Chapter Fifteen Fiona #3
Satoshi poured me a glass of madeira, but he’d only just started to explain why he’d chosen it when his attention was pulled elsewhere. I sipped at it – rich and golden but not too sweet, molasses cut through with citrus and sea-spray – as I watched him work, trying to slow my rapid heartbeat.
Something was off with the flow of the bar. It wasn’t wrong, exactly, but it seemed rushed, disjointed. ‘Everything all right?’ I asked, when there was finally a lull.
‘The glasswasher broke again.’ Satoshi was making spicy margaritas, hands moving even faster than normal. ‘It started leaking at the start of service.’
‘Oh no.’
‘Oh no is right. I couldn’t get anyone to work an extra shift today, so we’re understaffed, and the technician can’t come back until Monday.’ He set the margaritas on the bar. ‘How much longer can you stay?’
I checked the time on my phone. ‘Probably half an hour or so.’
‘Give me a second to finish up these last few orders and then sneak out the back with me? I can probably manage a fifteen-minute break before the dinner rush.’
It took several seconds before Satoshi could make a thin excuse to Charlotte about how he had some books for me out the back, and several more seconds before he could convince her that yes, she’d be all right watching the floor on her own for a bit, he’d be just down the hall if she needed him, but eventually, we made our way to his office.
‘Is Charlotte okay?’ I asked, as he closed the door behind us. ‘She seems a bit on edge.’
‘I let her try running the floor by herself on Tuesday. It’s normally quiet, but we had some horrible customers in and they monstered her.’ Satoshi sank into his office chair and pulled me onto his lap. ‘I’m so happy to see you. I wasn’t expecting to until tomorrow.’
Most of the time, when we managed to snatch moments like this, he’d have me pressed up against something or bent over something by now, but instead, he just wrapped his arms around me and rested his head against my shoulder.
The new, shorter texture of his hair tickled against my skin, and I carded my fingers through it. ‘I’m happy to see you too.’
‘Mmmm.’ His eyes were closed. ‘That feels good.’
The word kids was burning in my throat, but this was clearly not the time to talk about it, not when he was obviously so tired, not when I was so deeply afraid of what he would say. I scratched at his scalp instead. ‘Like this?’
‘Mmm-hmmm.’
I traced circles around his temples. ‘How about this?’
‘So good.’ His voice was muffled in my shirt. ‘You can go harder.’
‘Like this?’
‘Mmmm. Yes.’
I let my fingers move to the back of his neck, caressing and then kneading. ‘I’m sorry you’re having such a shitty day.’
‘Not your fault – oh, yeah, there.’
‘My parents are going to be around for a week or so.’ I dug my knuckles in, trying my best to approximate what Kieran had done to me. ‘How about I get them to babysit on Sunday, and I’ll be your dish pig?’
He lifted his head. ‘You’d do that?’
‘Of course.’ I kissed the tip of his nose.
‘What would you tell them?’
‘The truth.’
He stilled. ‘Really?’
‘I would say, “Family, we owe Satoshi a favour.” ’ I kissed one of his dimples. ‘Because even though Jonah and Sadie are paying for their wedding, there’s no way he’s breaking even on this.’ I kissed the other one. ‘I saw you’re closing the bar tomorrow.’
He buried his face in my neck again. ‘It’s only one day of trade. It’d be a huge pain with a broken glasswasher anyway. Plus, I’d be anxious leaving someone who didn’t know the venue in charge, even if it was Maxi or Carlton.’
‘That’s still a significant chunk of money.’ I went back to combing my fingers through his hair, shoving the feelings it sent bubbling to the surface down as hard as I could. ‘So, I would say, “Family, the least I can do for this lovely man is wash some glasses.” ’
‘You don’t need to, though. Dish pig work is the worst job in hospo. It’s messy, and sweaty, and—’
‘Satoshi—’ I tugged his face up to mine and kissed him ‘—just let me do this for you, okay?’
I slipped off his lap and on the floor. ‘Fiona, no,’ he protested weakly, as I unzipped his trousers. ‘You don’t—’
‘I want to.’ I pressed my lips to his thigh as I drew him out of his underwear. ‘You’ve had a bad day. Let me take care of you.’
He’d said something similar the first time I’d ever gone down on him. Fiona, no, he’d said, as I went to my knees in front of him in an old Frenchman’s grimy wine cellar. You don’t have to.
But he’d been hard within seconds, hand fisting in my hair. Oh god, he’d moaned, oh Fiona, how are you so good at this, oh fuck, and I’d hummed with laughter around him in sheer delight at the thought I could give him so much pleasure.
This time, though, was different. ‘Stop,’ Satoshi said, tugging gently at my hair as it became clear his cock wasn’t going to cooperate. ‘It’s okay.’
I stood awkwardly while he tucked himself away and rezipped his pants. ‘Sorry,’ he said, pulling me back onto his lap. ‘It’s not your fault. Just… you know, long day.’
‘It’s okay. I’m sorry.’
‘Hey.’ He caught my chin in his fingers and kissed me. ‘Don’t apologise. Everything’s all right.’
It wasn’t, though. Some little cog in the machinery which had been running so smoothly had come loose, and even though nothing had technically gone wrong, something wasn’t quite right, either.