19. Heath
It’s been two days since I left Gabby’s house, and with every hour that passes, my heart sinks. I’d hoped we were on the same page. Then, at the first sign of trouble, she left. Shut me out. I went from worried, to scared, to hurt and back to scared before she’d texted me back.
Olivia had called me crying. Apparently, she and Dominic had gotten into an argument and he’d stormed out. I was trying to console her, but in the process, I’d hurt Gabby’s feelings. Again. I had no clue that she would assume I was in love with Olivia. I thought we’d cleared that up.
What really stung was that she walked out instead of talking to me about it. I love her with all my heart, but I can’t see a future with her if she leaves every time things get hard. I don’t want a marriage like my parents had. I don’t want to wonder if one day she’ll leave and never come back. I wouldn’t survive it.
My phone rings, and my heart jumps into my chest. Please be Gabby.
Olivia. I swipe to answer and put the phone on speaker, laying it on the bed next to me. “Hello?”
“Heath, I’m glad I caught you.”
“What up?” I ask, not really in the mood to talk to anyone. “Is Zade okay?”
Olivia pauses. “He’s fine. What’s wrong?”
“Nothing,” I lie. “Is everything okay?”
“Yeah, I was just calling to let you know that Dominic and I talked it out. He just needed some time to blow off steam so he didn’t overreact and hurt my feelings. He said he needed time to think it through.”
“He should have stayed there and talked it out,” I say, firmly.
“Haven’t you ever needed space to think before you talk about something that hurt you?” she asks.
Have I?“I don’t think running away solves anything.”
“Uh-huh. Care to tell me what’s going on?” she asks.
I groan. “Gabby overheard me telling you I loved you and freaked out. She left without a word. I was worried. When she came back and explained what happened, I felt sick. You know about my dad. How can I sign on for a relationship with someone who may up and leave one day with no warning? I can’t.”
Olivia is quiet for too long. “Olivia?”
“I’m here. I’m just thinking about how to respond to that.”
Great. That means she thinks I’m wrong. “Go ahead. Don’t sugarcoat it.”
“I can see where you’re coming from, but try to put yourself in her shoes. She heard you tell another woman you loved her. Without context.”
“She should know by now that I love you and Zade. You’re family to me,” I argue.
“Right, but given our history, I could see why that would make her feel insecure.” Olivia sighs. “Maybe she needed time to think before she talked to you. Maybe, deep down, she knew she was taking it out of context and needed some time to come to grips with what she knew and how she felt.”
I consider what she’s saying.
“You’re ignoring something pretty important here,” she says.
“I am?”
“She came back. She wanted to talk it through and hear your side.”
When I don’t respond, she continues. “If she was going to shut you out, she would have asked you to be gone when she got back.”
“I hadn’t considered that. All I could think was that she was holding on to the past and would never fully trust me again. I got scared.”
“Mm-hmm, and she was probably scared that her worst nightmare was coming true. That you had feelings for me this whole time and she’d been right to shut you out the first time.”
I groan. “So what now?”
“Well, that depends on how you left it,” she says.
“I told her to call me when we’ve both cooled down.”
“So, you left her. When she opened up and bared her soul to you?”
Shoot. “When you say it like that, it sounds really bad.” Did I make her feel like I was abandoning her?
Olivia laughs. “Yeah, well. It sounds like you both could have handled that situation better.”
“You’re right.” I sigh. “So, things with Dominic are really okay?”
“Yes. We talked everything out and we both feel a lot better. I think we both agree that it would be good for our family if I leave the Army when my contract is up.”
Olivia and I spend the next few minutes discussing how it feels to leave the Army. It’s not as easy as people might think. You miss the structure. But she and Dominic want to expand their family, and with Zade’s health issues, Dominic really wanted her to leave. After they talked it out, they both agreed it was what was best for their family. She’d just needed time to wrap her head around it.
“Heath,” Olivia says at the end of our conversation. “You need to cut yourself and Gabby some slack. You’re going to have to learn how each of you needs to communicate. You both need to learn to give each other space to process. Fix this with her. She’s good for you.”
“Thanks for the advice,” I say. “Talk to you soon.”
I hang up the phone and throw my arm over my face. Will things always be this hard?
The next day, after work, I stop into Piney Brook Flowers and get a bouquet of lilies. Olivia’s right. If Gabby was shutting me out, she wouldn’t have asked to talk. She’d needed time to think. It doesn’t change the fact that I need her to communicate that, but it does mean that maybe I overreacted too.
I place the flowers in the passenger seat, and head to her house. If she’s not there, I’ll leave the flowers and a note. When I called the diner earlier, I asked Ms. Daisy what time she got off work. She should be home by now, unless she went somewhere else.
I pull into her driveway and park behind her Jeep. Thank goodness.
Grabbing the flowers, I step out of the truck and make my way to the front porch. Before I can knock, the door swings open and Gabby’s sad eyes greet me.
“Heath.” Her lip trembles like she’s trying not to cry. “What are you doing here?”
“I think we’ve had enough time to think, don’t you?” I ask, holding out the flowers.
Gabby shakes her head. “I can’t do this. I can’t go back and forth. It hurts too much.”
I pull her into my arms. “I know. It hurts me, too. Can we please talk?”
She steps out of my arms and into the house. “Sure.”
“Do you have a vase I can put these in?” I ask, holding up the bouquet.
“In the kitchen,” she says, walking that direction. She pulls a vase down from the cabinet and fills it with water. “They smell so good,” she says, taking them from me and bringing them to her face. She smiles as she places them inside the glass vase. “They’re beautiful. Thank you.”
“Not as beautiful as you.”
She shakes her head again and draws her arms across her chest. She looks down, then at the ceiling, and sighs. She finally looks at me for a moment. “Love shouldn’t hurt like this,” she whispers.
I take her hand, pleased when she lets me guide her to the couch. “I talked to Olivia yesterday.”
She looks up at me, her eyes glistening with tears.
“She said some things that made me realize I was wrong to be upset with you.”
A lone tear slides down her cheek. I reach out and swipe it away with my thumb. “She said if you were really shutting me out, you wouldn’t have asked to talk.”
Gabby nods. “I didn’t mean to shut you out, I needed to think.”
“I understand that now. It just scared me. All I could think about was all the times my dad left after he and Mom argued. He came back at first, too. Until one day, he didn’t.” I take a deep breath. “But you’re not him, and I can’t hold what he did against you.”
More tears fall, and I want to wipe each one away, but I keep my hands in my lap. I need to give her space to process. When did Olivia become a relationship expert?
“And I can’t hold what my mom did against you.” Gabby sighs. “I’ve been protecting myself by running away for so long it’s a habit. I can’t promise you that I won’t need space to think sometimes. I’m sorry.”
I reach out and take her hands in mine. “I know. It would help me if you would tell me when you need time alone. Are you okay with working on that?”
She takes her time answering, and I wait for her to be ready.
“I think I can do that.”
I give her hands a squeeze. “And I’ll give you the space you need. I promise.”
She leans her head against my shoulder. “Are we okay?”
I wrap my arm around her and pull her close. “I want to be. What do you want?”
She’s quiet for a while, and I start to worry, my mind running circles.
“I want that too,” she says softly.
We sit like that for a while, just soaking each other in, before her stomach growls. “Are you hungry?”
She grins at me, and nods. “I didn’t eat dinner yet.”
“Did you have a plan for dinner, or can I take you out? I know a place in town with some great burgers and fries.”
She laughs. “The Curly Pig it is then.”