Chapter 18 #2
I huffed a laugh and thought back to what Oriane had said about him. It wasn’t the least bit surprising that he’d had no shortage of female companions. Not when he said such things. “There, now you know something meaningful about me. Are you satisfied?”
“No,” he said with a small smile. “I don’t think I’ll be satisfied until I know everything there is to know about you. But that was a good start.”
I wrapped my arms across my body, suddenly feeling exposed.
I hated it.
I needed to regain control of the situation. “You are a charmer, Your Highness. Is it another one of your many attributes?”
“It is, but I meant what I said.” He met my gaze with raw intensity. “I know it hasn’t been long, but there’s something about you that feels different from anyone I’ve ever known. I’ve felt it since the moment you walked into my father’s drawing room.
“My mind used to be quiet, but now it’s full of you.
I’ve spent my life running from anything that could bind me, but I’m ready to be your willing captive.
I thought I was a brave man, but I tremble at the possibility that you might not feel the same way.
It’s madness, yet I don’t want to fight it.
It’s like every part of me wants to give in to this feeling. To you.”
My breath caught in my throat. I’d heard all kinds of enchanting speeches and declarations of love, but something about Tarben’s confession set my heart into a sprint.
Maybe it was the pure want in his voice, or maybe it was the way his eyes blazed as they fixed on me, but, before I knew what I was doing, I leaned in and met the gentle warmth of his mouth.
His kiss was soft and sweet. It seemed to ask, is this what you want?
My lips responded to the silent question by kissing him harder. He wrapped his arms around my waist and pulled my body into his.
Eventually, we broke apart. “It turns out, you were right about one thing,” I said. “You are highly kissable.”
As if my words were oxygen to a flame, he leaned down and kissed me with increased fervor. Our tongues danced, just as our bodies had done in the great hall. I ran my hands through his soft hair, and his throat reverberated with the sound of a low moan.
He pulled away. “You’re impossibly beautiful,” he whispered in my ear, his warm breath rousing the hairs on the back of my neck.
My eyes shuttered closed and I raised my chin, baring my throat to him.
His lips claimed a sensitive crook below my ear, and, slowly, so agonizingly slowly, they traced soft kisses down my neck.
At the touch of his hungry lips, goosebumps pebbled my skin and heat pooled in my core.
As if sensing the shift in my body, Tarben slid off the wall and repositioned himself in between my legs in one, expertly swift maneuver. I anchored my arms behind the back of his neck and pressed myself against his lean, well-defined figure.
My lips, impatient from being deprived for so long, sought his out in a greedy demand.
As soon as our mouths clashed together, his kiss became furious. Urgent. Like he needed my body as much as I needed his.
At some stage, my gown had ridden up, exposing my bare thighs to the cold night air.
I didn’t care—I was burning from within.
When he cupped my ass with both hands and pulled my hips into his, my legs wrapped around his waist. In response, he ground his body against mine with such untamed want that it drew a soft moan from my throat.
The feeling of his hardness pressed against the soft ache at my center turned me molten.
Overcome with lust, I broke the kiss to whisper in his ear, “Touch me.”
“Fuck.” He drew out the word as he pulled away.
I felt as though I had been doused with a bucket of ice water.
“What’s wrong?” I asked. From the look of sheer agony on his face, I was certain he was hurt.
“Nothing’s wrong. It’s just—” He ran a hand through his already-disheveled hair. He looked at me. “Divine goddess, Alara.”
“What?” I asked, my heart stumbling.
“I know I’m going to regret this but… we can’t. Not yet.”
“Why not?” I asked, tugging the gown down over my legs.
“Because I like you too much. I don’t want this to be just another meaningless dalliance. Not with you.” Pupils still dilated, he met my wide-eyed gaze.
The burning shame I’d been feeling quickly heated into anger. Anger at him for rejecting me and anger at myself. I had foolishly lost my head in the heat of the moment and offered myself up to him. In the process, I’d relinquished my power.
“Am I making any sense?” he asked.
“You like me so much that you don’t want to bed me. Yes, that makes perfect sense,” I said, my voice thick with sarcasm.
Tarben made a frustrated noise. “I do want to bed you. I want to bed you very much. But I want things to be different with us. I think, I hope, that you and I have a future. And if you feel the same way, I think we should wait.”
I rested my hands on the rugged stone wall. This was a twist I hadn’t seen coming. I had planned on kissing him and leaving him wanting more, not the other way around. I should be pleased that he saw a future with me, but my ego was wounded, and that was unforgivable.
“The look on your face is impossible to read. Please say something, tell me what you’re thinking.”
Not willing to voice the truth, I replied, “I’m thinking that it’s getting late, and I should head back to my bedchamber.”
He nodded. “Yes. Of course.” The drop of his shoulders and the flash of disappointment behind his eyes did not escape me, but I said nothing.
The walk back to my bedchamber was tense. So much between us remained unsaid, but it seemed as though neither of us knew how to say it.
Finally, when we reached my door, he spoke. “I hope I didn’t upset you—I really want to see you again tomorrow.”
Had he upset me?
Now that my initial fury had somewhat calmed, I didn’t know what to make of this.
I hadn’t planned on sleeping with him tonight, but, even so, I was used to males wanting to bed me at the first opportunity.
His reaction had stung. I’d only ever known purely physical relationships with males, even if they always ended up falling for me.
While I enjoyed sex, I’d planned to use it as a means to manipulate Tarben’s feelings.
But here he was, telling me he didn’t want to sleep with me because of his feelings.
The irony of the situation was not lost on me.
Swallowing my pride, I couldn’t bring myself to meet his gaze as I said, “I’m not upset, just embarrassed.”
Touching my chin, he gently guided my face so I had no choice but to look at him. “You have nothing to be embarrassed about. It took every shred of my willpower to stop myself, but, trust me, waiting will be worth it. I’ll make sure of it,” he said with a flash of heat in his eyes.
That made me feel a fraction better, although my ego was still recovering. “That’s a bold claim, Your Highness.”
His face broke into a smile. “I stand by my words.” He took a step towards me, closing the distance between us. “Does this mean you agree to keep seeing me?”
Acutely aware of how close he was, I felt a fresh wave of heat strike my core. What is wrong with me? I needed to get away from him so I could think properly again. “Yes. I’ll keep seeing you,” I said, shrugging off his jacket and handing it to him.
“Excellent,” he said with a boyish grin. “Until then.” He leaned in and chastely brushed his lips against my cheek.
“Until then,” I echoed, watching him retreat with a marked spring in his step.
I folded my arms and leaned against the doorframe. I didn’t know what had come over me tonight, but I blamed it on the wine. A decent night’s sleep was all I needed and I’d be feeling like myself again. I was certain of it.
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