Chapter Thirty-Two JACKIE
Chapter Thirty-Two
JACKIE
Bang! Bang! Bang!
My eyes feel glued shut.
What’s that noise?
Buzzz…Buzzz…Buzzz.
The horrible taste in my mouth makes me question if I’m even alive.
Bang! Bang! Bang!
“Alright, alright…” My voice sounds like it crawled out from the underworld.
Where’s my damn phone?
Through the pounding at the front door, I manage to stumble downstairs, clutching the banister for dear life. Every step feels like trudging through wet cement. My stomach’s rolling on itself.
Can you actually die from a hangover? Because if so, I’m done for.
I’ve barely cracked the door when Carter storms past me. “Did you watch the news?”
His tone should probably set me off, but my brain is still foggy.
“Obviously not,” I croak, gesturing at my rumpled pajamas.
His lips thin, a muscle ticking in his jaw, and after a beat, he motions me to the kitchen. I shuffle behind him like a zombie, still not translating the tension in his shoulders.
In a few swift movements, he gets a cup of coffee ready and slides it in front of me. “Drink. Fast.”
“It’s hot,” I mutter, but I take a sip anyway. A sliver of his agitation finally pushes through the grogginess.
Carter stands rigid, arms crossed, a tablet clenched in one hand.
I grumble under my breath, but each sip of coffee clears my mind, layer by layer. That’s when it finally dawns on me that Carter has barged in on a Saturday morning, looking disheveled and stressed.
“What’s wrong?”
He sets the tablet on the island and nods for me to press play. Hesitant steps take me closer, but I freeze at the title.
Drunk Tech Barbie.
My stomach flips. With trembling fingers, I start the video. The club from last night fills the screen. Music, lights, dance floor, and then…
I stop breathing.
It’s me.
Slumped against the booth. Eliza rubbing my arm while my head rests on her shoulder. At first, you can only hear the loud music, but then the camera moves closer.
“I don’t understand,” I whisper. “There was no one near our table.”
Carter’s voice is grim. “There’s more.”
The camera stops behind the velvet curtain, the shot tight on our table. Then my voice rings out clearly.
“…the biggest mistake of my life. The only thing I can’t fix. He won’t ever forgive me. He hates me,” I moan.
The words are slurred, but I know what comes next. The kitchen tilts under my feet. My hand flies to my mouth. I think I’m going to throw up.
“He doesn’t…”
“Of course he does. I blew everything up. I… I don’t think I can love anybody else like that…”
Tears blur the image, and I snap the tablet shut. “I can’t hear any more.”
“I’m sorry, Jackie.”
Shaking my head, like that would make it go away, I re-open the tablet and frantically search the news feeds. “It’s already everywhere, right?”
Carter confirms my suspicions with a nod. The video was shared on every channel.
Money Can’t Buy You Love.
Badass CEO Loses Stock in Love Market.
Can Women Balance a Successful Career and Love Life? Jackie Rawlings Proves It’s Impossible.
Who comes up with this garbage?
The numbness in my fingertips spreads up my arms, closing over my chest like a vice. I broke every one of my four golden rules last night. Years of discipline, gone.
I’ve held everything close to my chest, ever since I was little. And still ended up in this mess. Vulnerable, for the whole world to see. Over a man.
That’s not fair. He’s not some man. And he wasn’t the one blabbing about his personal life in a public space.
But somehow, I don’t really have it in me to care about what’s been said about me.
“Did you talk to Radu?” I finally rasp.
“He’s trying to scrub it off the Internet…but…”
“Everybody’s seen it already.”
My brother rounds the island, looking at me with a deep frown. “It’s Adam, isn’t it? The guy you were talking about?”
“I can explain.”
“No. Wait.” He runs a hand over his face, exhaling hard. “It wasn’t a date last night. It was a sting.”
I blink at him, mouth parted, but no words come out.
“The FBI figured out Michelle was the mole. Didn’t want to spook her, so they asked Adam to talk to her.”
I must’ve heard wrong. My brain stutters. “Michelle?”
He nods. “Yeah. She played it well. Threw everyone off.”
My brain refuses to piece the story together. “But why?” My voice is thin. “I thought…I have my issues, but…Why would she want to hurt me? Kidnap me?”
“It’s complicated,” he says quietly.
Hundreds of morning coffees shared in my office. Dinners at my house. Traveling together all over the world. And all this time she was pretending?
“What the fuck?!” My voice rises despite myself.
“I know.” He takes a deep breath, shaking his head. “She became friends with a woman in her support group. Michelle thought she was being some sort of Robin Hood. That helping her get her hands on the Neural Interface would be a great service to humankind.”
My stomach turns. “But?”
“But the group that woman was tied to only wanted to sell it to the highest bidder. They were just after the money. That was their MO. Hack big companies and either get a ransom or grab something worth selling.”
“But why were they after me?”
“Because they realized getting their hands on the program would settle them for life. But our system is locked down tighter than they expected. They couldn’t break through it.
So they tried to use you as leverage. That’s why they got desperate in Maine and messed up trying to kidnap you.
They had zero experience in this kind of… business endeavor.”
“Oh. Lucky me then, that they were unqualified to do their job.” This is too much to process. I need to think. “I want the case file.”
Like he was expecting it, the reply comes quickly. “Already told Derrick to bring it.”
I brace my hands on the island’s edge, head low, trying to breathe through the shock. There’s no other sound but the muffled traffic outside and my heart racing in my ears. “Why didn’t you tell me? Why didn’t Adam say anything?”
Carter hesitates. “Misplaced sense of protection.”
Thoughts bounce around my skull. “Does that mean it’s over?”
“Yeah, they got them all.” In the silence that follows, I feel him coming near, then his warm hand on my back. “So…you and Adam?”
The weight of all the mistakes I made crushes my windpipe. But I push the words out. “I didn’t mean to lie to you.”
I look up at my big brother. My rock. My protector. I don’t see anger. But he gives me a sad look that guts me. His gaze is glassy.
“I really messed up,” I sob suddenly. “In so many ways.”
Carter lets out a big sigh and circles his arms around me. Oh, God, I needed that more than I realized. He holds me while I sniff into his chest.
“That sounds weird coming from you.” He half chuckles over the top of my head. “Just so you know, you two never fooled me back then.”
My shoulders shake in a silent laugh. “Figures.”
“It was actually kind of funny. You two were terrible actors.”
“Don’t be mad at Adam,” I say, voice small, while Carter keeps rubbing circles on my back. “He hated keeping it a secret. He only did it for me.”
We sit like that for a while, until I let go and he guides me to the breakfast nook and sits us both down.
In this bright morning sun, all the stress of the last few months is visible in the lines of his face. All because of me.
“Listen,” he says gently. “Policing your love life is not my job. It’d be weird for me to tell you who you can and can’t date. What matters is to know you’re safe. And happy.”
“Why do you have to be so damn reasonable?” I groan. “At least be a little mad. It’d make me feel less guilty for forcing him to keep it a secret.” I pick a strand of tangled hair and smooth it out. “I made so many mistakes. I don’t know if he’ll ever trust me again.”
He smirks. “You gave me hell when I fumbled things with Eliza. Maybe try taking your own advice.”
I sigh and look away. “You’re insufferable.”
The corner of his mouth lifts, even though exhaustion dips the line of his shoulders.
“All I know is that two of the people I love most are in pain, and I can’t do anything to fix it.”
A sad smile twists my lips. “You can’t fix everything, Carter.”
“I know that. Now.” He laughs, and it eases the tension.
We scroll through the Crisis group chat. The rumor mill is spinning, adding to the chatter, comments full of venom.
This is why women need to stay in the kitchen.
Take the drama out of business.
I sigh. “Out of the frying pan, into the fire.”
Carter tries to give it a positive spin, with the worst take in the world. “At least this time, it’s not an attempt on your life.”
“It’s worse.” I rise, pouring more coffee. This is going to be a very long day. “They’re trying to bury my reputation.”
“Do you want me to make a statement?”
“No!” I almost shout. “That would make it worse. Big brother swooping in to defend the messy little sister.”
We drink in silence, while I stare at my reflection in the window. I notice I forgot to add sugar and cream only halfway through the third cup.
Adam will have seen it too by now. The entire video.
And I’ll probably never be able to look him in the eye again.
But one thing’s for sure. “I know what I have to do.”