Twenty
The last time we were all here together was for Claire’s wedding
, I think sadly as we wait in the church for the funeral procession to arrive.
At the time that had seemed such a happy day, but, now, after last night, those memories seem a little tarnished.
I glance over at Claire, but she doesn’t return my gaze. Instead, she stares straight ahead, listening intently to the sombre organ music that is wafting through the church.
Good to his word, Mack had called for me at my parents’ house this morning, looking incredibly dapper in a smart black suit and shiny black shoes, and then we walked down through the town together to collect Claire. Contrary to my expectations, it went a lot more smoothly than I expected after the events of the previous evening.
Claire was polite as we all walked down to the church together, but quiet, even for her. I glanced with concern at Mack a couple of times after I tried to engage Claire in conversation and she answered my prompts with one-word answers. But he simply gave a small shake of his head – as if to say, ‘Don’t worry. Now’s not the time.’ And I felt immediately comforted by this small gesture. Mack being involved in this somehow managed to make me feel like everything was going to be all right.
I turn to my left and look across at him further along our pew, sitting next to Rob. He’s reading the order of service, but he looks up at me and smiles. I smile back, at the same time as Rob looks up. He sees me smiling and mirrors my gesture, assuming I’m smiling at him.
Suzy, sitting in between us, notices our exchanges and smiles knowingly to herself.
Great!
I face forward again. Now everyone is getting the wrong idea.
I glance at Eddie on my right to see if he has noticed any of this, but he’s still sitting staring ahead, a bit like Claire, only he looks more upset.
‘Are you OK?’ I ask him.
Eddie turns his head. ‘Yeah, I’m fine. I don’t really like funerals.’
‘I don’t think anyone likes
funerals,’ I whisper. ‘It’s just one of those events you have to endure in life.’
‘I mean, I don’t like the whole dead-body thing. What do you think happens when we die?’
‘I . . . I don’t really know,’ I say, surprised by his question. ‘I’d like to think there’s an afterlife of some sort. What about you?’
Eddie shrugs. ‘That’s the thing, I don’t know. I’m in awe of these people that have faith. It must be very comforting at a time like this.’
‘Yes, I suppose it must.’
The organist suddenly changes the music as the vicar appears at the doors of the church and begins to lead the procession down the aisle.
I’ve been lucky enough in my life that I’ve only had to attend a few funerals, so the sight of the coffin entering the church as we all stand is one I’m quite used to seeing. But witnessing two coffins following each other into the church, for some reason hits me harder than usual, and I have to stifle a gasp.
Eddie glances at me as the procession begins to pass us. ‘You all right?’ he mouths.
I nod, and then I see Mandy and her parents following behind the first of the two coffins, and I have to stifle another gasp, this time by putting my hand over my mouth.
Mandy looks paler than I’ve ever seen her before as she walks arm in arm between her mum and dad. The grief, anguish and torment etched on all their faces twists my heart so tightly that I can hardly bear to witness their pain, and I just want to hug all of them and tell them it’s going to be all right.
Mandy looks across at us all lined up, and her red-rimmed eyes rest upon me.
Without thinking I blow her a kiss. I don’t stop to think whether it’s the most appropriate thing to do at a funeral, only that I want her know we’re here with her, supporting her all the way.
She nods gratefully as she continues along the aisle.
Mandy and her parents are closely followed by the next coffin. Behind that walk two more grief-stricken parents arm in arm, as they attempt to support each other through the hardest thing they’ll ever have to do – bury their own child.
As the two coffins are lined up at the front of the church side by side, I notice they both have matching wreaths of white flowers on top. One spells out Mummy
and the other Daddy
, and my heart breaks once more. Of course, Hetty and David had a young son.
The rest of the service is equally as moving. In between the hymns and the vicar giving his eulogy, there are emotional tributes from both family and friends to the departed couple, and the tissues are passed frequently up and down our row as people who clearly thought they wouldn’t need any are moved to tears, and those of us who knew we would need some use up far more paper hankies than we came prepared for.
When finally it’s all over, and the close family have left to attend the internment at the nearby cemetery up on one of the hills in St Felix, we all step outside into the fresh air once more.
‘That was pretty emotional,’ Rob says, lighting up a cigarette as we stand outside the church.
I glance at him. When did he start smoking?
‘Yes,’ Suzy agrees. ‘I think that’s the most I’ve ever cried at a funeral. And we buried my grandad last year.’
‘Anyone else?’ Rob holds his cigarette packet out. ‘Don’t worry, I only smoke when I’m feeling stressed.’
We all shake our heads.
‘Good job,’ he says, grinning. ‘Nasty habit to get into.’
‘I thought superheroes were always fit and healthy, not full of nicotine,’ I can’t help saying.
Rob glances at me. ‘They also have to look the part and, as we all know, these guys speed up your metabolism.’ He holds up his lit cigarette. ‘No good having the muscles if they’re hidden under three layers of fat, is there?’
‘I’m sure there’s a better way than smoking,’ I begin.
‘Don’t you think I’ve tried?’ Rob snaps. ‘Let me tell you there’s a lot worse things you can use to shed the weight in LA. Eh, Mack?’
‘Don’t bring me into this,’ Mack says lightly. ‘You’re the movie star. I’m just the guy lining up another abusive substance for people to become addicted too – alcohol,’ he adds in case we don’t understand. ‘I don’t mean I deal drugs in my bar.’
I smile at him.
‘Where’s the wake being held?’ Suzy asks. ‘I’m sure someone told me, but I’ve forgotten.’
‘The café by Morvoren Cove,’ Eddie says.
‘Really?’ Suzy asks. ‘That’s an odd place for a wake, isn’t it?’
‘Apparently they do events and stuff now.’
‘They’ve been doing events for some time now,’ Claire says without emotion. ‘Mandy’s mum knows the owner. I think they’re doing them a deal.’
‘Shall we make our way over there, then?’ Suzy says. ‘I’m sure by the time we get there, Mandy and her family will already be on their way.’
‘Seems like a plan,’ Rob says. ‘You coming, Claire?’
Claire looks around at us, all nervously awaiting her reply.
‘Yes, of course. Why wouldn’t I be?’
‘Frankie?’
‘Yes, I’m coming. I’m just going to catch up with someone first. I’ll see you there, all right?’
I’ve just spotted my old boss, Rose, from the flower shop, talking to one of the other mourners. I take a deep breath and go over to her.
‘Frankie!’ she says as I walk up to them. ‘How lovely to see you again.’
‘I’m sorry to interrupt,’ I say to Rose and her companion. ‘But I just wanted to say hello.’
‘I’ll see you later, Rose,’ the lady Rose has been talking to says. ‘Beautiful flowers as always.’
‘Thank you, Janet,’ Rose says. ‘Yes, I’ll see you tomorrow.’
Janet walks away and Rose turns to me. ‘So lovely to see you again, Frankie,’ she says in her soft gentle voice, immediately transporting me back in time fifteen years. ‘Sadly in such sad circumstances, though.’
‘Yes. Did you know Hetty or David?’
‘I’m friends with Doris, David’s mother,’ Rose says. ‘She asked me to do the flowers today.’
‘Of course. They looked beautiful – as always.’ I know I have to say it, even though I don’t want to. It’s breaking my heart just thinking about it, let alone actually talking to Rose about it. ‘I was so sorry to hear about Will,’ I say quickly, ripping the plaster off the wound, knowing getting it out there in the fresh air is the best and only way for it to heal.
Rose’s soft, kind face immediately twists with pain, and I feel terrible for making that happen.
‘I . . . I can’t imagine what you must have gone through,’ I continue when Rose doesn’t immediately speak. ‘What you must still be going through.’
‘Thank you for both your letter and your flowers – they meant so much, Frankie,’ Rose says. ‘You were kind to think of me and remember Will.’
Rose’s grandson collapsed suddenly at an outdoor concert in Penzance. He was there with his sister, Poppy and, incredibly sadly, the paramedics were not able to revive him, and Will died before he even reached the hospital.
When I heard, I felt so desperately sad for Rose and I didn’t know what to do for the best. At the time, it was impossible for me to take the number of days off from work that would have been required to travel here and attend the funeral. So instead, I wrote Rose a long letter of condolence, and carefully chose the appropriate flowers to send to her.
‘I tried really hard to get the meanings behind the flowers right. I hope I did.’
‘They were perfect; thank you for putting that little bit of extra thought in.’
‘How is Poppy?’ I ask.
Rose wrinkles her nose. ‘Not doing all that well to be honest. She’s finding it quite difficult to cope.’
‘Understandable – they were very close, weren’t they?’
Rose nods. ‘Inseparable. They argued like all siblings do. But they always made up quickly. I miss both of them so much. Since it happened, Poppy doesn’t want to come here to St Felix any more. I understand that, of course I do. But I do miss her.’
‘She’s not been here in four years?’ I ask, surprised to hear this. Poppy and Will used to visit Rose several times a year when they were children.
‘Sadly no. I’m sure she’ll return when the time is right, though.’
‘Oh, Rose,’ I say, and I can think of nothing other than giving her a hug, which Rose receives gratefully. ‘I’m sure she’ll come back.’
‘Thank you, Frankie. Now.’ She pats my hand. ‘I mustn’t hold you up. You must go after your friends. I saw them all leaving without you. It’s lovely you all still keep in touch after all this time. Hold on to that, Frankie. Friends and family are all we have in life. And sometimes they’re taken from us all too soon.’
The café on Morvoren Cove is already receiving guests when I arrive, and a bit like a wedding everyone is offered a drink as they go in – but unlike a wedding when it might be a glass of champagne we’re offered from a silver tray, this time it’s tea and coffee and soft drinks all laid out on a long table covered in a white cloth. The table is also laid with long plates of sandwiches, quiches, sausage rolls and other buffet food all wrapped tightly for the moment in layers of cling film.
Gradually, we are joined by the other mourners and eventually Mandy, her family and David’s relatives and friends, and the little café – closed especially for the funeral – is packed full of people.
I watch Mack as he goes over to speak to David’s mother and father.
‘Life’s funny, isn’t it?’ Suzy says, coming to stand next to me with a cup of tea in her hand. ‘Imagine going halfway around the world and bumping into someone who not only used to live in the same small town as you, but who you also went to school with. Mack’s all right, isn’t he?’
‘Yes, he seems like a good guy.’
‘Sounds like it was just as well he went with you last night to see Claire from what you were saying.’
‘Jonathan wasn’t exactly friendly, that’s for sure.’
‘Claire’s definitely very quiet today.’
‘I think she’s a bit embarrassed we all know what’s been going on.’
‘We think we all know. Nothing has been confirmed yet.’
‘I’m not sure it ever will be unless Claire admits it to herself.’
‘That’s very wise.’
‘Not my wisdom,’ I say. ‘Mack’s. He said we can’t help Claire until she wants to be helped. We just have to wait until she’s ready.’
‘And he’s right.’ Suzy looks over at Mack again. ‘As well as being a smart guy, Mack’s pretty easy on the eye, isn’t he?’
I look at Suzy; her eyes are shining mischievously.
‘If you think he’s so hot, you go talk to him.’ I know exactly what she’s hinting at. ‘But I warn you, he’s married.’
‘Sadly, I can’t. I’m also spoken for.’
‘Since when?’ I ask in surprise. ‘That’s news to me.’
‘Since about a month ago,’ she says, the joy of new love radiating from her every pore. ‘It’s early days yet, but he seems like a keeper.’
‘You kept that quiet last night,’ I say, pleased for her. I knew how difficult Suzy found it to hold down a relationship and a high-powered job.
‘I don’t want to jinx it this time, that’s why. Harry works in a similar job to me, but for the other side.’ She grimaces. ‘So although we have some very heated discussions about politics, we really do understand each other.’
‘I’m so pleased for you, Suz.’ I give her a hug. ‘You deserve it.’
‘Now, what about you?’ Suzy asks earnestly. ‘Or are you still holding a candle for our Rob?’
‘Of course not. Rob and I were a long time ago now. A very long time ago. He’ll always be special to me. But there’s nothing like that between us.’
Not now, anyway. We had our moment in Glasgow. It was lovely at the time, but that felt like a lifetime ago now, and things changed. Rob and I would always be good friends. But that’s all. Nothing more.
‘You sure?’ Suzy raises her eyebrows. ‘Does he think that?’
‘Why, what have you heard?’
‘Nothing, I just get the feeling he might not be as over you as you are pretending to be him.’
‘I’m not pretending . . . why would I be?’
Suzy shrugs. ‘You tell me? If you’re so over Rob, why haven’t you met anyone else yet?’
‘Why do I need to meet anyone? I’m perfectly happy as I am, thanks. I don’t need a man to complete my life.’
‘Now, I’d be impressed by that statement if I thought you were telling the truth. Something’s going on with you, Frankie. I just haven’t figured out what yet.’
‘Oh, who’s that?’ I ask, quickly changing the subject as a small boy runs across the café towards Doris and Walter, David’s parents.
‘I think that might be Fisher, Hetty and David’s son.’
We stare at the small dark-haired boy, who can’t be more than four years old. Understandably, he hadn’t been in the church for the funeral.
‘Claire was telling me that Walter and Doris are going to bring him up here in St Felix,’ Suzy says. ‘Poor little soul losing both his parents so suddenly like that.’
Doris picks up the little boy and holds him close to her, while Walter strokes his hair.
‘Perhaps it’s some comfort to them that they still have Fisher,’ I say quietly, still watching them. ‘Mandy’s parents must feel something similar too. At least little Fisher will grow up in St Felix near both sets of grandparents.’
‘How are we all getting on?’ Rob asks, coming over to us. ‘A guy over there just told me they’re opening up the bar in a few minutes for anyone who wants an alcoholic drink.’
He looks hopefully at us.
‘Nice,’ Suzy says. ‘I could do with one.’
‘Nah.’ I look away. ‘I’m not really in the mood today.’
The other two look quizzically at me.
‘I want to keep an eye on Claire,’ I say as an excuse. ‘And I want a clear head for that.’
Rob shrugs, but Suzy looks suspicious.
‘In fact, I think I’ll go and look for her now. Back in a bit.’ I walk over to where I last saw Claire heading towards the café’s veranda, which overlooks the beach, an area very popular with visitors in the summer.
I’m going to have to be a bit more careful
, I think as I walk towards some welcome fresh air. Or those who know me well are going to guess. I’ve barely got my head around it myself; I’m not ready to share my secret with anyone. Not yet, anyway.