Chapter Thirteen
In the office room on the rollaway bed, Josh had trouble getting to sleep. And not because he missed his big bed at home—he did, but the rollaway was perfectly fine.
He couldn’t sleep because he wanted to be in the other room with Riley.
But he knew that wasn’t wise. Not for Dillon, who was far too young to understand the stuff that went on between consenting adults.
And not for Josh, either. He didn’t want to give up on Riley.
But damn, her heart was locked up tight.
He kept telling himself he needed to be patient, that in the end she would realize that you couldn’t run fast enough to leave true love behind.
True love.
Yeah. It had finally happened for him. Riley was it, the one for him. He fully accepted that now.
Eventually, he reassured himself, she would see the truth and admit that what they had together was real and strong and built to last.
Love is patient, he reminded himself.
And it hadn’t been that long since he’d come to grips with what was in his heart.
In his family, true love was everything.
But for him personally? So far, in his experience, true love was painful and lonely.
The only satisfaction he shared with Riley was the hot, sexy kind—and yes, when a man loved a woman, hot sex was a definite plus.
But it wasn’t what mattered most.
He wanted her heart. And someday, he kept promising himself, she would finally admit that her heart belonged to him.
* * *
When Riley woke in the morning, everything ached. But at least Josh was there. He took a lot of the frustration out of being laid up.
First, he woke her gently with a careful tap on her bedroom door. When she called out, “Come in,” he entered with a smile. He helped her clean up and get dressed. Then he carried her downstairs. He got her set up on the sofa with her walker in reach. Then he ran back up to get Dillon moving.
Riley’s phone rang as Josh herded Dillon toward the kitchen for breakfast. It was Lenore of all people.
“How are you doing?” asked Josh’s ex.
“I’ve been better. But Josh is here helping out, so we’re managing.”
“Good. Listen, I don’t know how long you’re going to be off your feet, but I was thinking that on the weeks Shane is with me, I could swing by, pick up Dillon and take him to daycare along with Shane.”
“That’s terrific of you, Lenore. But you don’t have to—”
“It’s no problem. I’ll pick him up and bring him home at the end of the day at the usual time unless you call me and let me know otherwise. I figure we can just work it out as we go, keep in contact and all that.”
“Are you sure?”
“Sheesh, Riley. It’s not a big deal.”
“Well, okay, then. Great. Thank you so much!”
“No problem. See you in a bit.”
Riley set her phone down as Josh came out of the kitchen. “That was Lenore. She’s driving Dillon back and forth to daycare for the rest of the week.”
Josh smiled. “Well, that’s a help.” And then he hesitated. “Don’t you think?”
“Yeah. It is. It really is.”
“Eggs and toast?” he asked.
“Yes, please.”
Again, Josh brought the food into the living room so they could all eat together. He cleaned up after the meal, and he was still there when Lenore and Shane arrived to pick up Dillon.
After Josh and Roger left for work, Riley managed reasonably well alone for the next few hours, sticking to the RICE—rest, ice, compression and elevation—protocol for her ankle.
It already hurt less than yesterday to hobble to the bathroom on the walker. She reminded herself to be grateful for small favors as she dosed herself with ibuprofen.
Macy called at 11:30. “I heard from Joe, who heard from Josh that you fell down the stairs at the hotel?”
“I did. But I’m okay, resting comfortably at home, as they say.”
Macy was onto her. “You’re faking it. I’m on my way over, and I’m bringing lunch.”
Ten minutes later, Macy let herself in the front door with the key Riley had given her years before. “I’ve got just what you need,” she announced, holding up the to-go bag from Carmelita’s.
As they sipped iced tea and ate burritos gigantes, Riley shared all the gory details of her fall down the basement stairs and her ambulance ride to the hospital.
“Wow,” said Macy. “I’m so sorry about your ankle—and your poor head. But look at it this way—you’re one lucky pregnant lady.”
Riley laid a hand on her belly. “Yes, I am,” she replied with a sigh. “Josh is the best. He’s staying here, taking care of everything until I can get around a little better.”
“You really should marry that guy, you know?”
Riley lowered her burrito and shook her head. “Haven’t we already beat that subject to death?”
“So what? Some things bear repeating. I know you. You’re going to do what you’re going to do, and I will always love you no matter what. But, Rile, you’re already in love with him. I don’t understand why you won’t just admit that.”
“I’m not,” she said and hated that she sounded like a petulant child. “I mean it. I am not in love with Josh—and if one more person tells me that I am… Look. Can we please not talk about this any longer?”
“Who else knows that you’re in love with Josh?”
“Stop. I mean it.”
Macy gave a slow shake of her head. “Love will bring you everything—both joy. And heartbreak.”
“Is this going be a lecture or are you telling me my fortune?”
“A little of both.” Macy waved her burrito. “Now, shh. Let me finish.”
“You don’t need to continue. I know exactly what you’re going to say.”
“It won’t hurt you to hear it again.”
Riley slapped her hand to her heart. “Oh, it just might…”
“Silence.” Macy put a finger to her lips. “Just do what I say. Listen. And it will be over soon.”
“Fine. Go ahead.”
“Okay, then. You can’t escape the heartbreak with denial.
If you deny your love, you just break your own heart before you get to the good parts.
The only viable choice is to give your heart gladly, take the joy.
Then build a good life and teach your children to do the same.
That way, when the heartbreak comes—which it will because we are human and fallible, and eventually, we die—you hold on to the joy inside you, you remember every loving moment. And you go on as best you can.”
“May I speak now?”
“Of course.”
“I am going on as best I can, Mace.”
“Uh-uh. That’s what you were doing. Before you fell in love with Josh.”
“But I’m not in love with—”
“Don’t.” Macy put up a hand. “I don’t want to hear it. We’ve been friends for too long to tell each other lies.”
“I’m not lying to you. I’m not.”
They stared at each other. Macy was the one who glanced away first. Her shoulders slumped. “I’m sorry. I got a little bit carried away.”
Riley sighed. “It’s okay.”
“No, it’s not. I just… I want everything for you, all the happiness you so richly deserve.”
Relieved that the loving lecture was over, Riley nodded. “How about we just agree to disagree—and move on?”
Macy didn’t look happy, but she did say, “Fair enough. Let’s move on.”
She stayed for another hour. They talked of their children and their jobs and their families. And both of them took extra care not to mention Josh again.
* * *
For the rest of that week, Josh and Roger spent every night at Riley’s house. They slept in the home office, Josh on the rollaway and Roger in the doggy bed Josh had brought from home.
Josh reminded himself constantly that he and Riley weren’t together—and, according to Riley anyway, never would be. That he was here as a friend because a friend was what she needed. His heart had other ideas, as did his body.
He wanted to be with her all the time in all the ways. But he had to be careful. What he wanted would only make it hurt even more when he moved back home without her.
By Friday, Riley was clearly feeling better. She got around well on the walker and had even learned to navigate the stairs with it.
Saturday, Josh picked up Shane from Lenore’s.
Shane was thrilled to learn that for the week to come, he would be staying over at Dillon’s house.
The boys spent the weekend running up and down the stairs, playing in the backyard sprinklers and jumping on the low trampoline Riley had bought for Dillon early in the spring.
Monday, with Josh at work and the boys at daycare, Riley put in several hours in her home office catching up on things at the hotel.
That evening, she told Josh that she’d joined the morning meeting via Zoom.
She also reported that she and Annette agreed she would work remotely for a while.
In a week or so, they would reevaluate how to ease her into returning to work onsite.
Tuesday, Josh drove her up to Sheridan for her first physical therapy session and a visit to her doctor, where they discussed other options beyond the walker, like possibly crutches or a knee crutch, which would allow her to walk hands-free.
The doctor had reservations for either style of crutch because of her pregnancy.
The growing baby created certain challenges to her center of gravity.
“I’m not taking any chances with the baby,” she decided. “I’ll manage with the walker.”
She was laughing on the way back home, excited that her recovery was going so well. Josh loved to see her happy.
But it hurt, too. He wanted to give her everything, and that meant he had to keep reminding himself that “everything” just wasn’t happening.
Somehow, he kept getting his hopes up anyway. It didn’t take much for him to start dreaming that somehow she would change her mind. That one day soon she would say she wanted to make this temporary situation permanent, that she wanted it all with him the same as he did with her.