Chapter 26 #2
I decide that’s my goal. I want her around, I want her comfortable.
A sad Amy makes for a frantic Kerry, and I don’t like that feeling.
An absent Amy makes for a devastated Kerry, and I hate that just as much.
Present and comfortable, that’s how I need her.
And I realize that I do need her. She is a calm sea when I’ve been in a hurricane.
She's sunlight bursting through the clouds of the raging storm of my lonely heart. She’s a lullaby when I’ve been scared of sleeping, a cocoon of warmth when I’ve been freezing.
She’s everything I’ve ever needed, everything I’ve been searching for, even as I've been seeking them in all the wrong places. I’ve been looking for it in power, in glory, in riches, in control.
And I’ve found some satisfaction in that, but nothing like the look of her smile, especially when it’s directed towards me.
When I come back around the corner, Amy is standing behind the couch, silently staring out the window at the city below.
I walk up behind her and gently run a hand up and down her arm.
She tenses immediately, making me sigh. I know I haven’t earned the right to touch her yet, but I want nothing more than to be able to wrap my arms around her and nuzzle my face into the crook of her neck.
“Amy. Talk to me. I thought we were getting to know each other, that we were getting close. What’s wrong? ”
I see her throat bob as she swallows, and it looks almost painful for her. This is difficult for her to talk about.
I give her another moment, and when she doesn’t say anything, I turn and go to the wet bar that’s provided for in the room. “What would you like to drink? I have some white wine. Or would you like something stronger?”
She’s quiet for a moment before she replies. “You don’t like white wine.”
I chuckle, turning to grin at her over my shoulder. I find it interesting that she picked up on that. “Yes, you’re right. But you do.”
She raises both of her eyebrows. “So you got some to have here for me? Why?”
I can’t help but keep the smirk on my face as I reach down and open the fridge to reveal it well-stocked with a multitude of white wines, bottles of mocha coffee, and her favorite soda.
“I hoped you would visit.” When she looks shocked, I chuckle and close it.
“Did you think I was kidding about what I said in the elevator? I meant every word, leannán.”
She starts fidgeting with the sleeve of her cardigan, a sure sign that she’s getting anxious. “You drank white wine in the restaurant for me. Why? Why not just get me a glass and get whatever you wanted?”
I think for a moment before turning back around and walking to her.
When I’m standing right in front of her, with those precious doe eyes looking up at me, I can’t help but brush the pads of my fingers against her cheek before combing them through her silky brown hair.
“Because I wanted you to feel comfortable. That’s all I ever wanted, leannán.
It still is. Now, what do you want to drink?
I have four types of white wine, or any of the other drinks you saw in there.
They’re all for you…” My voice is low and raspy, and I feel a surge of pride when her shoulders shudder slightly in response to me.
She’s still fiddling with her sleeve as she looks up at me. “Just water, please.”
I arch a brow but don’t say anything, instead turning around and going to the second fridge that’s stocked mostly with high-end spring water.
I pull out two of the glass bottles and walk back over, handing her one.
As much as I’d love a whiskey right now, I’m not going to drink alcohol unless she does, too.
Once she takes the water from me, I walk around the couch and sit down with a sigh. I didn’t realize how tired I was until this moment, but it’s been a long day. I pat the seat next to me. “Come to me, leannán. I want to hear your heart. Please.”
She comes and sits down, keeping an entire cushion between us. It makes me want to groan and pull her closer. She folds her hands in her lap, but I can tell it’s not to look proper, but because she needs to hold her hands together to keep from fidgeting.
We just stare at each other for a moment, and I realize it’s going to take a little nudging to get her talking.
I need to make her feel safe enough to be vulnerable, and I’m happy to do so.
I figure the best way to do that is by sharing my own heart first. “So, about today. As I said earlier, I’m sorry that I grew distant from you, but I had a reason—”
“Do you have children?” Her question cuts me off, and it takes me a moment to process her words. They feel so random and out of place that my brain has a hard time even comprehending them. I wonder for a moment if I even heard her right.
I frown, sitting up more. “Children? No. Why would you think I have children, leannán?”
She ignores my question and instead asks another one of her own. “Do you want them?”
I chuckle, the image of Amy round with my child fills my mind, thrilling me even as it warms my entire chest with the idea. “With the right person, yes. I think so. I never thought about it much until recently, though, I admit…”
Her frown deepens. What did I say wrong?
I feel like I’m constantly verbally misstepping when it comes to her, something I’ve never experienced before.
Is this how Amy feels all the time? She takes a deep breath.
“With the right person. Got it.” I can see she’s chewing on the inside of her cheek again, and it makes me furrow my brows in confusion.
Yes, leannán, and that right person is you. I lean in closer to her. “Why do you ask?”
She looks down at her hands, her brows knitted together.
I can tell she’s thinking, mulling over her words carefully.
“I need you to be honest with me.” Anything for you, leannán.
“I know this marriage is just business.” It isn’t for me.
It hasn’t been in a long time, since before we even met.
Years, leannán. It’s been years since I’ve become obsessed with you.
“Would you tell me if you were already seeing someone before we met? Because I’d appreciate it if you did inform me of that.
I’ll be understanding, like I said. I know this is just business.
I get it. But I think it’s only fair for me to be at least aware of the truth of the situation. ”
It’s all I can to stare for a moment. I didn’t know what the hell she’s talking about, and it doesn’t make any sense to me.
Is this really what she’s been worried about?
Thinking over the day and her behavior, I wonder if she got it in her head that I’ve been seeing someone else.
I don’t know what could’ve given her that impression, but obviously she’s pretty damn convinced to be acting like this. “I’m not seeing anyone else, leannán.”
She looks over at me, her eyes narrowing at me. I’ve never seen her look angry before, but she is now. I find I don’t mind it. In fact, I feel my blood heating up at the sight of her glaring at me. “Like I said, trickery probably isn’t your best strategy here.”
It’s my turn for my eyes to narrow. “What convinced you so thoroughly that I’m involved with someone else when you’re the one I’m engaged to?”
She grits her teeth and exhales loudly. “Listen, I didn’t mean to see your phone, but I did. So just tell me the truth, all right?”
There’s a pause of silence for a moment as I process her words.
My phone…? I pull it out from my pocket, unlock it, and toss it into her lap.
“Go ahead. Look. You’ll be my wife. If I have secrets from you, they’re for your safety.
But if they’re going to come between us, then they’re not worth it.
I’d rather have a basis of trust so you know that any secrets I keep are related to my business.
It’ll never be about another woman or an affair. ”
She furrows her brows as she looks down at my phone. “Well, it wouldn’t be an affair if you were already with her before our engagement and we set the expectations that it’s a purely platonic marriage.”
I lean in closer, my voice growing huskier. “I don’t plan on this being a purely platonic marriage, leannán. Quite the opposite. Did you listen to nothing I said in the elevator?” I turn her chin so she’s looking at me. “Open my phone. Show me what you saw. Let’s discuss this.”
I can tell she’s nervous, but she picks up my phone and opens the text app. Her eyes scan over the screen before clicking on something else. She takes a deep breath before handing it back to me. “It’s this one.”
Oh Christ.