Chapter 7 #3
It takes me twenty minutes to reach the locked cabin with painkillers and another hour to gather all the supplies I need.
Most of the wounds have stopped bleeding, my nightshirt dark red instead of white, but I know the deep cuts are still open and raw.
Would I be able to stitch my own skin? The thought alone makes me nauseous all over again.
But I can’t delay this any longer. If I want to prevent infection from seeping into my already poor system, I have to clean the wounds and cover them up. I run through the steps in my head, place a leather strap between my teeth and bite down hard. I breathe in and —
“Oh Mai…”
My heart stops beating. How did she even get in? The door must have remained open.
I take the strap out of my mouth and turn my head to the side.
She has seen me naked many times before, she knows about the scars on my back, who puts them there.
I have begged her a thousand times that I don’t want her to interfere, because I know she would take my place in a heartbeat and that would pain me even more.
It’s why I normally treat these wounds myself, so as not to worry her. She knows when I’m in pain, but never knows how deep it runs. But now…
“I’m fine, Ami.”
I don’t turn around. I can’t hide the agony I’m in and she would be off to god knows who to demand justice and retribution.
Shuffling footsteps move closer. “Let me help you.”
The raw edge in her voice doesn’t escape me. I can tell her to leave, beg her even, but I am tired. I’m in pain and my best friend is offering to help me, so why would I deny her. “Okay.”
I toss the bloodied nightgown to the side and lay down on my stomach on the examination table. My back is curved and I can’t really tell if it helps with the pain. As if she reads my mind, Ami’s fingers gently push under my ribcage as she shovels a pillow underneath my stomach.
“Thank you.”
Ami turns on the bright light and moves it so it’s positioned above my back. She mutters something I can’t quite hear, I don’t have the energy to ask what’s wrong. “Did you take something for the pain?”
I nod, but the movement pulls at the skin of my back and I suck in a breath. “Yes,” I respond between clenched teeth.
“Something strong?”
I swallow down the bile that rises and take a couple of deep breaths to chase away the dizziness. “Strong…enough.”
Ami sighs and turns away, filling up a small bowl with lukewarm water. She cleans away the blood that ran down my back with gentle strokes. “You might want to put that strap back in your mouth, I have to disinfect the wounds.”
She moves the piece of leather in front of my mouth and I bite down. She starts with the less deeper cuts, those are the ones I can breathe through. She applies a strong scented ointment that numbs some of the pain, and I breathe a little easier.
Fingers run through my hair and the feeling makes my eyes heavy.
Ami lowers herself until our eyes are on the same level.
“Most of the wounds have been treated and covered up, but…” I know what she’s about to say.
My eyes shut down and it takes longer than before for them to open.
“Three cuts run very deep, Mai and I have to stitch them up.”
“…o-kay.” Even my words sound broken.
“I’ll try to be as careful and gentle as I can be.”
I know she will, she would never find pleasure in hurting me. Cool fingers touch my burning skin where I assume one of the deeper wounds is located. “That feels…good.”
The feeling is gone in an instant and instead replaced by lava rushing from my back through my whole body. “I know, I know. I’m sorry.”
I try to lay as still as possible, but pushing a needle through your skin without sedation is not a pleasant experience and my teeth dig into the leather.
My breathing becomes irregular, the pain too high to escape from.
Thinking about flowers and birds, longing gazes and pleasant conversations can’t help me right now, so my mind eventually shuts off. It has had enough.
The sharp sting of pain follows me into the hazy state I am currently in, but eventually, it becomes somewhat steady. No highs, but no lows either. Maybe it’s why it takes a while for my brain to notice there are people around me. Talking about…something.
“…can’t stay here any longer.”
Lying on my bed does sound very appealing right now. I’m just not sure if I will be able to walk there myself. So, maybe I should stay on this table, it’s not that uncomfortable.
“This…drains everything out of her.”
Yes, I am tired and healing a wounded body takes time, especially if it’s this injured. Who is Ami talking to? “My bed sounds…nice.”
Quick footsteps move towards me and the same cool fingers - Ami’s fingers - stroke the wet hair away from my face. “Of course, my angel. Let’s go to bed.”
“Thank…you.” I smile and close my eyes, and when I open them, I’m in my dark, grey room.
A featherlight kiss is placed on my forehead. “Thank you for being my friend, I wouldn’t know what to do without…you.”
“I will always be here for you, Mai, don’t you ever forget that.”
Her words strike a sensitive chord, blame it on the pain and drugs, and a single tear escapes from my eye. Because even though I am all alone in this world, she is my everything and I am nothing without her.