Jason
It was one word.
It’s embarrassing to admit what that single word did to me. I practically levitated to the bed. My body moved on instinct, not even a moment of hesitation.
I’m staring at his face in the dark while he sleeps. His long lashes are still my favorite part about him. Well, his lashes and his dark, wavy hair.
His hair is amazing.
Gabe’s hands are pale, and his fingers are long and slender.
No wonder he can draw so well. His fingers are made for it.
All I want in the world is to thread my fingers with his. Gabe lies on his side, one arm bent with his hand resting on the bed. It looks like he’s reaching out to me.
Maybe he is?
My hand wants to move closer…to touch his. Hold it.
There are only six inches between our beds. All I have to do is reach out and touch him.
I inch my hand closer, but I stop at the edge.
Crossing the divide feels like…something.
I don’t know what, but it feels like something I won’t be able to walk back from.
But I do it anyway.
I reach across and rest my hand on his bed. The space between our hands feels electric.
My hand moves a little closer.
Then a little more.
And then I finally do it. I hold his hand and, without even realizing it, the tears fall.
Relief.
That’s what I feel. That’s what I always felt when I was close to him.
An overwhelming sense of relief.
I could stay like this forever.
That realization hits me like a cold shower.
I think about what that would mean…being here with Gabe forever…
What would I do? Wait for him to come home while I try to avoid Doug all day? Could I actually live across the road from that asshole?
And what would I do with my life? Work at a factory like Doug? A restaurant? Try to get a job at Torren’s shop?
I want to fucking be something!
And what if Gabe hurts me again?
I can’t let that happen.
No. I can’t afford to feel relief. If I’m gonna make something of myself, I need to feel hungry.
Ruthless.
I rip my hand away, then rise from the bed.
My feet pad across the sticky, disgusting trailer, and I throw my body on the couch.
This is where I’ll stay until I can afford a spot of my own.
Tomorrow, I’m going to the Kitty Cat Club.
I’ve thought about it a lot since meeting Angie.
That’s what I want.
Power.
Respect.
I’m gonna bang on the door and ask for a meeting with Tobias Kay, the leader of the HellCats. I’ll make the case for myself. Whatever I gotta do, I’ll do it.
All I know is I can’t stay here—Gabe is my connection to the very few moments in my childhood that didn’t hurt, and I know what will happen if I let him in.
I’ll get comfortable. I’ll want to stay.
Then the rug will get pulled out from under me.
His comfort is a trap that will keep me in this place if I’m not careful.
And I’m getting out.
Mom, Dad, and this awful trailer park will be a distant memory soon enough.
And so will Gabe.