Chapter 19 #2
She looked like she was preparing to go to war, though her green puffy winter coat and knit toque with a fluffy bobble on top of it wasn’t exactly a uniform fit for a battlefield but maybe, for her, this was still a battle in some way.
It was obvious that there was some uncertainty, some apprehension in wanting to do something Frankie knew she once loved doing so much. So without saying anything, Frankie just slipped her own gloved hand into Jules' and tugged her towards the edge of the pond.
The sound of their skates on the ice at the first glide was music to Frankie’s ears and the feeling in her body with each stride was pure elation.
Jules wasn’t tense beside her, but she definitely wasn’t as relaxed as Frankie was and Frankie let go of her hand to skate ahead, turning around to face her as she began to skate backwards.
“Did you speak to your brother this morning?”
Jules nodded. “I sure did and it sounded like he was really enjoying himself.”
“I know it’s hard to be away from him this year but…I hope you’re still having a nice Christmas.”
”I’m having a wonderful Christmas, Frankie,” Jules said.
Her features softened and she took in where they were.
The sound of laughter, squeals of delight and the unmistakable smack of hockey sticks on the ice and pucks hitting the metal posts of the pond hockey nets surrounded them.
It felt like they were so far from the little coastal life they’d both been building in Halifax and when Jules fixed her gaze on Frankie, the pink flush on her cheeks was from more than just the cold. “Thank you.”
Frankie warmed at the sight of it and she swallowed hard, turning around and slowing her stride to come in line with Jules as they made their way around the pond.
“You’re lucky to have Cam,” she said, unable to keep herself from wondering what her parents were doing right now, if she’d even crossed their mind.
If there was any time to tell Jules about her life, about why she was alone again on another occasion where family should be together, it would be now.
The excuse she’d given when Jules questioned the lack of family at Frankie’s first game had sufficed but after Jules had been so open with her, it was only fair to be the same in return.
“I don’t have any siblings and I…well – I don’t talk to my family anymore, haven’t even seen them since I was about 18.”
She didn’t notice that Jules had stopped skating until she’d skated a few feet ahead and when she heard nothing in response, she glanced up to notice she was alone. When she spun around, Jules was frozen in and she looked so sad, almost like she was about to cry.
“It’s totally fine though,” Frankie said, skating back to her. “Really. I’m not still broken up about it or anything and it’s been a long time.”
“I asked you the night of the first game. I…I questioned you about your family and I didn’t know you -”
“Jules,” Frankie cut her off. “How could you know if I never told you?” She gave Jules a reassuring smile and a sort of what could you have done look as she shrugged.
“I’m so sorry, Frankie. You’ve done all of this for me, so I didn’t have to be alone on Christmas and meanwhile you’re…”
“Meanwhile I am having the best day.” She reached out for Jules' hand again and gave it a squeeze, a way to say it’s okay and I appreciate you. “And I would very much like it if you kept skating with me now, okay?”
Her pleading worked and Jules sadly smiled before pushing off on one foot again, resuming their easy pace as they wound their way around the pond, gliding past kids learning to skate for the first time and people gleefully showing off the new pairs of skates they’d gotten as a Christmas present.
“Can I ask why you don’t speak anymore? And it’s okay if you don’t want to answer.”
It was naturally the next question a person would ask and Frankie had expected it but she hadn’t dredged up any of this history in a long time.
Thinking about it, giving people who turned their back on her more of her emotional headspace than they deserved, felt a little like clawing through dirt to find a buried secret.
“John and Maria Stevens weren’t too keen on their daughter wanting to spend her life playing a sport that would never give her a career.”
“They really didn’t support you playing hockey even though you were so talented?” Jules asked.
They were still holding hands and Frankie was grateful for the connection as she frowned and shook her head.
No, they didn’t care that she’d once been considered a future phenom for Canada, a star athlete who everyone said had undeniable prowess on the ice and their support only extended so far.
The only reason they’d let her go away to an American college to play hockey in the first place was because she’d received a scholarship. They didn’t have to pay a single dime for the education and she was out of their hair.
No longer the reason for why they couldn’t go to parties with their neighbours or friends from the church that Frankie never went to on Sunday’s, why they couldn’t go on vacation, why they couldn’t afford a new car.
The reason was always her.
Frankie has a game two hours away. Frankie has double practice this week. Frankie’s registration fees this season mean we can’t afford Christmas presents.
She resented her parents for making her feel like she was such a burden but she was still grateful that they'd allowed her to play and develop, even if she never understood why if they didn’t see a future for her in the sport.
But without giving her what they had , she wouldn’t be where she was right now.
“I think they were less thrilled about the fact that I’m a lesbian. It was a real nail in the coffin type of thing when I told them over the summer between freshman and sophomore year of college and that was the end of it.”
“So you’re uh, you’re…”
“Someone who dates women?” Frankie smirked then bit her lip and chuckled. “We’re more common than people think.”
It wasn’t a secret but she didn’t shout it from the rooftops. Her social media gave nothing away, there was no rainbow flag emoji in her bio, and only a deep dive into women’s hockey lore a selected few dedicated fans had uncovered over the years would reveal it to the public.
She hadn’t deliberately kept it from Jules but there hadn’t been a moment to outright say, hi, nice to meet you, I’m a lesbian. And now it was out there, hanging in the crisp December air between them.
“Cool, yeah, that’s… that’s good, it’s great. Good for you,” Jules mumbled, dipping her head to hide a shy grin but she immediately glanced back up at Frankie, her eyes wide, brows knit. “I don’t mean that about your parents not accepting you. That’s awful, I’m - I’m sorry about…that.”
She was flustered, cheeks still tinged with pink, her smile nervous as she stumbled over her words and it was so endearing that by this point she could’ve been reading out numbers from the phone book and Frankie would have been just as captivated by it.
“Thank you,” Frankie said, softly squeezing the hand she was still holding. “And it’s okay, I got over it a long time ago.”
They continued their journey around the pond, dodging speedy teens without concern for anyone but themselves as they raced across the ice, and then Jules let go of Frankie’s hand.
She missed the contact and the warmth from it immediately but Jules suddenly seemed inspired, the grin on her face evidence of that as she turned on the edges of her skate blades and spun around to skate backwards just as Frankie had done earlier.
“So…it’s only fair that you tell me about your dating life since I told you about mine,” she said, hips swaying with each outward push of her inside edge.
In the middle of a frozen pond in a small community outside of Halifax, wearing a jacket that made her stand out amongst everyone on the ice, the lower half of her body clad in a pair of leggings that clung to the strong legs she still had despite her years off the ice, Jules was the most gorgeous woman Frankie had ever seen.
She couldn’t believe she had almost thrown this away. Couldn’t believe she’d almost given up on a friendship with her, on whatever was simmering beneath the surface and just waiting for the right time to come alive.
“Oh, is that how it works?” Frankie joked, dropping her centre of gravity and bending at her knees. She winked at Jules and grinned. “I’ll tell you if you can catch me!”
And with that, she took off speeding past Jules, her arms moving forward and back with each and every stride.
She could hear someone cutting across the ice behind her and out of the corner of her eye as she rounded the edge of the pond, putting one skate over the other to follow the curve of the shore like she was rounding the boards of a hockey rink, she could see Jules gaining speed.
Her daily running, even if she hated it, and the consistent ice time she’d been getting from practices with the team had given her the up on Jules so when her own lungs began to burn a little, she decided to be fair, knowing it was a race she was always going to win.
She came to a sharp, abrupt stop, her skates sending shaved ice into the air and she looked around for Jules, expecting her to be right on her heels. Which…she was, but Jules hadn’t expected Frankie to stop without warning.
Her body slammed into Frankie’s and they tumbled to the ice in a heap of tangled limbs before they could stop it from happening, landing with an emphatic thud.
“I’m sorry! I didn’t expect you to stop…” Jules mumbled, her face smushed against Frankie’s shoulder. She untangled herself and placed her hands on the ice on either side of Frankie’s head, pushing herself up and putting a small bit of distance between them. “…so suddenly.”
With nowhere else to look other than into the blue eyes that had captivated her from the moment they met, Frankie’s breath caught in her throat. Jules was gazing down at her with such unexpected fondness, it made her feel like she was the only woman Jules had ever admired that way.
She risked a brief glance at a pair of lips that looked so soft it almost hurt to not be kissing them, before looking back at the blue eyes that she would drown in if she weren't careful.
Her pulse hammered and she didn’t miss the way Jules stuttered on her own inhale, like she was fighting a battle with her own feelings too.
It would be so easy to just lift her head a little, so easy to slide her hand up and use it to tug Jules down to meet her, to close the last few inches separating them.
And then it was happening. Jules closed her eyes and licked her lips, lowering her head as Frankie’s own eyes fluttered closed and they –
“HEADS UP!”
The spell broke and they pulled away from each other just in time to dodge a flying puck that was heading straight for them.
It soared past, landing somewhere in the brush along the shore and before Frankie could even react, before she could blink, Jules was rolling off of her and hopping back up onto her skates.
“You uh, you brought some water, right?” She cleared her throat, seemingly out of breath. “I’m getting pretty thirsty,”
“Um, yeah, there’s some over...”
Jules was gone, skating towards the other side of the pond where they’d left their belongings on a bench before Frankie even finished her sentence, leaving her alone on the ice with a blooming bruise on her hip and the taste of almost on her lips, wondering what the hell had just happened.