar on the damn floor with his hair stuck to it.”
Nate starts chuckling to himself. “You should’ve seen the two of them. Kieran was running around chasing Eli, soaking wet with a towel wrapped around his waist. He slipped on the stairs and took both of them down.”
A laugh escapes me and I slam my hand over my mouth when Kieran glares at me, laughing at probably one of his more embarrassing moments.
“I never would have pegged you for a lavender guy.”
His dark green eyes settle on me, the playfulness slowly vanishing. “Is it a crime to like lavender, Vanessa?”
His voice is velvet smooth, sending shivers right down my spine, settling warm in my core. Jesus, what is with these hot broody hockey men? Kieran is a handsome man, and with his pensive stare, I can see why girls so easily fall into his bed.
I shake myself out of the spell he was putting on me.“Nope. Nothing wrong with it. Great scent, actually.”
Jake chuckles, watching my cheeks turn pink as I fumble over my words.
“Well, on that note.” Jake grabs our empty plates and walks over to the garbage. “Ness and I are gonna head out for a bit.”
“Why? Is our company not entertaining enough for you?”
“I deal with you idiots twenty-four seven, I’m going to take my girlfriend out for ice cream. If you two are so lonely, why don’t you go on a date.”
Kieran flips him off in response.
Hearing the word girlfriend come from Jake’s mouth has my palms sweating.
Jake grabs our heavy coats from the rack and holds it out for me. Very gentlemanlike. The weather has taken a drastic turn since we came back and I have a feeling snow will start falling very soon.
We leave as Nate and Kieran settle into the couch and boot up some random game where they are tasked to shoot aliens. I’m sure people are going to think we’re crazy for wanting ice cream in the midst of December, but I can never say no to a sweet treat.A couple of blocks away, there’s the Public Garden— the first botanical garden in America. During the winter months they decorate the entire park with Christmas lights.Trees are wrapped with string lights, some bigger bulbs filter through the branches, and the frozen ground is littered with multiple light displays ranging from candy cane sticks to reindeer pulling Santa’s sled.
Last year, Sydney and I came here at the end of exams before she went away for the break. There were roughly two feet of snow on the ground at that point, and I’m a little thankful it’s not that bad right now. We spent over two hours continuously walking through the park at night, sipping on hot chocolate while our toes froze.I want to go again so badly. Maybe Jake will want to go see the lights this year.
He leads us down a road that’s lined with food trucks. There’s a little bit of everything—tacos, burgers, grilled cheese, and desserts.
My all-time favorite food truck is Dairy Freeze. Although it’s more of a glorified van than a truck. The owner is an older Italian gentleman who is one of the nicest people I’ve ever met. He named the truck after his granddaughter who would say she has a dairy freeze instead of a brain freeze.It’s some of the best soft serve you’ll ever have, and I believe it’s because of the love he puts into his business. Their signature cone is a vanilla soft serve, dipped in chocolate and coated in peanuts. I’ve been telling Jake about this gem for weeks and he finally caved. He’s more of a salty snack guy, whereas sweets are my kryptonite.
There’s no one in line at the truck, which I kind of assumed. Most people would rather opt for a hot chocolate or some kind of warm beverage over an ice cream cone.
I swipe my tongue along the side of the cone, tasting the richness of the chocolate mixed with the creaminess of the vanilla. The crushed peanuts add the perfect amount of crunch and salt. I wish I could eat this every single day of my life.
I hear a moan come from Jake’s throat.
“It’s good, isn’t it?”
He hums in agreeance. “Fuck, Ness. This might be my new favorite dessert. Well, besides you.”
“Glad to know I’m in the top.”
“You’re always at the top of my list.”
We stride back up the street, heading closer to the park. I wonder if Jake planned for us to tour the lights tonight without even telling me.The black iron fence lines the sidewalk next to us and we watch as families parade through the park, commenting on all of the light fixtures.
“I think Christmas might be my favorite holiday.”
“Really? I didn’t peg you as a Christmas girl.”
“I love everything about Christmas, well except for family get togethers. I like gathering with my friends and exchanging gifts—side note, I am very good at picking gifts for people.” I take the last bite of my waffle cone before continuing. “We always make a day of decorating and baking cookies, watching old-school Christmas movies like Home Alone and National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation . All that stuff. If I had to go home for the holiday break, I would probably stay in my room and not leave until the day I had to come back to campus.”
Especially since my parents are hosting this year. I’m going to try my hardest to avoid going home. Not only do I have to deal with the hectic airport traffic, but I also have to spend a week wearing a mask and playing along with whatever story my mother spun.
“You could always come home with me.”
My feet freeze in place. As sweet as it is for him to invite me to another holiday with his family—I feel like I would impose too much. I’m perfectly content spending the break in my condo, gorging myself on sugar cookies and online shopping.
“Well—” My words get cut off by Jake’s phone ringing in his pocket.
“Oh shit, it’s my agent. Give me a sec, I have to take this.”
I nod, slightly grateful for the interruption. Jake puts the phone to his ear, and I’m not ashamed to admit that I eavesdrop.
“Hey, Charles, how’s it going? Oh, that’s great. Yeah. Yeah. No fucking way, are you serious? Yeah, yeah, send all of it to my email. Thank you, man, I appreciate it. Yeah, Merry Christmas to you too.”
He drops the phone from his ear and jumps around like a little kid finding out they’re going to Disney World.
“Yes, yes, fuck yeah !” The smile plastered on Jake’s face is contagious, his gorgeous white teeth shining under the streetlight.
“What? What did he say?”
“Ness, you’re never gonna believe this. My agent just got off the phone with Peter Savinsky, the GM for the Demons that I was telling you about.” I nod as he continues, “Well, I guess he’s been keeping up with me this season, and besides my little fight with Meyers, he’s impressed by how I’ve been playing.”
“That’s awesome, Jake.”
“There’s more.”His boyish demeanor doesn’t falter. His dimples are peeking out with his wide grin, his eyes ecstatic. “The GM gave Charles their summer workout regime and the start date for training camp. Do you know what this means?”
He runs a hand down his face as if he’s in shock. I’m sure my face is mirroring something similar. I’m so happy for him, so proud of him for fulfilling his dreams.Everything he’s worked for is finally paying off…which means he’ll be leaving soon after graduation.
“I was so worried about where I stood with the team, but hell, Ness—everything is working out. I know I have a spot secured on my dream team, I’m graduating this year, I’m playing amazing this season. I got you. I don’t know what I did to deserve all this success.”
Success .
The word triggers me, immediately thinking of my family and their obsession with outdoing one another. Everyone feels the need to compare their lives, as if someone’s career status is more important than the rest of the family.I’ve spent the last six years of my life trying to get away from this ideology. Success isn’t the only important thing in life—but to some people it’s everything.
I shouldn’t be thinking about this. Jake isn’t like my family. He’s getting everything he’s ever wanted because he’s worked his ass off his whole life to achieve it. I can be happy for him even though my insecurities are eating me alive. It’s the least I can do.
“Jake, you deserve this. You’ve worked so hard to get to where you are today. You’re allowed to freak out and be happy. Revel in it.”
“Thank you.” He pulls me in, kissing me deeply. The kind of kiss that makes you dizzy.“I think we deserve another ice cream cone to celebrate, what do you say?”
“Do you really think I would say no?”
We make our way back to the food truck and away from the Christmas lights and the cheerful sounds of families enjoying the park. I try not to think about what’s going to happen next year when Jake’s gone and I’m still here finishing my degree. I don’t have a concrete plan of where I want to go, but at least I’ll have my friends and Jake.
Hopefully .
It’s pitch black outside as we all hustle out of the house to make it to morning practice.
As we make our way out of the house, I almost trip down the stairs on a pair of… underwear? My eyes adjust to the dimly lit street and realize that there is a hamper’s worth of clothes strewn across their front porch.
“Are you shitting me right now?” Eli stands at the front door, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes.
Nate meticulously walks around the clothing, like a parent avoiding littered toys. “I told you.”
“Yeah, yeah, fuck you. I’ll meet you guys at the arena.”Eli tosses his bag onto the ground and starts to round up his clothes, mumbling profanities to himself under his breath.
“Don’t worry, if Coach asks why you’re late, I’ll tell him you were catching up on some laundry.”
Eli flips us off as we head over to Kieran’s truck parked down the street.
“I can’t believe you actually did that.”
“Oh trust me, Nichols. He deserves it. Eli is notorious for leaving his clothes in the laundry for days . Maybe this will finally teach him.”
“Yeah, Ness, he’s worse than you leaving your socks everywhere.”
“Hey! Sorry that I enjoy letting my feet be free rather than constricted all the time.”
I do have a horrible habit of leaving my socks everywhere. And when I say everywhere, I mean that I toss them wherever I feel like. I’ve found socks stuffed in couch cushions, in the hallway, hiding under the fridge—I don’t even know how they get there.
I slide into the passenger seat and buckle up before Jake closes the door behind me and hops into the backseat. Nate tosses his hockey bag into the trunk with the others and settles in next to Jake.
“So Kieran, are you going to tell us where you ran off to last night?”
Kieran grumbles, clearly not enjoying my questioning this early in the morning.
Last night while the guys were midgame, he got a phone call and left abruptly. All he said was he had something important to do.
“A friend’s house.”
“Wow, always a man of many words.”
“I like to keep my personal life to myself, Nichols. If you want to talk, should we chat about the noises I heard coming from Jake’s room when I got home?”
My cheeks blush and that shuts me right up.
“Yeah, that’s what I thought.”
“Hey, asshole, cool it. No need to be a dick this early in the morning.” Jake’s tone is stern, coming from behind me. Kieran turns the music up to drown out any more questions. Jake reaches his hand around the back of my chair and settles it on my shoulder giving it a small squeeze.
The quick ride to the arena is silent besides the blaring music.Once we park, the boys are the first out of the truck, grabbing their gear from the back. Jake comes back around to open the door for me, and as I slide out of my seat to grab my tote, the worn handle finally tears. The burlap material rips straight to the bottom of the bag, dropping all of my contents onto the concrete.
Shit shit shit.
My gasp must’ve been loud because suddenly three tall hockey players are surrounding me as I grab my laptop, camera, and all the attachments.
Jake leans down, grabbing my extension lens and battery pack. He gazes over them, making sure nothing is broken or chipped. I take the lens cover off to make sure nothing cracked and I let out a breath as I realize nothing’s broken. Thank God.
My torn bag looks scraggly, worn from too much use.I might be a little too attached to a piece of fabric, but I’ve had this bag with me for years. It’s gone everywhere with me. I had it for most of high school, brought it with me to university, and have taken it on countless trips. There’s stains and small tears throughout the bag, but it gives it character.
Well, it did.
That strap was the final straw.I guess it’s time to be an adult and buy myself an actual camera bag for once. At least I’ll look more professional.
“Thanks,” I mutter as I grab my belongings from Jake’s hands and shove them back into the torn bag.I’ll have to stop at home and grab a backpack before my classes. I don’t want to walk around campus looking like I’m carrying around a potato sack.
We make our way into the arena, and we part ways in the lobby—the boys heading to the locker room and I make my way to the stands.
Today I need to focus on updating the team’s website with highlight reels from the past few games.Their Instagram and TikTok following has grown exponentially, and I have a feeling that my report will blow Professor Miles away.
I wonder how everyone else in my class is fairing out. I heard that the girl who got assigned to the chess team revamped their online presence and they’ve gained more members than any year prior.
I take my regular seat in the middle of the stands, sitting in front of center ice.Coach Wilson has his assistant setting up cones, getting ready for whatever drills he’s going to put the boys through today.Every practice I’m more grateful I picked a hobby that doesn’t require excessive sweating and sore muscles.
I plug my camera into my laptop and export all the photos and videos from the charity event and the games since then.Looking over everything I shot, maybe I should go into sports photography. The way I can focus on a single player or capture the perfect shot—I’m a damn good photographer, if I do say so myself.ESPN would be lucky to have me.
As I upload some videos to the website, the guys filter out onto the ice and begin their drills.
“Did practice interfere with your beauty sleep, Murphy?” Coach’s voice carries through the empty arena.
Eli rushes onto the ice, “Sorry, Coach, there was a laundry incident I needed to take care of.” Eli shoots his roommates a harsh glare as the three of them double over in hysterics.I think these boys thrive on pissing each other off.
Coach blows his whistle and the team starts moving.The harsh sound of skates on ice and pucks flying fades into the background as I bury myself in my photo gallery.
Before I realize it, the two-hour practice flies by, and Coach Wilson sounds his whistle for the last time, sending the boys off to the showers.I close my laptop and make my way to the lobby to wait for the boys.
Eli and Nate are the first to come out of the locker room—both bickering about this morning’s practical joke.Kieran and Jake walk out shortly after, laughing at something one of them said. I fall into step with them as Jake slings his free arm around my shoulders as we walk to Kieran’s truck.
“Shepherd, a word before you go.” Coach Wilson calls from the front doors.
Jake drops his bag onto the ground, gives me a kiss on the cheek, and jogs over. Kieran picks up Jake’s discarded bag and hauls it along with his over to his truck. They’re too far away for me to eavesdrop so I follow Kieran, hopping in the backseat, leaving the passenger door open for Jake’s return.
Nate left with Eli, feeling a little bad for making him late, he offered to take him out to breakfast.I could go for some greasy hash browns from the diner right about now.
“I’m sorry for being a dick this morning.”
Kieran’s words startle me. He’s not giving me direct eye contact, but I watch his eyes occasionally glance at me through the rearview mirror.
“Oh…it’s okay. I shouldn’t put my nose in other people’s business.” Even though I’m dying to know.
His dark eyes soften,“Nah, I just…didn’t have a good night and took it out on you this morning. I’m sorry, Vanessa.”
I give him a forgiving smile. “Well, thank you. I appreciate it.”
“Can I ask you something?”
The rawness in his voice has the hairs on my neck stand up.“Yeah, of course.”
He turns around to face me this time, leaning his arm against the passenger seat’s headrest.“This doesn’t leave this vehicle.” I nod, waiting for him to continue. “Let’s say someone fucked up, and they wanted to make it up to someone, how should that person go about it?”
“Can I get any more details?”
“No.”
Right, because asking Kieran to talk more than necessary is like pulling teeth.
“Okay, well how badly did this person fuck up?”
“I was an ass.”
“ You were being an ass? No way, that doesn’t sound like you at all.”
Kieran gives me a glare and I quit laughing. Guess he’s not in the mood for jokes.
“Well, if I messed up with someone I cared about, I would apologize profusely. I would buy them their favorite snack, set aside some time for the two of us to talk and work out whatever issue caused the fight.”
He nods, absorbing my advice. It’s not the best advice, but it’s all I can offer with limited information.
“Favorite snack, alone time, apology.”
“Oh, and if it’s a girl, grovel. Grovel hard . That’ll get you bonus points.”
“Thanks, Nichols.”
“Anytime.”
Jake climbs into the truck, giving us both a confused look as if he’s trying to decipher what we just talked about. Kieran gives me a knowing look and I nod, the two of us silently communicating that our conversation doesn’t leave the two of us.
“Anyone down to go to Tony’s for a killer breakfast? I need it after that shitshow of a practice.”
“Hell yes. Fucking Sebastian was hitting me with too many slap shots today. I need a breakfast burrito ASAP.” Kieran puts the truck into gear and peels out of the lot.
We get to the restaurant and take our usual booth. Immediately my mouth is watering as the aroma of pancakes and coffee fills the air. I can’t wait to scarf down a decent helping of hash browns and a pancake or two.
“What did Coach wanna talk to you about?”
Jake relaxes into the booth, slinging an arm on the cushion behind me.
“Peter Savinsky reached out to him over the holidays to talk about me. He said that once our season is done, he might pull me. So come April, I could be gone.”
“Holy shit, congrats man.”
I watch as the two of them clasp hands in what I refer to as a bro handshake.
“April?” I didn’t intend for the word to slip from my mouth.
“Yeah. Once our NCAA season is over, the NHL can choose to pull someone from their roster if their college career is done. They did it last year, Travis Hayes was drafted to the Las Vegas Tigers, and after his school lost in the semifinals, Las Vegas pulled him and he got to play in the big leagues before they lost their spot for the Stanley Cup.”
I try to absorb all the information he’s throwing at me.
“What about graduation?”
“That’s not ’til June. I’ll be able to come back to walk the stage.”
“So once you’re done playing for BCU, New Jersey can pull you up whenever?”
Our waitress comes by with coffees and orange juice for Kieran. I take a sip before the coffee is cooled down, burning the tip of my tongue.
“Exactly.” Jake shifts his attention back to Kieran. “Could you imagine if New Jersey makes it to the Stanley Cup and I get pulled just in time to play? Make my debut in a fucking championship game.” Jake looks as if there are stars in his eyes, picturing his future.I’m so happy for him, but I’d be lying if I said a part of me isn’t dreading the day that he leaves to pursue his dream.
Kieran takes a sip of his coffee before leaning back into the booth. “Just don’t forget about us when you’re all rich and famous.”
“Never. I’ll make sure you guys have seats whenever you want. I’ll get a huge house you guys can stay at when you’re visiting. It’ll be like it is now, just in New Jersey.”
The looming dread hangs heavy over me. Jake’s going to leave, and sooner than I expected. I’ve always known he was going to leave for New Jersey, but I thought we would have a little more time. Our relationship is still new, are we going to be able to make this work when we both live in different states and have conflicting schedules?
I stay quiet as Jake goes on about his ideal life and his future with his friends. I don’t bring up how he doesn’t mention me in any of his plans, but then again why would he? No one ever does.
“I can picture it now. This time next year I’ll be making so much money I’ll have no idea what to do with it.”
Our waitress comes back and sets our food in front of us. Kieran doesn’t hesitate, immediately shoveling his breakfast burrito into his mouth.
“Man, it’s crazy thinking about how much my life is going to change within the next year. I mean, who knows what’s going to happen.”
That was my exact thought too.
Where are we going to be this time next year? He’s going to be busy training and playing in the damn NHL.I’ll still be in college, studying a profession my family doesn’t approve of, living my life as I always have—alone.Did we make the wrong decision?
Suddenly I feel like I’m twelve again, screaming for someone to pay attention to me, think of my feelings, acknowledge my existence in their life. Dad was always glued to his phone, talking to other doctors, being called in for an emergency surgery, or filling nurses in on his patients. Mom was usually in her office typing away on her laptop or organizing files for upcoming cases.
I was always shoved to the side so they could fulfill their own dreams, and it’s starting to feel like that again, but this time with Jake.
I think I lost my appetite.