Chapter 32
Sebastian
Isla sleeps in the crook of my arm, her cheek warm against my chest.
She’s so damned beautiful, I don’t want to look away.
The way her lashes fan against her skin.
The way her lips part with each exhale. The faint crease between her brows that smooths itself out as she shifts and turns deeper into me.
Her hair spills across my shoulder, carrying that scent of wildflowers and rain.
That scent of a wild storm when lightning streaks the sky.
I should get up. I’m in the Shifter Court, the court of my enemies. Isla said that they saved me, but they must have an ulterior motive. They will want their pound of flesh, and I need to be ready.
Soon, I will have to meet with the Drakar and face reality. There are a thousand things demanding my attention, and each one is more urgent than the last.
But for now, I’m content just lying here.
The cave is quiet. Thin morning light filters through the narrow openings high in the rock. The fire in the pit has burned low.
I wish I could push it all aside. Every last piece of it. The realm and its wars and its broken kingdoms.
I can’t. I know that.
I trace a line down Isla’s spine with the backs of my fingers. She stirs, turning her face against my chest. Her body is warm, and her skin is impossibly soft.
“Morning,” she murmurs, the word half-lost in sleep.
“Morning.” I stroke her back, letting my palm rest between her shoulder blades.
She lifts her head and looks up at me. Her eyes search my face. “You were all relaxed, and then you tensed up.” She frowns. “Is everything okay? Are you feeling alright?”
“Yes.” I nod. “I feel fine. It’s just...” I roll her onto her back and settle between her legs. Her warmth meets me, and I groan low in my throat, wanting her all over again. I lower my forehead to hers. “I wish we had more time.”
Her eyes darken with want. I can feel her body respond beneath mine, the way her hips tilt up to meet me, the way her breath quickens. Her fingers trail down my arms.
Then she turns serious. Something shifts in her gaze. “Sebastian, there’s something I need to te—”
“Good morning.” A female voice cuts through the cave.
I lift my head. The hy-were leader walks through the entrance. She carries a pile of clothing in her arms.
“I’m glad to see you’re feeling better.” She drops the pile on the floor near the fire pit. “Some human clothes. I thought you might need them.”
Her smile is wide and unabashed. She doesn’t seem the least bit bothered by what she’s walked in on.
I shift off Isla, and she pulls the furs high over us, tucking them under her chin. Her cheeks are flushed.
The female folds her arms and regards us both with that direct, unsettling stare the shifterfae seem to favor.
“I’m afraid that the time has come for us to be open with one another.
The Drakar would like to meet with you as soon as you are dressed and fed,” she tells me. Then she turns to Isla. “As to you—”
“Are you telling me that Salvorne wasn’t lost like the rest of us?” I ask.
The female’s eyes go hazy. It lasts a heartbeat, maybe two, before she blinks and her expression returns to that careful, measured one she wears so well.
“Salvorne has not been seen since Snow took the crown. His sister Kilara stands in his place. She rules our kingdom.”
“Snow rules us all,” Isla mutters, suddenly sounding defeated.
The female laughs. It’s a sharp, short sound that bounces off the cave walls. “Not the shifterfae. We are beholden only to ourselves.”
“I like that,” Isla says, nodding. “One defeat does not mean that we are defeated.”
“That’s the spirit. Get washed up and dressed.
I will have Ryna bring you something to eat.
I’ll be back to escort you to see Kilara,” she tells me.
Her gaze slides to Isla. “Then you and I can finally have our talk.” The smile she gives is not unkind, but it carries a warning in it.
“The agreement was that, once the Shadowfae King was healed, you would tell me how it is your mother came to be the Ruler General of the shadowfae. From the looks of it, he is all better.”
The cave goes quiet.
For a moment, I’m sure I’ve misheard. The words repeat in my head, and each time they sound exactly the same.
My eyes flash to Isla.
The color has drained from her face. She stares at the hy-were leader with wide, stricken eyes, her mouth half open, no words coming out. The furs she’s holding to her chest are bunched tight in her fists.
“I’m sorry.” The words leave me, flat and cold. “I must have misunderstood. What is that about your mother being Ruler General to my army, Isla?” I hold her gaze. “I thought your mother was long since dead and buried.”
She doesn’t move. She doesn’t breathe. She looks like someone who has been caught and knows it, and has no idea which way to run.
I stand, and the furs fall away from me. I grab a pair of breeches from the pile Terra dropped and pull them on.
“I thought my mother was dead. I watched them drag her away to be stoned. I didn’t know until…until I saw her that…that she—”
“I had started to trust you.” My voice is quiet. “To think I almost started to believe your lies. I—”
The hy-were puts her hands up and lets out a laugh.
She sounds uncomfortable. “Well, this is certainly interesting. I don’t need to be a part of this conversation, so I’ll leave you to get ready.
Do not dally. The Drakar does not like to be kept waiting.
” She holds my gaze for a few beats. Then she turns and walks out.
I grab the tunic from the pile and pull it over my head.
I feel betrayed. And so damned angry. I also feel disappointment settle in my gut like lead. I had started to trust her. More than I’ve trusted anyone in a long time. More than I should have. I started to let her in…to let down my walls.
Big mistake!
“Please, Sebastian, you—”
“Please, nothing. I was right to be cautious,” I say, turning to face her. “I thought I was being a prick. I felt guilty for doubting you, and yet I was right all along.”
Isla stands. She holds the fur to her body with one hand, her other hand at her side. Her eyes are glassy.
“That’s just it, I was about to tell you about my mother when Terra walked in. It was a great shock to me to see her on that battlefield. I didn’t know, I swear it.” Her voice wavers.
“You had every opportunity to tell me. I asked you what happened, and you omitted the most important piece of information.” I reach for the belt and buckle it, needing something to do with my hands. “You lied to me. That’s all there is to it.”
“That’s not all there is to it. I knew you’d react this way. That you wouldn’t trust me. I knew this would happen as soon as you found out. That…” She swallows. “That you’d look at me the way you’re looking at me now.”
“Your mother is alive. She rules the Shadow Court. My court,” I choke out. “She serves Snow.”
“I know how it looks. I didn’t know about it. I swear. Not until she rode up with the shadowfae army during the battle. It was after you were struck down. I couldn’t believe it. I still can’t. I’m still working on coming to terms with it myself.”
Her eyes fill with tears. One escapes and tracks down her cheek. She doesn’t wipe it away.
Something twists in my chest at the sight of it. Something that wants to cross the distance between us and take it all back.
I don’t.
I can’t.
I refuse.
“I wish I could believe you, Isla, but I can’t.”
“I was about to tell you…right then, when Terra walked in. In hindsight, holding back that information was not the best idea. I thought it could wait until morning. I thought we had more time.” She shakes her head. “You have to believe that I didn’t know about my mother.”
“Belen told me that the Ruler General was a female from a strong house. Are you from a strong house, Isla?”
“You think I’m working for Snow?”
“Answer me!” I demand.
“Yes,” I nod. “My great-grandfather was high up in the shadowfae army. My mother told me stories about it. He was from the House of the Dark Daggers.”
I gasp out all the air inside my lungs. “Your great-grandfather was Ruler General Fenrik,” I push out.
“Yes.” She nods like it’s nothing. “That’s him.”
“He was one of our greatest Ruler Generals of all time. You didn’t think to tell me any of this?”
“I didn’t think it was important. I’ve lived for so many years hiding my past and who I really am. My father was just a lowly human. I lived like a human. The tales I was told about the shifterfae were just that…tales. At least, to me they were.”
“Tales that actually happened! You’re right about one thing: you’re damned good at hiding who you really are.”
Her eyes widen; she goes back to looking stricken. “My life depended on it, Sebastian.” Her voice wavers. “I’ve always seen myself as a half-breed from the once Grass Plains and not much more. The stories my mother told seemed to me like they were from another world.”
I hold her stare. “My world. Did you know that your mother is good friends with Snow?”
“No, how would I know that?” She sounds a touch angry. “The first time I saw my mother in all these summers was yesterday, and then only from afar. You think I’m working for Snow, don’t you?”
I lift my brows. “It’s not so far-fetched. Your mother reports directly to her. They are friends, Isla. Why wouldn’t I think that?”
Isla straightens. Something changes in her posture. The tears are still there, but so is something harder. Something defiant.
“Because you know me.”
“Not really.” I shake my head. “All we’ve done is run and hide. There was some fighting and fucking, but that was really it.”
Her eyes fill with hurt, but I grit my teeth against the guilt that rises up.
“Fine.” She clears her throat. “Let’s just say that I was reporting to my mother or to the queen herself.
What was my assignment exactly? To kill you?
Because I could’ve done that countless times.
To get you captured? I could’ve orchestrated that too.
I risked my life for you and more than once.
I saved you and more than once.” She shakes her head, her voice gaining strength.
“Why would I do that if I were working for her? Your theory holds no water.”
“You did all of it to get me to trust you so that I would take you to them…to the Lost Kings. Snow wants us all…not just me. That is the master plan, isn’t it?”
It’s a thought I’ve had before, but this time, the rightness of it hits me with the force of a dozen sharp arrows to the chest. It hurts more than I thought possible.
More than a sword through the gut or Snow’s magic tearing the life from my body.
Because this is a wound I allowed. I knew it, and I ignored it.
I let her in, and now she’s under my skin.
“Your ultimate goal has been to lead her to them. That way, she would have all of us. At least those of us who have awakened.”
The shock in her eyes is devastating. Her whole face changes. Her mouth opens and closes, and something in the way she looks at me almost has me crossing the cave and pulling her into my arms.
I hold my ground.
“I would never.” She shakes her head. Tears spill freely now. “I can’t believe that you would think that of me.”
“Everything you’ve done has been to disarm me.
To think I nearly fully trusted you. I would have taken you with me…
to them. I…” I stop, because what comes next is something I’m not willing to give her.
She doesn’t need to know that I am developing feelings for her.
That somewhere between the fights and the fleeing and the quiet hours together, something took root in me that I didn’t plan for and don’t want.
Those feelings are a lie. Built on a foundation of deceit.
I am falling for a person who doesn’t exist.
“Why can’t you just believe me when I tell you that I didn’t know about my mother?” She takes a step toward me. “You know me…you do.”
“Do I really?”
“Of course you do. Even if I’d told you as soon as you came to yesterday, even then, you would have looked at me like you are right now.
You would have pushed me away. It’s why I hesitated.
I shouldn’t have because it has given you the excuse you need.
” Her chin lifts despite the tears. “I don’t think that you are capable of trust and therefore I don’t think that you are capable of… ”
She stops.
“Of what, Isla? Spit it out.”
“It doesn’t matter.”
I know what she was going to say. The word hangs between us, unspoken but as loud as if she’d shouted it. I want her to say it. I want to hear it from her mouth, even though I have no idea what I’d do with it.
“Tell me,” I demand.
“Love, Sebastian. I don’t think you are capable of love. Are you happy now?”
I’m not. Not even close.
“You aren’t capable of trust or of love, and I feel sorry for you.
” She wipes her eyes. She shakes her head.
More tears fall, but her gaze holds mine without wavering.
“I can see that I’m not going to be able to change your mind on this.
Believe what you want.” She brings her hand up and presses it flat against her heart. “I know the truth.”
My chest goes tight. My throat closes. For one terrible moment, I feel as though I’m the one who has done something unforgivable.
I push it down. I bury it.
I turn and walk away from her before I do something stupid.