10. Chapter 10
Chapter 10
Andy
Chi is too distraught to help plan the funeral. Every time she walks in while Mara, Cas and I are discussing it, she tries to keep a straight face before walking directly out of the room again. It’s no use, because we hear the sobbing just moments later anyway. The walls in this safehouse aren’t soundproof.
We have to do it quickly, since nearly three days have already gone by since their deaths. The only reason we’ve been able to wait this long is because we need to wait for her brother and her mother to get here. Societal expectations are that they must hop on the private jet immediately after the invitation is extended, and even up in their ivory tower, they still aren’t impervious to that. Already we’ve waited almost a suspicious amount of time to extend it.
We discuss it with Riku, the head of security on the grounds behind myself. He has been with the family for years, and covered for us during the attack on Chi’s mansion just a few months ago, before the war. He is the only one of her father’s guards we trust with this, and surround him with mine and Cas’s men. We want to maintain some distance from her while still having multiple sets of eyes on them both. It’s hard to trust anyone right now, but Riku has shown he’s willing to kill anyone who tries to harm Chi, and has already tried to take the fall for the death of Chi’s father and Daiki. When he called me to apologize and ask for chastisement, I was a little concerned that he might take out a sword and plunge it through his own body like the Samurai used to do.
Mara sets up the funeral without complaint, no matter how uncomfortable she clearly feels about doing it. Cas and I are not comfortable bringing in anyone new to the plan. It’s hard enough for me to delegate responsibilities to those who have been working at the Yano residence for decades. I’m even planning to interrogate Chi’s cook, who has been in the role for over twenty years. After I ensure that the man isn’t planning to slip something into her food, he’ll be on surveillance 24/7, and I’ll have him taste the food right in front of me just before he gives it to her. I’m not taking any fucking chances.
“Is everything ready?” I ask in exhaustion, dropping into a chair. It’s been a bad day for Chi, who just finally fell asleep for the night after crying for hours again. There were only short moments of clarity today. I’m worried she won’t be able to go to the funeral if she can’t keep herself together for more than a few minutes at a time. Unfortunately, she can’t show weakness, even after this traumatizing event.
“Yes, it’s ready,” Mara responds to me, leaning her head back on the couch and closing her eyes. We are all so fucking tired, and it’s only been a three days. It’s been difficult for us too, since the normally bubbly girl who just cried herself to sleep has a grief monster the size of our little safehouse, casting its shadow over us day in and day out. It doesn’t matter to me that we might never see that imperturbable, lighthearted girl again; I’ll take her however she is and be happy just to have her. Still, I can’t deny that dealing with this immense grief is overwhelming, to say the least.
“I guess we should go over the schedule and then send the invite to her mother and brother,” I say, scrubbing a hand down my face.
Mara nods. “It’ll be in three days. We’ll invite Mizuki and Akihito tonight, and then we’ll house them tomorrow night. We’ll hold the funeral early and host a few hundred of Akio’s close business acquaintances for an hour afterwards in the Chashitsu .”
Cas opens his mouth, but before he can say a word, Mara leans back and whispers to him, “That’s a Japanese tea room, and it’s one of the largest guest houses on her property.” Cas shuts his mouth and leans down to whisper something, likely filthy, in Mara’s ear, to which she rolls her eyes.
“Thanks, Mara,” I say, too tired and resigned to their displays of PDA to give it more than a passing thought. I pinch the sinus at the top of my nose and squeeze my eyes shut. “They’re staying the night before the funeral and leaving the next day, then?”
“Yes,” Mara says definitively. “They have a lot of shit to take care of on their end in Japan, after all. And we can say that to anyone who asks, publication or otherwise. The funeral will be in the morning, tea and light hors d'oeuvres directly after, and then we may have to house them for another hour or so before they leave, just to put in some face time with them.”
I look away, thinking. “That’s not so bad, actually. If we need to, we can interrogate them without anyone else there. And we’ll have all of their activity from the past day or so filed away with Oxy, so we can confront them if there’s anything suspicious.”
I remain deep in thought, staring out the window. “We need to get something out of them. There is such a lack of information about them, I can’t find a fucking thing. I need to know more. They’re like a huge question mark, and we can’t afford that. They feel like an insufficiently examined unit.”
When I look back, Cas is eying me astutely, almost as if hanging on my every word. I’m hit with a strange sense of power; it feels like Cas is looking to me for direction. That’s a circumstance I don’t remember being in before, at least not to this extent. I am the head of this investigation. Usually, he is the captain of the ship, and I just navigate.
“Whatever you want to do, Andy. You let me know how you want to play it, and I’ll make sure we have the tools and manpower,” he says, as if giving voice to my thoughts.
I nod at him and then give the green light. “All right. You can go ahead and send the invite. Thanks, Mara.”
“Come on, baby, let’s go…” Cas says in Mara’s ear, dark eyes, dripping with mischief already. His gaze flicks to mine, as if I’m allowed to be in on their joke, and then back to her. “Let’s go get some… sleep.”
“Sleep,” I say, making air quotes with my fingers.
“Hey, Andy, you should try to get some sleep, too.” Mara reddens, understanding my meaning a second too late, immediately after the words are out of her mouth. “I mean, real sleep. I mean… you look so tired.”
I just stare at her with a half smile on my face.
“I really mean sleep and not sex! I think having sex with Chi will just make her feel worse.”
My expression doesn’t change. “We’ve already conducted that experiment, at her request, and have found that your assertion is correct.”
Mara’s face somehow turns redder than it was already, and Cas manhandles her into his arms before she can react. “I think you’ve done enough talking, baby. Let’s go.” He looks at me with a smirk and says, “ to sleep .” She yelps, slapping at his hands as he holds her against him.
“Have a great night, asshole. And Mara.”
“Oh, I will. But Mara’s right, you should get some actual sleep. You look—”
“Like shit,” I say with him as he finishes his sentence.
His smile quirks up just a nudge more before he disappears with Mara out of the room.
I sigh as I head back into the bedroom, wondering how many times Chi will wake up tonight and for how long, resigned to the fact that it will definitely happen. When I get there, I realize immediately that she’s already awake. When I look over at her, I see her staring at the ceiling. She looks so tuned out that it’s almost like she’s sleeping with her eyes open… and tears dripping off the sides of her face.
“Chi?” I take a few steps toward her and push down on her shoulder.
“Shhh,” she says, blinking slowly. “It’s quiet right now.”
I don’t know how, but I understand what she means. The monster of grief she carries isn’t as consuming for this small bit of time. I can’t imagine how it must feel to worry about when it will come back — what will set it off, or trying to figure out what can quiet it down and not finding an answer.
“Okay,” I whisper. I take my pants and shirt off and slip into bed next to her without a word, pulling the blankets around us.
I roll toward her, stretching my arms out slightly. “Do you want me to…”
“Yes,” she whispers, grabbing my hands and pulling them over herself like a safety belt. “Like this. Please.”
I nudge my face into her neck, right under her ear, cradling her tiny body with my own. “However you want me, Chi. Just tell me.” We whisper together in the darkened room, trying not to disturb the sleeping monster in here with us.
She almost smiles, breathing out slowly and nodding. She turns her head to look at me with watery eyes. She has looked through me so many times, with so many gazes. I love it when she smirks at me, knowing I’m full of shit and calling me out on it. I love when she reaches for the meaning behind any of my words with her knowing gaze. I love when she looks at me like she needs me and can’t live without me. This is different, though. It’s heartbreaking and sincere, and it’s almost painful that someone would look at a man like me this way.
“Thank you, Andy. Thank you so much for all of this. I want to say it now, while I can.” She nudges me back with her own mouth, kissing me softly on the stubble of my chin. I don’t think she’s ever been more beautiful than she is right now, and I kiss back hard, reining myself in just enough not to be entirely tactless.
It’s not sexy or even sweet. It transcends each of those. It’s full of trust and relief. I can feel her gratitude and her pain in equal measure, unloading into me, and it both hurts and feels better at the same time. I hope it feels that way for her, but it’s okay if it doesn’t. I love that she trusts me with it, and I want to lock it away and keep it with me, and only me, forever.