8. She’s Stronger Than Me
SHE’S STRONGER THAN ME
LAKE
I feel like I’m suffocating. I can’t catch my breath.
I leave the room before I fall down on my knees.
I don’t know what the fuck is going on with me.
I was being an asshole with Olivia. I knew it, but I couldn’t manage to stop myself.
I was actually jealous of the way that man was hanging onto her.
Jealous. Since the day I woke up in that hospital—feeling like I’d just been yanked from death’s grip—I’ve never looked at a woman.
I didn’t want one in my life. I’ve had nurses and women at the bars flirt.
Some were pretty, some could objectively be called beautiful.
Yet, they all left me cold. Honestly, my injuries were so severe that I just assumed something happened to kill that part of me.
It didn’t even bother me to accept that.
Hell, I felt dead inside, even after I healed.
I’ve been surviving, that’s it. It was enough.
Until I saw Olivia. From the first moment I looked at her, I wanted her.
I hated that I did, so I filled that emotion with another … anger.
After she called Carson in there, every word she uttered felt like she was driving nails through me.
I don’t know her story, but just picking up from what she said, it’s clear the two of us have something in common.
Loss. I may not understand what I’ve lost, but the emptiness inside of me tells me it’s something vital.
Olivia lives with her loss every day. I’m not sure which is crueler.
I don’t even know if it matters. I hate that I’m so weak my brain decided to bury my past in a place I can’t reach, while she stands and faces her pain and fear.
She’s fierce, passionate, and powerful in her own way.
Hell, the woman I focused my anger and disgust on is stronger than I will ever be.
I misunderstood everything about her, just because she made me feel something I didn’t like.
Olivia could have gotten her revenge by getting me fired and didn’t.
Fuck, she went out of her way to make sure I kept my job.
I don’t deserve her forgiveness—even though I suddenly crave it.
No, the best thing I can do is stay out of her way.
With my mind made up, I hop into the UTV and head back to Carson’s. I expect them to give me shit when I get there. I’m not entirely positive that they won’t fire me. When I get there, Colt is the one who meets me.
“You’re out on the front perimeter. I’ve got Jeff inside the house, and Will has the back perimeter. I’ll be on the east side, and Adam is on the west. If you see anything—and I mean anything—out of the ordinary, you tell us at once. I don’t want to take any chances.”
“Is there an active threat?” I ask, wondering why security is so tight. The ranch has always been secure, so it’s a little strange.
Colt scratches the side of his neck, which I’ve learned in my time with him is a knowing tell. When we’re playing poker, it’s something he does when he’s bluffing. “We always worry about surprises when Claire or Olivia are involved,” he says quietly, not meeting my gaze.
I frown, but just nod my head in acceptance. “Got it. I’ll head on out and keep an eye on things.” I turn and start walking away from the house.
“Hey, Lake?”
“Yeah?” I answer, stopping to look over my shoulder.
“Whatever your personal baggage is, lay off Olivia. She’s had a hard fucking time of it and she’s just now starting to put her life back together.”
His words hit me in the gut, but I hide it. I don’t trust myself enough to talk. So, I just nod my head. Then, I walk away, doing my best to hide the tremor in my hands, or the way I feel like I’ve been cut open.
I’ve fucked up. I know it, but there’s not much I can do to change things now.
All I can do is push through and prove myself to my bosses, which is really what I’ve been doing from the moment I woke up in the hospital.
If I’m reading Colt right, then Olivia or Claire could have danger following them.
That means I need to keep my head up and my attention laser-focused.
“Anything out of the ordinary, I’ll report at once, Colt,” I assure him, not turning around.
“Good,” I hear Colt answer.
I take a breath and concentrate on my job. It’s all I have and all I need. I almost died before. The pain I felt still haunts me. This is enough. I’m not Olivia, who is rebuilding her life. I’m going to stick with what I know and keep my head down.
It’s safer.