Chapter Fourteen #2
Lenore picked up and started talking. “Hey. So when Shane said he wanted to have Dillon over, I asked him, ‘Didn’t you just leave Dillon’s house?
’ And Shane says, ‘Yeah, but can he come over today?’ What can I do?
I’m one of those mothers who just gives her kid whatever he wants if at all possible.
So…how about it? Can Dillon come over—say, for a couple of hours, anyway? Maybe a little longer. Till two?”
Riley marveled. Somehow she was actually starting to like Lenore. “Just a minute,” she said. “Let me check.”
“Go for it.”
Riley muted the phone and turned to Dillon, who was sitting at the table eating apple slices. “Shane and Lenore have invited you over. Would you like to go?”
“Yes!”
“Okay, then,” she said to Lenore. “I’ll drop him off in an hour and pick him up at two.”
“Perfect. See you…”
An hour later, when Riley dropped of Dillon, he immediately went off with Shane leaving Riley with Lenore, who said, “I see your ankle is much better…”
“Yeah, it’s healing up just great.”
“So glad to hear that. Shane says he and his dad won’t be staying at your place anymore…”
“That’s right. I’m able to manage well on my own now.”
Lenore bit her lip. Riley dreaded whatever might come out of her mouth next.
But Lenore didn’t go there. “Listen. If you need anything, all you have to do is call.”
“Thank you,” Riley replied.
“Any time. I mean that.”
They shared a mutually hesitant smile, and that was it. With a wave and a sigh of relief, Riley left.
On the way back to her house, she stopped at Big Country Grocery and loaded up her cart. At home, she put everything away. By then, her ankle was aching a little.
But she needed to keep busy, keep herself from wondering what Josh was doing now…
She put on her ankle sleeve for a little support, straightened up the kitchen and vacuumed the living room. When that was done, she still had an hour left before she had to pick up Dillon.
She could have done a bit of catchup in her home office. There was always hotel business to attend to.
But she sat down on the sofa just for a minute and then didn’t want to get up.
She kept thinking of Josh, missing him terribly, wondering what was wrong with her to have sent him away.
But then, she knew what was wrong with her.
She’d lost too much. And those losses had made her unwilling to take a chance on loving again.
The doorbell rang.
Josh, she thought.
Because maybe he’d changed his mind and decided he could go on as they had been, after all…
But she knew he hadn’t. She knew him to his soul. He’d meant what he said. He wanted more. She had to say yes to more—or he was moving on. He wouldn’t be coming back to announce how very happy he would be to take whatever bits of her heart she was willing to share with him. Josh wanted it all.
And she couldn’t blame him.
Damn him.
Now someone was knocking on the door—and impatiently, too.
“Just a minute!” She got up and went to answer.
It was Macy. “Joe has the kids, and I’ve finished up for the week at the flower shop. Thought I’d stop in, see how you’re doing.”
“I’m…” Riley closed her eyes. “I don’t even know where to start.”
Macy stepped over the threshold and closed the door behind her. “What happened? What’s wrong? Why are you crying?”
“I’m not…” Riley brushed at her cheek. Her fingers came away wet. So much for faking it with her other best friend. “Fine. You want the truth?”
“Of course, I do.”
“Josh and I broke up.”
Macy reached out her arms, and Riley went into them.
* * *
Forty-five minutes later, they’d finished off half a loaf of banana bread, and Riley had told all. “And now I miss him so much I can’t even think straight. But I know I did the right thing to break it off.”
“Wait. They guy says he’s in love with you. It’s obvious he’ll do anything for you, and you’re in love with him, too, and yet you—”
“Hold on. I never said that I’m in love with Josh. The whole point is not to be in love with Josh. I can’t do that. Never again.”
Macy groaned. “Saying you’re not does not make it true. Trust me, you’re in love with him. I know love when I see it. Why do you think you’re so miserable if it’s not love that you’re feeling?”
“Because I miss him.”
“Because you sent him away, and you love him.”
“But I don’t.”
“But you do—and the first step to working things out and being happy again is to admit what’s in your heart. It’s love, Rile. It’s love, and you’re doing your best to throw your love away.”
Riley glanced at her phone. “It’s almost two. I have to pick up Dillon from Lenore’s.”
“Anything to get away from facing the truth, huh?”
“I mean it. I have to go.”
Macy’s expression softened. She reached across the table and patted Riley’s hand. “You love him. Give it up to him. Go to him and tell the man you can’t live without him.”
“But I—”
“No buts. Wise up. Why suffer when you can have the love you need so much?”
“Because life is so cruel. What if I lose him, too?”
“Do you hear yourself? What if you lose him? Riley, you’ve already lost him. You did that yourself when you sent him away.” Macy got up. “Come here.”
Riley went into her friend’s open arms.
“Just think about what I said,” Macy whispered.
“Oh, please. As if I’ll be thinking about anything else…”
* * *
The weekend crawled by. Sunday, Riley and Dillon had dinner at Annette’s.
Twice, Annette asked her if she was all right. Riley said she was just fine. And she was. Or so she kept reminding herself.
She only needed to live through this…period of adjustment. Eventually, she would get over her longing for Josh. She just needed time to move on and focus on the way things were now.
Annette mentioned Miles more than once. She practically glowed every time she said his name.
The irony of the situation didn’t escape Riley.
She had encouraged Annette to say yes to Miles, to loosen up, let go of her so-called rules.
Annette had done that. And look at her now.
Annette had always been a force to be reckoned with, so smart and successful.
Tough and determined. But a little bit sad, too. A little bit lonely.
Now, though, she had an actual glow. She looked ten years younger, and she took things in stride. The brittle shell of loneliness she used to have around her heart had cracked wide open and fallen away.
As for Riley, she saw quite clearly now that she had rules, too. And she was terrified to break them. And so she set her mind and heart on getting through the days and the lonely nights until she could somehow get over Josh.
He called on Monday as she was about to go into the morning meeting at the hotel. She let the call go to voice mail and then couldn’t bear to check the message. Finally, a few minutes before she left the hotel to pick up Dillon from daycare, she played the message back.
“Just wanted to be sure you’re managing okay,” he said. “Anything you need, you let me know. Call me or drop me a text whenever you get a chance.”
That was it. He sounded…reserved.
But why shouldn’t he keep things cool? That was the point, wasn’t it? To be cool and get over what they’d had that had been so good and right and…not sustainable. Because he wanted more, and she couldn’t go there.
He called again Monday evening not long after she tucked Dillon into bed.
She longed to just let it go to voice mail and pretend for a while that he hadn’t called. Because right now, it hurt even to imagine hearing his voice. But blowing him off a second time would be so wrong. So she muted the big screen over the fireplace and answered, “Hi, Josh! How are you?”
“Good. No problems here. You?”
Dear God. This was awful. The two of them faking it for all they were worth, trying to sound normal when everything was so completely wrong. Her heart was pounding so hard she couldn’t hear herself think—and what was the question? Right. How was she? “I’m okay, really.”
“Not picking up your messages, though, huh?”
She winced. “I’m sorry. I kept meaning to call…”
“Oh, really?”
Now she felt painfully defensive. “I did mean to call. Honestly…”
“It’s okay,” he said. But they both knew it wasn’t. “I’ll check in next Monday. We’re signed up for that birthing class on Thursday the tenth, remember?”
“Of course.” The birthing class was a week and a half away. A lot could happen in a week and a half. By the tenth of July, she might be over all this…awfulness. Hey, it was possible that she would wake up a week from now and think, Well, what do you know? I’m over Josh. Now we can be buddies again…
But seriously, who did she think she was kidding? Right now it felt like they could never go back. That she would never be over him, and he would never be ready to just be her friend again. Right now, she feared that misery would follow her around for the rest of her days.
“It’s just a one-night class,” she said. “Just the basics.”
“I am aware.”
“Well, okay then.”
A cool chuckle escaped him. “You can’t wait to get rid of me, can you?”
“I, uh…”
“Sorry. That was uncalled for.”
She almost smiled. “You are forgiven.”
“Riley. I mean it. You’ll let me know if you need anything?”
You, cried a lonely voice deep down inside her. How about if what I need is you? “I will, Josh. I promise.”
“Good. I’ll reach out next week.”
Reach out? Did that mean he would text instead of calling? Should she be grateful for that? Or sadder than ever—because everything was wrecked between them, and now she wouldn’t even get to hear his voice on the phone.
“Take care of yourself,” he said.
“Yes. All right, then. Goodbye.”
“Bye.” He ended the call.
She did not understand herself lately. First, she’d put off returning his call. Now she ached to call him back, just to hear him speak to her in that cool, distant tone.
Really, how pathetic did that make her?
Very.
And that was why she needed to pull herself together and quit moping around.
* * *