Chapter 46
I lie in bed and stare at the ceiling. The fan spins slowly, but enough to bring a brisk chill to my exposed skin. My hands inch closer to my inner thighs, and my mouth parts, becoming erratic as they move closer and closer until…
Fire licks up my waist, and the hungry eyes of the elemny grip my legs, forcefully separating them.
I’m out of bed.
Sweat fills my hairline, and an ache that reminds me of pain tingles across my skin. So, I begin my routine. After I shower, I slather lotion on the wrinkled burns, brush and blow-dry my hair until it shines, dress in clothes that invite a summer breeze, and then leave.
I often roam near his room, but today he needs to prepare for the human trafficking function he told me about. So, I head to the deck when Astin appears behind me.
“If he’s not shadowing me, it’s you,” I say.
“Prince Reen wants me to escort you to a few clothing stores. You need to wear something appropriate for tonight,” Astin says.
“Alad bought me—”
“Formal dress for this evening,” Astin corrects himself.
I step aside and gesture to the ramp. “Lead the way.”
Astin has the personality of a black hole. You can throw anything at it; he won’t respond or show emotion. He sucks the life out of conversations. It makes me curious.
“Why do you talk like that?”
We pass the Tumul Entrance and enter the sea of elemny either flying or roaming the streets, listening to music or eating street food. The Kingdom of Cloud reminds me of festivals I always wanted to attend at home.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” he says. His silver eyes scan his surroundings.
“You’re very monotone. Have you always been like that?” I pressure.
“Yes.”
Astin is a walking air elemny stereotype.
He gives nothing away and doesn’t seem to talk about himself, his life, or anything outside of serving Prince Reen.
But I see their banter, which is weird because Prince Reen seems irritated while Astin shows fucking nothing.
Is that why Prince Reen gets bothered by him?
“Why?” I say.
Astin opens the first clothing shop door, saying, “Showing emotion is exhausting and drains me. You don’t use that much energy when you don’t force emotions that don’t come naturally to you.”
He is weird.
I am not interested in pushing him for answers when I know he won’t give me any, so I roam the shop.
Clothes clutter every inch of the store and clog my senses.
Dresses line the walls, shirts and jeans stack over each other, and through it all, there’s an overwhelming scent of sandalwood and dust mites.
We don’t stay in that shop for long.
Elemny notice me when we walk down the street. It’s weird for me. My entire life consisted of hiding, and even with Xavier, I kept my circle of friends small. But since Prince Reen and Alad’s plan to make us a “couple”, elemny gawk at me more often.
“Does the staring get better?”
Astin points to another clothing shop, which seems more promising, with tall glass windows showcasing sparkling dresses.
“It does when you stop looking for it,” he says.
It seems hard to do.
Astin holds the door for me, and I’m more at ease when we enter this shop. Mannequins display formal clothes along the walls, and vibrant colours dance across silken fabrics.
The woman behind the counter snaps her greedy eyes onto me and bounds over with a beaming smile. “May I help you?”
I tear my gaze away from a frilly pink dress and face her. “I need a formal dress.”
She smiles, but there’s humour in her silver eyes. “Preference?”
“Uh…”
“What is this dress for? A wedding? Dinner? And will you be alone?”
“I’m going to a function and won’t be going alone.”
Her eyes crinkle. “The mutt, correct?”
“Prince Reen,” I say through pressed lips.
Without a care, she spins on her heels and says, “Then I have the dress for you. Since seeing you all over social media, I have wondered what type of dress would fit you.”
“That’s not creepy at all,” I say drily.
She laughs. “Please. It’s my job to give everyone the perfect dress. So…here!”
The woman gestures to a mini white dress that would hug every part of my body, showing everything I would fucking lack to offer. Not only that, but I can imagine seeing the burns seeping out from underneath the dress; it’s that short.
I arch a brow and say, “No.”
Her silver eyes narrow. “No?”
“No,” I say with more confidence than I should. “I want a longer dress, and I want it to be red.”
“Red?” she says flatly.
I smile at her. “If Prince Reen—the mutt you so happen to call him—grows angry and kills someone, it would ruin the dress. Show me the fucking red dresses.”
Astin eyes me and then looks away.
“Very well. It will take me a moment,” she says, strained and irritable.
My smile falters, and I glare at her when she turns away and moves through a set of double doors.
“What made you angry?” Astin asks.
“He’s not a mutt. Psycho, fuck yes, but I’m over the word ‘mutt’ when they know nothing about him.”
After a few minutes, the woman emerges, holding a dress.
She tells me to change, and when I enter the changing room, I face away from the mirror to undress.
The dress she handed me feels silky against my fingertips when I step into it.
My arms move through the long sleeves, drenching me in the crimson colour.
It’s cut into a V shape at the front, and because I lack breasts, it smooths across without a nipple slipping. The dress exposes my legs from the knees down, flowing like rippling water until it drags on the floor. And when I’m dressed, I step out to Astin and the woman waiting for me.
“What do you think?” I say.
Astin is silent, fixated on the doors and the elemny outside the window.
The woman touches my shoulder, turns me around, and slides up the zipper until the dress hugs my bust and hips. Then we turn again, and I stare into the mirror. My fingers twitch, and my eyes dart anywhere but at my body.
She laughs. “You aren’t even looking.” The woman touches my chin. “Look.”
My focus snaps to the mirror, but with every moment, the dress strips away, burning into ash, like what happened that night. They quickly ripped what I wore and gripped my skin, hungry to humiliate and torture me.
I’m going to be sick.
I step away from the mirror, laugh nervously, and say, “I will take it.”
After I change, Astin pays for the dress and carries it back to the ship.
When I head up the stairs, Prince Reen moves down them while Alad rambles about not killing anyone tonight and leaving it up to him and Astin to deal with.
He eyes me, but when his unsettling and intense gaze grazes across my face, I turn away and hasten my steps until I am in the room.
I lock the door behind me before Astin can enter with the dress.
Deep breaths, Pandora. You can do this.
I’m okay with mirrors. At least mirrors that show my face. Anymore becomes a constant reminder of how much I hate how I look and feel, and the burns that show me how weak I am to a world that wants me dead.
I enter the bathroom, close the door, go to the sink and splash cold water across my flushed, burning face. Shit. I need to keep it together for tonight. Suppose I screw this up for Prince Reen on a crucial mission sent from the King. I doubt I will make it past tonight.
Leaving the bathroom, my hand tightens on the handle. Prince Reen leans against the door to my room. His watchful, glowing red eyes never leave me when I close the door to the bathroom and sit on the bed.
“How did you get in?”
He twitches a smirk. “I have my ways. But I am more…interested…in knowing what has upset you.”
I face away from him. My hands tighten on my knees, and I press my lips inward and blink away the tears.
It’s fucking hard being in his presence.
In front of someone who can see me break before I crumble first. I don’t want to be weak when he’s around.
Not because I’m afraid that he will exploit it for his gain.
No.
I’m afraid of falling for someone I must kill again, like Desmond. And I’m so scared of loving someone before I can love myself.
“Do you find me attractive?” I ask.
“Yes.”
“What part of me do you find attractive?”
His warmth flurries around me when he grows near. Prince Reen takes my hand and guides me until I stand. I focus on his chest, not daring to look at him when his thumb touches my lips.
“My mouth?” I question.
“No. Your words. Even through your vulgar words, I find them attractive.” His hand moves down, sliding across my hardened nipples. My eyes close, hitching breaths when his thumb swirls around it. “I enjoy imagining your entire breast in my mouth.”
“You call me flat-chested all the time.”
“And?” Prince Reen laughs. “I enjoy pissing you off.”
I twitch a brow.
“But most importantly, this is what I find fuckable.” He pokes my forehead. “Your mind attracted me to you. Your approach, problem-solving, and perception. It’s also what’s keeping you alive.”
“Reen…”
“Astin told me you freaked out when you looked at yourself in the mirror. You are afraid of mirrors,” he says, causing the air to sharpen when I inhale. “I figured it out while hunting you, but confirmed it from our time together.”
“How?”
“There’s a mirror in your apartment covered by a towel, and when I entered the room you hired on the ship toward The Kingdom of Storm, the floor-to-wall mirror had a sheet covering it.
And here, in this room, there’s a towel covering the mirror.
” His finger moves down my face until he cups my cheek.
“And since hanging with you, I notice you don’t look at your reflection in windows.
Everything your eyes landed on was on something so that you could ignore your appearance. ”
“And to think I could hide at least one thing about me from my hunter,” I say.
“Can I try something?”
I furrow my brow. “No.”
He smiles crookedly. “I shouldn’t have asked. So…do you trust I won’t do anything to hurt you before our fate at the arena?”
I open my mouth, but hesitate. Swallowing the lump in my throat, I say, “Yes. I trust you.”
Prince Reen’s smile turns wicked. “You really shouldn’t have said that, Pandora. However, since you have, I would like you to come to my room tonight after the function. I have something to show you.”
I frown. “Can I take back my words?”
“No.” He pokes my head. “Not until you see it for yourself.”
I glare at him. “It’s not a vibrator or anything.”
Prince Reen sighs. “You fucking ruin everything, Pandora.” He turns toward the door, raises his hand, and waves. “We leave at seven tonight. Make sure you’re ready before then. And if you aren’t good at makeup, Alad will touch you up. He’s more excited than I am over this.”
“Why?”
“He believes that the more time I spend with you, the less inclined I will be to kill you.”
“Is it working?”
He laughs. “I would be lying if I said it didn’t, but I believe there’s a twenty percent chance I will hesitate. Higher now. It’s leaning in your favour. If I hesitate, you can gain your freedom. You still want your freedom, right?”
“Yes.”
His fingers tap against his jeans. “You wouldn’t reconsider becoming a Knight of Eraminia.”
My throat tightens. “I don’t want to fight anymore, Reen. Nor do I want to sit in the darkness and rot for the rest of my life.”
Prince Reen turns to face me, a strained smile on his face. “I knew you were going to say that. So, that only leaves our other option. One of us must die because no matter how much I’m attracted to you, my urges are stronger than my feelings. I’m sorry.”
I take a deep breath. “Don’t be. I knew from the start. This is what I want, and you’re playing along with it. It shouldn’t hurt when I kill you.”
“If only I had told you to stay that night…maybe things would have ended differently.”
My throat constricts, and there’s a burning behind my eyes and a sense of stuffiness clogging my nose.
Memories of when my hands were on his wound and how I cared for him when he was injured flood back to me.
If only I had told him my real name, and instead of following my dad and King Ragan, I had sat with him.
Where would we be now, and what would have changed?
“Maybe we would have left this political world behind us,” I say, tears slipping down my cheeks.
The forcefulness of his smile breaks me. Concealing pain behind his red eyes, he opens the door and walks away. I expected him to speak, but he didn’t—not even a glimmer of hope.
I sit on the bed and wipe the tears that traitorously fall. He crept into my heart without me knowing, burning it with fire, a different bite than Desmond’s. Despite my desire to block them out, this month’s cat-and-mouse hunt and time spent together have been my best experience yet.
He makes me feel alive again after years devoid of it all. For him and Desmond, I will fight until my last breath.