Chapter Thirty-One JACKIE
Chapter Thirty-One
JACKIE
This time, I want to know for sure. Ill intentions and my ego destroyed us eight years ago. I won’t let that happen again.
As the driver slows to a stop at the curb, the restaurant’s tall window comes into focus, the golden light from inside spilling down the empty sidewalk, while my heart slams furiously in my chest. The kind of panic that comes before something breaks.
Like a warning.
No breathing exercise in this world could settle the brewing storm of anxiety choking me as I scan the interior.
Couples murmur over candlelit tables. Servers glide between them with bottles of wine and trays of food.
It looks so warm and intimate that I find myself praying it’s all a misunderstanding.
And then I see them.
Heads tilted too close. Adam smiles at something Michelle says, fingers trailing across the table. I can’t see exactly what he’s touching; maybe it’s innocent. Work-related.
Who am I kidding?
The bitter taste of jealousy rises in the back of my throat.
When I asked him if he wanted to give us another chance, he said he needed time.
I guess I have my answer now.
Whatever we had, that fragile bond I so desperately wanted to save…We’ll never be able to mend what I broke. No matter how much I wanted it, or fantasized about the moment he’d say he forgives me.
“We can go,” I tell the driver, fighting to keep my voice steady.
A single tear rolls down my cheek as I let go of the last fragile thread I was holding on to. So that’s it. That’s what happens when I finally let myself hope.
But this night isn’t about me. I lock everything behind a wall. All my heartbreak and crushed dreams of something more. This is Eliza’s night. She’s been excited about this for weeks. The woman has never even been to a club before.
I won’t ruin it.
The chilly October night cools my cheeks when I step out beneath the club’s black marquee. I’m fine. Everything is under control, as long as I don’t let it affect me. I can do this. Keep it together tonight, and make it back home without breaking down.
Good plan, right?
Pausing at the threshold, I take a deep breath, picking up traces of amber and old wood. As steady as I can muster, I gingerly descend the narrow staircase, fingers grazing the rough brick walls as flickering brass sconces guide the way. I’m fine.
A low, seductive bass pulses through the air. It pushes back against the pain in my chest as I step into the club’s main room. A narrow and deep space, draped in velvet and dim golden lights.
The extra security detail is somewhere here; I don’t have to look for them. That was the deal when we agreed on this place that could barely fit fifty people. I wanted to feel normal for a night. If shelling out six figures for an extra private corner booth counts as normal.
Eliza and Quinn would probably call it unhinged. Oh, well. They don’t have to know.
The scene I’m walking into is unexpected. The girls are already seated. Eliza is mid-rant, talking with her whole body, hands flying, while Quinn sits next to her, arms crossed, her expression a mix of defiance and adolescent sulking.
“There’s nothing going on between me and that man-bear,” Quinn huffs.
“You mean the man who used to cross the street to avoid your coffee shop, and now shows up. Every. Single. Day?” Eliza’s voice thins on the last words.
“And?”
“And you haven’t used the bear mace under the counter to send him packing,” Eliza points out, exasperated.
Quinn raises a glittery blonde brow. “Would it make you feel better if I did?”
“That’s not the point,” Eliza fires back, turning to me for backup.
I throw my hands up. “No idea what this is about. But it’s quite entertaining. Please carry on.”
“Whatever. I’m not wasting this outfit.” Quinn struts onto the dance floor, her gold sequin dress catching every flicker of light.
A tray of shots appears by my side, and I grab one. Toss it back without thinking. The burn stings, a welcome distraction from the memory of his eyes, warm greens that truly saw me.
I’m fine.
Eliza looks at the glass and then back at me.
“Oh, sorry. Did you want one?” I say, feigning innocence.
“What’s going on with you?”
“Nothing. Let’s dance.” I drag her by the hand before she can press harder.
Song after song, I let the music swallow me whole, moving to the beat. Until my muscles burn and sweat dampens my skin. I move like I can shake off the feeling of my heart caving in on itself. Spinning too fast, I nearly knock into someone’s shoulder. But I don’t stop. If I do, I’ll fall apart.
The girls sway and twirl, hands up in the air and giggling. Eliza looks radiant. Happy. That’s all that matters.
Another tray of drinks passes by. I don’t hesitate.
Eventually, I collapse into the booth, panting. Eliza slides in beside me, and we both watch Quinn flirting and dancing with some guy who’s been trying to get her attention for the past ten minutes.
She looks like she’s having the time of her life. I want to be her so desperately, it hurts.
Eliza lifts her phone and snaps a picture, then sends it off. I glimpse her screen.
ELIZA: Oops. Wrong number. Sorry.
SHERIFF WALKER: Where are you?
I didn’t think sweet Eliza had it in her. “You’re evil.”
She snickers, typing fast. “Let’s call it paying it forward.”
ELIZA: My bacheloretteeee!
SHERIFF WALKER: I’m calling Carter.
ELIZA: No!!! We’re safe. Jackie’s security is here. Don’t worry. Sleep tight.
The three dots under his name appear and disappear a couple of times before he replies with a brief Have fun.
I lean in to shout over the loud music. “What’s that about?”
She shrugs. “Just a hunch. We’ll see.”
Then her gaze flicks to the hard liquor in my glass. “But what’s going on with that?”
My head’s starting to spin, the air heavy. “Hey, I’m celebrating.”
“Looks more like mourning to me.”
“It’s your party.” I slide my arm around hers and give her an alcohol-induced grin. “Let’s make it memorable.”
“It already is. You planned everything. But something’s been up with you since you got here.”
I chuckle. “You’re on a roll tonight. First Quinn, now me.”
“I notice things. Especially about people I care about.”
It’s enough to make me crumble. The pressure of everything I’m feeling, too much to be contained.
“I’m an idiot,” I say, laughing too hard. “Such an idiot.”
The dance floor starts blurring at the edges, and I squint to focus my gaze.
“Some details would help.” Eliza gently encourages me to continue.
“I pushed him away. The best man I’ve ever known,” I sigh. “And now it’s too late.”
Eliza watches me carefully. “What about the other women?”
“It was all a lie. I trusted the wrong person, and I was too proud and scared to find out the truth.” My voice wavers. “And of course, he won’t forgive me now. I thought he had, but—”
“Maybe you both just need some time.”
“He’s dating Michelle,” I say, with a laugh broken by a sob. The words come out hollow; it doesn’t even sound like me.
Her eyebrows jolt up. “Your assistant?”
“Isn’t that hilarious?” My voice cracks at the same time as a fragile bit of myself.
My fingers dig into the smooth surface of the glass, like it might hold me together, but I end up taking another sip.
“I still love him,” I whisper. “And I don’t know how to stop missing him.”
Eliza is quiet for a moment, then says gently, “Then tell him.”
Saying it out loud in his office…it would’ve been too much pressure on him.
“How can I?” I sniffle. “After all I’ve put him through. That wouldn’t be fair.”
I wanted to be brave. For him. For everything we could’ve been.
But it took me too long.