Chapter 12
Four songs can feel like a lifetime if you pick the right ones.
The message stared back at Jules and she smiled as she read it over and over again.
It was kind of silly, to be having a conversation like this when they lived in the same building but Jules didn’t mind.
It was a lot easier to be witty, to be funny and maybe even flirty over the phone because it meant she couldn’t get distracted by Frankie’s mossy green eyes, couldn’t stare at the way her lips curved up when she smiled, couldn't try to map the freckles that dotted her nose.
Very wise.
Help me pick the right music then. What kind of music do you like?
She wanted to know more about Frankie and music seemed like an easy place to start, a level of friendship that didn’t come with any pressure. The three little dots danced at the bottom of the screen for a few moments then stopped before a new message popped up.
Frankie – 5:25PM
Wow…Jules.
You’re asking the tough questions but for your information, I'm a big fan of indie pop rock. Maggie Rogers, The Beaches, stuff like that.
Acting on complete and utter impulse, Jules tapped on Frankie’s name then hit the call button. The phone rang three times before the line connected and she realized what she’d done. She closed her eyes and lightly smacked herself on the forehead.
“You better not be calling me to tell me you hate my taste in music,” Frankie teased. “Because if that’s the case, I’m uninviting you to IKEA.”
In spite of herself, Jules couldn’t help but laugh because of course that’s what Frankie would say.
”No,” she said. “That’s not why I’m calling you. I just wanted to say that I love Maggie Rogers. I saw her live two years ago when Cam was playing in Texas. She was so good and I cried twice.”
“Aww, you cried? That’s so cute.”
Jules felt her face flush and she was especially thankful that she hadn’t hit the FaceTime button by mistake because Frankie did not need to see the way her body reacted to being called cute.
And yes, she had cried because the music was incredible and she was an emotional person who wore her heart on her sleeve. It’s who she was and something her brother teased her about when they were kids.
Oh, Jules cried watching The Lion King again? Dork. Jules cried at the Sara McLaughlin animal shelter commercial? Baby. Jules cried when the Canadian women’s hockey team won the Olympic gold medal at the Vancouver 2010 Olympics? Softie.
“So what if I cried?” She said, defending herself, knowing Frankie was only teasing. “It was basically a religious experience and I was forever changed.”
“Ah,” Frankie mused. “Yeah, I’ve had a few of those in my lifetime.”
“Oh really?”
Jules was laying on top of the duvet cover on her bed, still dressed in the jeans and t-shirt she’d worn earlier when she’d gone out for a stroll along the boardwalk.
She settled back against her pillow and stared up at the ceiling, picturing Frankie, wondering where she was right now and what she was wearing.
“The first time was when I was in grade eleven and Sarah Daniels skipped English class with me. I had my first kiss between the portables behind our high school and nothing was ever the same.”
Record scratch.
Jules sat up and caught her reflection in the mirror across from her bed. Her eyes were wide and her cheeks still flush, more so now because Frankie was all but confirming something Jules had been oh so curious about since their friendship, or whatever this was between them, had begun.
“Sarah Daniels, huh?” Jules prodded, wanting to know more, to know if it had been a one time thing or if Frankie was always in the habit of kissing Sarah’s and not Steve’s.
Not that there was anything wrong with also kissing Steve’s but…Sarah’s were a heck of a lot nicer to look at in Jules' eyes and maybe Frankie felt the same way.
Frankie laughed and then she softly sighed. “Yeah, but it didn’t last long. Turns out she only went along with it because her friends dared her to and for the rest of the semester people would whisper behind my back anytime they saw me because teenagers can be assholes.”
That didn’t give Jules much context but she didn’t want to press, didn’t want to flat out ask and risk coming across as rude or judgemental.
Their relationship was still so new and it already meant so much to her, she wasn’t going to risk a friendship with nosiness even if the voice inside her head was screaming at her to point blank ask Frankie if she was gay.
“I know a thing or two about asshole teenagers,” Jules said, thinking back to high school after she and her brother had lost their parents, how even in the face of tragedy kids still found a way to be cruel, found a way to make something that altered the course of her and Cameron’s life into a joke.
Cam was spared most of the talk and the pity because he was already a budding star in the junior hockey league and was barely in school to begin with.
Someone with his talent was plucked from the classroom and thrown into a specialized academic program due to the demand of his sport but they were lucky that one of the top junior teams at the time was somewhat local to where they lived.
It meant they got to stick together, meant they weren’t ripped apart while he went off to a billet family somewhere up north or below the border, leaving her to face the loss of their parents and the cruel nature of being an orphaned teenager entirely on her own.
No, they’d been lucky enough to ride out their high school years with friends of their parents who took them in, but there were plenty of days when Cam wasn’t around in the hallways as a shield, days when girls would snicker in the corner of the hallway and call her little orphan Julie, call her the ugly Clarke twin, the useless one.
And for what?
Boredom, she supposed, as she thought back to that time in her life. Inadequacy, maybe. A mirror of the lives those girls lived behind their own closed doors and were ashamed of.
She never told her brother about any of it.
“I would love to hear some of your favourite songs,” Frankie said, pulling Jules from her memories. “I fully believe a person’s taste in music is like a window into their soul, but I’m aware of how cheesy that sounds.”
Jules wondered, not for the first time since they’d begun spending time together, if Frankie knew how easily she was able to pull Jules from a crack in her thoughts, how she’d been able to keep her from slipping back into places she’d worked so hard to stay away from.
No one had ever been able to do it so calmly, so naturally before, and Jules felt it again - the tug, the pull towards the other woman, the way her heart fluttered because she could hear the smile in Frankie’s voice and see the way it was lighting up whatever room she was in, the way it made Jules smile too.
“How about I make you a playlist and you can listen to it on your bus ride to Stellarton?” Jules proposed, already compiling a list of songs she loved that she thought Frankie might like too.
Her brother had mentioned the community practice and had invited her to come on the trip. If she had agreed, it would have been less to see him in action and more to see Frankie but in wanting to live more of her life for herself, that meant spending less time in her brother’s orbit.
It meant taking herself on dates to the bookstore, to cafes for lunch, and it meant starting the process of reaching out to other sports teams or athletes who may be in need of a sports physiologist. She enjoyed the work and she was good at it but her career couldn’t just focus on her brother and his hockey buddies during the offseason. She had so much more to offer.
“I would love that,” Frankie said. “I don’t know if anyone has ever made me a playlist before so I’m honoured. You’re making the trip out to the practice, right?”
Frankie sounded hopeful, like she wanted Jules to be there and for a second, Jules considered changing her mind. Watching an attractive woman thrive in her element was very, very enticing but she stood firm, knowing that staying in Halifax was the right decision.
“I’m actually going to hang back here and putter around, try and keep myself busy,” she replied, trying her best to sound like the confident woman she was attempting to be.
“Oh,” Frankie said, her voice going a little quiet. “That’s a bummer. It would have been fun to have you with us but I get it. There are way too many stinky men. Be glad you won’t be forced to endure…the smells.”
Jules laughed out loud and bit her lip. “Ew that’s awful.”
Frankie laughed along with her and the sound was melodic and warm, settling somewhere deep in Jules' chest. “But you know I’m right!”
“Yeah, I do. I have a brother who has played hockey his entire life. Don’t remind me of just how bad it is, but I hope you survive.”
”Me too, because I really need to wander some fake living rooms at IKEA with you. It’s very important.”
Laughter filled the room again and even though Jules was alone, it felt like Frankie was right beside her because of how easy it was to talk to her, like they’d been friends for years.
“I’m going to go make your playlist now and you better like every song I add to it,” Jules teased, knowing full well that she was going to curate it to absolute perfection.
“I can’t wait.”