Chapter 28 The Crushing Truth #2
Elden and Liam talk about some more mundane things with me, probably to distract me. With me present, Elden also talks to one of the two therapists in the pack. It did help put my mind at ease a little concerning Faye, but the relief is only momentary.
Faye will be devastated. Maybe not immediately, maybe it will take a while for the truth to settle in, but I am sure the severity of the situation will hit her soon. She clings so much to her mom, I don’t know how she will cope with losing her.
And then what? What will happen? Part of me wants to take her in to live with Felix and me, but I am not sure if I am going to be able to give her what she needs. I am not sure if I even can. I just want what’s best for her.
Goddess, what am I going to do?!
How will I be able to let Marina go?
I know I have to do it, but how can I?
After leaving Elden’s office, I return home immediately, settling down on a blanket in the garden.
I can’t do anything else but stare into nothing, and let my thoughts and emotions run wild.
Marina was my only friend. She was older, but once she noticed how everyone treated me, she reached out for me, she protected me, she was like the older sister I never had.
I was devastated when she had to leave the pack, but also happy for her.
How misguided my happiness was.
My best friend, my sister, was in such a terrible place that it broke her completely. And now… now…
I feel a wet nose poking me, before my capybara climbs into my lap and cuddles up against me. “Oh, Tuesday,” I mutter.
He is not the only one to come for a cuddle. Tiger lands on my shoulder and rubs her head against my cheek, her sharp beak poking me a little. Mr. Dot purrs and settles down next to Tuesday on my lap. Even my otter and duck come. My raccoon hands me an orange he must have found somewhere, and-
The Pallas’s cat meows grumpily before poking me with its paw. “You still don’t have a name,” I mutter. “You look like an Oscar to me. Do you like that name?”
He just stares at me grumpily, so I’ll take that as a ‘No!‘, then. I don’t know how long I stay like this, but eventually I can hear the door to the house opening, then footsteps hurrying over the floor, and Felix rushing through the open terrace door.
“Gwen,” he says, dropping down next to me and immediately pulling me into his arms. “I just heard everything from Dad.”
I am so glad he is here. Instinctively, I bury my head in his chest, allowing myself to be vulnerable in his arms. “I am so sorry,” he whispers.
“I am so sorry. This is just so unfair. Marina didn’t deserve it, neither did you or Faye.
” He says some more, but I can’t hear what he says because I sob into his chest. The sound of his voice is oddly comforting.
It helps to hear him talk, although I barely catch anything.
After a while, I take a shaky breath and pull away. “I feel better,” I say, my voice hoarse. “Thank you.”
“Gwen, babe.” Felix takes my hand. “I just wanted to promise you that I am going to support you in every way I can. If you want Faye to stay with us, I will support it. If you want her to stay for a while, that’s okay too. Whatever you decide - really!”
I take a shaky breath. If not him, then I can’t talk to anyone about it. I have to trust my mate and stop putting up walls to protect myself. “Can we talk about this?” I ask. “I… I just want to-“
“Of course,” he says with a smile.
“I don’t know what to do,” I admit. “It feels so surreal. I can’t grasp that Marina won’t be with me anymore. And it’s true that she was just a shell of herself ever since she returned, it’s true that it was a lot for me to look after her… Goddess, Felix, I am so tired, so tired.”
“I know,” he says softly, pulling me into his arms again. “I don’t think many people would have been able to do what you did. I don’t know I could have… not without help. I’d have Dario at least to help me, or friends and family. But you did it all alone.”
“I don’t think I was good at it,” I admit. “But I tried.”
“Gwen-“
“No, I know. I really tried, but I struggled, and I can’t deny it. Both Faye and Marina are cared for much better here than they were before.”
“That’s because professionals are working with them now,” Felix intervenes.
“Felix,” I say. “Can you… can you see yourself as a dad? Right now, immediately? Be honest!”
He stares at me for a long while, his eyes clouded. “Not really,” he finally says. “But that doesn’t mean-“
I clasp his shoulder. “Thank Goddess!” I blurt out. “Because it’s the same for me.” I am so relieved he was honest with me that I could cry. “Yet, I don’t know what to do.”
“I would do it for you and Faye,” he says. “I would give my best if that’s what you want. We’d need to rely on my family until we could provide for a family by ourselves, but I would definitely try.”
“Me too,” I say. “I don’t know if I’d be any good at it, but I would try. But I am not sure if it will be good for Faye.”
Saying it aloud gives a stitch to my chest. I am failing.
I failed my best friend and her daughter.
But I have no income, I barely have any money, I am just getting by somehow and already relying on Felix heavily.
Felix himself was in college until two months ago; he will start learning a trade soon and will work in the pack, but he won’t make a fortune just yet.
We are already relying heavily on his family and pack. If they weren’t so supportive, I don’t know what I’d have done. And I am sure they would help us with Faye.
But…
What am I supposed to do?
“How about we do exactly what you just said?” Felix offers. “We do what’s going to be best for Faye. Let’s see what she wants and what feels right for her. And if that’s staying with us, we will manage. If it’s something else, we will manage that.”
His words are cathartic to me. He is right. Faye should have a choice. I don’t need to shoulder this decision on my own. Felix is there with me, so is his family.
“Oh,” Felix blinks, turning his head towards the fence. “We have a visitor.”
I follow his gaze, my eyes bulging at what I see. I should be used to it by now, but this one takes the mantle. “An alpaca?!”
“Yes,” Felix says, tilting his head curiously. It seems nothing can truly faze him.
“Do you have them on pack grounds?”
“No, that’s the first time I‘ve seen one here.”
The alpaca stretches its head until I get up and pet its neck. It immediately rubs its head against my shoulder. Meanwhile, Felix opens the garden gate so that I can lead it inside.
“Liam and your father said that this might be my gift,” I say quietly.
Felix nods. “They are right, I think the same. It has to be.”
“Is it weird to say that it doesn’t make sense to me?” I ask.
“Well, you obviously are a fairytale princess,” he says, “and animals always flock to them.”
His comment makes me smile, it’s so cute. And I can’t believe he just did that; he held me throughout my breakdown, talked me through my doubts, constructively discussed my problems with me, and now just made me laugh.
“So, how are we going to name it?” he asks.
I look at it, feeling unusually mischievous. “How about Al-Pac?”
Felix just laughs. “Sounds good.”