18. Gabby
I can’t remember when I’ve had so much fun on a date . . . which could be because I don’t date. Not really. I’ve tried once or twice over the years, but it never felt right. It was always awkward and forced. Tonight I felt free. I know word will be around town by morning that we were together and holding hands, but I don’t really care. What I said was true—I don’t want to hide us. Not this time.
We pull into my driveway, and Heath turns to me.
“Can I walk you to your door?”
I nod. “That would be great.” He gets out of the truck and walks around to my side, opening the door for me and helping me down, then he grabs the box from the store with one hand.
I slide my fingers into his as we walk slowly toward the front porch. The light is on, and it reminds me of our first kiss. I chuckle.
“What’s funny?” Heath asks.
“I was remembering our first kiss when Gram threw on the porch light and scared us both to death.”
Heath laughs. “I remember. I felt like a kid who’d just stolen the best candy in the world.”
I smile up at him. “That’s sweet.”
“Not as sweet as I remember your lips being that night. That was the best kiss I’ve ever had.”
The surprise must show on my face because he chuckles. “I’ve only ever kissed one other person since you. Let’s just say it wasn’t what dreams were made of.”
I nod. “I get it.”
He stops when we reach the front door and sets the box down on a porch chair. “You do?”
“Yeah. Well, kind of. I’ve been on two dates, and both of them were so bad we never even got to the kissing part.”
Heath lets out a relieved sigh. “I’m sorry. But I’m glad none of them worked out, or I wouldn’t be able to be here with you now.”
He pulls me in for a hug, and I lean into his warmth. A feeling of rightness washes over me. “I’m glad you didn’t find someone else either. I’m not sure my heart would have been able to take it.”
He holds me tighter before pulling back slightly. “Do you think . . . Can I kiss you?” he asks.
Am I ready for that? “Yes,” I whisper.
Heath reaches up, gently moving a strand of hair away from my face. “I’ve dreamed about this kiss,” he whispers, his eyes on mine.
I bring my hands up, cradling his face in my palms. “Kiss me?”
When our lips come together, it’s everything I remember, and much more. The softness of his lips on mine feels heavenly. The way he kisses me, so gentle and sweet, takes my breath away. This kiss feels like a promise. Warmth consumes me, and I lean into him more. We are connected, his arms wrapped around me and his face in my hands, and it feels like we are where we are meant to be. In each other’s arms.
“Wow,” I say, bringing my fingers to my lips when we part. “That was perfect.”
Heath smiles. “You’re perfect,” he says, stepping back. “When can I see you again?”
“How about this weekend? I’m off by two on Saturday. Feel like helping me get the Halloween boxes from the attic and decorating?”
“I’d love to.”
He waits for me to unlock the door, and moves the box inside. Then turns and heads to his truck. “Get inside,” he calls out the window. “So I know you’re safe from the trash pandas that roam these streets.”
I laugh and head inside, closing and locking the door behind me before leaning against it, a huge smile on my face.
Saturday can’t come soon enough.
Heath’s just handed me down the last box from the attic when his phone rings. “Hello,” I hear him say. I move away from the attic stairs, trying not to eavesdrop on his conversation. His voice goes soft and sweet, like it did when he asked if he could kiss me on the front porch. After ten minutes of trying to distract myself by fiddling with the boxes, he’s still talking in those soothing tones. I can’t help myself—I step closer.
“I know. I love you too, Olivia,” Heath says.
My heart drops. I move away from the stairs and set the box on top of the others. I can’t do this. Not again. Those words, in that tone, to her. I knew they were close, and that he cared for her, but I won’t compete with another woman.
I always lose.
Grabbing my keys and my purse, I head out the front door. I need time to think. I hop in the car and drive. Not caring where I’m going. How could we be right back where we started?
Tears start falling down my cheeks, and I pull off the highway onto a lookout area, and park the car. Getting out, I wander down the path that’s marked for a nature trail, and let the tears fall.
By the time I reach the end of the trail and turn back, I’ve mulled it over and over in my brain. Could I have overreacted? I really don’t know. Olivia and Zade’s dad had seemed so happy at Heath’s birthday party. They’d behaved like a couple in love.
Heath had said I was his priority, and that he’d only ever kissed one other person. I wonder if it was Olivia. Maybe I should have asked, but if I’m being honest, I didn’t want to know.
Rosie’s words come back to me. “It’s time to let go of the past.” How do I even do that? I sit on a bench and look out over the trail. Something Gram said about Pops floats through my mind. “The secret to a relationship like the one Pops and I had is communication. We learned to not make assumptions. We talked things out. Especially when it was hard.”
I look to the sky. “Thanks, Gram.”
I finish the trek back to the Jeep and pull my phone from the glove box where I’d stuffed it so I wasn’t tempted to look at it.
I’ve got several missed calls and texts.
Heath:Where’d you go?
Heath:What happened? Gabby, you’re worrying me.
Heath:I love you. I’ll be here when you get back.
Heath:If I don’t hear from you soon, I’m getting a search party together.
That last one was two minutes ago. I hit reply.
Gabby:I’m on my way home. We need to talk.
I drop my phone into my purse and turn the Jeep back towards home. Thirty minutes later, I’m parked in the driveway when Heath comes rushing out the front door.
“Where have you been? I’ve been worried sick!”
I nod. “I know, and I’m sorry. I freaked out.”
He wraps his arms around me for a second, then pulls back. “You what? Why?” Heath looks so confused and hurt.
“Let’s go inside.”
He follows me into the house, shutting the door behind us. I sit on the couch and take a deep breath.
“I heard you on the phone with Olivia.” I watch his face for anything that would help me understand where we are.
“Okay,” he says. “I still don’t understand.”
He seems genuine, but I need to get the rest out. “I heard you tell her that you love her the same way you say it to me.”
He shakes his head and plops down into the chair across from the couch. “So you heard me tell my friend that I love her, and assumed . . . ”
“It was the way you said it,” I argue.
“I was being soothing. She and Dominic had just gotten into an argument and he’d walked out.”
“Oh,” I say, dropping my head into my hands.
“I do love her. Like a friend or a sister. I’ve told you that. The love I have for you definitely doesn’t fall into that same category.”
I nod. “I’m so sorry. I assumed the worst.”
“Yeah, you did. I want this with you, Gabby. I want to be all in. I want forever, a house, kids, everything.”
My head whips up. “What?”
“Let me finish,” he says. “I want it all, but you have to want it, too. Enough to trust me. You can’t keep shutting me out and running away all the time.”
“I . . . I don’t know what to say. For so long, I’ve tried to protect myself by shutting people out before they can hurt me.”
He nods. “I know that. I know you. But by now, you should know that there’s no one else for me but you. No one.”
Tears prick the backs of my eyes, and my nose starts to run. “I’m sorry,” I say again. “The only thing I can say is that I’ll try. When I was walking the trail, something Gram said to me about communication popped into my head. It’s why I came back.”
Heath nods his head.
I take a deep breath and push it out. “I want this with you too. I want to see where this goes, but I can’t promise I’ll never freak out, or shut down.”
Heath stands up. “I want you to be confident in my love for you. I want you. All of you. But if you can’t trust me, it’s not going to last. And I want us to last.”
The tears start to fall. “I want to trust you,” I say. “I want to let go of the past. I’m just still learning how.”
Heath sits beside me on the couch and takes my hand. “I’d change your past if I could, but I can’t. I’m willing to put in whatever time and patience you need me to, but I want to know you’re willing to do what it takes, too. You have to decide if you trust me. If you can stick around when times get tough. Because, I’m telling you now, things will get tough at some point. That’s life. I need a partner who will be by my side.”
He leans in and kisses my cheek. “I’m going to go. I need some space to think, and you do, too. Call me when you’re ready.”
He stands and walks out the door, taking my bruised heart with him.