Chapter 12
Twelve
Winter
The movie playing on the TV is some animated Christmas flick Alana picked out, but I'm barely watching it.
My attention keeps drifting to Joy, who's sitting on the other end of the couch with Alana sprawled between us, her head in Joy's lap.
Joy's hand is absently stroking Alana's hair, and she doesn't even seem to realize she's doing it.
The gesture is so natural, so damn maternal, that it makes my chest ache.
This is what I wanted to show her this morning with the snow globe. This. The three of us together, comfortable and happy, like we're already a family.
"Dad, you're not watching," Alana complains, her voice sleepy. She's been yawning for the past twenty minutes, fighting to stay awake even though it's well past her bedtime.
"I'm watching," I lie, forcing my eyes back to the screen. "The elf just made a toy train."
"That was ten minutes ago," Joy says, amusement in her voice. She's smiling at me over Alana's head, and the warmth in her eyes makes me want things I have no right to want.
"I got distracted," I admit. "It's been a long day."
It has been. After the gift exchange this morning and the emotional conversation, we spent the afternoon doing normal Christmas things. We made more cookies, played board games, had a snowball fight outside that left all three of us soaked and laughing.
It's been perfect. Too perfect. The kind of perfect that makes you forget it's temporary.
Alana yawns again, her eyes drooping. "I'm not tired," she insists, even as her body betrays her.
"Clearly," Joy says softly, her smile gentle. "But maybe we should call it a night anyway. We can finish the movie tomorrow."
"But I want to see the end," Alana protests weakly.
"I'll tell you what happens," I offer, knowing she's about thirty seconds from being completely asleep. "The elf saves Christmas, everyone is happy, and there's a big party at the end."
"Spoiler alert," Joy murmurs, but she's grinning.
"Did I get it right?" I ask.
"Pretty much," she admits.
Alana's eyes close, and within moments her breathing evens out. She's asleep, her small body relaxed and warm. Joy and I look at each other over her, both smiling.
"I'll carry her to bed," I say quietly, moving carefully to gather Alana into my arms. She moans slightly but doesn't wake up fully, just curls into my chest the way she's done since she was a baby.
"I'll turn off the movie," Joy offers, reaching for the remote.
I carry Alana through the lobby and up the stairs to our private quarters. I lay her gently in her bed, pull the covers up to her chin, and kiss her forehead.
"Love you, princess," I whisper.
She mumbles something that might be love you too and rolls over, hugging her favorite stuffed bear.
When I come back downstairs, Joy is still on the couch, but she's moved to the middle, staring at the fireplace where the embers are glowing softly. The lobby is quiet, most of the guests went to their rooms hours ago. It's just us, the crackling fire, and the weight of everything we haven't said.
"She's out," I tell her, sitting down beside her. Not too close, not too far. "She'll sleep until the morning."
"She's a good kid, Winter." Joy turns to look at me, and there's something in her expression I can't quite read. "You've done an amazing job with her."
"Thanks." I lean back, stretching my arm along the back of the couch. Not touching her, but close enough that I could if I wanted to. If she wanted me to. "It hasn't always been easy, but she makes it worth it."
We sit in silence for a moment, and I can feel the tension building between us. It's been building all day, maybe all week, since the moment she ended up in the ditch and back into my life.
"Joy," I start, not sure what I'm going to say but knowing I need to say something.
"Winter," she says at the same time, then laughs softly. "You first."
I turn to face her fully, my hand moving to rest on her knee. She doesn't pull away. "Tomorrow you're leaving."
"Tomorrow the roads should be clear," she corrects, but we both know it means the same thing.
"Yeah." I take a breath, trying to find the right words. "I know we've been dancing around this all day. Since you showed up, really. And I know you have a life to get back to, responsibilities, a job. I'm not trying to make this harder than it already is."
"But?" she questions, her voice barely above a whisper.
"But I don't want you to leave without knowing..." I pause, struggling. "I don't want this to end with things left unsaid between us. Not again."
Joy's hand covers mine where it rests on her knee. "What do you want to say?"
"That these past few days have meant fucking everything to me." The words come easier now that I've started. "Having you here, watching you with Alana, remembering what it felt like to be with you. It's reminded me of what I've been missing. What we could have had."
"Winter..." There are tears in her eyes again.
"I'm not done." I move closer, my free hand coming up to cup her face.
"Dammit, I know there's a good chance we don't have a future.
I know you might leave tomorrow and I might never see you again.
But if that's how this ends, I want one more memory with you.
One that's just ours, not tangled up with the past or worried about the future. Just us, right now, in this moment."
Her breath hitches. "What are you asking for?"
"I'm asking if you want to come upstairs with me. To your room." I stroke my thumb across her cheek, watching her eyes darken. "I'm asking for one more night where we can pretend the rest of the world doesn't exist. Where it's just you and me, the way it used to be."
She's quiet for so long I think she's going to say no. I'm preparing myself for the rejection, for her to pull away and tell me it's a bad idea, that we shouldn't complicate things further.
But then she nods, so slightly I almost miss it. "Okay."
"Okay?" I need to be sure, need to know she really wants this.
"Okay," she says more firmly. She stands up, holding out her hand to me. "Let's make one more memory."
I tangle our fingers together and lead her through the lobby, past the front desk, and up the stairs to the guest room she's been staying in. My heart is pounding so hard I'm sure she can hear it. When we reach her door, I pause, giving her one more chance to change her mind.
She doesn't. Instead, she unlocks the door and pulls me inside.
The moment the door closes behind us, everything changes. The tension that's been building between us all day breaks, and suddenly we're kissing like we have all the time in the world and nothing to lose.
Her lips are hungry, her taste deeper than usual. My hands find her waist, pulling her closer, and she responds by threading her fingers through my hair. It's desperate and passionate, everything I've ever wanted from her.
"Winter," she breathes against my mouth when we finally break apart. "I've missed this. I've missed you. I know I said it before, but you have to know how much."
"I've missed you too," I tell her, kissing her again, softer this time. "So damn much."
I'm going to miss you when you leave. But she can't hear that.
We move toward the bed, shedding layers as we go. My shirt, her sweater, each piece of clothing falling away until we're left in just left in our underwear. The room is warm from the small fireplace in the corner, casting flickering shadows on the walls.
I lay her back on the bed gently, taking a moment just to look at her. She's even more beautiful than I remember, and I want to memorize every detail. The curve of her hip, the freckle on her shoulder, the way her hair fans out across the pillow.
"You're staring," she says, but she's smiling.
"Can you blame me? I gotta get some memories to make it through the next ten years." I lean down to kiss her collarbone, feeling her shiver beneath me. "I might never get to see you like this again."
Her hands slide up my back, pulling me closer. "I thought about this. About you. More times than I want to admit."
"Yeah?" I kiss my way up her neck, feeling her pulse racing under my lips. "What did you think about?"
"Everything." Her voice is breathy now, her hips shifting restlessly beneath me. "The way you used to touch me. The way you made me feel. Like I was the only person in the world when I was on top or underneath you."
"You were," I tell her honestly, pulling back to look into her eyes. "You still are."
Her eyes shine with unshed tears, but she's smiling as she pulls me down for another kiss. This one is slower, deeper, filled with all the emotion I've been holding back. If I want her to trust me enough to stay, I have to trust her enough to let myself be vulnerable with her.
We take our time, both of us knowing this could be our last time together. Every touch counts, every kiss is deeper than the last.
When we finally come together, it's perfect. She fits against me like she was made for this, for us, and for a moment I let myself believe that maybe we really can find our way back to each other.
"Winter," she gasps, her nails digging into my shoulders. "Don't stop."
"Never," I promise, even though we both know I can't keep it. "I'll never stop. Fucking dig those nails in, let me wear the badge of your passion for as long as I can."
We move together, finding a steady rhythm.
We're shaking the bed against the wall, both groaning and moaning as I press my knees against the mattress.
With this leverage, I can swing my hips into her, press my cock as deeply inside as I can get.
Her body responds to mine like we're meant for each other. I so desperately want that to be true.