Chapter 18
Present
“After all that time, you finally got what you wanted,” said Diane, bringing me back to the present.
“Yes. I felt like I was floating, suspended in a moment of absolute clarity and joy...like every piece of me had found its place, its purpose.”
We finished our soup and pushed the bowls to the center of the table.
“So, if you got what you wanted, what finally happened that made you leave Sims Chapel for good?”
I wanted to tell her it was a combination of things, that there wasn’t just one moment, one reason. But the truth was far simpler, far more painful. “My past finally caught up with me,” I said quietly, studying the last bite of grilled cheese on my plate. ”That, and Ellie returned.”
“Ellie? But I thought she was out of the picture.”
“Oh, she was,” I said, recalling the days when it was just me and Jack. “But then something terrible and unexpected happened, and just like that, she was back for good.”
Sims Chapel, TN
May 1962
“She’s dead.” The words came as a whisper, almost too soft to hear. Jack shut the door behind him, his expression a grim mask of disbelief. “Clara’s dead.”
I froze as my heart dropped into my stomach, the weight of the news pulling me toward the floor. Clara…the woman who meant so much to Jack, who meant so much to us all, was gone.
“How?” I asked, my voice thin and far away.
Jack didn’t meet my eyes. Instead, he moved past me, over to the window that overlooked the broad oak trees and the dusty road beyond. “Heart attack,” he said, hardly able to choke out the words. “I thought she was sleeping… I tried everything I could to save her, but there was nothing I could do.”
I stood there, my heart aching for the pain he was in, for the loss of Clara who was like a mother to us all, and for the oncoming storm I knew was about to hit.
The news of Clara’s death spread like wildfire.
The whole town seemed to sink into a quiet sorrow, but no one more than Jack.
He kept himself busy with work, avoiding everyone, even me.
He grew distant, lost in his thoughts and grief.
I tried to draw him out, but he seemed locked in a fortress of his own making.
Time ticked by slowly, each minute an agonizing eternity. And somewhere amidst the sorrow, a terrible thought took root in my mind, one I dared not utter aloud—would Clara’s death spark Ellie’s return?
Then one morning, I received a phone call from Matthew down at the dock letting me know that a woman was there, and that Jack had taken her for a ride in his boat. That’s when I knew. Ellie was back.
When Jack got home from work that evening, I was in the middle of making supper.
“You’re late,” I said as he walked through the front door. I handed him a glass of sweet tea and kissed him on the lips.
Jack eased into his favorite chair. “Sorry. I stopped at the cemetery to talk to George.”
“Everything okay?”
He tipped his head in a yes.
“Are you hungry?”
“Starving.”
“Supper’s almost ready. We’re having your favorite—pot roast with potatoes and carrots.” I checked on supper and returned a moment later. “So, a little birdie told me Ellie’s back in town. You haven’t seen her, have you?”
Jack looked up and eyed me suspiciously. “No, but you knew she’d come…for the funeral.”
“Nevertheless, I imagine it’s only a matter of time before she comes looking for you.”
Jack narrowed his brows at me. “What makes you say that?”
“I may be a lot of things, Jack, but na?ve isn’t one of them. I remember how crazy she was about you.”
Jack upended his tea glass before responding with an edge in his voice. “That was a long time ago, Sara.”
“Regardless, you know what they say about old flames.”
“Are we really going to have this conversation again? Like I’ve told you countless times, Ellie and I are ancient history. Whatever fire may have existed burned out long ago.”
“Let’s hope you’re right.” I shot him a look of warning. “For your sake, and for hers.”
The following morning, I slept in while Jack went down into the kitchen to make breakfast. When I finally joined him, he was halfway through his plate of food.
“I was thinking,” he said as he chewed, “maybe after the funeral, we could get out of here and spend a few days in the mountains.”
“The mountains? What brought this on?”
He shrugged. “We’ve both been busy lately, me at the dock and you with your mother. I just thought we could use some time away, that’s all.”
“And you promise this has nothing to do with Ellie?”
“Promise.”
“In that case…” I went over and sat on his lap, straddling him and wrapping my arms around his neck. “Some time away would be nice.” After kissing him passionately, I stood up and began to clear the breakfast dishes.
“Good,” he said, seeming a bit preoccupied. “I’ll make the arrangements.”
Despite Jack's reassurances, a nagging worry lodged itself in the back of my mind. I couldn't shake the feeling that Ellie's return had stirred up old emotions, ones that could disrupt our peaceful life together.
To confirm my suspicions, I decided to pay Ellie a visit. I’d heard from a friend that she was staying at Clara’s, so I drove over there that very same day. Armed with a steely resolve and the knowledge that Jack had lied about seeing her, I took a deep breath and knocked on Clara’s door.
“Sara,” said Ellie as she swung the door wide, her eyebrows rising a notch. “I almost didn’t recognize you. Golly, what a nice surprise. Please come in.”
“Are you sure? I don’t want to impose.”
Ellie gave a dismissive wave. “You’re no imposition, and it’s nice to see a familiar face.” She showed me inside. “My mother and sister won’t be back for a while, so we have the place to ourselves.”
“I can’t remember the last time I was in this house.” My eyes wandered around the room. “I’m terribly sorry for your loss. Miss Clara was a wonderful woman.”
“Thank you. That’s sweet of you to say. I was just about to sit down to lunch. Care to join me?”
“Yes, thank you.”
Ellie offered me a seat in the living room, then brought out a plate of sandwiches and two glasses of tea. “I didn’t realize you still lived around here,” she said as she relaxed into the chair. “What brings you out this way?”
I set my glass on the table and took a moment to gather my thoughts. “To offer my condolences…and to speak with you about Jack.”
“Jack? What about him?”
I stiffened under Ellie’s gaze, a mask of determination forming on my face. “I know you went to see him yesterday.”
“Yes. I went by the dock to see the changes he’d made. It’s a first-class operation now.”
I nervously sipped my tea before responding. “Did he happen to tell you that he and I are together?”
If my revelation bothered her, her face didn’t show it. “No, he didn’t.”
“Figures.”
“How long?” Ellie asked.
“Long enough.”
Ellie managed a weak smile. “Well, I’m happy for you, Sara. You’re a good person. I’ve always thought so.”
“Thank you.” The muscles in my face relaxed, making room for a smile of my own. “And don’t worry, someday you’ll find that special someone, too. I just know it.”
When we had finished eating, Ellie walked me to the door. “Will I see you at the funeral tomorrow?”
“Of course. Jack and I wouldn’t miss it.”
Now that Ellie knew about Jack and me, a weight had been lifted from my shoulders. The looming uncertainty and the fear of how she might react was gone. Now, I could only hope that she would accept our relationship and let us be.
The funeral was a somber affair. The gray clouds above mirrored the mood of the mourners, all clad in black and speaking in hushed voices.
Rain fell from the sky in sheets, soaking the earth and turning it into a muddy mess.
Ellie was there, of course, along with her mother and sister.
Their faces were pale and drawn, eyes red-rimmed.
From a distance, I observed Ellie’s every move.
She glanced at Jack every now and then, her gaze lingering just a second too long.
It was as if a silent conversation was taking place between them, one that I couldn’t hear or understand.
A sharp pang of jealousy jabbed at my heart, making me wince inwardly.
After the funeral, Jack went to Clara’s house to prepare dinner for the mourners, while I went to see my mother. I knew it was risky leaving Jack and Ellie alone, but I also knew that I couldn’t let my insecurities dictate my actions. My mother, who had fallen ill, needed me too.
During the drive over, I contemplated my decision to thwart Jack’s proposal all those years ago.
As time went on, I had convinced myself that it was the right choice.
The only choice. But as I navigated the narrow roads leading to my mother’s house, I wondered if I had made a terrible mistake.
If he had proposed, Ellie might have turned him down.
Or perhaps they would have married, only to find that they weren’t right for each other.
Maybe then he would have come back to me.
All of the ‘what-ifs’ were gradually eating away at my sanity. I parked in front of my mother’s house, the familiar sight of the crimson roses she loved so much doing little to soothe my troubled mind and went inside.
“So, how are things going with Jack?” she asked after dinner.
I hesitated a moment before responding, picking at the remnants of my meal. “Good,” I said, hoping my voice would hide my concern.
“Just good?”
“It’s complicated,” I said, forcing a smile. Her eyes bored into me, seeming to search for the underlying issue.
“Is there something you’re not telling me?”
I sighed, the weight of Ellie’s return and my secret pressing against my chest, begging for release. “Ellie’s back,” I finally confessed, “to pay her final respects.”
My mother’s stoic expression faltered ever so slightly. “And?”
“And it feels like it did before, like I’m on the outside looking in.”
“But that was so long ago, Sara. And they’ve been broken up for years. Besides, you’re with Jack now, not her.”
“I know. But I can't help but feel like the past is repeating itself. The way they look at each other… It's like I don't exist.”
She reached across the table and took my hand, her fingers frail, but the grip firm. “Listen to me, Sara. The past is the past, and there’s nothing any of us can do about that. But don’t let fear and insecurity ruin what you have now. Besides, Jack is a good man, a loyal man, and he loves you.”
I wanted to believe her, but the seeds of doubt had already been sown.
“Have you talked to him about it?” she asked as she cleared the table.
I nodded briefly, getting up to help her. “But I didn’t press the issue.”
“And why not?”
“I don’t know. Fear, maybe. Or guilt.” I turned on the water and washed the plates before setting them on the rack to dry.
“Guilt? What do you have to feel guilty about, sweetheart?”
After wiping my hands on the towel, I took a deep breath, collecting my thoughts. “Do you remember the summer that Ellie first came to visit? The summer I turned nineteen?”
“Yes, I remember.”
I leaned against the counter, crossing my arms over my chest. “I spent most of that summer tutoring Ellie when I should have been on the lake with Jack.”
“How could I forget? That’s when you thought you’d lost Jack forever. And I also remember telling you to give it time, that things would work out for the best. And look, I was right.”
“Something happened that summer that I never told you about, something that has stayed with me since.”
“What is it, dear?”
I cleared my throat, my hands trembling slightly. Finally, I opened my mouth and told her everything—about the ring, about Jack’s planned proposal, and about the phone call I’d made to Marie Spencer.
“You… You did what? Oh Sara…”
I gave a solemn nod, accepting the judgment I saw in her eyes. “That’s why Marie showed up early and took Ellie home.”
“And Jack?”
“He was devastated. He couldn't understand why Ellie left without a word. And I… I couldn't bring myself to tell him the truth.”
Mother clucked her tongue sympathetically, absorbing the weight of my confession.
“As the summer ended,” I continued, “I prepared to return to college, all the while feeling like I was running from my guilt. Jack and I drifted apart after that… We stayed friendly, but it was never the same.”
“Oh, Sara.” She sighed deeply, putting a hand to her heart. “That is quite a heavy secret to bear.”
“I've carried it for years,” I said, my voice thick with regret. “I thought in time the guilt would fade, but it hasn’t.”
“A love lost is a hard thing. But the past is the past. We can’t change what has been done.”
“I know. But sometimes, in the quiet of the night, I wonder if things could have been different, would have been different if I had just let them play out naturally.”
“Perhaps they could have,” she mused. “But we will never know for certain. What matters now is what you do moving forward.”
For a moment, our thoughts were consumed by the revelation. The hum of summer insects outside served as a reminder of that fateful summer so many years ago.
“What do you plan on doing now?”
“I'm not sure yet. If I tell him, I risk undoing the relationship we’ve built. But if I don’t, this will continue to eat at me.”
Worry lines creased her forehead. “And you don’t think Jack will figure it out on his own?”
I shook my head, thinking that if it hadn’t happened by now, it would never happen. “I don’t see how.”
“For your sake, I hope you’re right. Secrets have a way of coming to the surface eventually,” she warned gently. “And it might be better if Jack hears it from you rather than someone else.”
I looked into her wise, compassionate eyes as a lump formed in my throat. “I know… I've thought about that. But the fear of losing him for good always stops me.”
“Sara, dear. If Jack truly cares for you as much as I think he does, he will understand. He may be hurt or angry at first, but if your bond is as strong as you believe it to be, he will come around. But,” she continued, her expression turning serious, “if you choose to continue to keep this from him, and he finds out another way, you may lose him forever.”
I sat quietly, contemplating my mother’s words. I felt a rush of emotions—fear, relief and something akin to hope. Perhaps she was right, maybe it was time I faced the past and finally come clean. Either way, one thing was for certain—I was willing to do whatever it took to keep from losing Jack.