Chapter Nine #2
“Your father,” he says. “What about him?”
“Hold on a second,” Adam says. “Who is Pennington from?”
“Mom’s maiden name,” I say. “I never had Dad’s name.”
“What is happening?” Grayson asks Adam.
“She said when she was a teen, she cut too deep on her arm and hit something important. Greg took her to a clinic in town where they put her to sleep to fix it. The only one that is associated with The Society is owned by Thomas Freeman,” Adam says.
“Hmm,” Grayson says as he reapplies the medical glue. The stuff he put in before was flaking off, but this looks a bit different. When he is done, he pulls me up to sit. “I am going to pull the records for your father’s death and this doctor to show you both of them. Okay?”
“Okay,” I whisper.
“Good girl. Talk to Adam. I’ll be back,” he says before leaving the room.
“I’m sorry I snapped at you,” I say.
“It’s okay,” he says. “Do you want to know something, Milly?”
“Sure,” I sigh.
“Grayson is madly in love with you,” he tells me. “After every session with you, he’d go to The Void and fuck the life out of some poor unsuspecting woman just to vent his frustrations.”
“Lucky girl,” I laugh. “Is he going to still be with other women?”
“Grayson? God no. He adores you,” Adam says. “Plus, you have plenty of personalities to keep him busy.”
“Adam!” I laugh.
“I’m just teasing,” he laughs and pats my thigh. “Grayson is a great guy. I’m glad you two are finally together.”
“Are you being an ass?” Grayson asks as he comes back in with his laptop.
“He called me crazy,” I say.
“Tattle tale,” Adam laughs and pokes my side. I giggle and swat at his hand.
“He said I had enough personalities to keep you busy so you won’t go and fuck other women.”
“Rude,” Grayson chuckles. And sits on my other side. I groan and sit back, not ready to see whatever he is doing. “What else did he tell you?”
“That after seeing me you’d go fuck other women half to death,” I say.
“Woman, and yes,” he says.
“So you fucked the same woman three times a week minimum, and that was just… platonic?” I ask.
“Yes. Her name is Hope. Would you like to meet her?” he asks as he types.
“No,” I say harshly.
“Why is that?”
“Why the fuck would I want to meet the woman you were fucking like a girlfriend, but didn’t claim?” I snap at him.
“I’m with her. Hope is a little obsessed,” Adam says with a shrug. Grayson turns and looks at me.
“Milly, I vow to you now and always, I will never touch another woman because you are who I want. Hope knew I didn’t want a relationship. She may have her own feelings, but I have made mine very clear,” Grayson says.
“Okay,” I say simply as I stand up from the bed and grab my leggings.
“I’m sorry, did I say to get dressed?” Grayson asks.
“I’m sorry, did I ask your fucking permission?” I snap.
Grayson grits his teeth and looks back at his computer. Realizing that he is angry, I pull my leggings on and walk out of the room. When I get downstairs, I hear Grayson coming up behind me. As soon as I get to the door and open it, he pushes it shut and spins me around to face him.
“You need to lose the attitude and talk to me if you have a problem,” Grayson says firmly.
“Oh, fuck you,” I scoff. “Why the fuck would I want to talk to you about it when you just shrugged it off like you were discussing lightbulb brands? You fucked the woman three times a week for how long? Two years? And she means nothing to you? I might be a fucking lunatic, Grayson, but I’m not an idiot. Don’t fucking treat me like one.”
I duck under his arm and go back upstairs to get away from him.
This time, I go to the bathroom and lock the door.
I go to the corner and slide down the wall to sit.
I have my eyes closed as I think about Molly.
I miss her, even though she’s not real. When I open my eyes, there she is.
She’s standing in the shower holding a razor.
The straight razor that Grayson moved earlier.
She’s crying. No. Sobbing. Reality starts trickling back in, little by little.
Molly isn’t real.
She isn’t crying.
She isn’t in the shower.
I am Molly.
I am crying.
I’m in the shower with the razor.
But I’m not in the shower.
I am sitting.
I squeeze my eyes shut and think of the vibrations.
The song Grayson sang to me. When I open my eyes, I scream and throw the razor out of the shower and away from me.
By the time Grayson gets to me, I am cowering in the corner of the shower, terrified that I’ll pick it up again.
Where did I get it? I don’t understand. I feel like I’m losing my mind.
“I’m sorry,” I cry as I cling to Grayson.
“It’s okay, Milly. You’re okay,” he says, rocking me. “What did she have?”
“A metal nail file,” Adam says.
“It was the razor,” I say tearfully. “I’m…”
“Look, Milly. Look at it,” Adam says, grabbing my hand and setting something in my palm. “Look at it, honey. You’re safe.”
I sit up and look at my hand. In my palm is a nail file. It’s not a razor. “What happened?” Grayson asks, cupping my face.
“Uhm… I went into the bathroom and sat against the wall. I opened my eyes, and Molly was in the shower crying. She was holding the razor. But I’m Molly.
It was me. I closed my eyes, and when I opened them back up, it was me.
I was holding a knife, so I threw it. I was afraid I would hurt myself. I didn’t want to.”
“You did good, Milly. That’s progress,” Grayson says. “Baby, you just now have started to sort out your hallucinations. It’s going to take time.”
“Would medicine help?” I ask.
“I believe it will,” he says. “There isn’t a specific medication that treats dissociative disorders, but because yours is more connected to complex PTSD, you aren’t presenting the same. I think if I treat the anxiety and help you manage the triggers, it will help significantly.”
“I want to try. I don’t want to feel so crazy,” I say.
“Adam picked it up on his way here today,” he says. “You’re going to be okay, Baby Girl. I promise.”
“I just want one day of peace,” I sigh.
“Want to start with one night?” he asks me with a smile.
“Yes! Does it involve you beating me up?”
“Yes,” he laughs. “We are going to be in a private room for now, though. I’ll show you off when you are comfortable.”
“Oh,” I say.
“Do you not like that idea?” he asks, lifting my chin.
“It’s kinda fun being watched,” I say. “I’m also secretly wanting your old girlfriend to see you fuck me.”
“She wasn’t my girlfriend,” Grayson says, kissing me. “I’m going to avoid laying you on a table until your leg heals, but we can do some stuff standing.”
“Like what?” I ask.
“All the same things as lying down, you’d just be standing,” he says. “If Adam is down, I’d like for him to help me.”
“What do you want him to help you with?” I ask.
“Oh, lots of things. We will start with impact play, though,” he chuckles.
Does he mean… Oh, I fucking hope so…
Grayson helps me out of the truck, and I walk between him and Adam into The Void. I’m wearing a black dress that hugs my body and flats. I’m nervous about being undressed in front of everyone because of the scars, but I’ll be okay. I am just going to trust Grayson and Adam.
Adam is sweet. He’s a lot like Grayson, but silly. I can’t really picture him as a dominant, though. He seems like the type that would make a great submissive. Not that I’ve pictured him on his knees for Grayson or anything…
We walk through the club, and heads turn in our direction. Around us are every toy and piece of sex furniture imaginable. The lights are low, but the energy is high. We step into what is undoubtedly a VIP area, and Grayson sits me on the couch.
“Soda or sparkling water?” Grayson asks me.
“Water, please,” I say.
“Adam?”
“Water is fine,” Adam says as he sits beside me. “I’ll keep your wife company. Don’t you worry.”
“I’m sure you will,” Grayson laughs. “Don’t freak her out, Adam. I haven’t explained your involvement.”
Grayson walks away, and Adam nudges me. “Yes?” I ask.
“What’s on your mind?” he asks.
“What do you do?” I ask.
“What specifically are we talking about?” he asks with a smirk.
“For work. Grayson is a psychiatrist. What are you?”
“I am also a psychiatrist,” he says. “What are you?”
“Crazy,” I laugh. “I have a master’s in psychology. I’d like to get my doctorate eventually.”
“Oh? Would you specialize?”
“I’d like to work with kids who have endured trauma. I feel like I could relate and connect.”
“That would be challenging, but I think you’d do wonderfully,” he says.
“I think I need to be less crazy first. Now that I know Molly isn’t real… I don’t know. I think I just need to focus on myself and take it slowly,” I say.
“Slow isn’t bad,” Adam says. “To go from a master’s to a doctorate takes years. You could work under Grayson and take on patients who are low risk when you are more comfortable.”
“Yeah. Slow is best,” I say.
“Ah fuck,” Adam sighs. I look over at the bar where Grayson is, and rage floods through me when I see a beautiful woman hanging all over Grayson. He is smiling at her and isn’t pushing her away or stopping her.
“Is that her?” I ask.
“Yeah, that’s Hope,” he says. I stand up, and he jumps up with me. “Milly. Hold on. Let him come back and…”
“Fuck him and fuck you if you think that’s okay,” I seethe. I spin around and run toward the exit. My sudden movement gets everyone’s attention, but I just keep going. I don’t slow down until I am outside on the sidewalk, but I keep walking.