Chapter 24
Sonya woke early and waited for the fitting. Her stomach was in knots. She both hoped the hour never came and couldn’t wait for it to arrive.
Elspeth, luckily, was with her. She had told Elspeth everything, as much as she could manage without dissolving into tears. She had even mentioned the encounter with Dahlia, which Elspeth found amusing.
‘You will be strong,’ Elspeth told her last night. ‘You are strong. Look at all you managed! You can face him.’
Sonya had fallen asleep believing that, but now, she was worried. She felt faint, and she took deep breaths, remembering Winnie’s tips, though they weren’t working very much at the moment.
‘Drink this,’ Elspeth said, bringing her a goblet of water. Sonya would go to breakfast after the fitting, but she could use some strong tea, now.
There was still some time before Azam was to arrive, and Sonya went to her desk. The least she could do was write to Winnie, even if her father read the letter beforehand.
She told Winnie everything that had happened: about her return to the castle and the suitors’ imminent arrival. She did not say too much about how she felt, knowing they wouldn’t let her send the letter. The main thing she wanted was for Winnie to know that she was safe.
She wondered what Azam had told everyone back in the Outskirts when he returned home without her. He must have spent the entire day yesterday with Kiri and Dania and Caden. How had he explained it?
They must have been hurt, too, to find out she had deceived them.
They would not be too angry with Azam, not when they realized why he’d done what he had.
And besides, Azam was theirs first. They would not be angry with him on Sonya’s behalf—not when Sonya herself was having difficulty staying angry with him.
No matter how she tried, she could not hate him. She loved him, and she wished he loved her too, that it was real. But it wasn’t. She still didn’t understand why he’d waited so long to turn her in.
After the letter for Winnie was written, Sonya wrote Kiri a letter, apologizing. She sent all her love, especially to Dania, who she missed terribly. Sonya did not mention Azam; she couldn’t bring herself to speak an ill word against him.
After Sonya sealed the letters, she handed them to a maid by the door to send with the rest of the mail. But just as she did, Celeste entered through the doors and saw. She narrowed her eyes behind her glasses.
‘Letters?’ she asked, snatching them from the maid’s hand. ‘I’ll check these over before sending. Just to ensure there’s no more scheming.’
‘No!’ Sonya cried. She didn’t care if her father read the letters, but she didn’t wish for Celeste to. She would only find something to mock or make an issue out of. Celeste made a tired face.
‘Don’t fuss, Your Royal Highness,’ Celeste tsked, as Sonya reached for the letters.
‘Give them back!’ Sonya demanded, as Celeste held them out of reach.
Just then, Sonya saw a puppy dash by, Irfan close behind. When the prince spotted the encounter between Sonya and Celeste, he swooped over and easily took the letters from Celeste’s hands.
Celeste scowled, turning to scold whoever had done so—before she realized who it was. She sputtered, ‘Prince Irfan!’ and bowed her head. ‘I was just going to check the princess’s correspondence before they were sent.’
Irfan gave her one of his winning smiles. ‘Not to worry, dearest Celeste,’ he said. His puppy had returned, and Irfan bent down to scoop it up, holding the little furball in his hands along with the letters. ‘I will read them to ensure our Sonya here is behaving.’
Celeste huffed, irritated, but she wouldn’t say anything to the prince.
Irfan’s smile widened. ‘Now off you go.’
Celeste gave Sonya a hard look. ‘The tailor will arrive in five minutes. I came to ensure you were ready.’
‘I am,’ Sonya replied, voice clipped. Celeste lingered, and Irfan’s puppy barked in her direction. Irfan made a shooing motion with his hands. She stomped off in defeat, heels clicking on the marble floors.
Irfan turned back to Sonya. ‘I’ll send them for you,’ he said, putting the letters into the pocket of his dark purple waistcoat.
‘You won’t read them?’ she asked, reaching forward to pet his puppy. The puppy licked her hands.
He shook his head. ‘I trust you.’ He gave her a pointed look. ‘Though you haven’t exactly given me cause to.’
Guilt rifled through her. ‘There’s no scheme,’ she said, a little ashamed. She hung her head. ‘I just wanted to let my friends know that I’m okay.’
With a sigh, she turned and returned to her bedroom, and her brother followed, closing the doors behind him. He set the puppy down, who immediately jumped onto Sonya’s legs, wanting her to hold him. She scooped the puppy up, cuddling it against her face.
‘I’m glad you made friends, at least,’ Irfan said, sitting down on one of the chairs by the window. ‘You never had friends before.’ Irfan had always been the most social, always surrounded by a group of friends.
She went and sat on the other chair, pulling her legs up. The puppy got comfortable on her chest, licking her cheeks, and she smiled, thinking of Butterscotch.
‘I met a shepherd-witch in the Outskirts. His name is Caden,’ she told him. ‘He had a dog named Butterscotch. One day, I actually got a bit lost, and Butterscotch found me. He brought me home.’
Irfan smiled as Sonya told the memory. ‘You were happy,’ he said, not a question but a statement.
She nodded. ‘At least there was that.’ And then: ‘I’m sorry you were all worried,’ she said, nibbling on her lower lip.
He shrugged. ‘It was quite amusing to see Celeste with her feathers ruffled, so I can’t say it was all bad.’ They both snickered.
‘I know Celeste is competent at what she does, but she can be so …’
Irfan laughed. ‘I know.’
There was a knock at the door. One of the maids went to answer, then came to Sonya.
‘The tailor is here,’ she said. Sonya’s pulse spiked.
Any comfort that she had felt a moment before vanished; the puppy must have noticed her anxiety, for it fussed on her chest. She set it down, trying to catch her breath.
The color must have left her face, for Irfan looked concerned. ‘Do you wish for me to stay?’ he offered.
‘No,’ she replied, clearing her throat. He looked at her closely, and she gave him a forced smile. ‘Really. You should go.’
‘Alright.’ Irfan stood, and the puppy bounced after the prince as they both made their exit.
Sonya clutched the arms of her chair, feeling nauseous.
‘Shall I call the tailor in, Your Highness?’ the maid asked, waiting.
Swallowing hard, Sonya stood, and as she did, she felt her knees buckle. She took a deep breath, filled with nerves. ‘Yes,’ Sonya said. ‘Send him in.’
The maid went to the doors, opening them.
Seeing Azam again knocked the very air from her lungs. He was Azam, he was her Azam. He was just as beautiful, even more so now after time apart.
But there was something immediately different about him, as well.
He stepped into the room wearing a fancy uniform similar to what her old tailor had worn. His movements were slightly stiff, as if he was uncomfortable. He was very quiet, his gaze downturned. He wouldn’t look at her directly. ‘Your Royal Highness,’ he said, bowing his head.
Her heart squeezed painfully at the familiar sound of his voice. They had been so close, and now he was so far away. Immediately, she hated the distance between them. She wanted to go back to easy mornings over cups of tea, late nights by the fire, and every moment in between.
But those memories felt miles away.
Sonya turned to her maids, telling them to leave. They all left, until Sonya and Azam were entirely alone in the wide expanse of her rooms.
Silence hung between them. She waited for him to explain, to make some excuse, but he was silent. He would not meet her gaze.
Her eyes went to the measuring tape around his neck. Well, if he had nothing to say, she supposed they might as well get to work.
Releasing a short breath, she walked to her dressing room and, a moment later, he followed, though he kept his gaze on his feet. Sonya frowned. She hated this: the hunch of his shoulders, the humble way he held his hands, as if he was making himself small.
She wanted her carefree, confident Azam back. She wanted to be his Sonya again, not the princess of their kingdom.
Sonya undid the belt of her dressing gown, letting it drop to the floor, revealing a thin nightgown. He clenched his jaw, lids fluttering. She caught a glimmer of the Azam she’d known for a brief moment before he looked away. He swallowed.
‘I already know your measurements,’ he said, voice quiet.
Her brow furrowed with her confusion. ‘Then what are you doing here?’ she asked.
Finally, he looked up at her. His expression was pained but honest. ‘I wanted to see you,’ he said, taking a step toward her.
Her breathing hitched, and she had to stop herself from running to him. ‘Why?’ she asked, hands trembling.
‘Don’t you know why?’ he asked, voice miserable.
Tears pricked her eyes and she blinked them away. ‘I thought I did, but now …’ She shook her head. ‘One thing doesn’t make sense. Why didn’t you turn me in sooner?’
His hands fidgeted. ‘I was going to alert the castle the very next morning, after you’d had some rest,’ he said.
‘You had obviously had a rough night, and traveling back to the castle would be tiresome. But then you told us why you had run away, and … I couldn’t bring myself to do it. ’ His gaze burned into hers.
Her heart rate picked up. ‘Why not?’ she asked, taking a step toward him. She heard the sharp intake of his breath.
‘I—’ He stepped closer, and she inhaled the strong scent of black tea on his skin. He looked as though he was about to tell her, and she held her breath, waiting.
But then, suddenly, he stopped. He hung his head, and she saw the way his face shuttered. The Azam she knew was gone, replaced by her royal tailor.
She hated it.
‘Was any of it real or was it all a big deception?’ she asked, voice breaking. ‘Did it mean anything?’
A crease appeared between his brows, but he would not look up and let her see the emotion on his face. ‘Of course it meant something,’ he whispered. ‘It meant everything.’
Somehow, that hurt more. It would be so much simpler if he was selfish and evil, if she didn’t love him. But she did love him.
She just couldn’t trust him. Even now, he wouldn’t speak freely. There was a wall up between them, put there by him, and she could not tear it down by herself.
‘And now you are to be my tailor,’ she said. ‘What about Bunto’s?’
‘This pays much more,’ he replied, voice soft.
‘But the royal tailor lives at the castle,’ she said, realizing this fact. ‘What about Kiri? And Dania?’
‘They understand that this is an opportunity that I cannot pass up.’
His voice was so cold.
She shook her head. ‘I don’t know you anymore,’ she said, exasperated. She wanted to grab hold of his shoulders and shake him. ‘Dania needs you.’
It was probably bad enough that Sonya had left them, but now Azam, too? Guilt crossed his face. She stepped away from him, unable to bear it any longer.
‘Please go,’ she said, turning away.
He hesitated for a moment. Fight, she prayed. Fight for me.
But the sound of him leaving broke her all over again.
Some minutes later, Sonya wiped her tears, straightening her back. She had things to do. There was breakfast to eat, then dance lessons to suffer, and then a ball to attend.
The suitors were arriving that day, and it was for the best. She had been wrong to run away, to want freedom.
A strategic match was far less painful than falling in love.