Nineteen
We decide to head back to the pub, and we get there just before last orders.
We don’t spend too long telling the others what happened, because it’s very clear straight away that Mandy has been knocking back the drinks faster than everyone else around the table, and her constant shouts of, ‘Let’s go get the bastard!’ and, ‘We’ll use his testicles as bait when the fishing boats leave the harbour tomorrow!’ are drawing far more attention to our table than we’d like. Especially when we’re trying to discuss such a sensitive topic.
Eventually, we decide that at least one of our party has had enough drinking for one evening, and we call it a night.
‘I’ll walk Mandy home,’ I tell the others. ‘It’s on my way.’
‘Let me help you,’ Rob says. ‘I’m not sure you can manage her on your own.’
‘Nah!’ Mandy says, hearing us. ‘We don’t need men, do we, Frankie?’ She throws her arm around my shoulders. ‘Me and my mate Frankie here will be just fine together. Just like we always should have been, if you hadn’t come along.’ She pushes Rob away playfully at first, and then with a bit more force.
‘All right. All right!’ Rob says, holding up his hands in surrender. ‘I get the message!’
‘Sure you’ll be OK?’ he asks me in a whisper when Mandy’s attention is caught by something else for a moment.
‘Yeah, I’ll be fine. She can still walk . . . just,’ I say as Mandy sways next to me.
Those of us who don’t have rooms in the pub leave and go our separate ways, while Mandy and I stagger together towards Mandy’s parents’ house.
‘Ah, Frankie,’ Mandy says as we wobble along, her arm still around my shoulders. ‘How did it come to this, eh?’
‘Me making sure you get home all right?’ I ask. ‘I think it might have happened a few times before.’
‘Yeah, you have, haven’t you?’ she says, stopping to look at me for a moment. ‘You’re a good friend. One of the best!’
‘Thank you.’ I move her along again.
‘You know you’ve always been special to me,’ Mandy says as we walk extremely slowly along the pavement together. ‘And I’m sorry.’
‘Sorry for what?’
‘For what I did at that dance.’
‘What dance? Do you mean the Enchantment Under the Sea dance?’
‘Yeah, the enter . . .encha . . . that sea thing we all went to and sang. Do you remember?’
‘Of course, I do,’ I say, desperately trying to get her safely across the road before a car comes.
‘Do you remember what I said to you that night . . . you know, in the toilets?’
‘Er . . . vaguely, yes.’ This journey back to Mandy’s house is getting harder by the minute. Every time Mandy asks me a question, she stops walking, as though she can’t cope with doing both at the same time.
‘Well, I’m going to tell you something now you might not like.’ Mandy pulls an overly sombre expression, which ends up looking quite comical.
‘OK, can we keep walking though while you tell me? Otherwise you’ll never get home, and neither will I.’
‘Yes . . . ’ Mandy waggles her finger at me. ‘That is a genius idea. Let’s do that.’ She is silent while she tries to concentrate on walking for a few steps. ‘Wait, the thing!’ she says, suddenly remembering. She stops walking again.
‘Right, I tell you what. You tell me the thing
, and then we’ll walk back quietly together. How about that?’
‘Yes.’ Mandy nods furiously. ‘Again, a wonderful idea.’ She stands swaying slightly in front of me. ‘Do you remember what I told you about Rob that night?’ she asks, surprising me.
‘Kind of – why?’
‘Well, I shouldn’t have said it.’ She nods matter-of-factly. ‘I told you that because I was jealous. Not because it was the right thing to do.’
‘OK . . . but what you said was great advice if I remember rightly. About your girlfriends being the most important thing.’
‘And you not needing a man to make you happy. Yes, it was, wasn’t it?’ She thinks about this for a moment. But then just as quickly she shakes her head. ‘No! No, it wasn’t good advice. I only said it because I was jealous, Frankie.’
‘Yes, you’ve said that already. But it really doesn’t matter now if you were jealous of me having a boyfriend back then. It was a long time ago.’
‘No!’ she says, shaking her head again but much more vehemently this time. ‘You’ve got it all wrong.’ She pokes her finger into my chest. ‘I wasn’t jealous of you having Rob as a boyfriend. I was jealous of him having you as a girlfriend.’
‘What do you mean?’ I ask, not understanding. ‘It’s the same thing, isn’t it?’
Mandy shakes her head, slowly this time, and then wobbles a little.
‘You’re not listening,’ she says as she steadies herself. ‘I didn’t like you giving Rob all your attention, Frankie, I didn’t like it at all. So I said what I did to try to break the two of you up. And I did it because . . . because . . . because I fancied you,’ she finishes with a flourish of her hand. ‘There, I’ve said it. I fancied you
, Frankie. In fact,’ she looks me up and down, ‘I think I still do.’
I stare at Mandy for a moment trying to take this in. Is she really saying what I think she is? She’s clearly more drunk than I realised.
‘OK . . . ’ I say, not really knowing how to respond. ‘Perhaps we should get going again.’ I try to take hold of her once more.
‘No!’ She pushes me away like she did to Rob. ‘You’re not listening to me. I’m telling you, Frankie. I’m telling you I’m gay. I like girls and women. Not boys and men.’
Mandy’s earnest face suggests this isn’t something she’s just decided to tell me on a drunken whim. It’s something she’s been storing up for years, waiting for the right moment.
‘Let’s sit down.’ I gesture to a low brick wall that borders the garden behind us. There’s a dense hedge the other side of the wall so I doubt the owners will notice us sitting there. And an added bonus, if Mandy should topple backwards off the wall, the hedge will stop her from falling. ‘When did you first know?’ I ask as we perch on the red-brick wall together. ‘When we were at school?’
Mandy shrugs. ‘Kind of. I wasn’t really sure, though. I knew I felt differently about girls than boys, but it was when I met you that things began to change in my mind.’
‘I’m flattered.’
Mandy grins. ‘You should be.’
I notice that sitting on the cool brick wall seems to have sobered Mandy up a little. ‘So all that stuff you used to spout about boys, that was all a front?’
‘Yeah, sorry. I was very confused back then. I probably overcompensated for what I was really feeling.’
‘Don’t worry about it. Name a teenager who’s got it all together at that age. I certainly hadn’t.’
‘That’s true. Remember when you asked Rob if he wanted to be a mermaid?’
‘How could I forget?’ I roll my eyes.
‘Even though you were my first crush, Frankie, I didn’t have my first encounter, shall we call it, until I was twenty. And it was at, of all places, Claire’s wedding reception.’
‘No way! Really? Who with?’
‘Remember that talent scout – the American who took our Rob over to the States?’
‘Yes, of course I do. Wait, she was your first?’
Mandy nods. ‘Jenna. She was older than me, obviously, but we got talking at the reception, and afterwards we stayed in the hotel bar drinking until quite late. One thing led to another and I’ve never looked back since. It seems both Rob and I have much to thank Jenna Morgan for.’
I think about this for a moment.
‘Are you shocked?’ Mandy asks earnestly. ‘I don’t mind if you are.’
‘Shocked – no. Surprised – yes. Bothered – of course not!’ I lean over and put my arms around Mandy’s shoulder. ‘If you’re happy, then so am I. Oh, God, I didn’t mean . . . of course you’re not happy, what with tomorrow . . . Lord, I’m such a dunce!’
‘Hey,’ Mandy says, tapping my knee. ‘Don’t be daft. I have such a weight on my shoulders right now with Hetty, that telling you what I have tonight has lifted just a little of that weight away. You’re the only one of the mermaids I’ve told, you know?’
I nod. ‘I’m glad you have. Not because I want to pry or anything, I’m just pleased you wanted to confide in me.’
‘Are you cross about Rob?’ Mandy asks. ‘That I tried to split you two up?’
‘Not really. I think it would have happened anyway. Let’s just say I got a few wires crossed that night. But it was probably all for the best. Look at where he is now. If we’d still been together, I wouldn’t have fitted in that world at all.’
‘You don’t fancy starving yourself into frocks to go to awards ceremonies, or partying with the stars, then?’
‘Definitely not. Rob has his life now, and I have mine. Never the twain shall meet.’
Not any more, anyway.
‘That’s a shame. Much as I hate to say it, I think you two are perfect for each other.’
‘Well, that’s something we do disagree on,’ I say, standing up again. I hold my hand out to Mandy. ‘Come on, you. I still need to get you home.’
Mandy nods reluctantly. ‘I don’t want tomorrow to come,’ she says, still sitting. She looks down at the pavement. ‘Because when it does, I have to say goodbye. And I’m not sure I can do that.’ She looks up at me with such a harrowed expression, I feel my insides twist with compassion.
‘I wish I could take away this pain you’re feeling,’ I tell her. ‘But I can’t, no one can. Tomorrow is something you have to do, Mandy. But you won’t be alone. We’ll all be there with you, supporting you, and helping you through it. Because that’s what we’ve always done for each other. And that’s what we always will do.’
I reach out my hand again, and this time Mandy takes it.
I pull her to her feet and then we give each other the biggest of hugs.
‘Thank you,’ Mandy whispers into my hair. ‘I’m really gonna need you guys tomorrow.’
‘We’ll be there,’ I repeat, thinking of Claire again. ‘All of us – together.’