Chapter 33
Isla
The water in the washbasin is cold. It feels good against my heated skin.
I cup it in my palms and bring it to my face, letting it run down my cheeks and drip from my chin.
I need to pull myself together.
There was never going to be a forever with Sebastian. I had hoped that we could part ways as friends, at least.
Sebastian’s words play over and over in my head. The way he looked at me. The ice in his voice. The distance in his eyes.
I knew this would happen. I knew it from the moment I saw my mother on that battlefield. From the moment I realized who she was and what it would mean. I knew that Sebastian would believe the worst. That he would see betrayal where there was none.
A part of me understands. If the situation were reversed, would I not question everything, too? His parents were murdered. He was betrayed by someone he loved as a boy. Trust does not come easily to a man like that.
But understanding does nothing to dull the anger simmering beneath my grief. I dip my hands back into the basin and scrub at my face, harder this time. My skin stings from the cold and the force of it.
He didn’t even try to believe me. He heard the words and made up his mind in a heartbeat. Everything we have been through, everything I have risked, meant nothing. He looked at me like I was the enemy.
Maybe I should have told him sooner. I know that now. The hesitation was my mistake. But would it have mattered? I don’t think so. I think he was looking for a reason to push me away. Looking for proof that he was right to keep me at a distance.
Well, he has it now.
I wash my naked body, shivering. I try hard not to think about him.
I finish washing and then dry quickly.
I turn to the pile of clothing Terra left. There are several options. Simple breeches and tunics in muted colors. A dress or two, as well. I choose quickly, pulling on a pair of dark breeches and a loose gray tunic.
I am dressed and pacing when footsteps sound at the entrance.
A young shifterfae female walks in carrying a tray.
She has wide amber eyes and brown hair. She has the tiniest scrap of hide covering her sex and nothing else.
Even her backside is bare. It is a good thing that it is fairly warm in this part of the realm, or the shifterfae would freeze to death.
“You must be Ryna.”
She smiles brightly. “Yes. I brought you food.” She sets the tray on a flat stone near the fire. There’s bread, some kind of dried meat, and two cups of something that steams. “You should eat.” She looks around the space and frowns. “I thought the king would be in attendance.”
“He had to leave.” I feel a pang. “Thank you.” My voice sounds small.
She lingers for a moment, studying me with those animal-bright eyes.
“Are you alright?” She sniffs the air. “You smell sad.”
“The last few days have been…a lot. But I am fine.”
“Then I shall take my leave. Enjoy your breakfast.”
“Thank you.” I watch her leave. She’s tall and very toned. They all seem to have this physique.
I sit next to the tray. The bread is fresh. There is a bowl of small, sweet-looking berries. The steam rising from the cup carries the scent of herbs and honey.
Even though it looks delicious, I find that I’m not hungry at all.
I pick at the bread. Then I eat a piece of the dried meat. It is salty and quite chewy. It doesn’t take long before my hunger hits, and a little while later, I look down, and almost half the food is gone.
I feel much better physically, but my mind is one big mess.
My mother is alive.
The thought keeps circling back, no matter how hard I try to push it away. All these summers filled with grief and guilt, wondering what we could have done differently. My father and I fled that day. We never looked back because we believed there was nothing to look back for.
She was supposed to be dead. The villagers dragged her away.
For years, I was haunted by her screams. I had to listen to my father cry himself to sleep every night for a long time after.
He would wake from nightmares, screaming her name.
I know in my heart that if he didn’t have me to think about, he would have fought them and died trying to save her. It’s been tough, sometimes impossible.
But she didn’t die.
She’s been thriving at the Shadow Court all along.
She never tried to find us. Never sent word. Never reached out.
I want to scream. I want to throw the tray across the cave and watch it shatter. Instead, I sit very still, my hands flat against my thighs, and I breathe through my swirling emotions.
I know now that it was her. That it was my mother who sent the order to have me released from the dungeons. It was also she who sent me a message through the young guard, telling me to pack up and to leave the Shadow Court. Those were her words. Her warning.
I know that now.
She saved me. She was terrified for me on that battlefield. She left us and never looked back, and yet she still seems to care.
I’m so confused.
Sebastian told me she is good friends with Snow. The thought makes me want to retch. My mother is friends with a queen who has destroyed everything.
How can that be?
I don’t understand. I don’t understand any of it.
“Hello,” Terra says as she walks in. She stops a few paces away and tilts her head, regarding me.
“I owe you an apology.” Her voice is matter-of-fact. It holds no warmth, but no malice either.
I look up at her. “For what?” I frown.
“For getting you into trouble with your Shadowfae King. I didn’t know you hadn’t told him about your mother.” She shrugs, one shoulder lifting and falling. “It was not my intention to cause trouble between you.”
“He’s not my king.” The words come out harder than I intend.
Terra’s mouth curves. “But he is yours.”
“No, he isn’t.” I push out a bitter-sounding laugh.
“He will calm down,” she says, moving closer. “Males like that are all fire and fury, and then they eventually cool.”
“You don’t know Sebastian.”
“I know his type.” She crouches beside me; her movements are graceful. “The brooding sort. They feel everything too deeply, so they try to feel nothing at all. When that fails, they lash out at whatever is closest.” Her eyes hold mine. “Usually, the ones they care about most.”
“He doesn’t care about me.” I hate how small my voice sounds.
“Now that, I don’t believe for a moment.” Terra sits next to me on the ground, folding her legs beneath her. “I’ve seen how he looks at you, Isla.” She makes a sound low in her throat. “I’ve scented pheromones on him, too.”
“How he looked at me, past tense. The pheromones are lust. Nothing more and nothing less.”
“I’m not so sure. He will come around. You will see.”
“I might not be here when he does.” My voice is hard. “He is the most stubborn person I have ever met, and I’m not sure if I want that in my life. Can we talk about something else now?”
Terra smiles, and her eyes twinkle with amusement. I think she can see right through me and my bravado.
“Did you know that your mother was Ruler General of the shadowfae?” Terra asks.
I shake my head. “I had no idea. Not until I saw her on the battlefield.” I swallow.
“I thought she was dead.” I briefly tell her the story of what happened that day.
“All this time, she’s been alive and living at the Shadow Court.
She never tried to find us. Never tried to contact me, even when I was there performing. ”
Terra is quiet for a moment. “That must be very painful.”
“It is.” I don’t elaborate, I just nod a few times, blinking back my tears. I’ve cried enough over both my mother and Sebastian.
No more!
“I have another question for you. It’s important that I ask it. Don’t be offended,” Terra says, leaning forward.
“Go right ahead.” My voice is flat.
“Are you working for Snow? Did she send you on a mission? Is Sebastian right about you?”
I meet her gaze without flinching. “No. I am not working for Snow.”
Terra’s eyes narrow on me, and her nose twitches, and she sniffs the air. “Go on,” she urges.
“Sebastian is dead wrong.”
Terra keeps smelling the air, looking at me with such an intensity it’s almost unnerving.
“I want the realm restored to what it was before she took the crown,” I continue. “I’m just a half-breed performer with a bounty on her head.” My voice breaks a little, but I ignore it.
Terra studies me for a long moment. Then her body relaxes.
“I believe you,” she tells me.
Something eases in my chest.
“Shifterfae have an ability to pick up on lies. We can almost taste them. There are often other subtle hints. Changes in body temperature, in the heart rate, and breathing. It’s there, if you look.
I don’t pick any lies up on you. For the record, you are not a nothing.
Don’t be so hard on yourself. Sebastian is lucky he has someone as wonderful as you in love with him. ”
I choke out a laugh. “I’m not in love with him at all.”
She sniffs the air and grins, showing teeth that are slightly too sharp. “All lies.” She laughs. “You’re totally in love with him.”
“I- I’m developing feelings for him, at best… Or, I was developing feelings for him. Love is pushing it,” I tell her.
“I think it’s a little more than that.” She shakes her head, still grinning. “You have it bad for him.”
I shake my head too.
“He’s a fool, if you ask me.” Terra pushes some hair behind her ear. “A handsome fool, I’ll grant you. But a fool, nonetheless. To push away someone like you over something like this.” She rolls her eyes.
“He has reasons to be cautious. It’s fine; we were never destined to be together.”
“Why not?”
“I’m not exactly queen material.”
“Why not? You are way too hard on yourself. You’re a strong female. You went after the queen, saving his sorry ass.”
I laugh unexpectedly. “I suppose you’re right.”
“Of course I am.”
“What happens now?” I ask. “Are we expected to stay here? At the Shifter Court? Are we your prisoners?” I don’t feel like a prisoner, but that doesn’t mean I’m not one.
“Heavens, no.” Terra looks amused by the question.
“You are free to go whenever you are ready. We will provide you with basic provisions. We can arrange transport into the deadlands as well. Take you close to a settlement or another court, though not too close.” She pauses.
“You don’t have to leave immediately, of course. You are welcome to stay if you wish.”
“Stay?”
“The shifterfae would like nothing more.” Her eyes gleam. “In fact, we would very much prefer it if you did.” She reaches out and clutches my hand. “Stay with us.”
“And what about Sebastian? Once he’s spoken with the Drakar, will he be free to go too?”
Terra shrugs. “That depends very much on how the meeting goes, but I am sure he will be encouraged to leave our court so that he can go out and find the rest of the Lost Kings.”
“Why do you want me to stay? What use am I to the shifterfae?”
Terra’s expression shifts. Grows more serious.
“You are special, Isla. Probably just as special as the kings themselves.” She holds my gaze. “Your magic is strong. What you did against Snow out there on that battlefield, that wasn’t nothing. It was a miracle and just the kind of breakthrough we needed to fight her.”
“It wasn’t enough,” I say quietly. “She would have finished me soon enough.”
“It was more than anyone else has managed against her.” Terra’s voice is firm.
“We need to find more like you. People with that kind of power. People who can stand against her. More half-breeds like you. If we ever hope to defeat Snow, we need every advantage we can get. I think there is a reason fae and human unions are against the law.”
I think on her words. About what they might mean.
“You think there are others like me?”
“I know there are. Scattered across the realm. Half-bloods like you with magic they are too afraid to use. We need to find them and train them. You can be a part of that. We’ll raise an army. We need the kings united to get the fae on our side…as many of them as possible.” Terra leans closer.
“You are making it sound like we might have a chance against her.”
“We do, Isla. I promise you…we do.”
She rises to her feet in one fluid motion.
“I’ll leave you to your thoughts.” She turns toward the entrance, then pauses. “I’m sure Sebastian will come around. And if he doesn’t, there are plenty of shifterfae males who would take you to their furs in a heartbeat.”
My face heats. The thought leaves me…cold. There is only one male for me, but I don’t want him…not anymore.
It’s a great pity Sebastian is so broken. So damned stubborn too.
“Thank you, Terra. You have given me much to think about.”
“I look forward to hearing your answer.”
Then she’s gone, leaving me alone with the dying fire and my jumbled thoughts.