23. He Didn’t Even Ask
HE DIDN’T EVEN ASK
OLIVIA
“You’re tired. You’ve had a long day,” Lake says, his fingers stroking through my hair.
He’s been here all day. We had lunch together.
Watched Dirty Harry movies—I didn’t want to make Lake watch chick flicks—and then, Lake insisted on running me a bath.
So, I relaxed in the tub while Lake cleaned up the kitchen.
Then, he helped me change the sheets on my bed.
I kept expecting him to leave, but it’s now almost ten at night and Lake’s still here.
I haven’t brought up the time or asked why.
I’m kind of afraid to. It’s not that I want him to stay the night.
Not really. It’s just I don’t want him to leave either.
I like having Lake here. The house doesn’t seem as quiet with him here.
I’m also enjoying the way he brushes my hair and kisses my forehead.
It’s the kind of thing that Bear used to do.
The longer I’m with Lake, the more I have to admit that I’m attracted to him, more than I ever thought would be possible for me.
I do feel some guilt. I feel like I’m somehow being unfaithful to Bear.
Logically, I know I’m not. Bear would want me to be happy.
My mind is a mess from this morning. Added to that, are the heavy emotions being around Lake awakens in me. I can’t figure anything out. I know that I’m going to have to attend an emergency therapy session tomorrow.
“Yeah, she’s right here,” Lake says, causing me to jerk my head around to look at him.
He’s holding my cell phone. I don’t even know how he got it.
Obviously, he answered it—and didn’t even ask me if he could.
I frown at him, wondering how things started getting so out of control.
I honestly don’t have a clue. The Lake in my house right now is different from the one I ate at the diner with.
He’s more confident, flirty, and relaxed.
He’s also free with touching, hand holding and kisses on my forehead.
“Who is it?” I whisper, not sure I want to talk to anyone right now.
“Carson,” he answers with a grin. Something about his smile makes me want to throw something at him. I don’t, but I want to.
“I guess of all the ones that might call, Carson is the safest,” I grumble mostly to myself. Lake has the audacity to laugh. I stick my tongue out at him, and he laughs harder. I take the phone with a sigh.
“Hey,” I murmur lamely.
“Heard you had a rough day, Livy.”
“I’m sorry, Carson. I didn’t mean to space out on work,” I respond, feeling guilty.
“Stop that. You know your health will always come first. You’re family.”
“But—”
“No buts. I’m only calling because we’re worried about you. That’s it. Nothing else is more important than your health. We all wanted to come see you, but Lake was afraid you’d be overwhelmed.”
“I’d yell at him, but I think maybe he was right today. The nightmare was pretty intense. I’ll be fine though. I can work tomorrow, but I’ll be late. I’m going to go into town and talk with my therapist to be safe. I don’t want to give this a chance to spiral on me,” I explain.
“You’re not working tomorrow. I’m glad you’re going to therapy though. Tell Lake he can have the day off tomorrow so that he can take you—”
“Carson, that’s not necessary. I’ve already messed up Lake’s whole day. I don’t want to bother him. I can go into town and if I don’t feel like driving, I can ask Cross to come and—”
Lake reaches over and grabs the phone. “Carson, I’ll be taking tomorrow off. I’m going to take Livy into town and make sure she’s okay. We’ll see how tomorrow goes, but if she’s not good, then I’ll turn in that PTO time I have and take a few more days.”
“Lake!” I snap, but he just winks at me—the jerk. He just informed his boss that he was going to take tomorrow off to make sure I was okay … And he didn’t even ask me.
“We’re good. I’m going to sleep on her couch tonight.”
My eyes go wide. He’s spending the night?
“Yeah, I will. Thanks, Carson.”
“You’re spending the night?” I squeak out once he disconnects the call and puts my phone on the end table.
“Yeah,” he responds, acting as if his deciding to spend the night here is nothing.
“You didn’t even ask me,” I point out the one sentence that keeps replaying in my head.
“I’m not leaving you alone, Livy. Now, if you don’t want me to stay here, I can stay outside by the door and listen for you there.”
“That would be stupid,” I gasp, because I can tell he’s completely serious.
“Then, we’re agreed. I’m sleeping on the couch.
“I didn’t agree. I’ll be fine here alone,” I huff.
“I don’t agree with that. Now, can we stop arguing and try to relax? It’s not good for you to be so keyed up.”
“I don’t remember you being so domineering, Lake,” I gripe.
“I was hiding it until I charmed you completely with my sweet and happy attitude first.”
I should be mad and throwing a fit at the way he’s taking everything over. Any other man would be running for the hills. I don’t understand what he’s doing. Maybe he really is just concerned and is worried about me.
“You’re being weird,” I mumble, rubbing my temples.
“Is your head hurting again, Livy?” Lake asks at once.
“Just a little,” I lie. I can’t tell him that I’m just confused and feeling guilty because I want to kiss him but doing so would feel like betraying Bear.
I’m not even sure why I’m having these feelings.
My body has been tortured and forced by violence so many times, being close to any man should be the last thing I want.
I jerk slightly when I feel Lake’s lips against my temple.
“My poor Livy,” he whispers close to my ear.
My body jerks as if it just suffered a physical blow. My eyes close at the bittersweet feelings those three words deliver. My eyes close and instantly I remember Bear doing his best to hold me after a particularly violent beating.
“My poor Livy. You deserve better than a man who can’t protect you,” he whispers.
“I … only … want … you,” I gasp, fighting for each breath because of the pain in my ribs.
His hands brush against my cheeks and he holds my face with tenderness as he stares into my eyes. “You have me, Livy. Every single part of me belongs to you. Feel me here with you. Feel me …”
My heart thuds painfully against my chest and as I breathe in, I smell Lake, but somehow his scent brings to mind only Bear.
Without thinking, I turn my head slightly, pressing my lips to his.
Lake stiffens, obviously shocked. Then, he kisses me back.
It’s awkward at first. I haven’t kissed someone in so long that I’m pretty sure I’ve forgotten how.
“Lake,” I whimper when he starts to pull away. My fingers clutch his sides, afraid he will leave.
“Fuck,” he groans, then the kiss goes wild. I hang onto him, letting him direct everything.
His tongue pushes into my mouth. I don’t even think of denying him.
I want his kiss. I need it more than my next breath.
I let Lake lead me through it, enjoying myself fully.
He’s extremely gentle. His hands stay on me the entire time, grounding me as his tongue carefully explores my mouth.
His thumb stretches up and slides against my nipple.
I gasp, but he swallows the sound down. I thought I would panic, but the truth is, it feels so good that I want more.
I reach up, my hands desperately finding his hair as I pull him to me.
It's short, different from the long lengths that Bear used to prefer, but it’s thick and soft.
I love the feel of it pressed against my fingers.
Lake maneuvers my body so that I’m straddling his lap, bringing us even closer than before.
The kiss continues until I think I might pass out.
Lake pulls back, but I immediately let out a small sound of disappointment.
His lips move from my lips down my cheek, kissing my skin.
When he hears my tiny mew of sadness, I feel his lips stretch into a smile against my skin.
“Lake,” I whine, my voice foreign sounding even to my own ears.
“I’m not going anywhere, Livy,” he vows, as his mouth continues making a trail to my neck.
The minute I feel his teeth rake against skin, long forgotten fissure of desire courses through me so strongly that my body trembles with need.
I arch my neck, giving Lake better access.
My hand moves down his body, brushing against the column of his neck, down his shoulder, his bicep, until I finally curve to find the hem of his T-shirt and snake up underneath it.
“Fuck, Livy,” he groans, his voice sounding even darker now.
“That’s it baby. Touch me. Feel what’s yours. ”
Mine.
I surrender to the desire I’m feeling—something I haven’t felt since the last time Bear and I made love.
Even then, the hunger I’m feeling now wasn’t as intense.
Bear and I made love with emotion, but we were both in pain.
It’s a miracle we managed to come together.
This is different. It’s all need and hunger, and the strength of it should be impossible.
It’s so strong that I can’t pull away from it.
My body is reacting in ways that I never expected it to again.
I lift his shirt, quickly bunching the soft cotton in my hands.
Lake helps by raising one arm, and shrugging out of it.
That hand immediately goes back to holding me, while he repeats his action with his other arm.
When it’s all said and done, the shirt is in the floor, I’m lying on the bed, and Lake is over me, looking down into my eyes with an intensity that feels as if he’s marking my body as his.
“I ...” I’m not sure what I’m doing—let alone what I want to say. Lake stares down at me.
“It’s okay, Livy. This doesn’t have to go any further.”
His words should kill the fire burning inside of me. I’m actually surprised they don’t. “It’s not that. It’s just …”
“You can tell me anything, Livy.”
“I haven’t done anything like this in a long time,” I confide. Under his intense stare, I start to feel uncomfortable. “I mean, at least not willingly.” The minute I blurt those words out, I try to pull away from Lake. I’m such an idiot.
“Livy, stop,” he says pulling me back around to face him before I can get away.
“Lake—”
“We’ll go as slow as you need to Livy. There’s no time limit here. I want to be with you more than my next breath, but I will wait for you as long as you need me to.”
“I don’t know what I can offer you, Lake. My head is a mess and Bear, well …”
“I’m here to stay, Livy. I’m not asking you to promise me forever. We’ll just go day by day until you’re ready for more.”
“Maybe you should go home. I need to work through some things,” I suggest, feeling weird.
He put a stop to everything. I’m not sure what changed.
Yet, now I just feel lost. Does he not want me?
Was it because I said too much about my past?
“Just lock the door on your way out. I’m going to take a shower,” I mumble, getting up off the bed I walk to the bathroom and close the door.
I go straight to the shower and turn the water on, adjusting it like I usually do.
Then, I take off my clothes and get inside.
I learned a long time ago that crying in the shower is easier, because your tears are hidden.
I feel so stupid. I just wanted one night where I could feel normal.
I let out a self-mocking laugh. I’ve never been allowed to be normal.
I’m not sure why I’d get it now. I let the water beat down on my back.
I keep my head down and after I let a few tears escape, I look up at the ceiling.
“Bear, you left me alone and now I’m lost. I don’t want to let go of us.
I just want to try to … live. Can you help me?
” My question comes out strangled and quieter than the rest. I’m so tired of hurting.
“Turn around and look at me, Livy. I’m alive and I’m here,” Lake says, pulling the shower door open.
My body jerks, as I spin around to see Lake standing completely naked. He got in the shower with me and once more … he didn’t even ask.