Chapter 25
Amy
Watching the water calms me. It always has, ever since I was a little girl.
The band of anxiety that was constricting around my chest, feeling like it was squeezing the life out of me, slowly relaxes and lets me breathe.
I find peace in the water and the steady hum of the boat’s engine, since it’s not overly loud.
In fact, I’m surrounded by the most calm and quiet since first arriving at my grandparents, even before knowing about Alasdair’s existence.
He’s brought lots of chaos into my life in the short while I’ve known him.
But it’s felt like he sees me and understands me in ways I’m not sure anyone else does.
Even Lily only gets me because she’s very similar, both in how our brains work and in our personalities, although she’s far more feisty and carefree than I am.
But Alasdair…we’re totally different. Different backgrounds, different cultures, different personalities, different everything, really.
But he’s made an effort to understand me and it’s worked.
Maybe I’ve been too harsh on him. I know I struggle with my emotions blinding me when I get overstimulated like this.
I might still be right, but just overreacted.
It’s a difficult situation, because I want to understand what happened and what I did wrong, but right now I’m not sure how much capacity I actually have to handle the truth. That’s why I left.
I’m torn. Is this just a tricky situation?
Is he just playing social games with me?
I so badly want to believe he isn’t manipulating me, but it’s hard when I have so much experience with people doing exactly that.
Since he does seem to truly see me in ways no one else has bothered to before, I don’t want to automatically think he’s taking advantage of me.
But I know that he’s a criminal, a leader of the mafia.
It’d be foolish of me to rule that out just because he’s been nice.
I slowly make my way to the back of the boat again, taking a deep breath and steadying myself. It’s time to have a hard conversation with Alasdair. But when I turn the corner, he isn’t there anymore. I sigh. Just my luck.
Maybe he needs a minute. Maybe it’s a good idea for me to take another one, too, and ensure I’m ready before I seek him out.
I hop up on one of the barstools to nibble on some of the snacks that were laid out for us, and my eyes catch some light near the veggie tray.
Curiosity gets the better of me, and I grab the phone that’s sitting with its screen unlocked.
I’m pretty sure this is Alasdair’s phone, so I guess I gotta find him to return it. No use in putting off the inevitable.
But something on the screen of the phone catches my attention.
A text thread is up, and the contact name says Marjorie.
My eyes scan the conversation before I can help it.
This woman is saying that she doesn’t like our engagement, even though Alasdair is assuring her it’s just business.
She seems almost…jealous. And Alasdair is catering to her, reassuring her that I mean nothing to him.
It makes my heart sink. I should’ve trusted my instincts, should’ve known better than to trust a man like him.
I’m just trying to earn her trust, she needs some coddling to cooperate.
His words make bile sting the back of my throat and my eyes burn with tears.
He thinks I need coddling. Like I’m a child.
And here I was thinking that he understood me.
I’m an idiot, that’s the only explanation for such moronic thinking.
But her final text really makes me feel ill, like my lungs are going to give out and my stomach will turn inside out. What about our family?
I never bothered to ask if Alasdair was already in a relationship.
I never asked if he had kids. I just assumed that, because he was marrying me, that he must be single and childless.
But obviously I’m a prime example of that saying, assuming makes an ass of u and me, because I was wrong. Dead wrong.
This marriage was just business for him.
It always was, and it always will be. He obviously already loves someone else.
I was a fool for letting my romantic ideations get in the way of my better judgment.
I take a deep breath and set his phone down again.
I shouldn’t have gone snooping, but I honestly don’t regret it.
It was better that I knew, that I could set the proper expectations.
Now I’m better prepared, which sets part of me at ease, even while it breaks my heart.
I’m back to square one, resigning myself to a future of a loveless marriage. Romance is dead, and I’m the property of some manipulative man and nothing more.
But knowing that is better than living in an illusion and having false hope.
I go and sit in the seats Alasdair and I sat on earlier.
The wind whips through my hair as I look out over the water.
I take deep, steadying breaths as I think things through.
I know what I’m going to do. I’ll talk to him about things, we’ll set boundaries and expectations.
I’ll make it clear that his girlfriend comes first. This marriage is just business, so I’m going to treat it as such.
I’ll support him and Marjorie, hell, I’ll be an aunt to their kids if that’s what they want.
Or I’ll stay away if that’s what she prefers, which I suspect will be the case.
I imagine myself in a little cottage in Ireland, living alone and enjoying gardening while he’s off being a family man with her.
We’ll be married in name-only, and I doubt we’ll even talk much.
I have no doubt that he’ll make sure I’m taken care of financially, even if just a little, just to get me to cooperate and keep my mouth shut.
I think he’ll be surprised to find that my price is much lower than he might think. I’m not going to cause him trouble, nor this Marjorie. I don’t need as much coddling as he seems to believe.
A fierce stubbornness rises up in me as I make my decision. I think back to what he said in the coffee shop, about giving me a share of the profits from the docks. That’s all I’ll ask for, all I’ll require. I won’t be a burden to anyone.
Maybe he was wrong. Maybe I could take advantage of him after all, but not by making him buy things for me, but by believing that we could be more than just an arranged marriage, more than just business.
I took advantage of him by assuming I could earn his love and have his heart.
What if I’m manipulating him without even knowing?
With a newfound determination and a resolute decision, I take one final look out over the water and stand.
His phone’s screen has faded to black when I grab it, which will help me sell the idea that I hadn’t seen anything.
I walk down the aisle on the side of the boat to the front, seeing Alasdair, Jack, and Liam talking with a serious expression on their faces.
I stand a bit away from them, not wanting to interrupt the conversation since it seemed important and private.
I remain far enough away that the motor of the boat conceals their words so they don’t think I’m eavesdropping.
Eventually, Jack sees me and nods towards me, making the other two men look my way.
Alasdair’s eyes land on me, his expression intense as he gestures for me to join them with his head. I walk over and hand him his phone. “You left your phone back there. I don’t think you want Camden or someone else picking that up.” Someone else meaning me.
His eyes widen slightly, and he takes the phone from my outstretched hand, our fingertips brushing.
But this time, I steel myself, not allowing myself to feel anything from the interaction.
“Thank you, Amy.” His eyes search mine, and before I saw those texts, I would’ve thought that he was checking to see how I was doing.
And maybe he still is, but I’m guessing it’s not because he cares, but he needs to know how to respond and coddle me.
I nod in response, pulling my hand back and stuffing it into my pants pocket, trying to ignore the sensation of his skin against mine that my hand seems keen on remembering. I look out over the water.
Liam chuckles. “Look at that, Kerry, you’re not even married yet and she’s already looking after you. What a fine catch you are, Ms. Amy.”
I give Liam a small smile, since it’s not his fault that any of this is going on. “Thanks, Liam.” I wish anyone actually believed that about me, but I understand why they don’t.
“Of course, missy.” Liam winks at me, and I chuckle. There’s a loud exhale next to me, and I turn my head slightly to see Alasdair glaring at Liam out of the corner of my eye.
An awkward silence falls over us for a moment, and I’m about to excuse myself when Camden emerges from the insulated captain’s helm.
I didn’t even realize that the boat had slowed to a stop until he came out.
“Alrighty, folks! Don’t you think this is a pretty good view to have dinner with?
” He waves a hand towards the horizon, and all of us turn to regard what he’s talking about.
The Statue of Liberty sits some distance away, with the setting sun to her side, bathing her in a glorious golden light.
It steals my breath away, no matter the tumultuous emotions that are inside of me.
For a moment, the world feels like it goes still.
The thoughts flee my head, and all I can do is absorb this moment.
I feel a hand trace down my arm and pull my hand from my pocket, his warm hand encompassing mine. I tense, being yanked from the immersion of the moment as I turn to look at Alasdair. But he’s still looking at the view before us, even as he intertwines our fingers.