Caspian
There was no question about it; he had lost his mind.
“I- I-” he tried and failed to find an excuse.
Only a second ago, it had seemed like the most right thing in the world to have her in his arms. His mind struggled fruitlessly to explain how he could feel that way for a stranger, or why the feeling was still lingering like a bittersweet taste on his tongue.
“I should go to bed,” Erin said slowly, careful not to look anywhere near him.
She lowered herself into a heap of cloaks on his bedroll. Her hood pulled up until he could see nothing of her at all.
Moments passed. Caspian sat on the log, his face pressed into his hands.
His skin was still flushed, blood heated by desire that lingered despite himself.
The urge to go to her, to close the distance he had created, was overwhelming.
He hadn’t even touched a woman, well not like that, not in years, not since her.
Maybe that was the problem. Maybe he wasn’t managing himself as well as he’d thought.
The first time he’d been alone with a woman for more than an hour, he had his hands all over her.
He let out a completely unbidden sigh. It was more like a growl.
He was still hard, his erection straining against his pants.
The unrelieved tension he felt throughout his whole body was only making this situation more impossible.
Even the brisk wind was amplified against his sensitive skin.
He could almost imagine it was her lips trailing up his neck, her hands moving through his hair.
Caspian stood restlessly. He’d promised himself to stop this, to let her go. Her. Not Erin. This had never been about the forester. He was using her, and that only made him more despicable.
If Keira was going to come back, wouldn’t she have done so by now?
He had made the decision to move on months ago. It was time.
Yet… memories of her danced through his mind. Her teasing voice, her laugh as she pushed him into the grass only to fall on top of him. Lips grazing his cheek gently, trailing to his mouth…
Caspian was trekking away from the firelight before he’d made a conscious decision to do so. Erin’s form made no movement to show she’d noticed his absence. He wouldn’t be gone long.
The night was unforgivingly cold, but still his skin felt like it was on fire.
He stopped only a few yards from camp, leaning against the trunk of a large pine.
His chest heaved with uneven breaths, emitting clouds of steam into the night air.
Quickly, he undid the fasteners of his pants.
The moment he took himself in hand, a deep sigh escaped his lips.
His head leaned back against the rough bark.
Her face floated in his mind. Keira. Caspian sucked in a breath as he began to play a very dangerous game.
What if it had been her by that fire? When he leaned in to kiss her, she wouldn’t have pushed him away.
He would have tasted those full lips again.
He could remember the feel of her hands on his cheeks, on the nape of his neck as her fingers twisted through the roots of his hair.
The warmth of her tongue on his lips. It nearly took him over the edge.
They had been so young then. Stolen kisses had been enough to sate them, but in his imagination, they did so much more.
His hand behind her back would have pulled her in closer, arching her breasts to perfection.
His mouth would trail down the length of her neck, to the soft skin of her chest. He would kneel before her, cupping, kissing, licking, biting, worshiping her form.
The sounds that would escape her, fabulous beyond description, saturated with need.
And when she reached for him… Caspian hissed at his own undoing. Release gripped his entire body as ecstasy exploded through every nerve.
He stood panting against the pine, fixing his clothes with numb fingers. The night’s chill settled over him, stealing the remnants of pleasure too quickly. With a final exhalation, Caspian reined himself in, focusing his mind before taking the first steps back toward the camp.
By the time he felt the comforting warmth of the fire against his skin, his breathing was natural, his skin no longer flushed. He took his vantage point on the log and settled in for the watch.
The chill settled in quick and deep, barely eased by the fire.
The forest seemed to swell around him in the dark.
In the stillness, loneliness descended on him, the numbing aftermath of his brief moment of pleasure.
It was possible his actions could be explained by a long denied need for intimacy.
But it was more than that. He could feel it welling inside him.
She’d been the first person to understand the pain he had carried all these years.
Somehow he felt that he could open up to her in ways he hadn’t been able to with anyone else.
Maybe now that he was moving on with his life, he felt freer to share that sort of emotional intimacy with someone.
Yet the issue remained that after so many years, it had all flooded out of him at once, a great tide of need.
His senses perked as he noticed movement on the other side of the flames. Erin’s form was shaking. He strained to hear the sound over the bitter wind, but it was clear enough. She was sobbing and trying very hard to hide it.
Guilt plunged him into icy waters. Of course she was crying; he’d practically forced himself on her.
Yet even now, Caspian wanted to go to her.
He wanted to lie beside her and hold her tight against his chest until the tears stopped.
He wanted to bury his face in her hair and whisper that he was there with her, for her.
Caspian hung his head. What was wrong with him?