Chapter Three
After Professor Terence Gaines met with his last student, he gathered his things and stuck them in his messenger bag. Megan,
the English department’s administrative assistant, was still at her desk, but everyone else had gone for the day. After he
said bye to Megan, he headed to the mail room to see if he’d gotten anything new. Only a couple of magazines and postcards
from textbook suppliers looking to sell their next textbook to universities. He tucked the mail in his bag and headed home.
The great thing about working at the College of Charleston was that it was in walking distance to his house. He didn’t have
to spend money on gas or put forth carbon emissions to get to work every day. Well, he could drive to the university, but it just didn’t make sense. Besides, he enjoyed walking back and forth to school. It cleared
his mind.
A few minutes later, he turned onto a residential cobblestoned street. A crowd of tourists passed him, chatting about where they wanted to eat dinner. He stepped aside, letting them pass by before he crossed the street. As soon as he got closer to his house, a sense of loneliness filled him. Too bad he didn’t have anything to do tonight... or any night of the week. Lately, he’d been feeling restless. The things that used to inter est him didn’t interest him any longer, and his empty and quiet house created an unease that left him perplexed.
Things got even worse after divorcing Carissa three years earlier. She was a great person—smart, beautiful, and kind—but their
marriage just didn’t work out. They weren’t the right fit for one another. Not in the least. He knew that their breakup was
for the best, and he wished her well.
He tried dating after the divorce, but no one was a perfect match. Now he was by himself, and all he could do was think. Being
a professor, thinking was a good thing, but he wanted something more. He just didn’t know what.
Terence glanced over at his neighbors’ houses, and that’s when his legs turned to jelly.
Time stopped when he caught sight of Avila on her front lawn, picking out weeds from the withering flower bed. With her curly
black hair up in a bun, she was a vision from his past. He shook his head slightly. Was he seeing things? Was she real?
She was real, and she was there. Avila. He hadn’t seen her since the summer before his freshman year in college, but he could’ve
recognized her from over a mile away.
Yeah, he’d heard all the sayings about people finding their soulmates, but that was the only way he could describe his feelings
for Avila. She had his heart, and there was nothing and no one that could cause him to feel any different.
He took a breath. Seeing her stirred those old, familiar feelings again, along with the memories. The times they spent catching fireflies in the summertime. The moments spent reading and discussing books together. He loved listening to her opinions on their latest read, but, even more than that, he enjoyed her strength and her perseverance. She had a way of capturing him like a moth to a flame.
Now, without giving it a second thought, he walked quietly toward her.
I ’ m never going to get this place fixed up in time. Avila surveyed the weeds all around the lawn. She yanked at one, but it was tough to pull up. “Come on,” she said, her voice
tight.
The weed finally came loose, but she fell over and her knees hit the dirt.
She sighed. A trickle of sweat tickled her temple. She’d spent the last two hours pulling up weeds, just to get started on
everything. She priced the cost of a pressure washer and placed an order online to pick it up tomorrow. Ebony had helped out
with the weeding, until she got too tired and went inside to text her friends on Avila’s phone. This was going to be a bigger
project than Avila had anticipated. The shingles needed to be repainted, and who knew how long that would take to fix?
Avila picked up some stray litter on the lawn and tossed it in a garbage bag that she’d brought outside with her. Doing this
work wore her out, but she didn’t care. She’d have to work fast. She couldn’t afford to slack off because she had a job waiting
for her in New Jersey. Marjorie, her supervisor, was a nice person, but Avila couldn’t push her limits.
She knelt, and a wind gusted, causing her hair to get in her face. The sun was beginning to set, and she needed to get inside
the house, shower, and change. Then she needed to make a list of things to do so that she’d make the most efficient use of
her time while she was here.
Ms. Mable’s wind chime sounded melodically in the breeze. Avila made a mental note to stop by there soon and let her know she’d arrived. Her heart beat a little bit faster. She was tired and thirsty. Oh, how she longed to be back in her apartment in New Brunswick, sitting back and binging Netflix, or taking a nap on the couch, or even mopping the floors of her kitchen.
She took the trash bag filled with weeds and leaves and double-knotted it. Should she check in on Ebony? Nah. She was just
inside. She was okay. Avila would have to figure out what to do for dinner though. They couldn’t eat out every night they
were here. She’d have to clean out the fridge and buy new groceries. She tossed the bag in the outdoor trash can and was about
to head inside the house when a figure caught her eye from the periphery. Her pulse went into overtime. The last thing Avila
needed was to have weirdo men watching her—and her daughter. “Can I help you?” Sweat trickled down the small of her back,
and it wasn’t from picking weeds either.
The man shifted, tucked his hands in the back pockets of his khakis, and then tilted his head in a familiar way that made
her feel as if she was going to faint right then and there.
“Hey,” the man said. “Remember me?”
Terence. His voice. His voice reassured her and sent a tinge of comfort, releasing any apprehension she just had. That voice
reminded her of a time when they’d spend long days together talking about any- and everything. A time when they’d spend lazy
afternoons together in silence because just hanging out was comfortable and freeing. A time when she found friendship and
trust and safety in his embrace.
Avila missed him. They had been friends since kindergarten. Terence used to walk her home from school when her mother was working late at her second job. He would even call her afterward to make sure she double-locked the front door. Avila hadn’t realized how much she missed him until now. Didn’t realize how much she had lost until they were here, in this moment.
She exhaled, saying his name. “Terence.”
The earth stopped rotating on its axis. Avila couldn’t take her focus off Terence. She stilled.
Terence removed his hands from his pockets and stepped toward her.
Her skin prickled. Was he going to embrace her? Was she ready for that?
He stayed put. Guess he wasn’t.
“Haven’t seen you in ages,” she said.
“Yeah. Twelve years.”
As soon as Terence said those words, she wondered. Did he still recall the last time they spoke, right before they each left
for college? Their conversation was fleeting, because she had to finish packing and had an early flight to Newark Airport
in the morning. He had called her the next day, but when she saw his number on the caller ID, she didn’t pick up the phone.
Even though she’d known all along that they were going to separate colleges, when the time came to actually depart, her feelings
got all topsy-turvy and weird. She didn’t know what to do with that.
Okay. Looking back, she had been a bit melodramatic. They would return for college breaks, but still... She was going to
miss him. That feeling of missing him was unexpected and unplanned. “How are you?” she asked, keeping her tone as even as
possible.
“All right. Graduated from Hampton. Got my PhD at How ard, and then I returned to South Carolina to teach at the College of Charleston.”
“Impressive. And all according to your plans.”
“You remember,” he said, shifting as the streetlights flashed, casting an amber glow on the driveway and on the left side
of his face.
“I remember.” She grew very self-conscious about her appearance, and she felt as if she wanted to step into the shadows and
become unseen. She adjusted her messy ponytail, hoping that would help.
The seconds stretched into minutes, which stretched into hours, which stretched into days and weeks and months, or at least
that was what it felt like.
Who did he end up marrying? No. She didn’t want to know. Did Terence ever think about her? No. She didn’t need to know the
answer to that either, especially if he was married. Gah. That would be so very embarrassing!
“You’re still up north, I take it?” Terence asked.
“Yeah,” she said flatly.
He nodded slowly, as if trying to surmise why she had never returned until now. She hoped he didn’t ask. Terence already knew
that she had had plans to get a degree in theater and English at Princeton University and then start working in musical theater
in New York City. But all of those plans went out the window when she discovered she was pregnant. She never returned to college
after having Ebony because she couldn’t find affordable, reliable childcare or a flexible job that would work around her class
schedule. She could’ve gone to Rutgers University, but by then, she was knee-deep in motherhood. She had to make ends meet.
When Avila had told her mother that she was pregnant, her mother was disappointed. Avila assured her that she would continue at Princeton and still pursue her acting career, but Avila failed at that. She never told her mother she had failed either.
“What’s life been like for you? Tell me,” he asked. His smile didn’t disappoint her. “I want the full update.”
“So much has happened. I don’t even know where to start.”
The faint lines around his eyes crinkled. His countenance had aged slightly. His features were sharper and more distinct.
“What kind of work do you do?” he asked.
She didn’t want to tell him. Avila definitely wasn’t auditioning for the next Broadway musical or anything. “I’m a front desk
receptionist at an emergency room.”
He raised a brow. “You’re not performing anymore?”
No use talking around it. “No,” she said, no longer feeling hesitant. “Life happened, and I had to get realistic.”
Terence studied her, and she could sense right then and there that he saw through her. Avila’s life had become one big exercise
in ironies. She waited for him to ask the obvious: How did she end up in that job?
“I heard that your mother died, but I didn’t think you’d return.”
Relief swept through her. At least he was changing the topic, even though she wasn’t in the mood to discuss the loss. “Ms.
Mable sent a letter to tell me. So, here I am. I have to stop by the funeral home today to confirm the final arrangements
for Saturday’s funeral Mass. Then I have to get her house ready for sale. The inside isn’t bad, but the outside needs work.”
“You have a lot on your shoulders. I’m sorry this happened to you.”
“Thank you,” she said. Time to change the subject. “How are your parents?”
“Doing okay. Enjoying their golden years, as they say. Always traveling on a cruise to some new place. They’re in Greece right
now.”
“Oh wow. Fancy.”
“Very. They deserve it though. They’ve both worked very hard for most of their lives. Three years ago, they transferred the
title of their home to me and they moved to a retirement community.... Anyway, I live a few houses down.”
“You do?” Her focus shifted to his left hand. No ring.
“I do.”
He was divorced, perhaps? She wanted to inquire, but she didn’t want to be nosy. “Good for you.”
He shrugged. Terence had done well in life, unlike her. They were like night and day now, living in two different echelons
of society. There was no way that he’d feel the same way that he’d felt for her the summer before they left for college.
The reality of that sank in. She had known that her life was going to take a very different path when she left Princeton,
but she never would’ve thought that it would limit her relationship options.
What relationship? There was no relationship, Avila. Stop thinking that way.
This trip was going to be very weird.
Ebony stepped outside, and the front door slammed behind her. “Mom, when are we gonna eat dinner?” She paused upon seeing
Terence, looking back and forth between them.
Avila took a deep breath. “Ebony, I’d like you to meet Terence Gaines, Professor Terence Gaines.” She refocused her attention on Terence, but the sun had set. So she couldn’t see his reaction. “This is my daughter, Ebony.”
Terence’s expression flickered, and his eyes filled with questions. “You have a daughter?”
What was going through his mind right now? She nodded, hoping he wouldn’t probe any further.
Ebony extended her hand. “Nice to meet you.”
Thank goodness Ebony didn’t say anything about how her mother talked about him all the time, and how Ebony knew everything
about him (except that Terence had once said that he loved Avila. She’d never told that to her daughter).
“Pleased to meet you,” Terence said.
“All right. Get showered and changed first,” Avila said, breaking up the tension. “I’ll have something ready when you’re done.
Probably takeout for tonight. We’ll go grocery shopping tomorrow.”
“Cool.” Ebony left quickly, leaving an unsettledness between Avila and Terence.
“I better get going,” Avila said to Terence. “It’s dark outside. I’m tired from driving and doing all of this stuff.” She
gestured to the lawn.
“No problem.” Terence didn’t take his eyes off her. “Guess I’ll see you when I see you.”
“Okay.”
“Good night.”
She nodded.
As soon as he left, she headed inside the house and plopped onto the couch. The sound of the shower in the background was interspersed with her thoughts. Terence Gaines. They actually had crossed paths again. When Avila decided not to return to Charleston after getting pregnant, she had assumed they would never see one another ever again. She’d had to figure out a new life for herself, a life that didn’t include him. Yeah, they were friends and all, but as their friendship progressed, there was always something else lingering between them, a sense that there could be something more. If he’d found out about her pregnancy, he would’ve been crushed.
Yet he had just met Ebony, and he didn’t seem perturbed by her. Still, life had become complicated for Avila, way more complicated
than that moment when they had seen one another for the last time.
Avila had just turned eighteen, and they were nearing the end of summer. She had gotten a job as a lifeguard at the YMCA,
something temporary before she went to college. That was her last day of work. Terence had surprised her by stopping by one
afternoon during her lunch break to say hello and take her out for ice cream and a burger.
She had quickly changed into her regular clothes and met him in the lobby. His parents had purchased him a new Toyota Camry
as a graduation gift, and so they had ridden to the local diner in his new car, and in silence. There were a few days left
before he left for Hampton University, and she was leaving for college the next day. She’d been avoiding him and the inevitable
separation. She didn’t want to think about it or discuss it.
“Fall semester is only fifteen weeks. And then we’ll have a fall break and a Thanksgiving break. The time will go by fast,”
he said.
They had hung out together almost every single day since they were children. Waiting until the fall break to see him would be unbearable, but she also had goals. Going to Princeton to study performing arts was her major aspiration, and she wasn’t going to squelch it.
Still, Terence probably wouldn’t be counting down the days like she would be. He’d be partying, taking classes, meeting folks...
folks whom he might end up wanting to date.
Avila bit her bottom lip. How could she feel this way? Who cared if Terence dated? She didn’t care at all. They were friends,
more than friends. No... not more than friends. Why would she even think of that?
Terence had pulled into the parking lot of the diner and turned off the ignition. “You know what? I can tell already that
this is going to be hard. Why am I trying to fool myself?”
There was sadness in his tone. She wanted to give him a hug, but she didn’t want to get too close. He was making this choice.
Terence could’ve easily chosen to attend a HBCU here in South Carolina, but they weren’t good enough for him, apparently.
Hampton University was one of the best schools, according to him.
“You okay, Avila?”
“Yeah, I’ll be fine. Just fine.” She hated that she was so attached to Terence. “We’ll easily transition into college life.”
“Yeah, but it won’t be the same.”
Of course it wouldn’t be the same. No one understood her and her quirks like Terence did. No one else hung out with her after
her father left and tried to cheer her up. They wouldn’t keep reminding her that she should follow her passion and pursue
Broadway, no matter the odds of actually making it. Terence sparked her belief in the impossible.
Going their separate ways for college was the pits. She shifted away from him.
“Don’t push me away.” His voice was tender. A young couple passed in front of their parked car. They were holding hands and looked blissful.
“I’m not pushing you away. My foot fell asleep. Needed to shake it out,” she lied.
He settled against the driver’s seat, one hand still resting on the steering wheel. She wanted to tell him to take her back
to the YMCA, that she needed time to think. Yet another part of her knew this would be the last time that they’d see one another
for a while, so she might as well stay. The thought hurt.
“I’ve been thinking, and I want to tell you something. I’ve been wanting to tell you this for a while now. I just didn’t know
how to go about it,” he said.
Avila didn’t move an inch. She didn’t face him, even though she knew that she was supposed to look at him now. She could hear
it in his voice, but all she could do was... nothing. She could do nothing but wait for what he wanted to say.
“Look. I know you’re upset that we’re gonna be apart for a bit.” He reached over and gently grasped her hand. She glanced
in his direction. One look at him and everything in her softened. How could she stay mad at him when he looked at her like
that?
“It’s just college. We won’t be gone from one another for long.”
Terence had been with her during every major moment in her life. He’d been there when she broke her leg in fifth grade. He’d
been there when she was stuck in the hospital with pneumonia back in tenth grade, and now what would happen? What would she
do with him gone?
“We’ll talk on the phone. Email. Text. It’s not like we can’t communicate with one another.”
Yeah, but he wouldn’t be there to sit on the front porch with her and watch the sun set. He wouldn’t be there to listen to her practicing another song. Her stomach tensed.
“Avila.” Terence leaned closer to her, and she inhaled the scent of his light cologne.
She took a deep breath when, in fact, she wanted to get out of the car and go for a long walk alone. He was about to tell
her something major, and she wasn’t ready for it. Being apart was major enough for her.
His brown eyes darkened, and a faint frown line creased the corner of his mouth. “We’ve been friends since forever. I remember
us catching fireflies during those summer nights. I know everything about you. I know the desires of your heart, that place
where you don’t want to let anyone in.”
Her heart was pounding now.
“You’re not just my friend. I think we’re soulmates.” He looked away, and then he refocused on her. “I don’t know when all
of that happened, but I know that it did. I love you, Avila. I love you as much more than a friend.”
Her throat clogged up, and her muscles froze.
“I love your laugh, and the way that you tilt your head when you’re deep in thought. I love the way that you’re passionate
about acting and singing and dancing and dreaming. I love your strength and your vulnerability.”
He paused as if to wait for her reaction, but she sat there, unable to respond.
Avila’s feelings moved to the surface, a place where they shouldn’t be, but she couldn’t help it. Her heart and mind were
telling her that she loved him too, but she was afraid to say it. She was even more afraid to feel it.
“You haven’t said a word. You’re worrying me,” Terence said.
“You said a whole lot just now, and I’m still processing it.” Her words were soft as cotton. Even if Avila loved him in return,
there was no way that she could say that. She’d never told anyone that she loved them, not even her parents.
“I guess that’s all I need to know.”
He let go of her hand and shifted his posture away from her. That brought relief. Avila glanced in his direction. Why’d he
have to go and say all of that stuff about love? It didn’t make any sense to drop a bomb like that, especially since she was
leaving in the morning.
If Terence would’ve said that to her last year, she probably would’ve been delighted. Now, all she could feel was resentment,
because he knew how she felt about being apart. Admitting that he loved her at this point only served to torture her even
more. “Let’s just remain friends,” she said. “It’s better that way.”