Gabe
The shower water is hot, and I scrub my skin raw.
He slept on the couch.
I reached out—invited him in. I spoke for him.
And he still left.
Just like before.
That’s what he does—he fucking leaves. Even when I need him the most, he bails.
Scrub him away, Gabe.
I need to get out of here.
Just leave and go to work.
It’s earlier than usual, but I don’t care. I’ll catch an earlier bus and wait for Torren to wake up so we can get a cup of coffee.
Maybe I’ll calm down once I see Torren and Felix.
I shut off the water and snag a towel, drying myself so I can get dressed and get out of this stifling trailer as soon as possible.
When I whip the door open, I crash right into Jason. He falls backward against the closet opposite the bathroom.
“Watch it,” he scolds.
I stand there frozen for a moment before the heat in the trailer envelops me like a plume of steam, making my blood boil.
Watch it?
Watch. IT?
I push him so hard he falls to the floor.
“Ow! What the fuck is wrong with you?” he screams.
In a flash, I’m leaping onto him, arms flailing as I grit my teeth and try to beat the holy hell out of him.
“Gabe! Get off me!”He rolls us over and ends up on top of me, pinning my arms above my head.
“What are you doing?”
My hands break free, and I start hitting him again, but he hits me back.
We’re both just swinging aimlessly, hitting whatever we can.
My towel falls off, and I end up on top of him again, totally naked, but he grabs my hair and pulls me to the floor.
“STOP,” he hollers, but I won’t. I can’t.
I’m just so frustrated and mad that he’s doing this. STILL.
He pins my naked body to the floor, both hands pressed against my wrists.
“You know I can kick the ever-loving shit out of you, Gabe!”
I try to break free from his grasp, but he’s too strong. My mouth opens, desperate to scream at him, but I clench it shut again.
Jason watches as I seal my lips closed, his face growing redder by the moment. “Fuck this,” he finally hisses.
Then he releases me and rises, making his way to the front door to walk out on me again.
And something shakes loose inside me. I’m boiling inside, and the hurt at seeing him bail on me again compels me to push the words out.
“All you do is walk away.” My voice is low and raspy from disuse. It hurts my throat, but I have to let it out even if I hate myself later for doing it.
He stops and spins, his eyes blazing as he shakes with rage. He takes a step closer and cries, “Don’t you ever say that to me!” His deep voice fills the space, making my breath hitch. “You don’t get to say that to me. I didn’t walk away. You did.”
He paces around the room, his body shaking as he presses his hands against his temples with a pained expression. “You told me your mom was helping!” he cries out. “Don’t you get it? Nobody cared about me, Gabe! Why would you do that to me?”
I’m not doing this. I told him then that I did it for my mom. What does he want from me?
He stares in disbelief. “You just don’t get it.” He shakes his head, sneering at me as he walks to the front door.
My voice cracks. “Jason, I needed you.”
I’m not crying at this point.
I’m falling apart.
He doesn’t even look at me as he reaches for the door. “I guess we’re both awful for each other, huh?”
Then he walks out.