Chapter 20
They didn’t address it on the drive back into Halifax, didn’t address it when Frankie parked her car or when they rode the elevator in silence as Jules held onto her skates by the blade covers, and they didn’t address it when Frankie walked Jules to her door.
Somehow it had been decided that what happened on the ice, or rather what didn’t happen, would be left in the cold by the weeds with the puck that shattered the moment.
Despite the awkwardness that started to creep in, when Jules thanked Frankie for a wonderful two days, she meant it.
She’d taken what would have been a lonely, tear stained holiday and had given Jules something to look forward to, had given her a way to take her mind off of everything she was missing and had given them… a moment.
A very big, very profound moment.
Frankie had accomplished what she’d said that day in the cafe – that she would get Jules back on her skates and though it took a little convincing, she’d been successful in her pursuit.
And it felt incredible. The sensation of ice beneath her blades, the way her body moved with every glide and turn, was something so deeply a part of her.
The sound of people playing stick and puck, the way it echoed around the open space where the pond sat tucked away from all the main roads, and not feeling any of the pressure that came with who they were, if Jules were honest, made it an incredibly special Christmas. And she had Frankie to thank for it.
Frankie, who had been so sweet and reassuring when Jules second guessed herself. Frankie, who confided in Jules in ways she hadn’t yet done and Frankie, whose admission of her sexuality had turned Jules into an absolute word vomiting fool.
So cool, Jules! Well done!
And there had been flirting. She hadn’t imagined it, had she? Frankie called her pretty in the car, she’d winked at her, she’d joked about being a lesbian, she’d held her hand twice for god’s sake and when she smiled at Jules, there was more to the look in her eyes than that of simple camaraderie.
There was…wanting.
And Jules wanted.
She really, really did, and it’s why she’d nearly given in as they laid together on the ice, their bodies pressed against one another, breath mingling, so close that Jules could see every single freckle on Frankie’s face, could see the faint lines at the edge of her eyes from a lifetime of smiling, the scar on the base of her chin.
She’d almost allowed her heart to catch what it had been chasing for weeks now and they had come so damn close. She could still hear the way Frankie swallowed down her own uncertainty right after Jules closed her eyes and then…the puck.
The damn hockey puck that came flying at them like a sign from the universe saying don’t risk ruining what you have, don’t tempt fate, warning!
And Jules had listened. She’d torn herself away and fled the scene, unsure of what else she could do, unable to look Frankie in her gorgeous green eyes for a second longer because if she did give in, there was no going back.
It was all she could think about as she listened to her brother drone on about his short lived Floridian excursion.
She wanted to focus, wanted to be in the moment after not spending the holiday with him but how could she focus when Frankie had texted her that morning telling her their pond skating trip wouldn't be the last time Frankie would convince her to lace up her skates again.
She looked past her brother and smiled to herself as she thought about the way it felt to casually glide around the pond with Frankie’s hand in her own, the warm weight of it comforting even through the thickness of their winter gear.
A different hand started waving in front of her face and she blinked, shifting her focus back to her twin.
“I asked if you and Stevens ended up hanging out,” Cam said. “And I said your name like three times but you were staring off into space. Are you okay? You’re being weird.”
“Sorry,” she replied, sitting up straighter in her seat near the back of the cozy bookstore cafe she’d discovered a month earlier and frequented often. “I’m good, just tired.”
Cam eyed her warily and reached for his Americano. “You still haven’t answered my question.”
“I said I was fine, Cam.” She waved him off and brought her own drink, an iced matcha, to her mouth and took a sip, wiping her lips before setting the clear glass back down on the table.
“No, my question about Coach and Christmas, you weirdo.”
“Oh, right, yeah. I ran into her in the gym on Christmas Eve and she invited me to have Chinese food for dinner at her place, it was really nice. We played Yahtzee.”
She wasn't going to tell him about the events of Christmas day, because those felt too personal, too precious, and she didn’t want to taint how truly special of a day it had been for her by having her brother ask one too many questions.
Jules hadn’t skated in well over a year and Cam always tried to be supportive, had invited her to the rink with him for a skate plenty of times but never pushed her when she refused, which she always did.
She worried if she told him that someone else had gotten her back on her skates before he did, that he’d be hurt.
But it was more than just getting her to put the skates on, Frankie had given Jules the space to do it in a way that didn’t have her pinned to a rink, that didn’t require the boards and glass that she knew would close her in.
Frankie gave her fresh air, wide open space, and gave her the chance to skate for herself and no one else.
It meant more than she knew how to put into words.
“Jules, I love you, but that sounds so boring,” Cam groaned.
He’d managed to get a nice tan during the short trip and had come home with the outline of sunglasses on his face, something Juled had immediately poked fun at.
“Noodles and a dice game? Forgive me if I say that Miami was definitely way more fun than that.”
“And how’s Mackenzie? Did she have a good time?
” He leaned back in his chair and stretched his arm out across the back of the empty one beside him.
Despite his tan, he blushed and Jules scoffed, her jaw dropping, eyes widening in surprise.
“Cameron Clarke…what aren’t you telling me? Spill. Right now.”
His smile turned goofy, his features softening. “I really like her.”
“In more than a ‘damn this girl is a stunner’ kind of way?”
She had to ask, because it wasn’t the first time her brother had met a woman and had been sucked in before he could realize what he’d gotten himself into.
Being a pro hockey player meant he was a celebrity and the sad reality was that too many people only want you because of that, and not because of who you are outside of it all.
He never really seemed to care, more than content to just have fun here and there, city to city, but he wasn’t a kid anymore and Jules could see it in his eyes, could see it in his bashful grin, that something might really be different this time.
“Yeah, I think so. She owns her own business and works hard for her own money which I respect, she laughs at my dumb jokes, and I think about her when I’m not even talking to her, like I miss the sound of her voice or something, y’know?”
She did know.
And now she couldn’t keep her own thoughts from drifting to Frankie. Thinking about her was effortless and Jules often lost herself in the way Frankie said her name like it was the only name that mattered, lost herself in the way Frankie made her laugh, made her blush.
“So what I’m hearing is my brother is in love, huh?” She asked, shifting her focus back to Cam.
He rolled his eyes and flipped her off. “Hah. Hah. No, I’m not. And I know it hasn’t been long, and it’s not like I’m going to ask her to marry me or anything but…I definitely invited her to the game on New Year’s Eve so she’s making the trip out here the night before.”
“It’s an afternoon game, right?”
He nodded and picked up his coffee cup, tipping it slightly in her direction. “Sure is, and we don’t travel for an away stint for another week which means we get to ring in the new year the right way.”
“I am not doing shots again.”
Thinking back to the previous year made her stomach curl. She grimaced at the memory of her brother handing her shot glasses filled with god only knows what kind liquor.
She couldn't even remember where they'd been at the time, but she know that she’d indulged, more than she ever should have, then had to get on a plane at the crack of dawn. It was an experience she did not plan on reliving.
“You have to come to the party though, Jules,” her brother pleaded.
“I promise it’s nothing crazy. You know our backup goalie Connor?
He and his wife bought a house here because she’s from the area and they want to settle down.
They’re throwing the party and it’s just the guys and their family and friends. No kids, no coaches. Just us.”
Her heart caught on no coaches and she swallowed hard. “No coaches? Just the guys?”
Cam nodded reassuringly, thinking that no coaches was a good thing. “Scouts honour.”
But he missed the part where Jules had to look away and think about the fact that Frankie wouldn’t be there, she’d be somewhere else ringing in the new year with people that weren’t Jules.
Their almost kiss…what might that be like if it happened when the clock struck midnight? Would it feel like the fireworks that went off every year in the Halifax harbour? Would it make her come alive in all the ways their moment on the ice had?
“Fine,” she finally said, knowing it was probably for the best that she and Frankie wouldn’t be together, as tempting as it was. “I’ll come to the party.”
The arena was absolutely packed on New Year’s Eve, as every home game had been and Jules arrived early. Dressed in blue jeans that she knew looked amazing, a leather jacket with a blue striped long sleeve shirt that matched the team colours in her own way, and Adidas sneakers.