Chapter 46
Isla
“Focus,” I tell Finn, circling him where he stands in the training yard. “You’re letting your mind wander. I can see it in the way the flame flickers.”
Finn frowns at the small ball of fire hovering above his open palm.
It sputters and wavers, threatening to die out entirely.
He’s eighteen summers, and arrived with Terra only yesterday, with hollow cheeks and wary eyes.
Terra found him scrounging in the ruins of some deadlands village, half-starved and sleeping in an abandoned pigpen.
No wonder he agreed to come. He has literally nothing to lose.
I liked him as soon as he told me he was ready to start training immediately.
Although I had hoped for some time to myself after finding out about the pregnancy, I agreed to start today.
I insisted he rest all day yesterday, to find his feet and to get a couple of square meals in his belly, and here we are.
He’s stronger than he looks. And more determined than most. It seems like his magic is fire-based like mine.
“Better,” I say as the flame steadies. “Now, try to make it grow. Not too fast…just a little at a time. Feel the heat in your chest and push it outward, into your hand.”
Finn’s brow furrows with concentration. The flame swells slightly, then shrinks again.
“Don’t force it,” I say. “Magic isn’t about force. It’s about—”
A horn sounds from somewhere deep within the caves. Then another. And another.
Finn’s head whips toward the sound, and the tiny flame in his palm dies instantly.
“Eyes on me,” I say, though my own attention has wandered. “Ignore it. Whatever it is, it doesn’t concern us.”
But even as I say the words, I can hear the growing rumble of voices echoing from the main cavern. There are a few shouts, as well as the clicks and yips of shifterfae calling to one another in their beast tongues.
Something is happening.
Finn looks at me with wide eyes. “Shouldn’t we go see what—?”
“No, I’m sure that whatever it is—”
The horn blares again, longer this time. More urgent.
I sigh. “Fine. We’ll go see what all the noise is about. You’ve probably done enough for one day anyway.”
Finn nods, already moving toward the main cavern. I follow at a more measured pace, though my own curiosity has gotten the better of me. My skirts swish against my legs as I walk.
The main cavern is busy, with shifterfae running for the exits. Some rush past us, others grab their children and run deeper into the cave. A group of hy-weres lopes toward the cave entrance, their bodies weaving through the crowd. Dragons call from outside.
“What’s happening?” I grab the arm of a passing shifterfae, a young female with platinum hair.
“Someone is in our territory uninvited,” she tells me, before running with the others.
I exchange a look with Finn. “Maybe you should go to your chamber to be safe.”
He nods, looking unsure.
“I’ll let you know if there’s anything to be concerned about.”
“Okay.” He rushes off.
I push through the crowd, making my way toward the mouth of the cave. The light grows brighter as I approach, afternoon sun streaming in.
I spot Terra up ahead. She stands near the entrance, her arms crossed, watching something in the distance.
I reach her side and follow her gaze out onto the stretch of grass that lies before the caves. A scouting party of hy-weres and dragons has gathered there, and they seem to be waiting for something.
Or someone.
“Is it the kings?” I ask Terra. “Are they here so soon? Kilara isn’t even back yet.”
Terra turns to me with a hint of amusement playing on her face.
“No, it’s not the kings,” she says. “Just one of them. Sebastian. He came alone.”
My stomach drops. Then rises. I feel suddenly weightless and heavy all at once.
“Sebastian,” I repeat, sounding like a simpleton. “Why? How…? I mean…what?”
She laughs. “A scouting party spotted him and sounded the alarm. I just got word that there’s nothing to worry about. That it’s him. I sent a group to fetch him.” Terra tilts her head, studying me. “He must’ve walked at least for half a day, since our court is vast.”
“Why would he…?” I trail off, unable to finish the question.
But I already know. Deep down, I know.
“Here they come,” Terra says, nodding toward the tree line.
I see them emerge from the forest. A group of hy-weres in their beast forms, their huge bodies moving with purpose. And in the center of them, seated astride one of the great creatures—
My heart stutters because it’s Sebastian.
Even from this distance, he looks magnificent. His dark hair catches the light, and he sits tall on the hy-were’s back, his bearing regal, moving as if one with the beast.
He looks like a male who has come a long way for something he wants.
“It looks like he came for you after all,” Terra says, bumping her shoulder against mine.
“We don’t know why he’s here,” I say, though my voice wavers.
“Don’t be na?ve, Isla.” Terra makes a clicking sound with her tongue. “The male is here for you. The question is, are you going to hear him out?” She gestures toward the clearing where Sebastian is now dismounting from the hy-were’s back.
His boots hit the ground. He pauses for a moment, looking toward the entrances to the cave. Toward me.
My breath catches.
“Yes,” I say. “I’ll hear him out. He came all this way, so I feel like I must.”
“Are you going to take him back? Everything is different now that you carry his child.”
I put a hand on my belly without thinking. To the life growing inside me…so new.
“We don’t have to be together to raise a child,” I tell her.
“I’m glad he’s here. I had hoped for more time to come to terms with having this baby, but it was not to be.
One day has hardly been enough.” I shake my head.
“But I’m glad he is here, so that I can tell him, if nothing else.
I’ll hear him out, but I doubt he’ll change my mind about him and me. ”
“Give him a chance,” Terra says.
I don’t respond. Sebastian’s eyes have found mine across the stretch of grass, and everything else seems to fade.
His eyes lock on me like I’m the only person in the entire realm.
Terra laughs beside me. It’s a low, knowing sound.
“What?” I ask, not taking my eyes off Sebastian.
“If only you could smell what I am smelling.” Her voice carries amusement. “You want that male so badly. Your heart is racing, too.”
Heat rises to my cheeks. “Just because I want him doesn’t mean that I can have him.”
“Such a human statement.” Terra makes another clicking noise.
“I don’t understand you at all. It should not be this complicated.
If two people want to rut, then they should rut.
If they want to mate and are in love, then that’s what they should do.
” She sighs heavily. “You humans make everything so difficult. You love him, so take him to your furs and mate him.”
It isn’t as simple as that.
If only it were.
I don’t respond because Sebastian is walking toward me now. The shifterfae, both in human and beast form alike, part for him. He eats up the ground in long strides, his eyes never leaving mine.
“It’s time for me to take my leave,” Terra says, stepping back. “The two of you need time alone.”
Then she’s gone, slipping into the crowd, and Sebastian is standing before me.
For a long moment, we just look at each other. I drink him in. His gaze travels over me too, taking in my dress, and something warm flickers in his expression.
Then he reaches for me.
His arms wrap around me, pulling me close, and goddess help me, I hug him back. I bury my face against his chest and breathe him in.
He holds me like I’m something precious. Like he’s afraid I might disappear if he lets go.
When I finally pull back, I study his face.
“It is good to see you. You must be tired; would you like to be taken to one of the chambers?” I ask. “You could rest and replenish.”
He shakes his head.
“I am sure that you are hungry and very thirsty after your long—”
I stop talking when he gives another shake of his head.
“What do you want, Sebastian?”
His gaze holds mine. “Will you walk with me?”
A startled laugh escapes me. “Haven’t you walked enough for one day?”
The corner of his mouth twitches. “I think I can manage for a short while. The forest is quite beautiful. I’d like to be away from the court.” His voice roughens. “I want to be alone with you.”
I should say no. Every rational part of my brain is screaming to do just that, but I can’t. He came all this way. I have to be polite. I need to hear him out.
“Alright,” I say. “Let’s walk.”
We leave the cave entrance behind, moving past the gathered shifterfae and into the forest. The trees close around us.
The sounds of the court fade until all I can hear is birdsong and the soft crunch of our footsteps on the forest floor.
The hem of my dress brushes against the wild grass as we walk, catching on twigs and brambles.
We walk in silence for a while. I steal glances at Sebastian, trying to read his expression. He looks troubled. His jaw is tight.
“Are you still worried about the integrity of the shifterfae?” I ask finally. “Is that why you wanted to be away from the court? You needn’t worry about—”
“That’s not why,” he says with a shake of his head.
I fall silent, waiting.
We reach a small clearing, a circle of grass surrounded by ancient oaks. Sebastian stops walking. He turns to face me, and the look on his face makes my heart ache. He looks stricken. Like a man standing at the edge of a cliff, trying to find the courage to jump.
“I’m sorry,” he says.
The words hang in the air between us.
“Sebastian—”
“No, let me finish…please.” He takes a breath, and I see the effort it costs him to continue.
“I pushed you away. I hurt you. And the reason…” He runs a hand through his hair, frustration and anguish written across his features.
“The reason is that I’m terrified of opening myself up.
I’m so afraid of giving myself to someone so completely that they have the power to destroy me. ”
I stand frozen, afraid to move. Afraid to breathe.
“I was a fool,” he continues. “A colossal fool for holding back. For pushing you away. For taking so long to realize what I was doing.” His voice breaks. “I should never have done it in the first place.”
My heart is beating wildly now. A frantic, hopeful rhythm that I can’t seem to control.
Sebastian steps closer. His hand reaches out, hovering near my cheek but not quite touching.
“I love you, Isla.”
The words hit me hard. I didn’t expect them.
“I know we haven’t known each other for long,” he goes on. “I know it seems impossible. But I don’t care. What I feel for you is real. It’s more real than anything I’ve ever felt in my entire life.”
Then, before I can respond, he drops to his knees before me.
I stare down at him, my mouth falling open. The proud Shadowfae King, kneeling in the grass at my feet. His eyes are bright with emotion as he looks up at me.
“I’m begging you for another chance,” he says.
“A chance to show you that I’m worthy. That I can be the male you deserve.
” His voice shakes. “The last two weeks have been miserable. I miss you, Isla. I need you by my side. We’re not meant to be on separate paths.
That was just another thing I told myself to keep you at arm’s length, where it was safe, where I couldn’t get hurt. ”
My vision blurs with unshed tears.
“Get up,” I tell him. My voice comes out thick. “Sebastian, get up.”
He rises slowly, his eyes never leaving my face.
For a while, I just look at him.
“Please say something, Isla. I’m dying here.”
“I only just realized something myself,” I tell him.
“I was pushing you away, too. I was so afraid of you hurting me again that I wouldn’t hear you out.
I wouldn’t give you a chance to explain.
” I swallow hard. “I’m afraid too, Sebastian.
I love you so much already. I can’t even imagine how I’ll feel in a year, or two, or more.
And if you pull something like this again…
” I bite down on my lip, fighting for composure. “What then?” I whisper the last.
He takes my hands in his. His grip is warm and strong.
“I promise you, I won’t,” he says. “We need to trust one another with everything from here on out. No more walls. No more pushing each other away.” His thumb traces circles on my palm.
“I want to be with you. I’ll ask the Drakar if I can stay here and help.
I might not be able to wield my own magic, but I know how to teach it.
I spent many summers – too many to count – learning how to wield it. I can be of use.”
I push out a laugh. “Of course you can. I’m sure they will agree. How could they not? I love you too,” I say.
His face transforms. Joy breaks across his features like the sun emerging from behind storm clouds. A boyish grin spreads across his lips that is so beautiful it steals my breath.
Sebastian leans in, and his lips move against mine. His hands cup my face, tilting me toward him, and I melt into his embrace.
For a few perfect moments, nothing else exists. Just the two of us in this clearing, wrapped in each other’s arms, finally together.
But then reality comes crashing back.
I pull away from him, my hands pressing against his chest.
Sebastian’s brow creases. “What is it? What’s wrong?”
I take a step back, needing the distance. Needing the space to think.
“There’s something I have to tell you,” I tell him. “And once I do, nothing will ever be the same.”