Chapter 6
For a minute there, I didn’t think Dominic was going to let me in his office, so when he did and asked me to sit with him, I was taken aback. Even though he had crushed many of his walls for me, he was still a fairly private man. When he came back inside, I planned to tell him how appreciative I was to be included in such an intimate conversation. It stood true when we were first learning about each other, and it stood true now; letting me into his past and his darkest, most sacred moments of his life was his decision. I would never push him. Just like he was with me, I vowed to make sure he forever knew that I was his safest place.
I walked over to the desk and picked up the remote for the flat screen, powering it on. After deciding on one of the financial advisors Dominic watched, I set the remote on the desk and walked over to the pool table, taking a pool stick from the set attached to the side of the table. I wasn’t going to attempt to play; I sucked too horribly to play.
My curiosity ached to know everything Dominic and his mother talked about, but it was actually no one’s business unless Dominic wanted it to be my business. The little bit I got to witness and his need to have me close told me whatever it was, it was uncomfortable.
I poked the organized set of pool balls with the stick, rounding the corner of the table.
Would he ever forgive Bianca ? Was she truly worthy of forgiveness ? Would she keep her promise ? God, I hoped so . While I was still rather neutral regarding her, I wanted Dominic to have that kind of love in his life—a mother’s love.
Nadia… She was the last time he had that.
I looked at the doors when I heard the turning of its handles. Dominic re-entered his office, keeping his back to me as he pulled the doors closed. He stood there, his shoulders rising and falling with a deep breath. Remembering his drink on the table, I set the pool stick down and walked over to retrieve the drink. A fresh glass was exactly what he needed.
I dumped the old, warmed drink in the mini-bar’s sink before rinsing the glass out and the liquor down the drain.
“What are you doing?” Dominic inquired, his voice closer.
I reached into the bottom cupboard and grabbed a clean drinking glass. “I figured you’d want a fresh one after that.” Seeing him approaching me on my way to the selection of liquor, I could tell he was already spent for the day, and it wasn’t even two o’clock in the afternoon.
One’s eyes never lied.
Ravishing in a mulberry shade dress shirt and black slacks with a pair of black Oxfords, Dominic’s tired smile melted my heart. He was impeccably dressed compared to my long, royal blue muumuu and comfortable pair of fuzzy pink slippers, my hair resting in a messy bun on the top of my head.
The farther I got in my pregnancy, the more I didn’t give a single fuckity-fucking fuck to wear any clothing other than my muumuus, pajamas, or baggy t-shirt and sweatpants.
“Thank you, Bellissima .”
Seconds later, I smiled at the warmth of his arms as he held me close from behind, his hands under my belly. I tilted my head to the side, each of his feathery kisses along the side of my neck sending tingles down my spine. He wasn’t making it easy for me to make his drink.
I shivered when his breath fanned over my ear as he spoke. “What was that?” His voice had taken on that deep, husky tone I loved.
I put an ice cube in the drinking glass, his tongue touching my neck the same time as the ice clinked inside the glass. The tingling blossomed between my thighs, my slit slick with my arousal.
Playing dumb, I asked, “What was what?”
Dominic took the bottle of Walker and the drinking glass out of my hands, setting them on the counter. Holding my hands in his, he placed his against a spot above my belly before holding me tighter against him. “The drink can wait.”
I smiled when he kissed my head. Dominic let me go and turned me around to face him. He pulled me against him, holding my face in his hands, taking me in for a passionate kiss. I slipped my hands under his arms and up around to the back of his shoulders. I clung to him, rubbing my right leg up against him. I needed him. I wanted him.
He lifted me, and as I wrapped my legs around his waist, he walked us over to the pool table, setting me on my feet. Dominic stepped back and began undoing his belt buckle, those gorgeous blue eyes staring back at me. That was when I also noticed the strained zipper of his slacks. I licked my lips when he yanked his belt through the loops, rubbing my thighs together. I fought not to come then and there.
“Turn around,” he ordered, tossing his belt aside. Hunger raged in his eyes. “Now.”
Eager for his cock, I happily obliged, bracing myself against the side of the table. I heard him kick off his shoes, his slacks and boxer briefs going with them. After readjusting me so I wasn’t as close to the pool table, Dominic placed his hand on my belly and used his leg to nudge mine further apart. I heard him stroke himself, his cock already slick with his arousal.
“I’ll try to go easy, but I can’t make any promises.”
Not giving a fuck, I said, “Okay.”
Dominic positioned himself at my entrance, slipping his hand inside my muumuu and sliding it up my thigh, squeezing it, his grip not strong enough to hurt me but tight enough to let me know I wasn’t easily going anywhere if I tried.
“Fuck,” he growled and then thrust inside me.
I moaned, taking all he had to give.
He was rough. Fast. A beast. This wasn’t our usual love making, and it felt so fucking good.
He slowed his rhythm a hair, sliding out and waiting a second before thrusting back into me. “I was glad.” Thrust. “When you.” Thrust. “Knocked.”
I was quickly finding myself near that familiar, cosmic edge. The cliff I never shied away from jumping off of. It was hot in here. My pleasure pooled, building… And building. I slipped my hand between my thighs, finding my bud and rubbing it as I found my rhythm. “Was… Was it not going well?” I moaned long and loud, increasing my own pace.
Dominic tensed, grunting words in Italian as our skin slapped together.
“Her fucking crying.” He grunted louder, thrusting at greater speed—a speed that told me he was about to join me over the edge of that cliff. “The past.” Thrust. “I was fucking tired… Of all of it.” He slammed into me one final time, squeezing my thigh, roaring as he rode out his release.
I gasped, panting, squeezing around his cock and grabbing his wrist, riding out my own fantastic release. Our juices dripped down my thighs.
Getting better control of his breathing, Dominic let go of me and held my hips while I leaned forward against the pool table. I rested my head on my arms, catching my breath.
“So, thank you,” he said.
“I should come to your rescue more often,” I joked.
“Fucking right you should.” His chuckle that followed was just about the sexiest sound in the world.
* * *
Satiated, I watched my boyfriend pour himself a drink.
“Was it really that bad today?” I asked him, unable to tame my curiosity any longer.
Dominic drank his first sip of Walker, looking toward the ceiling as he brought the glass back toward the bar counter. “She wants forgiveness.” He sighed, taking another sip. From here, I saw the tension in his muscles. I could practically feel it. “She wants to fix what she fucking broke.” He turned around and walked over to his desk, stopping in front of me. Looking up at him, I closed my eyes, leaning into his touch as he brushed his hand along the side of my face, his fingers in my hair. “Thank you,” he said, his breath on my skin.
When Dominic walked away after kissing my forehead, he left me incredibly confused.
I turned in the chair, watching him taking a seat at the table.
Thank me for what ? What was I missing ? Did he thank me for knocking on the door ? The fantastic sex we just had ?
“For what? I don’t understand.”
He looked at me. “For not turning your back on me, too.” He drank a smaller sip of his drink, now watching television.
Words I once spoke unearthed from my memories.
“And you’re the light of my life. I’ll never hurt you, and I’ll never, ever run. Unless you’re coming home, then I’ll just tackle you.”
Teary-eyed, I rested my palm over my heart, smiling at how far we had come. When telling Dominic I wasn’t going anywhere, I meant it. Sure, there had been bumps in the road—small to crater-sized—but my love for the man mere feet away from me was far too fucking great for me to throw my hands up at any of those bumps. He was then and was still learning to break down his walls and overcome personal demons.
I couldn’t have been prouder.
Leaving his desk, I walked to the table and straddled his lap, leaning in for a kiss, his cheeks in my palms. He cupped my ass and brought me in closer, his cock hard again. He rubbed his hands up along my sides, eventually settling them on my hips. His hold was firm, his body language telling me he lusted for a round two, but my body said otherwise.
“I’m too tired.”
Dominic brushed his nose up along the side of my face, kissing a couple of spots so lightly, it almost tickled. His lips grazed against my skin as he spoke. “When you’re rested.” He kissed my skin once more before pulling away to just look at me.
I was ready for a nap but not before we talked. He couldn’t leave me hanging about his mother, and I wanted to pick his brain about something else.
“What happened before I knocked on the door?”
He sat back, playing with loose strands of my hair. Being so relaxed in the moment wasn’t the norm for him—or anyone else, for that matter.
My touch and my presence always seemed to calm him. Just as he did the same to me.
“She’s wanted us to talk about the past for some time now. I thought I was ready, but I guess not.” He swept the pad of his thumb over my cheek.
The war raging within him shone in his eyes. Bianca needed to realize it was all still too soon.
I pictured that scared, broken little boy… The little boy who was confused, who didn’t understand how the ones that were supposed to love, protect, and keep him safe created such danger and loneliness. The little boy who felt unworthy of love. I pictured a dirty, disheveled ten-year-old Dominic begging for anything—food, money, someone’s time—only to further be led to feel like a burden. I wondered if Bianca actually comprehended how much she screwed with her son’s head and broke him down to an icy shell of who he really was. Nadia, Hector, his brothers, even me—we all helped Dominic break out of that shell and rediscover himself, lifting him up and showing him that people did in fact care about him. That he wasn’t a burden, and that love and safety was here, with us. Blood never defined family.
“Tell her you need time and space. Her intentions may be pure, but she might not even realize she’s just creating more harm than good.”
Rubbing the ends of a loose strand of my hair between his fingers, Dominic said, “I did before you showed up. And again before that, back at that hotel.”
Maybe if I talked to Bianca, she’d finally realize. I wanted them to repair their relationship, but I agreed with Dominic that it should be when he was ready and on his terms. She was the one that reappeared out of nowhere, not the other way around.
“What if I talk to her?”
He stopped playing with my hair and rested that hand again on my hip, contemplating my offer.
“Please,” I went on. I cupped his cheeks, leaning forward and kissing him between his eyes. “Let me be your voice when no one is listening.” Pulling back enough to see his face, Dominic opened his eyes, a smile pulling at his lips.
Nodding, he said, “Okay.” He then brought me back closer to kiss me.
The baby chose that moment to kick, stealing our attention and making us look down at my belly.
Pressing my palm to my stomach, another kick nudged my palm, and I smiled. “Seems the baby agrees,” I said, looking at Dominic. He chuckled, feeling my belly.
“What does that feel like?”
“The kicks?” I asked. He nodded. “Really, really weird.”
“It doesn’t feel like an alien’s in there?”
I laughed. “No, but close.”
Focused on my belly, I moved so Dominic could lift my muumuu over it. I readjusted against his lap. He felt around my belly, carefully pushing on it in some spots to get the baby to move more. The fascination on his face was beautiful.
“Have you thought about your appointment next week?” The baby kicked harder. Dominic made a surprised face, chuckling afterward.
Admittedly, I hadn’t thought about it as much as I probably should’ve. While Julie was explaining how my twenty-week appointment would go and everything that was to be expected, she asked us if we wanted her to attempt to determine the baby’s gender. Without hesitation, Dominic said yes. Me on the other hand… I wasn’t sure. I told them part of me wanted to know, but the other part of me wanted the surprise at birth. Dominic then said it was ultimately my choice and that he would support either.
A bigger part of me wanted to know now. While the baby’s health was the most important thing, as much as I wanted a girl, I secretly wanted to give Dominic a son the more I thought about it. Granted, the mafia rules were slowly adapting to allow women to be more involved, but there was just something about the bond between a father and son that I wanted to witness. Dominic was robbed of that bond, and I wanted him to be able to create one and for him to understand once and for all that he wasn’t the same as the men that raised him.
“I think so,” I answered. Dominic looked at me, keeping his hands on my belly.
“And?”
Nodding softly, I said, “Yeah.”
He went back to paying attention to my belly, and my thoughts morphed into this family and where I would stand within it. I knew Dino said to wait to talk about this, but here in the moment, it felt right.
“There’s something else I wanted to talk about.”
Sensing this was more serious, Dominic lifted his eyes and then his head, watching me. Leaning back, he clasped my hips again.
“What’s wrong?”
“Nothing, well… I’m just not sure what my role is anymore.”
Furrowing his brows, Dominic asked, “What do you mean?”
“Am I still a soldier?”
“Do you want to be?”
“I don’t know.” I began touching his tie, playing with it in my hands. Staring at it helped me get the words out. “I mean… I do… But then, I wonder if I can now that I’m gonna have a baby. Hector had enough faith in me, but I don’t know how well I’ll be able to balance both being a mom and fighting alongside you guys.”
My emotions were getting a chokehold on me, and I roughly cleared my throat, hoping that would make it go away. Nope. My eyes welled with tears. I opened and closed my mouth, trying to find my next words. Dominic slipped his fingers under my chin and lifted my head, his expression his typical poker face.
“Talk to me.”
I held onto his tie, that fabric helping me keep it together.
“I just want to be a stay-at-home mom, but Hec-Hector—” I swallowed, his name catching in my throat. “Hector trusted me to be a soldier… And I don’t want to let him down.” A tear dripped down my cheek.
Dominic wiped my tear with his thumb. “If being a soldier no longer feels right to you, then let me know. If you want another position, or like you said, you just want to focus on raising our unborn, then so be it. Whatever you choose doesn’t matter. Your happiness does.”
I squeezed out more tears, taking in a sharper breath, my lower lip and chin quivering under my emotional weight. “Thank you,” I said, my voice raspy. I cleared my throat again. He wiped away the rest of my tears. “I just don’t want to make the wrong decision.”
I didn’t want to end up making a decision that negatively affected our child. Each year of a child’s life was important, but those first few were crucial, and if I stayed a soldier, how would that affect our child? Would I be able to serve those duties and the duties of motherhood? Would I be happy with both or happier just being a mother?
“You won’t,” he told me.
I sniffed. “How can you know that?”
“Because you never do.”
Those words made me crack, and I clung to Dominic, my arms around his neck, my crying messy. He rubbed his hand up and down my back.
“You’re stressing yourself, Lilith. Don’t overthink this. Go with your gut, with what feels right.” He shushed me, continuing to rub my back. “Just breathe.”
“I love you so much,” I told him, refusing to let him go.
“I love you, too.” He kissed the side of my head, his face lingering on my hair. “Always and forever, Bellissima . Nothing will ever change that. Not your role… Nothing.”