Chapter 10 #2
My heart is pounding in my chest, because while I’m certain he’s right and we probably shouldn’t, I still want to go. “Probably not.”
He exhales loudly and shakes his head. He glances to Theo, who gives him a big smile.
There’s chocolate drink coating his lips, and he’s so content.
Honestly, it doesn’t take much to make my son happy.
He finds joy in just about anything. “I want to take him,” he murmurs softly, trying not to pull Theo’s attention away from his snack.
“Okay.”
We finish our cocoa, and Theo rubs his eyes.
“I should get home and let you two do your thing,” he says, standing up and collecting the mugs. He delivers them to the sink, rinsing out the chocolate remnants before turning around and facing me.
“Thank you. I know it sounds like I say that a lot, but I mean it. You didn’t have to go purchase the snow toys for him, but I appreciate that you did. He had a great time.”
His eyes stray over to where my son scribbles in the coloring book once more. “So did I.”
I can tell by the look in his eyes, he’s a little surprised by that fact.
“Listen, if you change your mind, shoot me a text. I’ll understand.” He pushes off my counter and heads for the door.
“I don’t have your number,” I reply.
He stops and looks over his shoulder. “Yes, you do. I never changed it.”
My throat feels so thick I can barely swallow.
“I’ll see you around, little dude.”
Theo looks up, crayons forgotten. “Stay and pway?”
“No can do, Theo. I’m gonna go home and take a nap.”
My son’s eyes widen. “You nap?”
“Of course I do,” Camden replies. “All big guys do. It’s a good thing to relax and recharge your battery.”
He scrunches up his nose. “Baddery? Like the wemote?”
We both chuckle as Camden walks over to where Theo’s still sitting. “No, not a literal battery. Your brain. It’s always good to rest it for a while. I love to take naps on the weekends after a long, hard week.”
Theo’s eyes are wide. “You do?”
“Absolutely. Do you like to take naps?”
Theo gives him a sheepish look and slowly shakes his head.
“Well, that’s too bad. All big boys need a nap.”
“I take nap wike Cam?”
Cam holds out his fist for knuckles, and when Theo leans forward and presses his much smaller fist against Camden’s bigger one, my boy giggles. “Okay, I take nap.”
“I’ll see you soon, little dude.”
“Bye-bye, Cam.”
Camden glances my way with a small smile turning his lips heavenward.
“Thank you,” I mouth.
He nods, goes to the little laundry area, and gathers his winter gear. He doesn’t say a word, just silently lets himself out of my house to return to his.
“Nap.”
I pull my mind back to my son and prepare him for his afternoon nap. After cleaning up his face and hands and using the bathroom, he lies down in his toddler bed and promptly passes out, a faint smile on his face from the amazing afternoon he had.
Returning to the kitchen, I finish cleaning up the table and wash the mugs.
While they dry in the rack, my brain spins with more questions than answers.
Should we go tomorrow? I know it’s harmless fun, and something Theo will love, but at the same time, it’s with Camden, and I’m just not sure spending that extra time with him is in our best interest.
I spend the rest of the afternoon catching up on laundry, tidying up the living room and kitchen, and deep cleaning the bathroom until it’s time for Theo to get up from his nap.
We enjoy chicken nuggets and French fries in the air fryer, with a side salad for me.
As I clean the kitchen from dinner, Theo watches TV and plays with blocks we unpacked earlier in the week, and before I know it, it’s bath and bedtime.
After reading two books, he climbs into bed and chatters a little about his sledding adventures from earlier in the day, including not being able to tell Papa about making monster tracks.
As I walk back to the living room and grab my phone, I’m still undecided about what I’ll do tomorrow.
No, that’s not true.
In my heart, I already know.
I tap on the screen, pulling up a new message, and start typing the one name I haven’t searched in a very long time.
Me
Hi. It’s Maren.
I don’t know why I said that. My cell phone number is the same too, so there’s a chance my name will come up with the message.
On the other hand, if he did delete my contact from his phone after we broke up, it’s probably a pretty short list of people who will be texting him, talking about sledding tomorrow.
Me
I’ve been thinking about tomorrow, and I still want to go. As long as the offer stands.
A few seconds later, I get a response.
Camden
It stands.
Me
We can go anytime.
Camden
How about 10:30? That gives us time to play for a bit before he needs to eat lunch and get back for his nap?
Me
That works.
Camden
Sounds good. We’ll just need to grab the new sled from the garage. Everything else is out at the farm. We can go together if you want, since we’re next door.
Me
OK.
Camden
I’ll see you in the morning.
Me
Ok.
Lame. Yes, I’m this lame.
I spend the rest of the night contemplating whether I’ve made the right decision or not, but the fact remains. Theo will love this, and any discomfort I might feel about being near Camden so much takes a back seat to his well-being and what will make an impact on him.
And tomorrow’s four-wheeling adventure will do just that.
So, I’ll smile and pretend being around the first—and only—man I’ve ever loved isn’t both a blessing and a curse. I’ll act like it doesn’t affect me. I’ll be a mom first and foremost and make decisions based on what’s best for him.
I’ll leave my heart at home, not even taking that pesky organ with us to the farm. Then I’m not risking feeling things I have no business feeling.
Shouldn’t be a problem, right?