Chapter 10
CHAPTER
TEN
Maren
If I could have retracted my offer of coming in for cocoa, I would have. As soon as the words left my mouth, I wish I hadn’t said anything. The last thing I wanted was for him to think I’m using my son to get him back, or the fact that I’m trying at all, because that’s the furthest from the truth.
I just wanted to say thank you for making my son’s entire day with those snow toys.
So when he actually agreed, I thought for sure I was hallucinating.
No way did Camden Miller, the man I once loved and left behind, accept my offer.
The Camden I met last week would have probably thrown the cocoa in my face.
No, that’s not true. Camden was always polite, even if he didn’t want to be.
I’m sure he would have stomped away, possibly even slamming the door on his way out, but he wouldn’t have done anything that could have potentially caused me harm.
“Ready for the cocoa?” I ask when we reach the sidewalk after putting the snow gear in the garage.
“Yep!” Theo replies, reaching his gloved hand toward Camden. “You wike cocoa?”
“Are you kidding? I love it. Do you have marshmallows?”
Theo nods dramatically. “The wittle ones. Thems the bestest.”
“Agreed,” Camden replies, walking with him to the back door. He pulls open the storm door and takes a step back, glancing down at Theo and saying, “Ladies first. We always let the women enter first and hold the door for them.”
My heart pounds in my chest as I watch my son hang on Camden’s every word. Theo nods, following Camden’s lead and says, “Wadies first.”
“Thank you,” I murmur softly, turning the knob and stepping inside my house.
The warmth burns my cheeks, as I stomp my feet on the rug and step farther into the space to ensure there’s plenty of room for the other two.
I quickly rip the hat off my head and then turn my attention to Theo.
I help him remove his winter snow gear, and the moment he’s free of the layer that kept him warm and dry outside, he grabs Camden’s hand. “Cocoa.”
“Let me get my gear off, little dude,” Camden replies, taking off his boots and placing them on the rug.
I do the same, placing my boots on the rug as well before moving into the kitchen to give him space. I take off my coat and snow pants, and just as I go prepare to gather up my stuff to lay them out on the washer and dryer with Theo’s, I catch sight of Camden once more. He’s wearing sweats.
Gray sweats.
My eyes scan, drinking in the sight of the man in front of me wearing something as casual as sweatpants and a sweatshirt but making them look so good he could be working a runway.
The material hugs his ass and hangs low on his narrow hips, and even though the sweatshirt is loose, I still spy a bit of definition in his arms.
And then he turns around.
If I thought those sweats did his back end wonders, what it does for his crotch is, well, a work of fucking art.
“You good?”
My shocked eyes fly up and meet his humor-filled ones. “Yep.” My voice sounds scratchy and not like my own. “All good.”
“Cocoa,” Theo announces, pulling our attention toward him. He comes over and grabs Camden’s hand, encouraging him to follow. He immediately goes over to his booster seat and grabs the crayons and coloring book sitting there.
“What can I help you do?” Camden asks when I move to the cabinet to retrieve mugs.
“Nothing. I got it,” I reply, flashing a quick smile before giving all my focus to the task at hand.
I know I don’t have to worry about Theo, not with Camden right beside him, and to be honest, I’m afraid if I don’t concentrate entirely on making the cocoa, I’m liable to let my mind—and my gaze—return to those damn sweatpants.
It’s weird because I’m wearing black joggers and an oversized hoodie and don’t look anything like that.
My mom-ass is big and my hips are wide. I’m a solid twenty pounds heavier than I was when we dated back in high school.
My shape has changed, a combination of childbearing, birth, and age, and while I don’t regret any of those reasons for altering my body, it has affected the way I view myself in the mirror every day.
I move to the cabinet and grab a saucepan, placing it on the stovetop. Then, I retrieve the new gallon of milk I purchased this morning and the container of cocoa mix from the pantry cabinet.
Suddenly, a fresh wave of guilt washes over me. I glance back to where Camden is standing by the table, our blue eyes colliding. “Umm, it’s just the powder mix.”
“Why would that matter?” he asks, watching me intently.
I clear my throat. “I know your mom used to make the good stuff with real chocolate,” I confess.
He shrugs. “Cocoa is cocoa, Shortcake. I’m not picky, and I’m certain Theo isn’t.”
Shaking my head briefly, I reply, “No, he isn’t.”
“Then it doesn’t matter to me if it’s made with real chocolate or powder mix, as long as the little dude is happy.”
I flash a small, grateful smile and return to the task at hand. I pour milk into the saucepan and turn the heat on low. “I don’t usually make it super-hot, since Theo can’t have that.”
“Make it for your son, Maren. I’ll drink whatever, however. Don’t worry about me.”
I nod, completely understanding. Everything I do is for him, and that means altering meals, drinks, time after work, weekend activities, everything to accommodate my son.
“Marshmallows,” Theo reminds me as I’m stirring the milk in the pan to keep it from burning.
“I’ll grab them,” Camden offers, moving toward the pantry.
I glance his way as he opens the cabinet and retrieves the bag. “Thank you.”
“Of course,” he replies, taking the bag to the table and opening them up.
Cracking a grin, I watch Camden place a few of the mini marshmallows beside my son’s coloring book before holding up a finger over his lips. Theo giggles softly before popping the first treat in his mouth and grins widely when Cam does the same.
“Whatcha coloring?” Camden asks, pulling the chair out beside Theo and having a seat.
“Bwuey.”
Of course.
Camden chuckles. “I should have known. Silly me.”
“Siwee goose,” Theo bellows with a cackle of laughter. “Cam a siwee goose.”
I stifle a giggle of my own, enjoying the interaction of the two at the table. It’s easy. Cam makes Theo comfortable, and my son seems enamored by him. I can relate—at least I used to be able to. He was my world for a while too.
Until I fucked that all up and left.
Honestly, as much as I love and appreciate the friendship they’ve formed, I’m not so sure it’s a good idea.
I value the little lessons Cam is already instilling in my impressionable three-year-old, but at the same time, the hero worship Theo sees when he looks at Cam is obvious.
He’s his friend, that’s for sure, and I just pray this doesn’t end up hurting him.
Not to mention the fact seeing them together causes an extra pitter-patter in my heart and evokes ideas my brain has no idea imagining.
Abort, abort!
This feels too good, too right.
Maybe I’m the one risking getting her heart hurt.
Definitely after the cocoa, that’s the end of it. He’ll go home and we’ll become neighbors who wave from across the yard when we pass.
That’s it.
Right?
While the milk finishes warming, I scoop the appropriate amount of powder into the mugs, using part of a scoop for Theo’s, since he’ll only receive half a mug. Finally, I add the warm milk, stirring each mug until the powder is dissolved, and deliver them to the table.
“Cocoa,” Theo states happily.
Before I can do it, Camden gathers up the coloring book and crayons and slides them out of the way. He helps Theo drop a small handful of marshmallows into his mug. “Tank you,” my son says before carefully reaching for the mug.
“Careful,” Camden replies, his hands hovering near the mug, ready to jump in if needed.
Theo takes his first sip and grins. “Tank you.”
I return to the counter and retrieve my own mug and then join them at the table. “Is it good?” I ask.
My son nods. “Yep!”
“I could put your mug in the microwave for a few seconds if you want it hotter,” I offer, sipping my own warm beverage.
“It’s fine, Maren. Thank you for inviting me to join you.”
I sit back and let Theo and Camden monopolize the conversation.
They talk about Bluey, of course, and playing in the snow.
I realize how very wrong I was when I thought our cocoa today would be the end of whatever this association is.
Turns out, I’ve already agreed to continuing and keeping him close thanks to our sledding adventure scheduled for tomorrow.
Sure, I could cancel, and maybe that’s exactly what I should do.
Theo doesn’t know about it, so it wouldn’t upset him that it’s canceled.
But if I’m being completely honest, I want to spend that time with Camden.
I want to have him here now. Should I? Absolutely not, but that doesn’t mean my heart doesn’t still call to him, even if I tell it not to.
I just need to make sure it stays in its lane and doesn’t get any ideas of a future with Camden Miller.
But we can be friends, right?
“You seem in deep thought.”
I look up and offer a flash of a fake grin. “I’m just…thinking.”
“About?” he encourages.
Exhaling, I decide to just be honest. “This. You here. It’s nice. And a little difficult at the same time.”
“Agreed.”
I glance up and find him staring down at his mug of cocoa. “I want to be mad still.”
A lump lodges in my throat as I work to swallow.
“In a big way, I still am,” he continues, taking a deep breath, “but at the same time, I’m not sure I really am anymore.
” He looks up, his blue eyes full of an intensity I haven’t seen in a long time.
It’s different than the anger and the pain swimming in them since we ran into each other last Friday night. “It’s confusing.”
What do you say to that?
“I know,” I answer softly, my eyes looking over to my son, who’s happily sipping his cocoa from a mug like a big boy.
“Maybe we shouldn’t go tomorrow,” he adds.